Wednesday, July 02, 2014
I've very much begun to hate food. I never, ever thought that this would be my post weight loss surgery complication. I have known several people who have had various types of weight loss surgery, none of them seemed to ever lose their love for food. I have.
I would rather drink my nutrients. I know that's probably an option, but blech. it's expensive and time consuming to blend everything... plus i'd probably start hating that too. I can handle my protein shakes. Those are fine. Although, to be honest, the EAS Advant-EDGE ones are my preferred protein drink of choice. I've tried a few others and they're pretty gross in comparison. At least to me- and the Boost ones by Nestle or something- WAY too much sugar! Yuck.
I've been trying to eat like small ready made things, lean pockets and the like, but they started making me feel gross, so this week I bought actual food and started preparing serving sizes. Like chicken. Chicken is safe right? Sure...
Except that I'm carrying around 2-3 ounces of chicken and when i go to eat it, I just hate it. Not the flavor. Not the actual food. I hate the process of eating. I hate chewing my food so much so that it doesn't hurt me on the way down. Because I CAN FEEL IT NOW. I hate the feeling of having food sitting in my stomach. It's uncomfortable. I hate the fact that if I accidentally have one bite too many, I might get sick.
I hate that I vomit a few times a week. I hate that I'd rather not eat but eventually become really hungry and then when I do eat, I make myself sick (see the vomiting a few times a week thing).
I'm tired of the consistency of yogurt or oatmeal, even though both of those are rather safe and don't make me want to vomit...
There's a part of me that stares longingly as I pass chipotle or another former favorite (sushi or pizza, anyone?) but then I think "what even is the point, you'll have 1 or 2 bites and then want to throw up. you can't have that anymore!"
To be fair, I don't feel like I'm missing out. I don't resent having the surgery or the fact that I can't really eat much. I just didn't realize how hard a simple thing like putting food into my body would become.
On the plus side I saw my collarbone today. I've never seen it before. So eh, is food really all that important anyway?!
Before you think I've got some kind of eating disorder, please know, I am meeting the goals my nutritionist set for me and I do take all of my vitamins and supplements. So I'm fine.
Thursday, June 26, 2014
I feel like I am constantly seeking company and communication with other people. Maybe I don't get enough. Maybe I'm an attention whore. Maybe I'm being silly. I feel like I live my life on social media. Even when I'm out enjoying plans with friends, I'm taking photos for instagram or checking in on foursquare "Hey everybody! Look how much fun I'm having!" is usually a clear indicator that maybe you're not actually having fun. But I feel like I am most of the time when I'm out- except when I go out alone, which is still enjoyable, just sometimes lonely.
The fact that no one commented on my blog post last night made me sad. Really? No one on SP really knows me and certainly doesn't owe me anything. And yet I was like "huh. why did no one comment? you get points for commenting, after all." I dunno, it's not like it was some profound thing, and yet I wanted the validation that my words were read. I need therapy.
My ear is bugging the crap out of me, I made an appointment with an ENT to get that fixed.
I'm so excited about all of my upcoming plans this weekend.
And I'm getting sad that 1. The man downstairs that I'm smitten over doesn't care or isn't picking up that vibe, 2. I won't see him anymore after tomorrow anyway. But he's too young for me anyway so I need to stop.
I weighed myself this morning but it was incredibly inconsistent. I think my scale is on the outs. I weighed myself multiple times to make sure and it showed 3 different weights each time so I said "Screw it, i'll try again tomorrow"
Get An Email Alert Each Time SWALSH329 Posts