I GIVE IN AND HAVE DECIDED TO JUST BE FAT.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

I have being weighing the same thing give or take a 3 pound ratio for over a year . I am having some real lazy days – I have a streak 90 minutes of exercise a week, which I have kept going for 64 weeks, but sometimes that is just one day. So, I have decided to be fat , what else can I be.

After all haven’t I been fat for a while? It is working somewhat for me, if I don’t complain, then I am cool. Yesterday, I went to try on clothes, and nothing fit like it was suppose too. The black dress was really nice, but there were not hips on the side to fill it out – now some may think that is a good thing – right? Well yeah, but come on, it was only 21.99 on sale, designer and I no longer have the weight to sustain even the purpose. Next were two pants suits and the jackets were too big and then this suit, that was absolute, well it was too big, but I wanted it until I got bored cause the line was long and I did not need it for real it was a wasteful want.

Well back to being fat – I stay around the same weight and I do get in 90 minutes of exercise, I eat greens EVERYDAY, well, yeah, I am eating other things, but being FAT is where I am destined to be so why FAT, shouldn’t I shoot for being pretty, can I be smart, witty, engaging or even rich, no FAT- I mean come on, I am not at any goal that I have desired to be, or think I should be - depends on who is having this discussion with me or not with me, but themselves. Come on, I know some out there have decided what the use.

Alright, I am going to utilize my FAT like the Eskimo’s use whale blubber – for just about everything and it is a protectant and will keep you warm, and I hate to be cold. So, being FAT will work for me and I will be in my total comfort zone.

F = FAITH: That mustard seed, mountain moving faith. Having the hope and understanding that it takes work, because Faith without the work is dead and I am alive and plan on living some more and some more.
A= ALIGNED: Being aligned with specific principals that work with gaining the best health yet. Don’t sweat stuff; love myself enough to care so that I will do what is necessary to heal; fuel my body with fresh and when possible organic fruits and vegetables; eat as close to natural state as possible, eat enough to fuel my mind, body and spirit for joy. Smile so much more, and look for the positive, actually live positively. Be aligned with my creator, whom I choose to call God and depend on something greater than myself. Love, spend Love as a wonderful gift to be given every day no matter what, remove judgment and live in patience and acceptance.
T= TRANSFORMED: a change in thinking, change in movement, change in action and a change in living and being willing to change. Transformed in not just my physical body, but my thinking, my way of navigating through life; I am reducing clutter both physically and mentally. Moving my body from acid state to an alkaline state of health – body and thoughts

It has to be a total recommitment to the process and re familiarizing myself with what had me lose 67 pounds give or take 3 pounds up and down for over a year. Is it time to move into a new space, a new realm? My blood sugars are so much better, not sure about my other blood functions, since I have to take a test to see, which I do Jan 5. I have a vested interest in getting all in order, far more than I care to share, but as I align myself with God and work on my soul along with my mind and my heart, I truly believe that those things that have caused me pain are just the lesson that will be completed during this process, this healing process. I want to feel so comfortable that I can go out in my yard and dance naked if I choose because I am comfortable within and on the outside – oh, poo, I live on some of the most heavily wooded land in Maryland and it is my playground. My temple has been compromised for so long that getting back to normal health will be worth a CELEBRATION, because I don't know what that is.

There are so many things for me to learn and I am working very hard on abandoning some of my old ways – they may not be wrong for you, if I shared them, but they are wrong for me because of my state of non-homeostasis.

