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Why did I let the pounds just sneak up on me like that?

Sunday, July 27, 2014

I was so proud of my weight loss, at mid-2011 I had lost 34 pounds and was nearing getting under the 200s. I weighed myself tonight I have gained 26 of those back :(

I might be tough under stress on the outside, but paying for it on the inside. I went through a divorce, a son in prison, my other children growing up and leaving the house (empty nest syndrome), the last two years in college and I just graduated, unemployed and searching for a job. Newly engaged, my 81 year old mother in law to be has been in the hospital about 8 times since 2012, 4 of those times with heart life-threatening outcomes but by a miracle she is still with us. So I am constantly watching her and she is recovering from getting a pacemaker in.

Somewhere in the process between then and now I forgot to take care of me, and let myself slide. But as of this very moment as of midnight, I am choosing to start again, I really need to wake up and take control of myself inside and out. I am having people around me die before and after just turning 50. I have kids, grandkids and a loving husband to be to take care of. I have so much more life to live, but I don't want to live like this any more.

I spend so much time indoors with her I really need to do some indoor exercises, I am hoping once I get a job I will be able to get a gym membership.

Well my sparkfriends, I am going to head to bed soon, thank you for being there.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IUHRYTR 8/2/2014 8:03PM

    Enjoying a healthy meal or feeling proud after an exercise session is our reward to ourselves. Yes, we have other obligations but personal time is so important.. We should do our best at whatever is before us every day and look forward to the minutes we can workout -- in a chair, cubicle, a building's stairs, gym, home, wherever a bit of exercise time presents itself and to when we can have something to eat that helps us inch toward our weight loss goals. You did it before, we know you will be successful again, one day, one pound at a time. emoticon -- Lou

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SVELTEWARRIOR 7/29/2014 12:14AM

    My friend you must take care of yourself. You are important!!! As you said you have a lot more life to live............start doing it one day at a time,by loving yourself

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FLYER99 7/28/2014 7:25PM

    You absolutely HAVE to take care of yourself, otherwise you won't be of use to anyone. I learned that when I got burned out as a caregiver to my late Mom. Not that I minded, but I didn't realize the stress it was taking on me. After my mother passed away, I eventually saw a psychologist and he said that I was at the peak of a very tall mountain and it was now time to start climbing down.... but not to jump off.

He said you have built the stress up over years and you can't come down from it all at once. Just take tiny steps. Try and correct one thing, then two, etc.

Maybe you could do the same. Start with one thing you can change FOR YOU! Then add another. Don't try and do everything at once.

If you need help, I'm always here for you! Good luck and please look after YOU!

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PJB149 7/27/2014 5:41AM

    Don't wait to take care of YOU. When you are strong and healthy yourself, you can be strong for others as well. You have a lot on your plate and I commend you for all you are doing. However, find a little 'me' time in your busy life. You will be all the better for it.

I wish you much success on your journey to a healthier and thinner you.

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DENRNAJ 7/27/2014 4:09AM

    Thank you for posting this.........my favorite statement that you made is that you have more life to live and don't want to live like this. I join you in this and support you in your efforts. You are a strong person to have lived through everything that you have- stay strong!
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Owning up to my irresponsibility of my health, my eating and fitness.

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Time to snap out of this funk that I am in and time to get real about being totally irresponsible with my health, my eating, my fitness and all. I need to adopt the No Excuses philosophy and take responsibility for everything. I need to monitor everything that I eat, I know what is good for me and what isn't, I really need to stop being so non-chalant about it.

I am under a lot of stress with my schooling doing a dual degree in Network Security and Network System Administration. Plus the uncertainty of where my life is headed with my boyfriend of almost 2 years. I don't know if my eating is stress eating or emotional eating.

If I keep going at this rate I won't have a very healthy or long life. I want to be here for my grandkids, my children and my love.

I haven't really implemented anything diet or exercise wise. But as my first step when I wake up in the morning. I am going to get on the scale tomorrow and retake my measurements.

I need to get some "HOME" exercises planned, somehow. Let me explain, I spend most of my time indoors, I watch an elderly woman and take care of her and I go to full time college which is now going to be 4 days a week, 2 days in the morning, 2 days in the evening.

2014 will be a big year for be, (1) I am going to be 50 in September 2014, (2) I will be graduating again from college in July 2014. I want to be in great shape by then. Roughly about 75 lbs is where I want to be.

One habit I have to break is eating late at night, I study really late at night almost to 2 a.m. but I don't really eat throughout the day either. But is there something I could eat while I am studying if my tummy growls like maybe (cucumbers), popcorn, veggies or fruit? I cannot sleep if my stomach growls.

Plus any eating, drinking, indoor activities workout tips would be appreciated.

