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The Prodigal Daughter

Tuesday, October 08, 2013

I've been away for a long time. I'm the Prodigal Daughter who has been out in the world, eating my way through it.
But I realized that I needed to come home, and I'm back.
And Father God has welcomed me back splendidly.

I got into a class at Church called Made To Crave (based off the book by Lysa TerKuerst). I can't believe that I've been losing weight pretty much my entire life, and it took this long to finally realize that I should involve God in my mission to go smaller!
I AM now doing this through God, with His help, and for his glory. My mission isn't so much to become slender (although I do hope that will happen) -- it's to become the woman that God designed me to be. Inside and out.

I am not bragging when I say this, because it is all God's doing --- certainly not mine: I can't believe how ridiculously easy it has been to refrain from eating foods I have determined are not healthy for me; and to be completely satisfied with the foods (and amounts) that I have been eating. And yes, I'm losing weight at a very pleasing pace.
God has given me patience and a calmness that I have never felt before when on a weight loss mission.

I have a long way to go. I still have 88 lbs. to lose. It's a 'normal size' goal: 160 lbs. I have a very large frame, and at that weight I will be a size 10-12 (the smallest I have ever been).

I'm so pleased to be losing weight, but even more pleased to feel this calm inside me. I am leaving this in God's hands. I am so content to spend my time seeking God and his presence in my life. I am so blessed to have excellent Christian music available to me for workouts. I am so grateful for this age of electronics and technology so that I have tools and online friends that I would never have otherwise.

WHY didn't it ever occur to me before to go to God with this?
Well, I did this time, and I truly believe it will be the last time I ever have to lose weight.

Photo taken Oct 2013 @ 235 lbs.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DEBVENTURES 11/8/2013 11:26AM

    There is nothing better than recognizing reality and it seems to me that this is what you've done.

I had the same experience with my weight and the same recognition that I had put God in a little box in the corner of my life and essentially said, "I'll take it from here!" Where did it take me? All the way up the scale to 280 pounds, now thankfully 20 of them given back.

God does for me what I cannot do for myself if I only trust in His love and mercy and seek His will for me (which, by the way, is NOT to be fat and unhappy, selfish and isolated in my addiction to food).

It's simple, but not easy!


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SUSANNAH31 10/11/2013 11:50AM

    It's good to hear that you are back on the path, and finding strength and peace.
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ASOBFALLS 10/8/2013 12:40PM

    Good insight....glad you are on the path to Good Health again! emoticon

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MESEATURTLE 10/8/2013 11:21AM


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MT-MOONCHASER 10/8/2013 10:40AM

    Welcome back to Spark!! emoticon

I am glad to see that you have been making progress and have found your path to better health.


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Now, why don't she write?

Wednesday, April 04, 2012

In the movie Dances With Wolves, there is a single line that I remember.
Kevin Costner and another man were riding horses through the desert, and came across a man's skeleton in the sand. As they rode by, the other man commented "Somewhere in the world, that man's Momma is wondering 'Now why don't he write?"

I thought I better put out the word on why you don't hear from me often.
It's because I gave up my Comcast at home, and the only internet service I have is at work. So when I get a chance to blog something, I will. But the reason "she don't write" is because I don't get a lot of those chances.

I've been doing... so so.
I have been doing a lot of gardening -- so I guess that counts for more than sitting on the couch eating popcorn would.
Most of the gardening consists of sitting on my little rolling cart, scooting along as I pick out grass & weeds that have dared to venture into my flower beds. (which is why I don't really count it as being active)
Yesterday was a more active day as I stapled trellises up, dug up and transplanted some plants, etc.

I have been eating.... so so (but slightly better than I have been).

The good thing: things are looking up.
It's always hard for me this time of year, and especially with Easter being in April. (2 years ago my son died the day after Easter on April 5th -- heavy equipment accident) The last month, I've been..... well..... "I ain't been right"
But things are looking up now, and depression seems to have moved along, reluctantly, but definitely moving along.

I have a desire to be active and to eat things that are good for my body.
I'm looking forward to a season on abundant produce (it always begins with strawberries and asparagus)
I'm looking forward to walks through the park, and bike rides along the bike path.

I'll try to write. But don't be alarmed if you don't hear from me frequently.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PENNYAN45 4/19/2012 5:48PM

    Even if we aren't solidly on our program with eating and exercising, we are very much aware of what we should/could be doing.
That increased awareness is the legacy of having been a successful reducer here on SP.
When you are ready, you will take one more step in the direction you want to go in. Once you're back on track, you'll feel the excitement of success again.
The important part is that you are back!

