Sunday, July 13, 2014
I am now 8 weeks post-op. I thought I knew my body before, but now I know it even more.
I am salt sensitive - and when I eat certain things, they can affect my weight by as much as 4 pounds between days.
Prior to the surgery, I hated to weigh in even once a week, now I have to weigh daily and it does not foster a panic, it is just teaching me to watch my body.
I crave water full fruits and veggie and raw.
I am living without oil and butter - whatever is used to prepare food is minimal, and I don't miss it.
I have increased my water consumption.
I don't miss meat - (a couple of times, I had something because I thought I craved it, but all I wanted was the salt that was used to prepare).
Eating salt cause my right leg to hurt ( from accident in 2009) and my joints to ache.
I am learning to properly process my emotions - I still get angry or emotional, however, now I really stop and pray - before I needed, yes, needed to be mad, and in that being mad, a little bit would remain with me, not 'letting it go' but storing up that data because I had a need to feel right and in control. If I have control, then no one could control or manipulate me and really I had no control and I was always being manipulated, emotional. Now it really is 'letting it go'.
Currently, I am listening to the Lord for my purpose and my next steps in my life. What is it that you will have me to do Lord. Open my eyes, heart and ears. Guide my steps and create divine order. Restore me to you, Oh Lord.
Yesterday, I heard from God and this was my status:
I will always believe that the cost of being nice is minimal and the fruit it yields is priceless. I will never change my mind on that, in spite of the way people treat each other. I dare hope!
That was a thought given to me by God. I went to find a graphic to place on my facebook page and it was there! and attached to that was Lamentations 3: 16-21. I decided to read the entire chapter ( for me to fully understand a scripture I need to read what leads to a passage and what follows). Many times I have felt the pain and anguish expressed in this chapter, the despair of my life - not once did I think I was blaming God, but I was and it was perfectly alright as you will see when you read this passage. In spite of all I was feeling, I still dared to hope!
Living is an awesome feat - we exist, but are we living? Are we holding onto what was, what could have, should have been. Do we forgive the past - others and most importantly ourselves - can we believe that we deserve forgiveness from God and thus us forgiving ourselves? Do we spend time in dreams only to not have them actualize because believing them for real, for real would mean that we would have to change to accomplish them. We have seen, dream, believe and achieve - daring to dream is the first step, but the most important step is to believe in the possibility of that vision becoming a reality and many of us - even I have had trouble with that concept - my questions would go like this - "is it possible for me to REALLY lose ALL this weight"; "is it possible for me to be debt free"; "is it possible for me to receive love, give love and it be sustaining"; "is it possible for me to be free from the past"; and there was such many more of those thoughts. In that line of questioning what my dream was, I did not trust the process, did not put forth the effort and therefore achieving my dreams was lost at that moment. Our beliefs determine our action and our action determines our results but it always starts with belief. A big part of belief is trust and trust beyond ourselves, beyond what we see, beyond what we feel, beyond our circumstances - and that is where I am.
Listen to me please, having my heart repaired was also beyond my belief - when I came out of surgery, my first words were : I am alive. I thank God for people like Lynn who believed in spite of my little doubt ( doubt is like yeast, given enough reasons why, it will grow and rise and take away hope) - and there were enough saints praying for me that kept that doubt at bay. Now, God, yes, I believe that there is God - and now I believe in more of what God can do. I believe that God led me to Lamentations 3, know that I would read the entire chapter and get understanding of where I have been and where I need and I am right now. What a revelation of God being in my life.
Now, as I heal, I am taking time to know me - not the image I create, or the one that someone may have of me - but the one God knows that I am and can be and now will be. I thank you for reading my blog and pray for a day of awesomeness for you.
