Sunday, July 27, 2014
I was so proud of my weight loss, at mid-2011 I had lost 34 pounds and was nearing getting under the 200s. I weighed myself tonight I have gained 26 of those back :(
I might be tough under stress on the outside, but paying for it on the inside. I went through a divorce, a son in prison, my other children growing up and leaving the house (empty nest syndrome), the last two years in college and I just graduated, unemployed and searching for a job. Newly engaged, my 81 year old mother in law to be has been in the hospital about 8 times since 2012, 4 of those times with heart life-threatening outcomes but by a miracle she is still with us. So I am constantly watching her and she is recovering from getting a pacemaker in.
Somewhere in the process between then and now I forgot to take care of me, and let myself slide. But as of this very moment as of midnight, I am choosing to start again, I really need to wake up and take control of myself inside and out. I am having people around me die before and after just turning 50. I have kids, grandkids and a loving husband to be to take care of. I have so much more life to live, but I don't want to live like this any more.
I spend so much time indoors with her I really need to do some indoor exercises, I am hoping once I get a job I will be able to get a gym membership.
Well my sparkfriends, I am going to head to bed soon, thank you for being there.
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Time to snap out of this funk that I am in and time to get real about being totally irresponsible with my health, my eating, my fitness and all. I need to adopt the No Excuses philosophy and take responsibility for everything. I need to monitor everything that I eat, I know what is good for me and what isn't, I really need to stop being so non-chalant about it.
I am under a lot of stress with my schooling doing a dual degree in Network Security and Network System Administration. Plus the uncertainty of where my life is headed with my boyfriend of almost 2 years. I don't know if my eating is stress eating or emotional eating.
If I keep going at this rate I won't have a very healthy or long life. I want to be here for my grandkids, my children and my love.
I haven't really implemented anything diet or exercise wise. But as my first step when I wake up in the morning. I am going to get on the scale tomorrow and retake my measurements.
I need to get some "HOME" exercises planned, somehow. Let me explain, I spend most of my time indoors, I watch an elderly woman and take care of her and I go to full time college which is now going to be 4 days a week, 2 days in the morning, 2 days in the evening.
2014 will be a big year for be, (1) I am going to be 50 in September 2014, (2) I will be graduating again from college in July 2014. I want to be in great shape by then. Roughly about 75 lbs is where I want to be.
One habit I have to break is eating late at night, I study really late at night almost to 2 a.m. but I don't really eat throughout the day either. But is there something I could eat while I am studying if my tummy growls like maybe (cucumbers), popcorn, veggies or fruit? I cannot sleep if my stomach growls.
Plus any eating, drinking, indoor activities workout tips would be appreciated.
Thank you all so much in my quest to get back on track :)
Thursday, December 27, 2012
What a year this has been (2012)
This year I got divorced after 24 years which is the best thing for both of us, we were bad roommates at best.
I have an empty nest all my four children are gone and out on their own in different states :( that is such a tough adjustment for me. I did get to see my twin girls off and on during the year so that was a good part of the year. One of the girls is now in Afghanistan, thank God they allow communication so I don't have to continually worry day and night.
I moved from my beloved Washington State to California, to be with my current love. I just wish I could move him and his family up to Washington. Because SACRAMENTO is not a fun place to be, if it is I have yet to EXPERIENCE it.
So the whole year of 2012 I spent roughly 3 weeks working, I have been continually been looking for work this year and it is so difficult to keep my chin up, it is not for lack of experience, I have almost 4 years of college and 30+ years of experience. Is it because I am creeping up on 50?
So what am I going to do this year coming up?
Got an appt with a college and going to check into their 3 programs (Health Information Technology, Business Administration, Network Security)
Work harder on losing weight, physical appearance and being fit seems to carry more "weight" than they let you know. I also need to take better care of my heart and health, I have been having chest/breast pains and other unexplained pains. Seeing the doctor tomorrow about that.
Once I get a job and some real income coming in, then I want to explore California with my boyfriend and his family and my daughters when they come and visit me. I really want to like this place, but so far all I have seen is panhandling (they will come up to your window), rude drivers who get out of their car and yell at you, snobbish people who are too busy to say hello or acknowledge you.
But thank you all for your support in 2012 and during my darkest times, I hope 2013 I will have lots of positive news to share with you and hopefully my diet "ticker" will start sliding downwards LOL
Monday, September 03, 2012
Trying to get myself out of this funk, here it is Labor Day and I am not laboring (besides cleaning the house).
I know the economy is bad but not being able to find a job is really frustrating and trying to keep my head up and smile, even though I don't feel like it. I have been to interviews but nothing has panned out (yet). MY BIRTHDAY is on September 5th a few days from now and my only birthday wish is to have a job. I have massive experience, almost 4 years of college, anyone who gets me would be getting a bargain. (You know they don't pay you what you are worth).
Still reeling from a long drawn out divorce from a 24 year marriage, even though I have moved to another state the "residue" from the marriage still follows (community property issues even if they are not mine but legally they are), so my dream of being free and starting over again and trying to get my life together is on pause.
My daughters have now moved away, one daughter that I had close by here since I moved to California has moved to Florida.
My other daughter, her twin sister, is now in Georgia. Plus I have the stress of knowing one day she will deploy, I know I won't sleep well during that time, but God will be watching her and I'll be praying for her as always.
I have let ALL of this weigh me down emotionally and literally. I was doing so good when I was working, I dropped over 20 lbs and now it is creeping back. And after seeing Rosie O'Donnell have a heart attack it has made me very nervous she is only 2 years older than me. I have to take care of me and my heart and I have a feeling I am also pre-diabetic also. I saw first hand my EX having a heart attack, I drove him to the fire station because there was no way to make it to the hospital in time. So having a heart attack as early as my late 40s scares me because I know it is possible. I need to start taking better care of myself and stop procrastinating.
Well thank you for letting me rant and get this off of my chest ... Hugs to all of you here at Sparkpeople.
Monday, March 14, 2011
I have 4 children, 2 of my children boys (27 and 21) are both out of the house already. My closest children to me are my 19 year old twins (Brittany and Tiffany), they went everywhere with me.
Last November, I took my daughter (Brittany) to the airport so she could leave for Air Force bootcamp. I couldn't contain my tears, I cried there, I cried on the way home.
March 1st my other daughter (Tiffany) left for Army bootcamp, she is the closest and most like me, I am still having a hard time going in places without them and having people ask me where they are without breaking down and crying in public.
I know it is natural for children to leave the nest, it is just a fact of life and it happens, but I never thought it would be this hard :( I am very proud of them and letting go is something I have to do, but cutting the umbilical cord is so hard. I have been an "active mom 24/7/365 for a total of 27 years" and my role as mom is changing. Maybe it is that I still want to feel needed and still want to protect my daughters, but at some point I have to let them wing it on their own.
Anyone a military moms out there or parent who has a child who has left home have any coping tips?
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