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    OH sweetie! I am so sorry to hear about your beloved son. That is simply horrible! My thoughts and prayers are with you at this time always. You know Easter is also a day I am going to remember and feel the loss too, it was my first holiday without my mother and it left me cold and depressed too.

I am so glad that you are eating better and not giving up. Sorry about your comcast, I, too, had to give up some of their services, the prices were crazy.

I hope you will come back often.

Hugs and love,


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ASOBFALLS 4/4/2012 10:54AM

    Grief is a strange creature. You think you are past is and then...find it lurking behind a picture or blanket unexpectedly.
I am sorry for your loss of a son so early. emoticon
Joyce emoticon 'I will dwell in the house of the Lord' Ps 27

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LOVE_2_LAUGH 4/4/2012 9:49AM

    "I have a desire to be active and to eat things that are good for my body."

It's time to turn that desire into action -- and it looks like you're taking the steps to do that. Good for you, Susie!

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GOOFYGIRL48 4/4/2012 9:48AM

    Good to know why we don't hear! I miss you! Glad to hear your depression is lifting, or has passed!
And I am in the same place as far as commitment/involvement. Walked last night - 2 miles in 50 minutes (just got the aircast off last Friday so I still have a lot to work out in the foot and ankle). Anyway - today I am very achy -so probably won't do much - maybe abs!
And food - I am doing way better than I was for a while there, but I need to do better -
It's a tough road - but every milestone brings a great sense of satisfaction and pride - so let's just keep plugging and try to make every day/week a little better than the last... til we arrive!
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If you're tired of starting over, stop giving up

Friday, March 23, 2012

In a very timely moment, I found this on Pintrest this morning.
That sure did hit home!
I am dizzy from the amount of times I have started over and fizzled out.

I had even gotten to the point where I was rationalizing that older women have significant struggles with weight gain, and how it's even "expected/accepted".
And asked myself did I really care so much about how fat I am?

How sad.
All because I'm too lazy to get off my fat butt and walk the back forty off of it.
Self-delusion, because I'd rather eat tater-tots than tuna.

I looked at myself in the mirror this morning. (sigh)
If I stand at just the right angle, I only look "fat", instead of enormous. (sigh)
Even my fat clothes are tight on me.

It's odd that this time every year, it dawns on me that I'm really really fat, and even though I decide to do something about it, I can't go do sweat-producing activities (bike ride, brisk walk, etc.) because of all the gardening that must be done to clear out weeds/debris from the beds to let the new growth have the freedom to grow.
It's frustrating that about the time I finally want to be active, I'm stuck with yard work!!

I know people say that gardening is activity too -- but I don't consider it to be. It doesn't make me sweat from exertion, so it doesn't count. (in my opinion)
Sure, any calorie burn is better than zero calorie burn. But to use the time for a bike ride would help my clothes fit better.

Wow -- maybe I should have some cheese with this whine...

Maybe I should get off my butt and get active. And while I'm at it, stop eating so much crap, and feed my body healthy foods.

Yes. It's a worthy plan.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MIZCATHI 4/3/2012 4:15PM

    on the contrary, I ALWAYS count yard work as exercise! It's bending, movement, lifting, walking, MOVING! Don't sell yourself short, and when you're done with the yard, get outside of the yard and walk or bike. You can do it because you WANT to do it!

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SHAMILTON311 3/24/2012 6:51PM

    I live in Maine, and it has been in the 70's and 80's this week. record breaking temperatures for us, and so I was home every day, raking, sweeping, and cleaning out the herb, flower, and veggie beds. I loved it, though, and was right in my glory! and guess what? I lost two pounds.

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DARKTHOR 3/24/2012 7:31AM

    I like the idea of walking or biking before you start your gardening. It'll still be there when you get back. You have to be a priority.

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JLITT62 3/23/2012 12:48PM

    Gardening IS activity, but even a 10 minute walk counts. Can you squeeze in 10 minutes?

And we always feel better when we concentrate on the things we're doing right. You blogged - I'll bet tha wasn't really that easy. Give yourself some credit!

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HEALTHY4JEANNE 3/23/2012 11:41AM

    I think we are soul sisters. I so understand your struggle. I lost 48 lbs and gained back more than that. I turned 46 last week, so for my birthday I joined weight watchers. I joined a week before my birthday so I could give myself a weight loss for my birthday. I lost two pounds last week and 4 plus this week.
I keep telling myself that I have to keep trying till I get it right.
Big hugs!!!!

