Sunday, November 11, 2012
We're living in a new city, adjusting to new schools, new everything, and a full time job for this mom, after working part time for many years.
We love being in southern California. We're near my year old grandson, and his beautiful mama and super cool daddy. We really like our new place, a bit more spacious than we're accustomed to, in a pretty neighborhood. The kids like the new schools, and are making friends.
My new job is stressful, as only a new job can be. And I don't know yet if it's going to be a good fit. I'm thinking maybe not. But I'm glad to have a job and have made the move I wanted to make.
And now, no drum roll necessary, I've put on weight again. Okay. I know what I did, stress eating, yada, yada, yada. I wouldn't go back and change much. I finished my degree, my daughter is healthy and happy. We're in a good place. And if my weight gain was part of the price I chose to pay, so be it.
And now I'm ready to face it. I want the same things I've always wanted. Flexibility, strength, energy. I'd like to fit in my clothes better. I'd like to be more slim. But mostly, I'd like to feel better.
I walk several blocks before and after work to and from the trolley. It's not enough. I need to start spending some time each morning, easing back into the strength training and yoga I know I need. Then I can work more cardio.
I know better than to try to jump into an hour each morning. Easing in, 15 minutes in a time. is my best approach. Every work morning. Routine is my friend. Weekends can be for the little hikes and fun things I want to do to explore our new home town.
I'll work in the healthier eating I need, but my focus this week will be the mini workouts. Start small, the rest will come along. So, tomorrow morning, up and out of bed by 5:30. No snooze, no excuses. My gift to myself for the day.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
I'm making verrry slow progress - but I'm ok with that. I walked a 5K last weekend. I wasn't fast, but I stuck with it and I feel good about it. I've been having a fair amount of pain in my joints, and have been trying to sort out aging issues from lifestyle isues. I've had some inflammation, so I read a bit about how to address that. One of the factors that stuck out for me was sugar.
Of course I've heard about the evils of sugar, but I do have a sweet tooth! And before this year, I didn't really see a negative effect from sugar, aside from calorie and weight issues. That's changed. So I'm cutting way down, avoiding sweets. I know I get sugar in some of the processed foods I eat, but I'm taking in a lot less sugar for now. And I feel far less achy. It's a powerful change for me, I feel good about it.
So here's to my first 5K , the new spring, and gentle changes!
Friday, February 10, 2012
Okay - here goes! I'm ready to start with some realistic goals and rewards. I went to a WW meeting this morning, and when I opened up my weekly pamphlet, I saw a picture of a jar with dollar bills and a label with a goal/reward statement. I've been casting about, wanting to come up with a tangible reward for manageable goals.
Now, on one hand it semes silly that I'd be paying myself to meet my goals, but the jar would work as a visual reminder of what I'm doing, and the money would be an indulgence to be spent on fun things, not necessities.
My goals are geared towards support and recognition of good habits, as opposed to pounds lost. I'm using tracking my food and getting workouts in as the goals to be rewarded. If I track my food and workout, the weight will be lost. And rewarding the habits feels more Rewarding! The scale is fickle, but habits can be made constant (and constantly rewarded!).
This is my new starting point. As an extra fun coincidence, I met an old friend at the WW meeting this morning, and we've happily agreed to be WW buddies. We went for a great walk after the meeting (she's a fast walker!) and plan on making that a regular thing.
I'm busy, busy these days, but feel more at peace about being on a good path. What more could I ask?
Wednesday, February 08, 2012
I've had a rough couple of weeks - in spite of my focus on behavior modification, etc. Sick kid, broken dishwasher, hours spent at home waiting for deliveries and repairmen. Then there're my new school schedule, an intense workload, the craziness of finding parking at getting through the commute to get to class on time. Yikes!
Then my old personal stuff can get in the way. " Do my teachers like me? Maybe they don't, oh I wish they did. I don't really fit in here do I? Can I get what I need out of this effort? When I'm through in May, will I be able to get a decent job? Make payments on my student loans?" I could go on and on, and sometimes I do, with little or no effort.
And then support comes along from an unlikely source. You dear friends, are all wonderful - all the time! But I have this little anchor who's had some serious problems of her own. She inevitably is one of my greatest stressors too. So verymany times I have not walked or gone out or done any number of things because it made her uncomfortable. She needed some super-duper TLC.
But she's growing and changing - making incredible progress. She's aware of my goals. Today she encouraged me - in a big way! She hates the beach. I love it. She told me today that she'd be willing to go to the beach with me anytime I want to destress, as a substitue for eating (my old familiar comfort!). This offer was spontaneous, not solicited, not negotiated. It's a huge step - for both of us!
This may be the start of something quite lovely.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Okay . . . sitting here thinking again. I'm in a health psychology class this spring, which I ended up in because it fit my schedule while fulfilling a degree requirement. What I didn't know when I enrolled, is how relevant to my life this class would be from the beginning.
I've been reading the assigned chapter, and it's about behavior modification for health reasons, including weight loss. Huh. So the techniques most successful for behavior modification leading to weight loss are components of programs I've been on before, and of course much of what makes up SP.
But what's got me really interested are the concepts that create long term change, not just quick weight loss, but the healthy habits I've been saying I want all along. The strength, flexibility and endurance that would help me transition through the second half of my life as the healthy, happy person I strive to be, but have been missing on a couple of key fronts.
So I've seen folks post their goals and noted the rewards and dates that the goals were achieved. I've used more vague goals, or the laundry list of goals I expect to hit immediately and completely, and clearly neither of my methods is a recipe for long term success. The sharing of shorter term goals makes sense to me in a new way. It's not that I didn't understand the concept of building efficacy based on meeting those goals, but somehow - and yes, this is the story of my life - the authoritative stamp of approval from my college text, based on empirical studies, lends a credence to the practice. That makes it seem like a no-brainer, set short term goals and celebrate those successes.
But I've not been very good about celebrating my successes. I'm always just a little bit disappointed in myself. So I brush off compliments, downplay achievements, comfortably stroke my little mantle of humility while hoping someone else will recognize and convince me of my brilliance. I'm trying to be different in how I take care of myself, but I haven't let that one go yet. It's not false modesty, it's uncertainty and a learned habit of needing to be small enough not to arouse inappropriate interest, while also being good enough to not invite condemnation. Some pickle.
But what I want for myself is really no different from what I want for those I love most in life, my kids. I try to instill confidence in them, letting them know how much I value their creativity, intelligence, kindness . . . they're a wonderful loving bunch of people, and I want them to have joy and to know that they are worthy of it, joy, peace, good relationships built on mutual respect, security, love. From that foundation, they can contribute to the world.
Me too. I have so much more I want to do. The older I get, the longer that list gets. Ironic for sure. But maybe I am more confident than I give myself credit for.
So I'm off to a fairly good start on WW and will use the behavior modification tools to shore up my efforts to move into this slowly and sensibly. I've signed up for my first 5K (walking, these knees may never run again). Now I'll keep working on my tracking, set up my short term goals, and pay attention to the emotional discomforts that are my triggers. Maybe I can make peace with some of that, and keep moving forward.
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