Thank you all so much in my quest to get back on track :)


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALISHAB3 8/17/2013 11:30PM

    Your stomach is growling because you didn't eat a substantial meal in the evening. I totally understand college, been there! I did the 'stay up for 3 days to get the best grade' thing. It didn't really work, brain research shows that taking a break is more effective than just 'powering it through'. Be sure to stretch at least 1x/hour for about 10 minutes. There was a book about the '50 minute hour', look it up.

As for late night munchies: I don't know why eating late packs on the pounds, all I know is that it does. I find that if I have a coconut milk smoothie, I have energy and I don't get hungry. You can put anything in it, fruit, ice, a little spinach (totally disappears but not required.) even a little peanut butter to fill you up. This will put a stop to the 'growling' stomach. Guaranteed! I like the plain 'So Delicious' coconut milk, but any kind will do. Its sold in the grocery store refrigerated section.

Don't worry about the coconut oil, it revs up the thyroid and metabolism. It will make you feel warm and toasty.

You are feeling the need for munchies because of the lack of sleep. Many studies have been done and found that sleep deprivation not only causes sugar cravings but also causes obesity. If you have to choose between sleep and a workout, choose sleep.

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MYAKAYAH 8/17/2013 2:51AM

    I think the first step is seeing you need to make changes and now when you implement your changes you'll be on the right track~ emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Can't wait to put this year behind me .......

Thursday, December 27, 2012

What a year this has been (2012)

This year I got divorced after 24 years which is the best thing for both of us, we were bad roommates at best.

I have an empty nest all my four children are gone and out on their own in different states :( that is such a tough adjustment for me. I did get to see my twin girls off and on during the year so that was a good part of the year. One of the girls is now in Afghanistan, thank God they allow communication so I don't have to continually worry day and night.

I moved from my beloved Washington State to California, to be with my current love. I just wish I could move him and his family up to Washington. Because SACRAMENTO is not a fun place to be, if it is I have yet to EXPERIENCE it.

So the whole year of 2012 I spent roughly 3 weeks working, I have been continually been looking for work this year and it is so difficult to keep my chin up, it is not for lack of experience, I have almost 4 years of college and 30+ years of experience. Is it because I am creeping up on 50?

So what am I going to do this year coming up?

Got an appt with a college and going to check into their 3 programs (Health Information Technology, Business Administration, Network Security)

Work harder on losing weight, physical appearance and being fit seems to carry more "weight" than they let you know. I also need to take better care of my heart and health, I have been having chest/breast pains and other unexplained pains. Seeing the doctor tomorrow about that.

Once I get a job and some real income coming in, then I want to explore California with my boyfriend and his family and my daughters when they come and visit me. I really want to like this place, but so far all I have seen is panhandling (they will come up to your window), rude drivers who get out of their car and yell at you, snobbish people who are too busy to say hello or acknowledge you.

But thank you all for your support in 2012 and during my darkest times, I hope 2013 I will have lots of positive news to share with you and hopefully my diet "ticker" will start sliding downwards LOL

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SVELTEWARRIOR 12/28/2012 11:32PM

    That is so much to go through in one year!!!! I pray this year will be your best year yet!!!

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LHLADY517 12/28/2012 10:40PM

    This almost sounds like 1997/8 year.

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Labor Day Blues

Monday, September 03, 2012

Trying to get myself out of this funk, here it is Labor Day and I am not laboring (besides cleaning the house).

I know the economy is bad but not being able to find a job is really frustrating and trying to keep my head up and smile, even though I don't feel like it. I have been to interviews but nothing has panned out (yet). MY BIRTHDAY is on September 5th a few days from now and my only birthday wish is to have a job. I have massive experience, almost 4 years of college, anyone who gets me would be getting a bargain. (You know they don't pay you what you are worth).

Still reeling from a long drawn out divorce from a 24 year marriage, even though I have moved to another state the "residue" from the marriage still follows (community property issues even if they are not mine but legally they are), so my dream of being free and starting over again and trying to get my life together is on pause.

My daughters have now moved away, one daughter that I had close by here since I moved to California has moved to Florida.

My other daughter, her twin sister, is now in Georgia. Plus I have the stress of knowing one day she will deploy, I know I won't sleep well during that time, but God will be watching her and I'll be praying for her as always.

I have let ALL of this weigh me down emotionally and literally. I was doing so good when I was working, I dropped over 20 lbs and now it is creeping back. And after seeing Rosie O'Donnell have a heart attack it has made me very nervous she is only 2 years older than me. I have to take care of me and my heart and I have a feeling I am also pre-diabetic also. I saw first hand my EX having a heart attack, I drove him to the fire station because there was no way to make it to the hospital in time. So having a heart attack as early as my late 40s scares me because I know it is possible. I need to start taking better care of myself and stop procrastinating.

