Tuesday, October 08, 2013
I've been away for a long time. I'm the Prodigal Daughter who has been out in the world, eating my way through it.
But I realized that I needed to come home, and I'm back.
And Father God has welcomed me back splendidly.
I got into a class at Church called Made To Crave (based off the book by Lysa TerKuerst). I can't believe that I've been losing weight pretty much my entire life, and it took this long to finally realize that I should involve God in my mission to go smaller!
I AM now doing this through God, with His help, and for his glory. My mission isn't so much to become slender (although I do hope that will happen) -- it's to become the woman that God designed me to be. Inside and out.
I am not bragging when I say this, because it is all God's doing --- certainly not mine: I can't believe how ridiculously easy it has been to refrain from eating foods I have determined are not healthy for me; and to be completely satisfied with the foods (and amounts) that I have been eating. And yes, I'm losing weight at a very pleasing pace.
God has given me patience and a calmness that I have never felt before when on a weight loss mission.
I have a long way to go. I still have 88 lbs. to lose. It's a 'normal size' goal: 160 lbs. I have a very large frame, and at that weight I will be a size 10-12 (the smallest I have ever been).
I'm so pleased to be losing weight, but even more pleased to feel this calm inside me. I am leaving this in God's hands. I am so content to spend my time seeking God and his presence in my life. I am so blessed to have excellent Christian music available to me for workouts. I am so grateful for this age of electronics and technology so that I have tools and online friends that I would never have otherwise.
WHY didn't it ever occur to me before to go to God with this?
Well, I did this time, and I truly believe it will be the last time I ever have to lose weight.
Photo taken Oct 2013 @ 235 lbs.
Wednesday, April 04, 2012
In the movie Dances With Wolves, there is a single line that I remember.
Kevin Costner and another man were riding horses through the desert, and came across a man's skeleton in the sand. As they rode by, the other man commented "Somewhere in the world, that man's Momma is wondering 'Now why don't he write?"
I thought I better put out the word on why you don't hear from me often.
It's because I gave up my Comcast at home, and the only internet service I have is at work. So when I get a chance to blog something, I will. But the reason "she don't write" is because I don't get a lot of those chances.
I've been doing... so so.
I have been doing a lot of gardening -- so I guess that counts for more than sitting on the couch eating popcorn would.
Most of the gardening consists of sitting on my little rolling cart, scooting along as I pick out grass & weeds that have dared to venture into my flower beds. (which is why I don't really count it as being active)
Yesterday was a more active day as I stapled trellises up, dug up and transplanted some plants, etc.
I have been eating.... so so (but slightly better than I have been).
The good thing: things are looking up.
It's always hard for me this time of year, and especially with Easter being in April. (2 years ago my son died the day after Easter on April 5th -- heavy equipment accident) The last month, I've been..... well..... "I ain't been right"
But things are looking up now, and depression seems to have moved along, reluctantly, but definitely moving along.
I have a desire to be active and to eat things that are good for my body.
I'm looking forward to a season on abundant produce (it always begins with strawberries and asparagus)
I'm looking forward to walks through the park, and bike rides along the bike path.
I'll try to write. But don't be alarmed if you don't hear from me frequently.
Friday, March 23, 2012
In a very timely moment, I found this on Pintrest this morning.
That sure did hit home!
I am dizzy from the amount of times I have started over and fizzled out.
I had even gotten to the point where I was rationalizing that older women have significant struggles with weight gain, and how it's even "expected/accepted".
And asked myself did I really care so much about how fat I am?
All because I'm too lazy to get off my fat butt and walk the back forty off of it.
Self-delusion, because I'd rather eat tater-tots than tuna.
I looked at myself in the mirror this morning. (sigh)
If I stand at just the right angle, I only look "fat", instead of enormous. (sigh)
Even my fat clothes are tight on me.
It's odd that this time every year, it dawns on me that I'm really really fat, and even though I decide to do something about it, I can't go do sweat-producing activities (bike ride, brisk walk, etc.) because of all the gardening that must be done to clear out weeds/debris from the beds to let the new growth have the freedom to grow.
It's frustrating that about the time I finally want to be active, I'm stuck with yard work!!
I know people say that gardening is activity too -- but I don't consider it to be. It doesn't make me sweat from exertion, so it doesn't count. (in my opinion)
Sure, any calorie burn is better than zero calorie burn. But to use the time for a bike ride would help my clothes fit better.
Wow -- maybe I should have some cheese with this whine...
Maybe I should get off my butt and get active. And while I'm at it, stop eating so much crap, and feed my body healthy foods.
Yes. It's a worthy plan.
Friday, March 09, 2012
It is my belief that Spark is a godly place.
It is founded by a godly man, who shares his magnum opus with others, for free.
It is peopled by godly people (for the most part, anyway)
And in a godly fashion... the people here welcome back those who have strayed, with open arms and well wishes.
I'm one of the returning Prodigal Souls.
I did so well with Spark. Lost about 40+ pounds (half of my goal), and felt great (even looked pretty good)
Along the way, I even explored my psyche a bit, and pondered on the reasons I do the crazy things I do.
WHY? WHY, oh WHY did I stray away from a sound and effective program??
I believe I will need to make it my mission this time to fully explore my tendency to sabotage any weight reduction efforts once I get past a certain point.
But, I'm coming home. I'm coming back to Spark, and I'm going to get back into a sensible eating plan, as well as getting some type of fitness in most every day.
I can do this. I HAVE done this. And I can do it again.
I'll get by with a little help from my friends.
Friday, September 16, 2011
On my plan, I get a cheat day every Saturday.
And on that day, I do indeed cheat.
Not insanely, but I do indulge in foods that I don't get on my plan.
Now, some of you might be thinking: "So?" (because this is not a new concept, nor is it rocket science)
Here's the reason for my amazement:
I have never allowed myself to have a cheat before. It's cold turkey, or else it's the complete turkey dinner for me. All or nothing.
When I first started Spark (Jan 2010), I gave up ice cream. I had to give it up, because if I indulged, it would be a slippery slope for me, and I would have just a bit more, etc. to the point where I would be big enough to be in two states at once.
But on my plan, I'm supposed to have a cheat day.
And believe me, I was pretty skeptical about it.
What if I extend my cheat day to a cheat week? And then a cheat month?
To the point where my "compliance day" became the one day a week?
(It's not like I haven't demonstrated my ability to do just that in the past...)
What helped me not go that route was the threat of diabetes. With the way I was eating, I was headed straight for it, and quickly. And I do NOT want to be diabetic!!!!
So that in itself helps me stay compliant on my plan.
So when I see things I want to eat, I just tell myself: "You can have it on Saturday"
And while I'm not always happy about it, apparently it still works, because I walk away from the temptation.
The ironic thing is that more often than not, I don't get to eat that particular treat on my cheat day either. It's usually not available to me by that time.
But I do eat other treats.
I told my Nutritionist that I wasn't going to do the cheat day anymore, because it takes several days following for my weight to come back to the point where it was. He said that he admired the strength and resolve it would take to do that, but that there is a weight loss element in the cheat day also.
He said that giving my metabolism a jump every now and again is good for it.
So, it turns out that my cheating now and then is still being "compliant" to my plan!
I love it when a plan comes together.
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