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Learning me to do me

Sunday, July 13, 2014

I am now 8 weeks post-op. I thought I knew my body before, but now I know it even more.

emoticon I am salt sensitive - and when I eat certain things, they can affect my weight by as much as 4 pounds between days.

emoticon Prior to the surgery, I hated to weigh in even once a week, now I have to weigh daily and it does not foster a panic, it is just teaching me to watch my body.

emoticon I crave water full fruits and veggie and raw.

emoticon I am living without oil and butter - whatever is used to prepare food is minimal, and I don't miss it.

emoticon I have increased my water consumption.

emoticon I don't miss meat - (a couple of times, I had something because I thought I craved it, but all I wanted was the salt that was used to prepare).

emoticon Eating salt cause my right leg to hurt ( from accident in 2009) and my joints to ache.

emoticon I am learning to properly process my emotions - I still get angry or emotional, however, now I really stop and pray - before I needed, yes, needed to be mad, and in that being mad, a little bit would remain with me, not 'letting it go' but storing up that data because I had a need to feel right and in control. If I have control, then no one could control or manipulate me and really I had no control and I was always being manipulated, emotional. Now it really is 'letting it go'.

Currently, I am listening to the Lord for my purpose and my next steps in my life. What is it that you will have me to do Lord. Open my eyes, heart and ears. Guide my steps and create divine order. Restore me to you, Oh Lord.

Yesterday, I heard from God and this was my status:

I will always believe that the cost of being nice is minimal and the fruit it yields is priceless. I will never change my mind on that, in spite of the way people treat each other. I dare hope!

That was a thought given to me by God. I went to find a graphic to place on my facebook page and it was there! and attached to that was Lamentations 3: 16-21. I decided to read the entire chapter ( for me to fully understand a scripture I need to read what leads to a passage and what follows). Many times I have felt the pain and anguish expressed in this chapter, the despair of my life - not once did I think I was blaming God, but I was and it was perfectly alright as you will see when you read this passage. In spite of all I was feeling, I still dared to hope!

Living is an awesome feat - we exist, but are we living? Are we holding onto what was, what could have, should have been. Do we forgive the past - others and most importantly ourselves - can we believe that we deserve forgiveness from God and thus us forgiving ourselves? Do we spend time in dreams only to not have them actualize because believing them for real, for real would mean that we would have to change to accomplish them. We have seen, dream, believe and achieve - daring to dream is the first step, but the most important step is to believe in the possibility of that vision becoming a reality and many of us - even I emoticon have had trouble with that concept - my questions would go like this - "is it possible for me to REALLY lose ALL this weight"; "is it possible for me to be debt free"; "is it possible for me to receive love, give love and it be sustaining"; "is it possible for me to be free from the past"; and there was such many more of those thoughts. In that line of questioning what my dream was, I did not trust the process, did not put forth the effort and therefore achieving my dreams was lost at that moment. Our beliefs determine our action and our action determines our results but it always starts with belief. A big part of belief is trust and trust beyond ourselves, beyond what we see, beyond what we feel, beyond our circumstances - and that is where I am.

Listen to me please, having my heart repaired was also beyond my belief - when I came out of surgery, my first words were : I am alive. I thank God for people like Lynn who believed in spite of my little doubt ( doubt is like yeast, given enough reasons why, it will grow and rise and take away hope) - and there were enough saints praying for me that kept that doubt at bay. Now, God, yes, I believe that there is God - and now I believe in more of what God can do. I believe that God led me to Lamentations 3, know that I would read the entire chapter and get understanding of where I have been and where I need and I am right now. What a revelation of God being in my life.

Now, as I heal, I am taking time to know me - not the image I create, or the one that someone may have of me - but the one God knows that I am and can be and now will be. I thank you for reading my blog and pray for a day of awesomeness for you.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IMEMINE1 7/19/2014 2:31PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SETTIMIA 7/14/2014 12:53AM

    Thanks for stopping by my blog, hope you are well and happy

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DEBBIE_C 7/13/2014 4:35PM

    emoticon

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LYNN-LOVESLIFE7 7/13/2014 1:27PM

    emoticon Some people just don't understand how one simple word from God can change their lives. I was reading, and reading, and holding back emotions. 1 single word would do. I pulled HOPE. We can do anything we set our mind to do, if we set out minds in the hands of GOD. I heard this many years ago. Every parent gives birth to at least one child GOD uses as a powerful vessel. Betty your mother gave birth to a powerful child of GOD. Thank you for sharing your blog with us, your thoughts, emotions, and your truest deepest self on this journey.

