SURFERJAN2002   15,359
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Feeling like a fraud

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

It's been nearly a year since I reached my goal weight and today I'm actually 3lbs. below that. Still, I have wierd moments. Years ago I got a puppy and would drive around with it in my lap until friends warned me what a disaster I was creating. How, in a few months, this tiny half Irish Setter half German Shepard was going to be a BIG boy that I wouldn't want to have in my lap and he wouldn't have a clue what the problem was.... I feel like I'm just the opposite, I really don't get that I'm a smaller person now and may always be so... Just today, a person I hadn't seen in years called me a "little skinny person". The irony was that we were the same size the last time we met and her comment threw me as I still saw us as being the same. Even a new wardrobe that fits the new me and doesn't hang hasn't quite fixed this focus issue... I still feel like the 50 lb ago me, despite all the evidence to the contrary... Which may be why I've totally tanked this week in the food department... Though, one great change Sparking has made for me is that I don't feel like I've made the fatal mistake. I feel confident that I have the tools to recover from acts of idiotic self sabotage.