I will say this- yesterday was an event making day for me. There was blessings that came because I believe in and living being FAT. At my local HFS, there is a young woman that I , how can I say this, not have a great affinity for; kind of arrogant to me (remember the thing you don’t care for in one person is within you too – okay I KNOW THAT), and although she knows my name, I purposely decided she did not need a name, so I did not remember it and she always spoke to me, much to my chagrin. Well, I was looking for a product and she went all through everything to find it for me – blessing #1, (no, :( it is not because I got what I wanted), but that lead to our having a full blown conversation about healing modalities, which I initiated –umm, umm. , I knew she was a reflexologist, but for some reason (like her name), forget she had completed and received her massage therapy degree and certification. (The owner of the store would share things about us to one another - I was still speaking to owner, whom I love dearly) I found myself asking her for her card, location to set up an appointment, and then I told her, I needed a refresher because I have decided to hang my shingle and have to be recertified (license) for massage therapy. I was sharing my business with her - novel huh!! She then gave me the best gift, wrapped in love, the name of a gentleman that would assist me and help facilitate me back to skill. Before, I would have thanked her stiffly after she found what I came to buy and left the store, but there was a need for me to start the conversation. Change is good. We will be meeting after Christmas.

I have decided to be F.A.T. Wanna join me. You know what is funny – many will not like this acronym, no matter what, because being FAT is such a negative for many, like being Christian, Jewish, Arab, A woman, in some areas a man, like having big feet or a big head – I have both, or being black or white, Asian or Latino – it depends on the environment, and the reality of that environment. So I say, take words to mean as they best suit you. It will increase your ability to CELEBATE YOUR LIFE.




DISCLAIMER: I want those to read to understand that I am not sadden or depressed or angry or bitter ( I could get that way, , if someone decides that this reads this way ), but I am stating my honest feelings and I am at total peace about me and my life. I often get comments, like oh, how sad, but for the record, my saddens would be for those who are not celebrating and really it is okay too.

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I AM PRESENT!!

Wednesday, December 07, 2011

I recently came across this quote: Suffering is the tuition one pays for a character degree. Now that is all right. And shortly thereafter, I heard a popular song from the 80’s and it had a line “it is like a jungle out there, it makes me wonder how I keep from going under.” That seems to be how life can go. We really don’t have to stay in a negative state; it might be a jungle out there, but we do not have to go under. I know I have something to stand for.

Now, I am not making light of another’s suffering or pain, because Lord knows I have had my share of ups and downs (living will do that to you), but I am learning daily to put hardships to good use. I am learning to smile from within to become strong and not bitter. Been there done that too and found that my bitterness was me breathing but actually dying a long slow death.

I was on my church’s prayer line (6:00am est. -1-760-6000, access code 139079#) and the morning scripture was all 7 verses of Psalm 121. So when the Psalmist wrote 121, God knew that I would need that today. When we are in despair, we ought to say boldly, I know where my help comes; it comes from the Lord, emphatically and without a shadow of doubt! Why not call on the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth!! There is no situation that we are living in, that takes Jesus, our redeemer, our bright and morning star, our joint heir by surprise – nothing.

I know some of you just might be going through; it is all about living, but these words do provide comfort:
7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

Today, think on this: the story of your life will be written with or without your help. The next chapter is happening while you read this. Will you wait to see what it says later, or will you help write it? God Bless You All.

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FOR THE LOVE THAT GOD GIVES TO ME!!

Sunday, December 04, 2011

www.youtube.com/watch?v=NPDNS8oZRf4 This modified title comes from an old song by the Delphonics – For the Love that I Give to You. A friend and I have taken popular R&B songs and changed the words to Christian words as part of an urban theatre.

That one will be new in the spring for us. As I was thinking about it, I started to think about the changes that God has made in my life. I am praising God for the subtle changes, that if I wasn't careful, I would miss them. It is those things that remind me Yes, God is real, like waking up in the morning, not taking time to realize that I am breathing, those kinds of changes that we forget because they just are so much a part of us, until something happens and they are not there.

My Godmother is in the hospital and no once has she complained; not one has she asked why me? She went to the doctor and they immediately had her transferred to Georgetown University hospital some 30 miles away. She has never been sick at all and now, she has a mass, and a whole host of things going on and she just tells me that the devil is a liar. I can so appreciate this life lesson that she is giving me – through all of her hard times in life, she says she is grateful for being where she is.

Can you say that about your life situations? I believe we can because we have lived through some stuff, and we have bled when we were wounded, we have breathe a sigh of relief when we got through and sometimes, very subtly, the storm passed over and we were on the other side.