Well thank you for letting me rant and get this off of my chest ... Hugs to all of you here at Sparkpeople.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FRANCES-AGAPE 9/13/2012 12:51AM

Yes, scary - and I am older than both of you

I TOTALLY understand the job thing too.
Do you feel like you've also lost
part of your identity?

We will get through all this and
come out STRONGER in the end


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PS- you could move to BEAUTIFUL
Tennessee & be closer to BOTH daughters!

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SVELTEWARRIOR 9/4/2012 12:13AM

    You truly have been through the wringer!!!!! You need to take care of yourself. If doing it for yourself isn't motivating enough do it for your girls. You don't want them worrying about you. If you want to talk or just vent I am a good listener

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NDTEACHER1 9/3/2012 7:59PM

    I am praying for you, you do have a lot on your plate. I know when I have had the greatest challenges, I become closer to the Lord and Savior. I cherish that time because my faith was strong and with that came peace., true peace.

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DEBBYNATION 9/3/2012 6:41PM

    Hang in there! U r at the spot where positive things will begin to happen! Start thinking about ways to network & remember your worth in experience & education. Keep on blooming where u r planted & start branching out & finding clubs/groups u r interested in - things r going to get better! :)

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STUDLEEJOE 9/3/2012 6:37PM


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Dealing with the empty nest blues

Monday, March 14, 2011

I have 4 children, 2 of my children boys (27 and 21) are both out of the house already. My closest children to me are my 19 year old twins (Brittany and Tiffany), they went everywhere with me.

Last November, I took my daughter (Brittany) to the airport so she could leave for Air Force bootcamp. I couldn't contain my tears, I cried there, I cried on the way home.

March 1st my other daughter (Tiffany) left for Army bootcamp, she is the closest and most like me, I am still having a hard time going in places without them and having people ask me where they are without breaking down and crying in public.

I know it is natural for children to leave the nest, it is just a fact of life and it happens, but I never thought it would be this hard :( I am very proud of them and letting go is something I have to do, but cutting the umbilical cord is so hard. I have been an "active mom 24/7/365 for a total of 27 years" and my role as mom is changing. Maybe it is that I still want to feel needed and still want to protect my daughters, but at some point I have to let them wing it on their own.

Anyone a military moms out there or parent who has a child who has left home have any coping tips?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ERLYWA 2/12/2012 12:42PM

    I don't have children of my own, but I can tell you this...even at age 43, whenever something goes really wrong or really right, my Mom is the one I want to tell. There are times when I am struggling and my boyfriend will even tell me to call my Mom, b/c he knows she can help in a way that nobody else can.

You will always, ALWAYS be needed by your kids. You fill a need in them that nobody else on the planet ever can; even when they marry, have children of their own, etc, they will always need Mom.


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SHELLIMIL 3/16/2011 8:15PM

    Oh, I feel for you. :( My oldest (25) left abruptly 4 years ago, taking her 3 year old, whom I was the primary caregiver of, with her. My heart broke. I sobbed as they drove away. They are still in our lives and I see them frequently, but that was really hard. This year, my middle one (18) left for college. I miss her every day. My youngest (16) wants to join the Navy as soon as he's old enough. I get sick to my stomach every time I think about it. It really makes me nauseous. I don't know how moms of soldiers do it. I tip my hat to all of you. I think if/when it happens to me, I will go insane. Huge hugs to you. emoticon

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TREEBW 3/16/2011 5:33PM

    It is so much harder than I ever thought it would be. I have been a single mom for 16 of her 18 years and so it was always just the two of us.
When my daughter went away to school in the fall it was heartwrenching. I looked up a lot of info and read: get closer to your spouse (do not have one), remember what you used to do before kids and do those things again (I was 21- dont really want to go back there:-)).
If you have a close network of friends I would say to lean on them (my family and friends are on the other side of the country from me), or focus on Spark and the friends you have here. It helps.
My daughter didnt call or email or anything for almost 2 months and it was the hardest 2 months of my life. It hurts to know that we cant help them, talk with them, or get a hug from them.

But it does somehow lessen. Forgive yourself for feeling like you have to mourn the loss (even though they are not too far away, it still feels like a loss) and let yourself cry if you need to.

I think there are teams on Spark for empty nesters as well.

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LEAH57 3/16/2011 11:09AM

    I remember this group from when they started over 14 years ago, by some moms who's sons went to Marine boot camp, and just wanted to commisserate together. They started on the AOL community that I was a board leader for, and have grown quite large since.


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DDOORN 3/15/2011 11:20AM

    I'm sure that you are as "needed" as ever!

What helped my DW was keeping in touch in as many ways as possible...cell phone, e-mails, instant messaging, etc.