Peace & Blessings

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LOVINSHERRY78 7/13/2014 9:41AM

    emoticon

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Feeling Good about so much!

Wednesday, July 02, 2014

I have a lot to talk about today - first I want to share this with you I have received, reviewed, adopted and now adapting. I was going to post happy but then this song popped up in my head and it is really how I am feeling this days: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h47s
lByX7jI
Now, this is an ab workout song too, slow, deliberate and make sure you tuck tighten and work it

A few minutes ago, I tried on a 1x skirt and it fit - like wow and HOT!!!! flaming! When I was buying it, a well meaning woman said, ( she was throwing shade), " you think that is going to fit you; umm you are going to have to lose a lot of weight. I bought it May 16 - I bought it anyway, forgot about it and found it today and all I can say is WOWWEE!! I also bought a top to wear with it size 2x and when hubby say me, he did a double take and asked me if I was going out someone ( I had it on with polka dot pj bottoms. I told him, I just wanted to see if it fit - it does. The only thing about the top is that down the center, about 2.5 inches wide is sheer, so it is not something I can wear to church. I have figured out how to take care of that - with sewing a liner there. The skirt is black lace and the top is a light cream color and I am wearing sheer hose and either red patent or black patent pumps - woohoo.

Today was my 2nd day of rehab. Although I have had open hear surgery, my heart is not using all the new blood and I am still having hypertension issues. I did my work out and the cool down and my bp would not go down; the nurse was concerned, so I walked more and no change; finally she had me sit and it went down a little, enough for me to go home with the instruction to rest and do not do anything tomorrow, but walk a bit on Friday. I am teachable.

Ajia and I made Floyd a vegan vanilla fresh strawberry topped cheesecake like served at Bob Evans. I know he will eat the entire thing and I was happy to do this for him because he has been taking awesome care of me. This was the first dish I prepared, took me awhile and I am not quite ready for the task yet, but in due time.

Here is a picture of my beautiful daughter - she is in a play in Vermont for summer stock - we are excited for her: .

Take care all, thanks for stopping by and I feeling good!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EJOY-EVELYN 7/3/2014 5:56PM

    You and your blog are a delight for all the senses ... it even rocks the gates of heaven with your beautiful rejoicing! Amen to healing and praising, dear sister in Christ. Hug, hug - Evelyn

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DEBBIE_C 7/3/2014 2:16PM

    Phenomenal woman... emoticon emoticon Be well my friend!


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LYNN-LOVESLIFE7 7/3/2014 2:05AM

    Jacki, I am so happy for all your changes. You are doing a wonderful job with your self-healing. I read your poster twice and I said. This fits in with what I'm doing now. Iím forgiving; not only those who have hurt me, but taking the negatives in the hurt and restoring me back to the me I used to be. I have no time for revenge. A lot of my ďjourneysĒ with losing weight was revenge driven because of hatred, but I donít hate anyone. I donít have energy to waste on something that happened yesterday or years ago. Iíve learned thatÖif I let it go, give it over, it will become positive power I can use down the road. Iím rising up! And youíre rising up with me Ėand we are rising in Christ. Keep on healing with love my friend.

Peace & Blessings
Lynn


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Day of Thanksgiving

Sunday, June 22, 2014

youtu.be/4ooK66xOpZg This has been in my head and what a wonderful way to see and accept the day.

Friday was my first outing - I attended a diabetic education class like no other. I initially was going to opt out but I am incredibly glad I did not. The instructor was vibrant and discussed new research and new ways. The old diabetic diet is out the window - woohoo, not they suggest 0-2 servings of fish or poultry a day. It was great to see that meat was not a mainstay. It still was a bit much for me, but my d-I-l mom attended with me and I used a wheel chair, so that made it bearable. We then went to Subway, where I had a vegan delite salad and onward home.

Since my apt was changed for my into for cardiac rehab, I will attend on Tuesday. I did ride my recumbent bike for a little since it was too hot to walk outside. Small step, slow steps, I am not in a hurry to go anywhere or do anything.

Hubby is fixing great food and was a bit upset with me because I am not being a big enough eater and then he apologized and just as long as I get in a little he is fine now. Every day is just a day of Thanksgiving and for that I am grateful.