I am contacted many times by folks (in my other life outside of Spark) and they ask me how I do it. I have I managed to get past point A to point B. Some have witnessed incidents and all I can say is that by prayer, by faith. As I age, I now recognize some situations, I was in, I had to step out of, because it was not my burden, my problem or my business. Some other things, I stopped paying so much attention to and hey, God had it , as God does for all things, and then some, I had to travail through, spend some time learning it all over and over until I got the lesson.

As we end this year, many have started to make New Year’s resolutions, I have decided not to make promises to begin the year, but to end the year rejoicing, ecstatic that I have many new friends, know who my old friends are, and have developed some strong support from people and I will be smiling. Have I reached my goal weight, not yet, but it is a coming, is my health in remission, not yet, I am stepping into the pool and will allow that water to cleanse me not just from my sins, but my preconceived notions of life, I will be open to explore the things that I previously have felt that I could not do, and I will end this year not in regret but with a great Celebration of Living My Life. It is because of the love that God has given to me. Food for thought -Do you realize that there is nothing that you can do to make God stop loving you?

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VICTORY IS MINE AND BOOKWORM27S THANK YOU FOR THE GAME PLAN!!!

Friday, November 25, 2011

BOOKWORM27S's – thank you thank you
Victory is mine, Victory is mine and boy am I glad for today. The holiday that gets the ball running on weight gain did not defeat me. I woke up with a 114 fasting blood sugar and a, for me reasonable blood pressure of 136/82. That is huge. My dinner plate looked like this – and I chuckled at BOOKWORMS27S'S Thanksgiving Game Plan as seen here www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_jo
urnal_individual.asp?blog_id=4588170 , but I did exactly what she did – 1 cup of collard greens, 1.5 cups of string beans, ¼ cup of cole slaw- which I eat daily but not this recipe, ¼ cup of potato salad, 2 tbsp. of cranberry relish which I made, by pulse chopping fresh cranberries with pineapple and dried with succant cranberries, and 2 tbsp. of ice cream and a layer of choc cake – so after 10 days, I had some sugar. I was full, satisfied and grateful for not overeating.
It was really a day of Thanksgiving for us – great conversation with my sisters, parents and aunt. My husband and I took my granddaughter with us and after she warmed up, she made their hearts smile. Actually when she first came in, she went right to my mom, and sat in her lap for about an hour before we had dinner.
So, today, it is back to no sugar – why, cause I really did not like what I tasted. I still have the desire for savory food, whole foods, like greens. It was not by design that I did not have turkey; it just was not what I desired. I feel victorious today, but it is still on day at a time and sometimes one moment at a time. Being a conscious eater is beginning to stick in for me. I don’t have it all down, can’t call myself an expert or even claim victory, but I can say, I am changing and ain’t nothing wrong with that!! Listen to a little Jennifer Hudson from Dream Girl. I betcha she did not know how prophetic that song was for her:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYuFvu2gdFU&
feature=related

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I LOOKED AT MY SHOULDERS AND THEY GOT SHAPE AND DAY 6 NO MO SUGAR!

Friday, November 18, 2011

I could not take a picture of my shoulder but I would have - they are looking nice. It makes me want to do the work. Woohoo. That bikini is going to look nice.

I am on day 6 of No Mo Sugar – for the first time, unless, I was really sick, I have a fbs sugar of 126. Today, I was really hungry; don’t know what that means, so I ate brunch – breakfast allotment and lunch together; now I am drinking lemon water with ginger, cause I am still a bit hungry. I also have two pieces of fruit to eat as well, so if the desire to eat continues, I will eat them

My evening meal will be something along my favorite coleslaw made without sugar and contains dill relish – no sugar. I have been asked what I plan to for Thanksgiving; Well, I may have a roll if they are worth it, but if out of a can, I pass – we are going to my Aunt’s for a family gathering. I have made this week an all fruit cranberry sauce, for which I have now completed, so that, sliced Turkey, coleslaw, greens and if the stuffing is good, then that. I am not making pecan pie, so I won’t be tempted.

Thanks for reading my blog. See you in a few days. Blessings

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