SUSIEMT   213,491
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SUSIEMT's Recent Blog Entries

I saw my little girl self at the lake tonight!

Friday, July 22, 2011

I felt shame and anger! I wanted to cry for her. I looked over at the picnic table to see who her "fat" parents were. Nobody at those tables looked like they had a weight problem. Then why oh why was she at least 50-60 lbs over weight! The kid wasn't stuffing her face. When she wasn't in the water she was out on the beach running around having fun.
When I was a kid I followed my father's example when it came to eating. When he didn't want to deal with his feelings he would eat. I can see that today. Many times I have blamed my mother for my condition. All she wanted was not to have a fat daughter. She preached the right things. "Moderation" "Exercise" She also led by example.
She wasn't able to show or give love. Today I understand that as well. I have been watching "Finding Sarah" an OWN TV program. My sister was getting frustrated by Sarah's actions or maybe lack of them. She couldn't understand why the woman couldn't make some perfectly easy decisions or understand what these experts were telling her. I told Becky that Sarah has to be taught these simple things because no one taught her as she was growing up. It may seem normal to lots of people but if you have never experienced these things or were taught not to show certain things like emotions etc. you have to start somewhere.

I have been learning here on Spark how to deal with my emotions the proper way. Again, Thank you Sparkpeople.com!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SASSYTHING52 6/15/2012 11:28PM

    loved the show its sad to see children over weight

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RAINBOWMF 12/5/2011 9:52AM

    I have not seen that show, sounds interesting.

Great blog.
Mary

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SWELL10 8/5/2011 4:48PM

    Loved that show. It really spoke to me and I could see myself in her in so many ways.

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MOONBIRD 8/5/2011 4:34PM

    It makes me so sad when I overweight kids, especially ones who are really big. :( I know that was me at one point, and my parents were both overweight, but at the same time scolded me for being fat. I used food like a friend.

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1CRAZYDOG 7/22/2011 8:59AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon This blog made me cry! I am glad for you that you are so self-aware with the help of Spark People. I just can't say enough for how it has helped me, too!

Best of luck on our continued journies towards healthy and happy living!

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MIRAGE727 7/22/2011 8:33AM

    Now we have that awareness because we learn on SparkPeople, we are more sensitive to what we see around us. It is sad because we want to reach out. I know what you mean. I had a similar experience on the beach. I think it's wonderful that we become more in touch with our emotions as well. These are the by products of educating ourselves.here. It's a good thing. I feel your blog and thanks for sharing. Be well.

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WCUNNINGHAM3 7/22/2011 12:16AM

    Good job working and examining the emotion strongholds that underly our eating challenges.

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3rd Year Sparkversary!

Tuesday, July 05, 2011

I am three years old today! That's how I have come to look at my journey. I was living before but since Spark I have learned how to live. As Janey2011 said it is all about balance. I no longer have to juggle my life. That feels so good. I can be proud of my life today. I am very proud of myself and how I choose to live it.

Spark On!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

2BEEFIT 8/3/2011 8:31AM

    This is fabulous!

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FIREWORKSJENN 7/17/2011 11:09AM

    Wow! Conratulations on your 3rd sparkversary! You have lost lot of weight. How did you create an accountability system for you? I'm trying to get help from co-workers and friends but almost all of them are on slimfast or diet pills, and these are thing I want to stay away from. Any suggestions?

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JANEYINMADTOWN 7/8/2011 4:28PM

    Congrats Susie! You are really the picture of living a healthy life...Keep Sparking us on!

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TJHIERS 7/6/2011 8:44AM

    well said ! emoticon

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YICHE12 7/6/2011 8:23AM

    Congratulations on your Third Sparkversary!!! emoticon

I feel very privileged to be on the site. I am sure that I would have put on my weight again if it had not been for Spark People. The simple fact of logging in every single day to insert my food and exercise keeps me on track.

emoticon emoticon

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PAMSDAZED 7/5/2011 11:46PM

    Congratulations!!

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True Confessions!

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Two weeks ago my sister Julie came home for a family reunion we were all going to. You guessed it! Julie's to blame! (Buzzer sounds!) Wrong answer! I have to bite the bullet and say Susie made some bad choices and didn't know when to quit shoveling that oh so tasty food! The real sad thing is that no one tied my hands behind my back! I would still of found a way. When Julie left after only one week I weighed 165 lbs. I gained! I was no longer at goal! I felt bad for about a nanosecond and then said well there is no time like the present to get back on track! It has taken me this two weeks to really FEEL like I am back on track. I just realized that yesterday. I have been doing okay, however, not perfect. When have I ever been that! This morning I weighed and now I am down to 157 lbs. I feel so much better. Both mind and body.