I appreciate all the well wishes even though I have not responded to all, please know that it brings me joy and I thank you.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ERIN1957 7/9/2014 2:43PM

    I love what you shared first and favored a bit the second half more though emoticon
I love that you are mending and as well celebrating victories.
I had a sales clerk at a Chico's tell me once that the dress I was admiring would never fit me. I bought it and told her, "someday it will" it does!
Yes, you are heading in all the right directions and the ensemble sounds beautiful. I am so very happy for you Ms. Jacki. The power of healing and good Godly care.
Your daughter is beautiful like her mama.
God Bless,
Erin

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DEBBIE_C 6/27/2014 1:08AM

    emoticon My heart is absolutely full!!! emoticon

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ERIN1957 6/24/2014 12:43PM

    How absolutely wonderful that you are healing/recovering and moving ahead in health.
Thank God Ms. Jacki that you are here with us( I am being selfish) I know God has so much more for you to do. I know He holds you in His healing hands and loves you so much. God is Love and I know in my heart He is filling you full with it all!
I am so happy that you are healing and have love around you taking great care of you.
Blessings Dear One!

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LYNN-LOVESLIFE7 6/24/2014 1:49AM

    I'm GALD that everything is moving along in the right direction. Sounds like you had a wonderful day of thanksgiving and new beginnings. I decided that I'm going to FIGHT emoticon back and take a stand in my life. Sometimes I don't take a lot of things "personal" like I should when it comes to me, but now I'm going to live.
Remember when I said to you...You're FINE NOW! Well, I'm FINE NOW TOO. I need to start my fashionista journey and be thankful for being me.
I will celebrate, but I sometimes find a release in venting --venting opens up doors I blocked off. Now I'm thankful for GOD and this LIFE and he has been showing me through so many faces, so many words and speeches not to back down.
We are winners!
emoticon
We are QUEENS!
We will heal through Christ who strengthens us.
Peace & Blessings
Lynn

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PICKIE98 6/22/2014 6:37PM

    What a great day!! I am happy that you got to the class. I know it will help you in your new lifestlye. Hug that hubby for retracting his statement.. He's a Keeper!

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GOOD DAY

Wednesday, June 18, 2014



Stay positive! Today is a good day. Hubby took me to get a pedi, and that was enough activity for the day. I am incredibly blessed, taking my time to heal, cutting out some negatives that are a part of me.

Hubby is making our daily shakes - almond milk, molasses, banana, kale, ginger, cinnamon, vanilla, ice and it is a cleanser extraordinaire. My appetite comes and goes - expected and not worried about it. Next week I will start cardiac rehab - which will build my strength. Right now, my heart is not working to capacity, it is not used to getting new blood, but with time, that will change.

Have a great day all and thank you for visiting my blog.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ERIN1957 6/24/2014 12:38PM

    I am excited for you heart and being refreshed and soon strengthened. We have a Great Good God and I am so happy that you are recovering and have love surrounding you!.

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DEBBIE_C 6/19/2014 12:30AM

    Let the church sat AMEN! Praising God for what he has done, is doing and is going to do on your behalf...

Love ya!
Debbie
emoticon

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-WRKNG2ABTTRME- 6/18/2014 7:22PM

    emoticon

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CARMEL_466 6/18/2014 7:19PM

    Your faith and strength is so motivating. Your husband is so blessed to have you and I'm sure you are blessed to have him also. Glad you got your pedi and keep getting all the rest you need. emoticon

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HEALING

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Yesterday, I had my first of many walks with my physical therapist. Did 10 minutes, holding my sternum pillow in front of me. It felt good to have the heat on me and to be outdoors. I went again today with my youngest granddaughter. I am enjoying my recovery. The nurse says I am doing well.

I do have some standing exercises to do and I do foot pumps once a hour. These are done to prevent clots and I recommend all do them, as it stretches hamstrings and calves. This entails, pointing toes and flexing feet; rest between to allow the poisons to be released.

Have a happy day. Thanks for reading my blog.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ERIN1957 6/24/2014 12:36PM

    Keep going baby girl keep going. Hugs, Prayers and love!

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LINDAM.1 6/15/2014 8:24PM

  Hooray for the funny pillow . Great comfort . Wish you a moment of chest non pain .
Walking is so good for us. My bicycle has air in its tires must get it out of the car. emoticon do not forget water. But right now not so much you have to run.

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GODSBABYGAL 6/12/2014 4:18PM

    Walk with her and talk with her Lord. So glad your doing as well as you are. AS DEBBIE said slow and steady.

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LYNN-LOVESLIFE7 6/10/2014 10:56PM

    emoticon
Thatís great! Iím glad youíre out walking and enjoying the day. Itís been nothing but rain, but itís a good thing itís GOD blessing and washing away.
God will continue to heal and bless you on this journey. I love to read healing news.



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DEBBIE_C 6/10/2014 7:46PM

    Still teaching and inspiring all the way! You are my shero... Well done Ms. Jacki! Slow and steady my friend emoticon emoticon


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