Wednesday, July 02, 2014
I have a lot to talk about today - first I want to share this with you I have received, reviewed, adopted and now adapting. I was going to post happy but then this song popped up in my head and it is really how I am feeling this days: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h47s
lByX7jI Now, this is an ab workout song too, slow, deliberate and make sure you tuck tighten and work it
A few minutes ago, I tried on a 1x skirt and it fit - like wow and HOT!!!! flaming! When I was buying it, a well meaning woman said, ( she was throwing shade), " you think that is going to fit you; umm you are going to have to lose a lot of weight. I bought it May 16 - I bought it anyway, forgot about it and found it today and all I can say is WOWWEE!! I also bought a top to wear with it size 2x and when hubby say me, he did a double take and asked me if I was going out someone ( I had it on with polka dot pj bottoms. I told him, I just wanted to see if it fit - it does. The only thing about the top is that down the center, about 2.5 inches wide is sheer, so it is not something I can wear to church. I have figured out how to take care of that - with sewing a liner there. The skirt is black lace and the top is a light cream color and I am wearing sheer hose and either red patent or black patent pumps - woohoo.
Today was my 2nd day of rehab. Although I have had open hear surgery, my heart is not using all the new blood and I am still having hypertension issues. I did my work out and the cool down and my bp would not go down; the nurse was concerned, so I walked more and no change; finally she had me sit and it went down a little, enough for me to go home with the instruction to rest and do not do anything tomorrow, but walk a bit on Friday. I am teachable.
Ajia and I made Floyd a vegan vanilla fresh strawberry topped cheesecake like served at Bob Evans. I know he will eat the entire thing and I was happy to do this for him because he has been taking awesome care of me. This was the first dish I prepared, took me awhile and I am not quite ready for the task yet, but in due time.
Here is a picture of my beautiful daughter - she is in a play in Vermont for summer stock - we are excited for her: .
Take care all, thanks for stopping by and I feeling good!
Sunday, June 22, 2014
youtu.be/4ooK66xOpZg This has been in my head and what a wonderful way to see and accept the day.
Friday was my first outing - I attended a diabetic education class like no other. I initially was going to opt out but I am incredibly glad I did not. The instructor was vibrant and discussed new research and new ways. The old diabetic diet is out the window - woohoo, not they suggest 0-2 servings of fish or poultry a day. It was great to see that meat was not a mainstay. It still was a bit much for me, but my d-I-l mom attended with me and I used a wheel chair, so that made it bearable. We then went to Subway, where I had a vegan delite salad and onward home.
Since my apt was changed for my into for cardiac rehab, I will attend on Tuesday. I did ride my recumbent bike for a little since it was too hot to walk outside. Small step, slow steps, I am not in a hurry to go anywhere or do anything.
Hubby is fixing great food and was a bit upset with me because I am not being a big enough eater and then he apologized and just as long as I get in a little he is fine now. Every day is just a day of Thanksgiving and for that I am grateful.
I appreciate all the well wishes even though I have not responded to all, please know that it brings me joy and I thank you.
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
Stay positive! Today is a good day. Hubby took me to get a pedi, and that was enough activity for the day. I am incredibly blessed, taking my time to heal, cutting out some negatives that are a part of me.
Hubby is making our daily shakes - almond milk, molasses, banana, kale, ginger, cinnamon, vanilla, ice and it is a cleanser extraordinaire. My appetite comes and goes - expected and not worried about it. Next week I will start cardiac rehab - which will build my strength. Right now, my heart is not working to capacity, it is not used to getting new blood, but with time, that will change.
Have a great day all and thank you for visiting my blog.
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
Yesterday, I had my first of many walks with my physical therapist. Did 10 minutes, holding my sternum pillow in front of me. It felt good to have the heat on me and to be outdoors. I went again today with my youngest granddaughter. I am enjoying my recovery. The nurse says I am doing well.
I do have some standing exercises to do and I do foot pumps once a hour. These are done to prevent clots and I recommend all do them, as it stretches hamstrings and calves. This entails, pointing toes and flexing feet; rest between to allow the poisons to be released.
Have a happy day. Thanks for reading my blog.
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