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Feeling Down and out

Sunday, June 07, 2009

Today i had lunch with a cousin of mine ... She is one of favourites and i love spending time with her . The thing is that she is tiny ... as is anorexic tiny and eats about 3000 calories a day and has never worked out a day in her life. and no she is not the active kinds either

It just seemed so unfair. I really wanted to wail and rant and ask "why me, god?" *insert theatrics* ....

and then i stumbled across a blog. This girl is awesome, she does high impact body jam, body pump, spinning, runs 5k ; gets some sort of a rash in her foot bec of all the workouts and yet when she goes to the doctor he says "eat less, try walking 30 mins a day, lose 20 kgs and you'll be ok" ... when she told him of all her physical activity, he basically called hera liar and said "if you actually did all that you claim to do, then you wouldn't look like this"

WTF ??????? ... As much outraged as i was, i just ended up feeling sad. I want to lose weight and get fit and healthy. But somedays i don't give a damn - i just want to be thin!

My best friend always orders this special three cheese pasta and eats like the world is going to end tomorrow. i look at her and think - if i would eat like her for a week, i would probably gain another 100 pounds, yet she is an impossible size zero...

I am just feeling so down today. where is the fairness in all this. Everyone who looks at me assumes that i am lazy and sloppy - "why don't you just make some effort to lose weight . just eat a little less and join a gym" , "don't you think its high time you did something" ..... etc etc

Why is that some ppl can eat anything and get away with it whereas i eat an apple and my body thinks its chocolate cake .. I didn't always eat healthy but i hate cola/sweets/fried food/fast food and rarely eat out - and these have been my lifelong habbits ... then why ? ... no, i'm not saying i eat clean, its just that other people can get away by making worse choices than me but i can't ...

what if i can never lose weight .. i might get healthier and active and fit but never actually lose pounds .... i'm feeling low and frankly a little scared ...

I know this type of thinking is negative and petty but somedays i just can't help it .. somedays i don't want to think about health and fitness and fat acceptance .. somedays i just don't want that the first thing people notice about me is my weight .. I know its too negative a post, i just needed to vent out

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ZSAZSAJANNY 6/7/2009 12:52AM

    Don't be so hard on yourself! I've been thin, I've been heavy, and I'm thin again. I had a hard time understanding how I became heavy but it all really boiled down to eating more than 'enough'. I had myself fooled that my weight gain was caused by a bunch of different things. Part of it was caused by a med but most of it WAS caused by excess eating. It wasn't until I really and truly recognized that fact that I was able to do anything to reverse the situation and the weight gain.

My motto? "you stuff, you puff!" Yep, I was puffing. I blamed it on age, my metabolism must have changed, ya da, ya da........ya da. It all boiled down to the fact that I was lying and denying about how much I was really eating. My portions had become too large.

Fortunately, I finally was honest with myself and took the bull by the horns and said if I want to lose the weight I'll have to work at it. Eat less and yes, get MORE active. (I was also fooling myself by telling myself that I was already active.) Believe me, at work, on a regular day I rarely ever get to sit down at all and I never get to stop moving. I walk and walk and walk. But guess what? I had to do more when I got home. Yech! Was it worth it? Yes!!!

Now I'm watching my DD#2 go through the same thing. She has gained about 70 while away at university and she is not happy. I'm hearing the same message from her. "I'm very active and I eat healthy. I don't know why I can't lose this weight." I sit and watch her eat and am horrified by her portion size and what those portions contain! I'm walking on eggshells because she is so unhappy right now with her weight. I tried to 'carefully' talk to her but she wasn't receptive so I'm keeping my mouth shut and just trying to set the example through my actions. Success? Well, just last night she ordered 'healthy' while we went out to eat (now that's HARD!) and she has started to try some aerobic exercise.

I'm on your side and her side. Take a hard look at what you're doing- are you measuring portions? cutting out those delicious and rich (but deadly to weight loss) sauces? I needed to do some real soul searching and get real honest with myself before I lost any weight. Up to that point I was just fooling myself with what I was telling myself I was doing. Here in North America, we have enlarged our food portions to mammoth sizes so that even when we think we have cut back, we are still over-eating.

If you are still having trouble after you go over your strategies, I would suggest you visit your doctor and ask for him/her to check your thyroid levels. Perhaps they are out of whack. That could be the source of your problem!!
emoticon Besides, you've got to be a great person to love your skinny cousin! Being here on SP means you've got drive, even if you're feeling a bit down right now.

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BLC6 Pledge

Sunday, April 26, 2009

The Pledge:

I Pledge that during the BLC6 I Swati will...

...be good to my body and fill it with healthy foods and enough water to drown a fish.