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ASOBFALLS 3/23/2012 10:31AM

    Another good reason to keep up with the exercise....
I have just gotten off my Blood Pressure medication ! emoticon and the Potassium so Down 2 prescriptions. emoticon

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LOVE_2_LAUGH 3/23/2012 10:13AM

    So here's a suggestion, Susie: before you start your yardwork, get your bike out and go for a 15-minute ride. You'll be a little more active, and your yardwork will still get done. My guess is that by the time you finish your yardwork you'd be too tired to want to ride your bike then. So do it beforehand. If I don't get on the elliptical literally the first thing after I'm out of bed, I don't get on it at all. I take those 30 minutes for myself and it's amazing how that little bit helps me feel good about myself all day long. If you REALLY want to be more active, you'll find a way. Good luck!

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SIMPLELIFE4REAL 3/23/2012 10:01AM

    I've used the same rationalizations that you are describing. While I love gardening and look forward to doing it this spring, you are's not enough for me. Spring is a great time to rethink our programs....let's do it!

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I'll get by with a little help from my friends

Friday, March 09, 2012

It is my belief that Spark is a godly place.
It is founded by a godly man, who shares his magnum opus with others, for free.
It is peopled by godly people (for the most part, anyway)
And in a godly fashion... the people here welcome back those who have strayed, with open arms and well wishes.

I'm one of the returning Prodigal Souls.

I did so well with Spark. Lost about 40+ pounds (half of my goal), and felt great (even looked pretty good)
Along the way, I even explored my psyche a bit, and pondered on the reasons I do the crazy things I do.

WHY? WHY, oh WHY did I stray away from a sound and effective program??

I believe I will need to make it my mission this time to fully explore my tendency to sabotage any weight reduction efforts once I get past a certain point.

But, I'm coming home. I'm coming back to Spark, and I'm going to get back into a sensible eating plan, as well as getting some type of fitness in most every day.
I can do this. I HAVE done this. And I can do it again.

I'll get by with a little help from my friends.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

POPPTV 3/12/2012 1:51PM

    Welcome back.....I hear Ya....I'm so frustrated with "starting over, and over, and over"....This month I've taken more control over my eating, now I just have to add some movement into my daily routine.
I know you can do this....WE can do this. It's really so simple it's scary...I find that if I just concentrate on Today - eventually it will all fall into place. The best of
luck....and remember all your SP friends are here for you.
Terry emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CAROLANN27 3/11/2012 2:01PM

    Hi Susie,

Great to see you back!!!


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DARKTHOR 3/10/2012 5:02AM

    Putting good intentions together with smart effort will make you mighty. Make yourself a priority, you owe it to yourself. (Repeats that last part to myself) So glad to have you back, my friend.

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PENNYAN45 3/9/2012 5:03PM

    Of course you will do it!

I, too, strayed from the path and regained some of the weight. Believe it or not, that was a really good learning experience for me.

I have rededicated myself to reaching the goal THIS YEAR.

I have started a great points challenge that I learned from another SP friend, Andi. It is helping me rebuild those good habits of eating healthfully and exercising again.

So I'm now well on the way to my goal.

You will do this too!

We will do it together!!

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BUGGYS 3/9/2012 1:24PM

    So glad you're back Susie and I'm hoping this time you will find your way all the way to goal! emoticon

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LOVE_2_LAUGH 3/9/2012 12:44PM

    Yes! Susie's back! So glad to have you back within the Spark community. I have traveled down the same road recently. Not sure why I sabotage myself, either. Maybe this is something we can explore on a buddy system. Just remember the old (but good) advice of taking things just one day at a time.

As for me, I'm working on getting back on track with exercise. I am finding that the daily activity is improving my mental/emotional wellbeing by leaps and bounds. And with that, I'm hoping I'll find the gumption to start caring more about what I'm stuffing in my mouth. So far that hasn't happened, but I think I'm getting to that place.

Did I mention how glad I am to have you back? emoticon

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KATIAT325 3/9/2012 12:24PM

    And you'll be glorious! Welcome back to Spark!

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The Value of a Cheat Day

Friday, September 16, 2011

On my plan, I get a cheat day every Saturday.
And on that day, I do indeed cheat.
Not insanely, but I do indulge in foods that I don't get on my plan.

