Sunday, June 07, 2009
Today i had lunch with a cousin of mine ... She is one of favourites and i love spending time with her . The thing is that she is tiny ... as is anorexic tiny and eats about 3000 calories a day and has never worked out a day in her life. and no she is not the active kinds either
It just seemed so unfair. I really wanted to wail and rant and ask "why me, god?" *insert theatrics* ....
and then i stumbled across a blog. This girl is awesome, she does high impact body jam, body pump, spinning, runs 5k ; gets some sort of a rash in her foot bec of all the workouts and yet when she goes to the doctor he says "eat less, try walking 30 mins a day, lose 20 kgs and you'll be ok" ... when she told him of all her physical activity, he basically called hera liar and said "if you actually did all that you claim to do, then you wouldn't look like this"
WTF ??????? ... As much outraged as i was, i just ended up feeling sad. I want to lose weight and get fit and healthy. But somedays i don't give a damn - i just want to be thin!
My best friend always orders this special three cheese pasta and eats like the world is going to end tomorrow. i look at her and think - if i would eat like her for a week, i would probably gain another 100 pounds, yet she is an impossible size zero...
I am just feeling so down today. where is the fairness in all this. Everyone who looks at me assumes that i am lazy and sloppy - "why don't you just make some effort to lose weight . just eat a little less and join a gym" , "don't you think its high time you did something" ..... etc etc
Why is that some ppl can eat anything and get away with it whereas i eat an apple and my body thinks its chocolate cake .. I didn't always eat healthy but i hate cola/sweets/fried food/fast food and rarely eat out - and these have been my lifelong habbits ... then why ? ... no, i'm not saying i eat clean, its just that other people can get away by making worse choices than me but i can't ...
what if i can never lose weight .. i might get healthier and active and fit but never actually lose pounds .... i'm feeling low and frankly a little scared ...
I know this type of thinking is negative and petty but somedays i just can't help it .. somedays i don't want to think about health and fitness and fat acceptance .. somedays i just don't want that the first thing people notice about me is my weight .. I know its too negative a post, i just needed to vent out
Sunday, April 26, 2009
I Pledge that during the BLC6 I Swati will...
...be good to my body and fill it with healthy foods and enough water to drown a fish.
...treat myself and my teammates with kindness and RESPECT.
...weigh in every week, no matter if I lost, gained, or stayed the same.
...follow ALL of the rules of the contest, and ask Ashley (Abuchweitz) if I have any questions.
...ask for help and support when I need it, and give others help and support when they need it.
...NOT give up on myself or my teammates, no matter what!
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
There is something extremely precious about the 'first' of any month. Its like you can wipe the slate cleen of all your past month's mess and begin fresh. Its liberating!
for this month, my goals are never to miss a day of walking... early morning, great weather, no pollution... an hour of walk is just the right way to pep you up for the day. I'm also going to lose 5 kgs this month. plus as yet another one of my sister is getting married this month, i resolve to be aware of what i put in my body. i'm not going to mindlessly eat through all the celebrations
Thursday, March 13, 2008
i'm getting food dreams! ... ok, don't laugh but for the past 2 weeks i have been only and only dreaming about food... dreaming abt all things i am trying to avoid, full three course meal dreams!!! ... i wake up with my tummy rumbling and my mouth watering... urghhh!... what is a girl supposed to do :(
on a seperate issue.. this week finally wrapped up my cousin's wedding... the next one is a month away and hopefully i will have acquired better eating habbits by then so it doesn't turn out to be a disaster like this one...
We have so many ceremonies in our marriages - roka, sagaii, mehndi, haldi, sangeet, gaur ki pooja, the actual wedding, pag pheera ! ... we often joke that indians have low divorce rates bec it is way toooooo tiring to marry all over again :) ... but so many ceremonies means lots and lots of tasty food. I managed to eat healthy a couple of times but by the end, broke down and completely over-indulged .. *sob* *sob*... so its pretty much back to square one.
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