Sunday, January 22, 2012
I have so many mixed emotions today. My daughter and I have decided to close our children's consignment shop. We have struggled with the finances and have come to the realization that we are fighting for a lost cause. The economy is just not going to let us prosper. I wish I could wave a magic wand to just POOF it gone. I am overwhelmed at the thought of liquidating all our inventory in the weeks ahead. I know that in the next few weeks I am going to be so stressed.
I just rejoined Sparkpeople at the beginng of this month with a determination that I have not felt in years. I hope I can stand up to the pressure of seeing our hopes go down the drain. We have so many decisions to make. I want to stay strong in my commitment to myself to be healthy for the rest of my life..right now, I feel like I can. I just have fears about staying strong. I know from the past, that some of the stress that I have gone through has made me quit trying. I don't want this to happen again...I don't usually journal, but for some reason today, I felt like I should put my concerns out in the open hoping that I can refer back to this so I will remember that I have to stay strong for my health. I have all the factors for a heart attack, stroke and whatever else may come my way. I want to live the rest of my life as healthy as this body that I have abused so badly will let me.
I am at a time in my life that I look back at the years that I have wasted hating my body. Now, it is not a vain reason...It is a time that I might live a little longer to enjoy my family.
When all the stress is over from closing the store, I am going to start concentrating on decluttering my house, taking time for me and take time to enjoy my grandchildren . With this goal in mind, I think I just might feel a little better....I CAN DO THIS!
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Just sitting here trying to figure out WHY I quit coming here...I have been back for two days now and already feeling better about myself even though I have gained all my weight back and have a Blood Glucose Average that is ALARMINGLY HIGH! Why do we do these things to ourselves? This was the place where I could come for so much encouragement...yet I let life get in my way...
I guess I am writing this as a reminder when I start to let myself slip again....I can come here to remind myself WHY I am here!!!!
Tuesday, March 02, 2010
I have been doing so good since I have been on the BLC. I get so much encouragement from reading all the post on my team thread ...I am even in the top 10 of all the people that are on the whole challenge, which gives me more & more incentive to keep going....BUT! I am trying to figure out WHY I got up this morning with a yearning for ice cream. There was about 2 cups left in the freezer this morning & now it is gone! OK, I logged it on my nutrition page....NOT GOOD NUMBERS!!! Now I am trying to figure out why today, of all days, did I give in to my temptations??? I am not going to be critical of myself, I just want to figure out WHY. I am trying to recap why I might have done it...Was I feeling deprived? Was it because i was so tired from my job? Am I pushing myself too much?
I was going to go to the gym last night after work, but when i got home, I was just too tired. Work was really rough from unboxing a 1700 piece truck. (there is only four employees.) I went to bed shortly after getting home. I slept til 8:45 this morning (my day off) When I got up, I was still tired. I ate shortly after I got up. Had an orange, some almonds, a yogurt. While thinking about what else I could have, I remembered there was ICE CREAM in the freezer! This Icecream has been in the freezer for 6 weeks at least. It has not bothered me one bit up until then. Then I thought I HAD to have it! I savored every bite of it. I started thinking about the consequences the last two or three bites of it, but I kept eating. Now, I have not done any amount of anything. I am feeling depressed. I have not gone over my calories for the day, but I am going to have a hard time trying to get all my nutrients in & not go over in my alloted fats. ****SIGH***** Lesson Learned???? I hope so! All is not lost for one day of misbehaveing. I will go to the gym & work to try to even this out...My weigh in is tommorrow...I don't want to be dissapointed...
Saturday, February 27, 2010
I was up before the crack of Dawn. Off to the gym by 5. two hours there, home again, get ready for work (be there by 10) got off at 2, rush home, change clothes, got to daughter's house by 3:15 for my grandaughter's birthday party, leave there by 6 p.m. go by Walmart to get hot dogs & marshmallows for a bonfire for the grandchildren that are visiting, 7 of them here tonight (ranging from 8 to 16) rushed in to log on my food diary for the day, sitting here listening to laughing , joking, arguing, one talking loudly in my ear, yelling, dogs barking, cat hissing, checked out my team's thread, came here to blog, when finished blogging, going outside to the bonfire, try to be back in my room so I can get in my required sleep for the night so I can get up at the crack of Dawn in the morning to do it all AGAIN!
Now, I ask you, Do you think I am tired? YOU BET I AM! But it is a good tired! I think this commitment to my exercise is helping me get through my day....
Friday, February 26, 2010
OK What shall I blog about?
When I first joined the Gym at the beginning of the of the BLC12, The trainer told me to do 15 minutes on the Eliptical. (YEAH! RIGHT!) I did 7 minutes & thought I was going to die before I could get down from that thing! (Is SHE CRAZY???!!!!!!) Who did she think this 62 year old lady was???? A STAR ATHELETE?????!!!! I knew we were supposed to wipe down the machines after we used them & I didn't even know how my wiggly legs were going to carry me that few steps over to the disinfectant spray & paper towels. As I managed to pick one leg up and move it & then the other, I whispered a few mean things about her that made me feel a little better. I think she figured out that I wasn't a "happy camper" when I frowned at her a couple of times.
The next few days, I dreaded even thinking about climbing up on "it" for fear that I would be thrown...I think the crazy lady got the hint that I was unhappy with her so she stayed clear from me. I saw all these pretty young girls jumping up on them & going sooooo fast without even holding on!!! Right then & there, I decided I was NOT going to let that thing WIN! I WAS GOING TO CONQUER " IT" I climbed on it everyday, to show it who was BOSS! S- L -O-W- L- Y.. , I tried 3 minutes...".huff huff huff!!! OKAY , got through that...I think I can do ONE MORE! Hey! What do you know????, I did ONE MORE!" Each day my breathing got a little easier & in few days, I was doing 15 MINUTES!!! I was so pleased when I saw that I was burning more calories & feeling so accomplised, that I started feeling bad that I had treated "it" & "THE CRAZY LADY" so mean. I finally realized that "IT" & "THE CRAZY LADY" was my friend. Now I actually greet both of them with a huge smile & wave happily everytime I walk in the gym. OH! & by the way, I got off to a great start this morning. I was out of the house by 6 a.m. I went to the gym & met my "friends" & got in a great 45 minute workout !
OK OK OK...I will tel you "it" is...THE ELIPTICAL!
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