Hang in there...your kids are going to keep making you SO PROUD of them! :-)


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MNTWINSGAL 3/15/2011 12:24AM

    My son left for Marine Boot Camp last May and saying good-bye was the hardest thing I have ever done so far. I did get through it....and you will too. It's so hard, but it does get easier as time goes on. Now he is getting married, so I'm dealing with loss all over again. On the one hand, I'm so happy that he is happy....but on the other I just keep thinking about how he'll never come "home" again - his home won't be with me anymore. It's been hard to come to terms with. But hang in there! I've got on board with his choices and I bet you will too.

I have my older daughter home temporarily and that helped a lot. But I'll havd to go through the separation thing all over again when she moves out on her own. I also have my 92-year-old mom living here....my husband and I are almost looking forward to the empty nest days ahead. It's all relative.....

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PJGABRIEL 3/14/2011 10:59PM

    I pray that this will get easier, currently moving in with my 20 year old son, because there father passed away and they inherited this hugh house and he is not capable of taking care of the home, nor is his 18 year old brother my youngest. I am sure they will visit you and come and stay awhile when they get leave but that will change when they get married and life happens for them. Good Luck.

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WILMASOTO 3/14/2011 7:43PM

    Well I had one child leave for the Army and now my second son is in college so I too understand the feeling of having an empthy nest!! Truth is it just takes time but we will always be moms no matter what age they are!! We will always miss them and wish they were close by but such is life!! We raise them to go out into the world and continue their journey!! We can only feel proud of what we have accomplished and smile for they will always be our babies!!

Take care and know that Military Mamas and Papas understand what you are going through and are here if you need us!!

Best oof luck!!

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LECATES 3/14/2011 7:22PM

    Hard task----but you have raised them to be responsible adults so pat yourself on the back----and when someone asks, share your pride in where they are and talk their ears off about how you miss them. Nothing wrong with that and it might help the tears just talking about it.

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LINDAJOYWK 3/14/2011 7:19PM

    When my son left for the Navy it was really hard...but my older son was still home-not long though,but he broke me in slowly with his leaving.I think it is especially hard when you are a single parent-it really is empty. All I can say is pray a lot! It helps if
you have a pet-not too lonely with a furry friend to greet you! Good luck!-Linda

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ONEKIDSMOM 3/14/2011 7:01PM

    emoticon Oh, boy, do I know the feeling. I have exactly one, count him, ONE child (thus the moniker)... and when he left for boot camp? I had to be strong because his girlfriend was the puddle of tears. Because she was so weepy, and it bothered him so much... I waited to cry until later!

Then I hired myself a personal trainer and worked my little fanny off in psychic communion with the boot camp experience. Silly mom. But it worked. Took off enough weight and increased enough fitness to get told at graduation "I almost didn't recognize you, Mom". I've used exercise and fitness as a coping mechanism throughout his entire Army experience... because if I kept on eating over the stress, I would have put myself into a grave by now, and my kid doesn't need THAT added to his responsibilities!

It's not easy. But we are strong moms... or we wouldn't have such great kids, eh?

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CONCHA77 3/14/2011 4:13PM

    Time. I think it just takes time. I know exactly how you feel, I have been there. All I know is now, years later, I am even more proud and closer to my kids. Funny how life works out. (My kids have been gone over a decade)
Be kind to yourself, you did great being a mom.
We are here for you. Connie

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SUNNY332 3/14/2011 2:30PM

    Joshua (Our Soldier Boy) was the last to leave home so well acquainted with the "empty nest blues". Bless your heart. There is no "sure cure" - just take it a day at a time and try to focus on what a great job you did raising these kids and what awesome choices they have made for themselves. I know you are proud but that doesn't help on days you just want to sit down and talk with one of them. I spent the first year Joshua was away to boot camp/specialty training making a scrapbook for him. I gave it to him on his first visit home. It did help me deal with the emptiness.

Hang in there and do stop by your groups and don't be afraid to ask for hugs. We'll be here for you.


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TERRIJ7 3/14/2011 1:36PM

    Lots of people will say to find a hobby, volunteer somewhere, etc. and all of those suggestions are good ones. If you're involved with a church, I'd say to find a group to join in with for a Bible study or community project. The best way to keep from being miserable is to occupy your mind with something else--that's logical. If you're married, enjoy rebuilding and renewing that relationship.

In the end, the empty nest is bittersweet. Bitter, because of the word "empty." We feel that--displaced and drifting--like we aren't sure what to do next. But it's sweet because we've accomplished our goal and helped our kids to stand on their own and become adults. Our role changes (as you've learned with your boys, I'm sure) but it's still very important. They still need us, just differently than before.

Try to find something to fill the empty time. It really does get easier as you all begin to adjust to this next phase of life. Rejoice in the closeness of your relationship with your girls--you have a lot to be proud and happy for. Not everyone has that comfort in the transition. Sometimes, when the kid leaves home it's because of bad choices and that really stinks!

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SVELTEWARRIOR 3/14/2011 12:14PM

    It is hard. All you can do is take it one day at a time. Find new things to do the you haven't done with them. It does get easier

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