I ran 4.06 miles yesterday on the treadmill. I find it interesting that when I am on the TM I am trying to best myself. I didn't realize I was so competitive. Where I workout we have a 20 min time limit for each machine. At the 20 min mark I have to go to the bathroom anyway and drink water so I have to break my run into two segments.

So, I did have to struggle with getting back on track I am not perfect. I continue to track and am on track now!! WooHoo!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JANEYINMADTOWN 7/3/2011 6:27AM

    emoticon It's about balance.....congrats on your running

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KACYBEE15 6/30/2011 12:16PM

    Way to get yourself back on track!! You can do this!!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ARE YOU AFRAID TO TRY OR AFRAID TO FAIL?

Friday, May 27, 2011

I got out of the military in 1989. If I wanted to reenlist I needed to guess what! LOSE WEIGHT! I spent a few days thinking about it going back and forth-should I bother, can I face even one more 500 calorie day? At home I would burst into tears! I was single at the time and my boyfriend was up in L A doing an extended audit. I called him up and asked him if he would mind my not reenlisting. Can you believe that! As if I had to get his approval. I had a lot of issues back then. I had been on so many "restrictive diets" that I knew I could not face another one. That was when I made my decision to get out of the military and never go on a "diet" again. I never did go on another diet. I just wish I had found a spark back then. I don't want to wish my life away. I want to give life to anyone that will listen. I was afraid I would fail yet again. That fear had it's hold on me for so many years. Until I found SparkPeople.com I hadn't thought about dieting. I started reading the articles and they made so much sense. I had read and heard it before but it went in one ear and out the other! I would like to shake some people and say this is a life and death matter! Read and heed! I sometimes read threads and see that some people are doing the yo yo thing and trying to place blame elsewhere or can't rid their lives of the junk food or take a detour around their favorite "haunt". Mine was Jack in the box or Burger King. To this day I drive by BK with puppy dog eyes wishing I could stop and not lose control. I can't! If I didn't have Becky as my diet buddy I would have a hard time. I think! There is still some of that self doubt hanging around but I don't want to find out otherwise. Cowardly isn't it? I might find out that I would fail! What would be the worst thing that would happen today? I believe I would be able to pick myself up and dust myself off and begin that very minute on a new streak! That would be a bump in the road.
I am still within my self proclaimed goal + or - 4 lbs of 150. 153.6

Stay strong my friends!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BOOKSCATSTEA 4/3/2013 12:08AM

    Good for you - your success is inspiring!
emoticon

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JANEYINMADTOWN 5/29/2011 5:26PM

    Thanks for your continued inspiration Susie!

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WARMSPRINGDAY 5/29/2011 11:38AM

    Your hard work has truly paid off with a lifestyle change. Thank you for your inspiration.

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LESSISMORE4ME 5/28/2011 11:20AM

    How great that you had support. I think that's the key to it all. We can do it on our own. With support though, you have that extra bit to help you choose the right way.

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RAEJADEE 5/27/2011 12:58PM

    I've been "yo-yo dieting" for a while now...my biggest problem is motivating myself! Your blog is very inspirational! Thank you! :)

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Eyes wide shut!

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Yesterday I got on the treadmill, after a minute I set it up to 5.1 and started running. By most standards it must seem slow but I just closed my eyes and started running. I didn't have my headset on, I just enjoyed myself. What! To me this does not make any sense at all. I started thinking about this while I was running with my eyes closed. (I love saying that if you haven't guessed!) I had not one bit of pain. I thought back to 1995 when I was a window clerk at the Post Office in Encinitas CA. I always had terrible knee and foot pain. One day I had to get some mail for one of my customers. I went to the back of the building and I was picturing myself floating along. For whatever reason that day I was pain free. It was such an incredible experience. That was how I felt on the treadmill. Is that a magic number 5.1! Believe me I will try it again. I don't have knee or foot pain anymore! Unless it is self inflicted by wearing 5 inch stilettos. I guess that's what happens when you lose 175 lbs.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

THOMS1 5/23/2011 11:16PM

    Truly an inspiration. emoticon

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G_TWINS 5/19/2011 12:14PM

    Wonderful story !!! You are taking charge of you life!! emoticon

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BOOMAC1961 5/19/2011 9:03AM

    AWESOME Susie! You are such an inspiration! emoticon

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LISAWILLBEFIT 5/19/2011 8:40AM

    That is so wonderful.I dont like running but i llove to walk fast.It is a great feleing on a noce day just to walk and not think about anything.I have ended up walking past where i was going as i was so out of it....lol.

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MOONBIRD 5/19/2011 8:19AM

    That is awesome! I recently joined a gym and tried the treadmill and put it at 5. I didn't know how fast to do it since I am used to running outside. It's amazing the things our bodies can do when we force them to adapt. emoticon

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