Thursday, August 25, 2011
So I have realized that I have been holding back when it comes to buying healthy food. Each week I go through my recipes and grocery store ads and coupons and compile the grocery list and menu for the week. I know what I like. I have ALWAYS known what I like. True, I have been experimenting with new things I have never tried: don't like curry or coconut milk much. But there are the staples that I have loved all my life: tomatoes, red onion, mushrooms, peppers. BUUUUT, when it comes to making the choices for my family? Hubby HATES tomatoes, onions and watching him down vegetables is like watching someone swallow vomit. This past week I bought these foods for some recipes for myself to make for lunches at work. But as I was making the "bland" recipes for dinners, I added some of the veggies to my portions. And OH MY was it delicious! I forgot how much I love these foods and how it adds so much flavor! Why did I stop buying/eating these?!
So I have decided that I can't let my hubby's horrible eating patterns ruin mine. It almost feels like he's sabotaging my efforts to continue to eat healthy-whether he is doing it consciously or not! So I will buy what I like and not count out 75% of the recipes I go through because I know he won't eat the onions or tomatoes in it.
The downside of all this? Well not only will he feel left out or shunned if I don't leave him a meal, but he just might start bringing home his messy, smelly, greasy hamburger helpers and steaks. This stuff smells up the house for weeks and he makes a huge greasy mess each time he cooks. Or he may just hit the 24 hour drive-thrus too!
Either way he's not going to change and I can't be held back because of his reluctancey.
Thursday, August 04, 2011
So when I started Spark, I really had no idea where my weight was. I had a scale buried in my closet that I shuddered to look at let alone put up in my bathroom. So when I entered my initial weight, I went off what I last weighed about two years ago from a doctor's visit with my son. Well, now that I have been working hard and making conscious choices, I dragged out the scale and set up a spot for it in the bathroom. This was about a month ago. I weighed in at 200lb! I didn't want to weigh myself again at all for about 3 or so months, BUT....I just couldn't wait anymore and when I weighed myself this morning I was 189!!!!! I mean, my abs have started coming in and most of my fat clothes are getting really loose, so I just had to see. I am so glad I did!!
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Sometimes I feel like the negative feedback motivates me more than the good. I recently sent someone a post and they misinterpreted it and wrote something crabby about it. Regardless, I felt more motivated to kick ass after. And after this whole fiasco with my husband (see previous blog) I feel more motivated than ever to kick ass and look like the hottest hottie he's ever seen. NOT for him, but to make him jealous. Sick, I know. What is up with that. Last year I saw a girl I went to high school with at my work. We didn't know each other well so we didn't speak. She didn't look fabulous in any way in particular. But I started kicking ass. What the hell? I have this forbidden apple syndrome. Tell me I can't or I'm not worth it and I will run a marathon in a day!
So bring it on! Tell me I suck, that I can't, that I'm too big to ride the kiddie rides!! I will prove all of you wrong!!
Easy as I think I have a really fragile ego!
Monday, July 25, 2011
OOOOhh, that Midnight Milky Way tasted saaaaaweeeet! I learned a few things from not eating sweets last week. One, I can lose major weight fast if I stop eating it. I lost 5 pounds (of course I didn't eat much else either which was not good). Second, after the first day, I really didn't crave any sweets, esp chocolate (my biggest addiction). Third, the cupcake I ate at work only made me want to eat the whole 6 ct package (once I started again, I couldn't stop).
Sounds like an addict if I ever heard one.
To be continued...
Friday, July 22, 2011
Last week was so hard I had to lock myself in my room. Last year the truck my husband bought was repo'd and because I was the primary on the loan, my wages were garnished to pay for it. He thought he'd get a better interest rate by me signing and I was stupid. Not only did it not save him much in interest, but he lost his second job which paid specifically for the truck. Instead of him calling the bank and working out a new deal or payment he just ignored it and was shocked when they came to take the truck away at work one day. Hmmm...
Fast forward to our tax returns the following February, he told me he paid the bank a huge chunk and was making payments. Well, for Christmas I got a summons which required ME to pay the truck by having my wages garnished. (Lie #1) Again, he called the collections agency and "talked" out a payment plan where HE would pay them so much so often. Well, not good enough for them, they went ahead and took money from my bank account (my paycheck is direct deposited). Of course, I had to pay bills, so I was overdrawn to my eyeballs! The best part is that every time they take money for the truck, my bank takes 125 bucks in fees!! This has happened three or four times and this last time, I lost it. Each time, my husband has "covered" only what I have needed to pay bills and not be in the red, but never gave me any extra to cover the loss from fees. Not fair that I'm tapped out and he comes home with a steak for dinner!! Each week I scrap together about 35 bucks to put in savings. The first time the collections took over 1000, the second time about 300, and this last time about 200. I closed the account because I don't work my tail off in order to save money for someone else to steal!! I'm trying to get a new car!
My husband DJs on the side and promised that the money he made would go to my savings to "rebuild". He has done over three weddings so far and I haven't seen a penny. (Lie #2) Each time I ask about it, he shuts down and goes into la-la land like I'm talking to the wall. All he offers is "I know I messed up"or "I'm sorry you feel that way". I don't need sentiment, I need to know what he is going to DO about getting my money back!! I'm going through HELL trying to keep this family afloat and he doesn't care.
What does this have to do with my fitness plans? Well, I was so sick over this that I couldn't eat at all last week. Without eating, all I wanted to do was sleep. I'd come home and lie in bed or on the couch. All I did was drink water or eat small snacks like yogurt or bread. When I weighed myself today, I lost 5 pounds! Not the way to do it!
What I have learned besides never trusting my husband with money again is a few things:
No money means not buying my daily Bear Claw at work
No car means that I can't just go get fast food on the fly
No money means no sweets
I haven't worked out all week, but I also saved alot of calories by not eating my cheater foods either.
I will be putting my fitness plan together for next week and getting back after it on Mon. I have always had the motto that nobody takes my power and I'll be damned if I let anyone (including a stupid man) take my focus away from what I want for myself.
Lastly, I have to say that the power of prayer works. When I was in bed and depressed I honestly felt like, what's the point? But my fight is stronger than that. God sent some angels to leave me some signs that everything will be ok if I keep fighting.
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