Monday, January 30, 2012
Can't figure out how to bring my intake down :(
I don't eat that much processed stuff...I don't use added salt...and yet I have only have 1 day in the past week where my sodium levels have been within range.
Monday, January 30, 2012
So, it's been a couple of weeks since I posted a blog. Figured I should post some kind of update, and maybe even see if I can have an epiphany or two...
So for the past two weeks, I have done alright. Nothing spectacular, but I'm losing, and that's the point, right? The week of my mom's memorial, there were two days where I did not track, intentionally...but even with those days, I did ok. I am sure that I was over, and I know I did not drink enough water, but I did not lose sight of what I want.
Since those two days, I have tracked faithfully. The challenge I am having is my complete and utter lack of motivation to do anything regarding my fitness level. I think I have burned a total of 1000 calories all month. This does not fit with my plan, and I just don't seem to have it in me to go all Nike, and just do it.
On the upside...I'm still not smoking, and after a 10 month long hiatus, I got a new job!
Now, to spend the next couple of weeks trying to create a routine and get organized. I hope I can keep up the success.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Almost 6 months ago, I gave up on myself. Really it didn't happen in just one day. It happened over the course of hours, day and weeks...and then all of a sudden it was 2012. I decided...not a New Year's Resolution, I decided...it was time to come back to SP. This works. Even though I am not a social person, do not reach out, am not so good and keeping in touch with the few people I have met on this site, I am a fantastic stalker, and the people who I feel I know, and I can relate to on this site, keep me going...and this time, I will succeed.
So I came back to SP, joined a BLC, and started sparking again on January 9th. I had quit smoking (again) 10 days before, and was ready for the next healthy living challenge.
Four days later, my mother died.
Despite the fact that she had Alzheimer's and had been in a home for a long long time, and we knew the day was soon, this is the kind of life shattering events that takes us all and knocks us down a flight of stairs or two.
January 13th, Friday the thirteenth, was the day my mother died. She passed shortly after 2pm, and I received the call while I was on my way home from picking my son up from school. Up to that point in the day, I was well within all of my healthy goals. Not surprisingly, I derailed...primarily with a bottle of wine. Yesterday, was also rather derailed in the healthiness department.
But this morning...I woke up with a different outlook. I think that it came upon me slowly over the course of the last couple of days...
My relationship with my mother was not a particularly healthy relationship in so many ways. But where it comes to health and weight...that was a really big one. My mom struggled with her weight, probably her entire adult life. She taught me to look at food as though it was a dangerous thing, but she also taught me that it was very comforting. I first attended Weight Watchers meetings at 6 years old, and was taken to an obesity clinic at 10. Oddly enough, it was at 10 that my weight began to spiral out of control...
At any rate...I know that my mom would never have wanted me to live this horribly unhealthy existence that I have had for so many years. I know that she wanted the best for me, even if she did not know how to make that happen. I am done blaming her. I am going to change. And in part, I will do it for her.
As of today, I am taking control. I am in charge of my life. I control what I put in my mouth, I control how much I move, I control my thoughts and emotions. It is clear to me, that if I can eat well, not smoke, and exercise through a period in my life like this one...I can succeed. I will not fail. Not this time.
I know that it will be hard. But I can do it.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Yesterday I binged. First binge I have had in over three months. I am still amazed that I was able to go that long, but I am so disappointed in myself because I was totally conscious of what I was doing while I ate and ate and ate. :( I was actually able to stop myself twice...but both times, something set me off again and I just ate again...This went off and on for nearly 24 hours.
Now that I have that out of the way, it's time to figure out why I did it, so that I can learn from it, and hopefully stop it from happening again anytime soon, since I am already struggling with myself today...
1) The other half has been working graveyard shifts...this has not been good for me. My own sleeping hours have been affected, and I am feeling really really lonely. I have not had any time for my relationship and have not spent much time with anyone else either, except my son (and he is totally summer vacation bored).
2) Cheese. Cheese is my enemy. I was doing really really well with it until a few weeks ago, I found some low fat pre-shredded cheese at my grocery store. Bad idea. Now, instead of being in my freezer and away from my craving eyes, it is right there, ready and waiting, every time I want cheese. Which is always! I HATE that I love cheese.
3) Chocolate. Similarly to cheese, somewhat of an issue. Chocolate in in no form should be in my house. Not that I shouldn't treat myself to it from time to time. But only in the single serving, once in a while sense, not in the buy a big bar of dark chocolate and make it last a while, or buy a box of chocolate pudding for this weeks snacks sense. C'mon...I know I know better than that!
4) Planning. I have stopped planning meals in the last couple of weeks. This is a really bad thing for me. I know that I have to plan. I have to do that for my health and I have to do it to survive financially. So why have I stopped? Hmm...laziness probably.
I know there is more to it...but I just can't face anymore today.
Here's hoping I stay on track.
Friday, July 08, 2011
I went into my setting this afternoon and changed my fitness settings to more accurately reflect the amount of calories I am burning in a week. This, of course changed my calorie intake needs in my nutrition tracker. It now says that my minimum is 2260 calories a day! WTF!?! I was having a difficult time reaching 1600 calories. How am I going to take in that many???Can that even be right?
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