...treat myself and my teammates with kindness and RESPECT.

...weigh in every week, no matter if I lost, gained, or stayed the same.

...follow ALL of the rules of the contest, and ask Ashley (Abuchweitz) if I have any questions.

...ask for help and support when I need it, and give others help and support when they need it.

...NOT give up on myself or my teammates, no matter what!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SONPARI1 4/27/2009 12:56AM

    Good luck, Swati

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*MADHU* 4/26/2009 12:36PM

    emoticonand all the best !

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Lifestyle Change - urghhhhhh!

Saturday, January 03, 2009

I think this term is used in every second article at sparkppl ... i used to think its a cool term to toss around - " i'm not going to diet, i'm going to have a lifestyle change" .....

but easier said than done ...................

I find it ridiculously tough to let go of a lifetime of bad habbits... i'll be a good girl for a week and then go completely off the rails the next moment and pig out... and i don't always eat when i'm hungry... mostly something tempting is lying around and i plot in my head to convince myself that i'm hungry when a simple glass of water will do :(

i also have zero will power to refuse high cal stuff if available ... so i'll have to just banish them from my house ...

i'm actually kind of successful with this approach :-

i love toast ... warm, freshly baked and toasted bread dripping with melted butter .... the first bite when the crunchy bread exploding with butter fills your mouth. ....yummy! (my mouth is watering)
i would have 4-5 pcs in a go several times a day .. i am not addicted to bread nor to butter but put the two together and i'm a goner... so its been almost 2 months since i last purchased butter and guess what i can barely manage 1-2 pc of toast in a day and that too accompanied by veggies...

its something i have come to accept that i can never keep in my house ever.. no butter/similar low fat substitutes.. i just go crazy. ... does this count as the famous "lifestyle change" ? i hope so

but sadly no change in weight ... i read abt ppl kicking off their soda and magically losing 10 pounds in a month.. this is really one of my 'baddest' habbit and the scale just doesn't budge... unfair!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FEISTYMAMA 1/3/2009 9:16PM

    I stopped drinking soda and I didn't lose the weight either. I'm glad I kicked the habit because now I drink water, which is so much healthier.

I still consider it a diet but in the back of my head I know I'm changing my habits. If possible, get rid off all the bad snacks in your house and don't buy them. Only buy the snacks that are lower in calories.

Remember, we all fall off the wagon. We're human, it's OK. Just pick yourself back up and start new.

I use a butter spray which is really tasty and has no calories! At first I wasn't too keen on it, but now I love it and use it for everything.

Good luck! You can do this!!

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MS.ELENI 1/3/2009 2:26PM

    Easier said than done is something I understand,But as long as we keep trying we will succeed.Have a wonderful 2009. emoticon

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April- a new month

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

There is something extremely precious about the 'first' of any month. Its like you can wipe the slate cleen of all your past month's mess and begin fresh. Its liberating!

for this month, my goals are never to miss a day of walking... early morning, great weather, no pollution... an hour of walk is just the right way to pep you up for the day. I'm also going to lose 5 kgs this month. plus as yet another one of my sister is getting married this month, i resolve to be aware of what i put in my body. i'm not going to mindlessly eat through all the celebrations

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANITAS66 4/2/2008 9:14AM

    A fresh start. Best of luck.

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*MADHU* 4/2/2008 6:08AM

    Your plan is do-able. My best wishes to you - I know you can do it !

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GILUBIPLAB 4/2/2008 12:32AM

    You can do it, if you make up your mind to...best wishes.

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Weird dreams!

Thursday, March 13, 2008

i'm getting food dreams! ... ok, don't laugh but for the past 2 weeks i have been only and only dreaming about food... dreaming abt all things i am trying to avoid, full three course meal dreams!!! ... i wake up with my tummy rumbling and my mouth watering... urghhh!... what is a girl supposed to do :(

on a seperate issue.. this week finally wrapped up my cousin's wedding... the next one is a month away and hopefully i will have acquired better eating habbits by then so it doesn't turn out to be a disaster like this one...
We have so many ceremonies in our marriages - roka, sagaii, mehndi, haldi, sangeet, gaur ki pooja, the actual wedding, pag pheera ! ... we often joke that indians have low divorce rates bec it is way toooooo tiring to marry all over again :) ... but so many ceremonies means lots and lots of tasty food. I managed to eat healthy a couple of times but by the end, broke down and completely over-indulged .. *sob* *sob*... so its pretty much back to square one.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

*MADHU* 3/13/2008 11:43AM

    That DID make me laugh out loud ! The weird food dreams AND the no. of ceremonies .... LOL !

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