Friday, January 17, 2014
Years ago, I had a conversation with a man. He was the dad of a boy my son played hockey with and was in great shape himself. I don't remember how we got started talking about food but at some point in the conversation he said, "Food is more of an inconvenience. I eat it because I have to, but sometimes it's a pain."
That statement has stuck with me for years because I remember at the time feeling jealousy. I remember thinking, "How awesome would it be to not have food dominate every single solitary waking moment of my life? How cool would it be to eat only the foods that were good for me simply because they were the sustenance my body needed and not involved with this bored, lonely, angry, sad, emotional rollercoaster that seems to be the story of my eating life?"
A few weeks ago I was having a conversation with my sister who also has a very healthy relationship with food. She is my sounding board when I need help or support and she's wonderful and amazing. At some point in the conversation I was quite upset at my seemingly constant struggle with food and feeding my family healthy and delicious meals they will eat. She called me back later and said that something had occurred to her. She doesn't really love people. She doesn't enjoy meeting people or being in crowds or just in general dealing with people who aren't in her small circle of cherished friends and family. She asked me if I would rather have a problem with food or if I would prefer to dislike people. Without even a moments hesitation, I stated that I would rather have a problem with food. I could easily answer that it hurts me to think about not enjoying people and being around them and meeting new people and interacting with darn near everybody I meet. And she said, "there you go."
So maybe food and I won't ever be "just friends". Maybe we're always destined to have at least a challenging relationship. But given my genetic options, to be honest, I wouldn't want it any other way! Oh, and I really love my sister!
Friday, November 01, 2013
I heard someone say once that every negative feeling we have is based in fear. And in her meditations, on her inhales, she would breathe in a "good" word, i.e. strength, patience, focus, happiness, peace, etc. to encourage bringing that good thing into her life. But on the exhale, she would breathe out the word "fear" to release fear from her body. Fear of not being good enough, fear of what others think, fear of failing, fear of rejection, all of these things that were bringing negativity into her body.
Hopped back on my wagon recently, but the numbers (food log, scale, etc.) are showing that I'm not all the way back on the wagon. I may be dragging one foot behind or maybe only walking beside it, and not truly sitting in the driver's seat getting this thing going! And this morning I was thinking about why that was and I think it ties back to fear. I'm afraid of doing a workout that hurts. I'm afraid of injuring myself while doing a new workout. I'm afraid of not getting this right again and being right back here at some point, whether it's six months, a year or ten years down the road. I'm afraid of failure. I'm afraid of not getting support from people around me. I'm afraid of the challenge and not being able to rise to meet and conquer the challenge.
But the point of exercise is not to go out and be comfortable for a half hour each day. It's to challenge my body in ways I didn't think I could handle and then truly celebrating when I'm able to do more each day than I could do the day before. So today, I'm going to work on that one fear. I'll let that one go for today. I may fall over in a yoga position. I may have to alter an exercise or take a quick break, but I don't have to stop and I don't have to quit.
I have other fears to work on getting rid of, but today's fear I'm letting go.
Monday, October 28, 2013
I mentioned, in the last year, to my best friend, that I had found some stretches to do, post-run, that help me avoid that terrible muscle soreness whenever I've restarted a running routine. Her response? Stop quitting and then you won't need those!!
Hmmm, there's a novel idea! Stop quitting and just keep doing it. Well, that's how all of it's supposed to work right? Stop quitting eating right, stop quitting going to bed on time and getting enough sleep, stop quitting moving every day. If I'd just stop quitting, I feel like this whole process would be less like walking up and down huge mountains and would be more like a gentle climb up a nice hill, maybe with refreshing breeze and a beautiful view.
It's time to stop quitting and start keeping on keeping on doing what I'm supposed to be doing and what makes me feel better doing if just for the simple fact that I know I've consciously done something that will benefit me in so many ways!
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Sometimes, when somebody starts exercising, or starts "eating right", it's with complaints and grumbling and drudging and a general negative attitude. Focusing on all of the things they'll have to stop eating or how much earlier they'll have to start getting up to get their workout. Or how much fun other people will be having while they're stuck working out or eating only "rabbit food" or not enjoying that cocktail.
But not me. I jumped off the wagon two months ago and just as happily have jumped back on. I have this picture in my mind of a curly haired cute little girl skipping down the street in a little flouncy dress, excited to be going wherever it is she's going. And that's me. I'm excited to be back on this journey. It's where I feel like I'm supposed to be. It starts off slow at the beginning. Getting back into the routines, remembering to fit those workouts in early in the day so they're done and don't get forgotten or skipped. Remembering that I get a secret thrill when my numbers on the food log are below those max numbers I have set. Loving spinning that wheel at some point in my day and double loving logging my weight for the day and seeing that line on the graph go down. All of these reasons and more are why SparkPeople rocks and is my site of choice for the right tools for me for this journey.
So happy to be back. And that little girl? She's skipping along right beside me!
Monday, July 08, 2013
Kicked some winter/springtime butt this year! Participated in a biggest loser type contest among family and came in second place with a weight loss of 6.87%!! It was fun and I had actually started on the getting healthier journey prior to the contest, so I was comfy in my ways of how I wanted to do it and do it right this time (see previous blog posts). Also participated in my second mud run/obstacle course and had a blast.
But then the contest was over, training was over and I figured I deserved a break and also had an injury at the same time that made my go to method of exercise (again, see previous blog post about my love-affair with my treadmill) not an option. So I jumped off the wagon. Didn't really fall off because that implies accidental. I gave myself the break from exercise and from logging my food and weight and exercise. And now here we are, two months later, about 8 pounds heavier, and I'm finding my way back to SparkPeople. In the past, once I've started down that slippery slope, I've just kept on riding it, until my clothes didn't fit again and I got frustrated and down on myself and would feel seriously unsexy! Kinda hard to keep that marriage spark alive when I can't stand to see myself naked! Why would HE want to see me naked?!?
But anyway, like I said, here I am, again, after two short months and I am happy to be back. Happy to get back to my better me. And I've realized, I didn't give myself a break by eating crap and ceasing exercise after that contest was over. It was almost as if I punished myself. And that's no good at all!
So, I'm here again and it truly does feel like home!
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