Now, some of you might be thinking: "So?" (because this is not a new concept, nor is it rocket science)

Here's the reason for my amazement:
I have never allowed myself to have a cheat before. It's cold turkey, or else it's the complete turkey dinner for me. All or nothing.

When I first started Spark (Jan 2010), I gave up ice cream. I had to give it up, because if I indulged, it would be a slippery slope for me, and I would have just a bit more, etc. to the point where I would be big enough to be in two states at once.

But on my plan, I'm supposed to have a cheat day.
And believe me, I was pretty skeptical about it.
What if I extend my cheat day to a cheat week? And then a cheat month?
To the point where my "compliance day" became the one day a week?
(It's not like I haven't demonstrated my ability to do just that in the past...)

What helped me not go that route was the threat of diabetes. With the way I was eating, I was headed straight for it, and quickly. And I do NOT want to be diabetic!!!!
So that in itself helps me stay compliant on my plan.

So when I see things I want to eat, I just tell myself: "You can have it on Saturday"
And while I'm not always happy about it, apparently it still works, because I walk away from the temptation.

The ironic thing is that more often than not, I don't get to eat that particular treat on my cheat day either. It's usually not available to me by that time.
But I do eat other treats.

I told my Nutritionist that I wasn't going to do the cheat day anymore, because it takes several days following for my weight to come back to the point where it was. He said that he admired the strength and resolve it would take to do that, but that there is a weight loss element in the cheat day also.
He said that giving my metabolism a jump every now and again is good for it.

So, it turns out that my cheating now and then is still being "compliant" to my plan!
I love it when a plan comes together.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARLANNIE 9/20/2011 1:24PM

    I think your nutritionist has a valid point. Mix things up a bit so your body gets 'fooled'.

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DEBRA0818 9/19/2011 2:04PM

    I'd love to have a cheat day ... some day. I believe that boosting your calories occasionally is a good idea for body, mind and soul, but it takes a firm commitment to a lifestyle to leave it at the one day. I so admire your ability to do that and I have confidence that I will be able to do that once in a while myself. I can give up most everything most of the time, but I know there will be other times when it will be worth it to indulge. You're doing a great job, Susie!

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SIMPLELIFE4REAL 9/18/2011 7:17PM

    Great explanation of the value of a cheat day!

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ANDI571 9/18/2011 4:30PM

    I like it that you just say wait until Saturday and I can have it. That way you know it is not off limits. I like that concept, (as I just ate 2 iced pumpkin cookies), lol

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FIT4GOOD3 9/18/2011 4:16PM

    Wow, Susie! I like this way of thinking. I am only partially on track these days (okay on exercise - and tracking it - but kind of approximating things with the eating side of the equation - and we all know how well that works!).

The idea of having a cheat day is kind of inspiring - I would need to know that I'm *not* cheating on 6 out of 7 days, which would be progress!

Food for thought... (and lowcal too!)

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CAROLANN27 9/17/2011 10:48PM

    Good work Susie!

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LOVE_2_LAUGH 9/16/2011 10:36PM

    That's great that you have the self-restraint and self-discipline to do this. I'm not sure I'm strong enough to do it. I could probably wait until my cheat day, but would be afraid that it would turn into a cheat week and/or cheat month. I do believe that giving your metabolism a "boost" every now and again isn't a bad thing. Sometimes I think it's wise to keep it unbalanced. Good blog, Susie.

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TERI99 9/16/2011 8:56PM get to eat ice cream?!
Now that IS a plan!!
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JIBBIE49 9/16/2011 6:10PM

    Reading Gary Taubes "Why We Get Fat and What to Do About It" i've comes to realize that sugars/starches are really poisons to my body since I have Metabolic Syndrome/Insulin Resistance, so for me to "reward" myself with ice cream, cake, coke-a-cola etc, isn't a benefit. I'm working on loving my body and wanting to give it foods that makes it healthy. I have "GOUT" and eating sugars/starches and having a five pound gain from a "cheat" day would just leave me with my big toes "throbbing" that night & swollen feet. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LORILEEPAGE 9/16/2011 5:34PM

    I've been reading a lot about how cheat days can help with the metabolism especially during a plateau. I'm toying with trying a cheat day since i'm stuck for the last 2 weeks. You mentioned that it takes a few days for your weight to get back to where it was after a cheat day. but in the end do you have any weight loss within the next week or two? I don't want to sabotage my current losses. I'm impressed that the nutritionist said to go for it.

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VICKYMARIEC 9/16/2011 5:09PM


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