SUSIEQT75   1,466
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Tears Of Joy

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Today, I was doing my strength training workout, I could actually feel the muscles in my stomach working. I can see small changes in my body in the mirror. I am becoming more hopeful that I will achieve my weigh loss goals this time. I have been overweight for many years, I started putting on weight around age 21. Prior to that, I was a naturally thin, very active child and adolescent. I remember how it felt to be thin. I could run and play effortlessly. I did not have a flabby tummy hanging over my pants. I had a curvy body, that was very beautiful, although I didn't realize it a the time...
I actually felt like crying today. Yes, some of the tears would be caused from sadness. Sadness of a body and health I seemed to have lost so long ago. I felt so ashamed of myself for gaining all of this weight. Why did I put the weight on to begin with? Why did I stop exercising and taking care of myself? The answer that is coming to me, right now, is: because I did not feel I was worth it. My self esteem became so low, as I was repeatedly verbally abused by others. I was never really told how beautiful, smart, or compassionate I was. I was just called bad names, and after a while, I believed everything that others said about me. I feel anger towards those who hurt me, yet I also feel compassion. People who treat others bad, have severe problems within themselves. They feel they must bring others down to their negativity. Well, I now realize I never have to put up with that treatment ever again. If people feel the need to treat me bad, they will simply be wished the best, then removed from my life. I am currently pursuing my higher purpose, and calling in life. God did not put me on this Earth to be abused by anyone. I now feel I am worthy of loving myself, the way I should have been loved by others. But oh well, I can't change the past, what is done is done. I am moving on to a new phase of my life, where I give and receive love freely. I thank God everyday for this precious chance to take my life, scarred by hurt, and revive it to breath love in others...

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NAZIRITE4GOD 2/9/2010 6:25PM

  Celebrating with you! emoticon

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Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Yes, I am feeling quite a lot overwhelmed right now. I have been really trying to take care of myself and my needs. However this concept is so foreign to me, that I am struggling to learn how. I am currently reading articles online about effective time management. I am hoping this will push me in the right direction.
Last night, I had this really odd dream. It was summertime, and I seemed to be a few years younger than I am now. I was in a bikini, tan, long blond hair, and looking fabulous. I was laughing and joking with my girlfriends by this big, awesome clear pool. It was a gorgeous day outside, and of course I decide to jump in the pool, to take a refreshing swim. As I was getting in the water, the whole pool was drained, instantly. I am standing in this giant pool with no water to play in, just feeling so confused and sad. At this point in my dream, I woke up. I don't know much about dream interpretation, but this seems to be a theme of my waking life. I think I am doing so great, and then a major disappointment hits. How do I learn to maintain the water in my pool? How do I learn to have fun again? If anyone has advice please let me know!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUSIEQT75 1/26/2010 4:55PM

    Wow! You guys are amazing. Thank you for the support and encouragement!!!

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TRIGFROST 1/26/2010 3:52PM

    I let go of the dreams and go for the moment- "Day time" is so much real - than the dreams... I know dreams do matter, but maybe your draining your life away w/ worry about yourself...let go and let God take control...your life will always be better for the out come in life itself... Just do what you can though the Day and let God turn your disappoints around for you, to make them work...for you, not against you... emoticon emoticon

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FOTOMAKR 1/26/2010 3:36PM

    well it depends on what the disappointment in your life is. Sometimes its mind over matter. If it's the scale that is disappointing you then put it away. Seriously, put it away. Go buy how you feel and how your clothes fit. You don't NEED the scale. I don't really know what the issue is so it's hard to tell you what I think, but just remember that whatever it is it can be overcome. If you want greatness you have to conquer those mountains. Repeat after me, I CAN DO ANYTHING!

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2010 My Year of Bliss

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Over the years, I have let my health and my appearance take a back seat to many circumstances of my life. For some for you who knew me in high school, I was the girl who spent two hours every morning on her hair and make-up! If I thought I didn't look nice, I would cry and beg my mom to let me stay home! Over the years, I began to think less and less of what people thought of my appearance. I have been a busy single parent trying to hold down a job, and be a part of my children's school functions and activities, even after school activities like tutoring, and dance classes. Some times it seems like I can barely keep it together, but God always helps me through my busy days!!!! Needless to day, most days I hurriedly climb out of bed, and rush to get my daughter to school then to work. Please do not think I am complaining, as I love every second of my life. However, taking care of myself has been the lowest priority on my list for too long. Over the past ten years, I have put on 30 pounds, and would love to get the weight off. Not only for appearances sake, but to regain my energy, reduce my high blood pressure, and feel feel confident about myself. Over the years, I have made a lot of bad choices with who I chose to have romantic relationships with. In September of 2009, I was baptized, and God has shown me that no man can make me feel good about myself. That experience must come from God and myself. So for now, I am taking a break from men, and spending my time focusing on my health, and my children. I want to be the best mom I can be, and taking care of myself will help greatly in achieving that goal. Thank you all for reading, and if I can be of support or assistance to anyone, please do not hesitate to leave a message, and I will respond to you very soon. Have a great day!!!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BETTA13 1/21/2010 11:42PM

    Awesome enlightment. YOU get strong for yourself; you be happy with who you can't give those things to you, only you can. Then when you're not looking, someone will come along beside you and sweep you off your feet.
Plus, putting the Lord first, always pays off.
Have a blessed week.

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JMSTOREY 1/21/2010 8:07PM

    Thanks for the positive comment on my blog!

Sounds like you have come a longs ways in your life. I admire you for developing that relationship with God and for doing your best for your children and yourself. Keep up the good work!

Joyce emoticon

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