SUNSHINEGIRL311   14,402
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SUNSHINEGIRL311's Recent Blog Entries

depressed again

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

I am so tried of being depressed all the time. I just want it all to end. I feel so worthless and unwanted. I have been dealing with depression for the pas five years and i can't deal with it anymore. I'm tired of peple telling me how much of a disapointment i am to them. Tired of my family being embarrassed of me . I can't handle it anymore. i just want to go under the covers and hide. I wish i knew what i did wrong to make my family hate me so much. I just want to belong some where but i don't. I will nver fit it. It hurts so much why can't it just stop? Sometimes i wish i could just disapear.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JENGOJENGO 7/19/2012 10:34PM

  I am so sorry. I hate that you are in pain. Just don't give up hope, and seek counseling.

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MAMACLAUSEN 7/18/2012 10:58PM

    I can't agree more with all the positive, motivational things everyone else has said. But on another note, have you ever considered your hormones to be at fault, or partly at fault? I have started seeing an acupuncturist recently and it has made all the difference! At first I felt horrible because my body really was working hard to correct itself, detoxing, etc., but now I'm in better moods, my libido is coming back, and I actually have hope again! Some wellness centers that use acupuncture also take PPO insurance so the cost isn't too bad if you have that. I just wanted to tell you a little of my story to see if you would think about all the reasons that you are feeling this way. It would be worth it to see if there are any licensed acupuncturists in your area. And the first thing you should do is get plenty of regular rest. Set bedtime for 10 or 11pm, no later, so that you are getting at least 8 hours of sleep. Sleep deprivation is the biggest culprit for hormone imbalance.

I hope you will remember how valuable you are and how worthy you are of the best! emoticon

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HANAHSCLOUDY 7/18/2012 7:49PM

    You are not alone on your journey love. One day at a time.

Stay close to spark, you have a big support base here.

Make a goal to do 1 new thing each day -(Examples - walk 10 min, make send a card to friend or family member, make a new recipe, read a self help book)

This is what I'm doing right now, I feel the depression pull. I'm trying to remember my emotions are NOT intended to have brains. Do what I need to do so I can do/be what I want to be.(I keep repeating.) My emotions sat Stay in bed, eat chips, don't exercise................I'm doing those good things for myself despite my feelings.

We are NOT alone Sunshine!

emoticon emoticon

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SHRINK_U 7/18/2012 6:25PM

    It stinks when our families bring us down and don't make us feel better about ourselves. Keep sparking!!! This is the place that you will find people who care and people who will cheer you on. I don't know what I would do without spark. Hang in there!!

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CAMAEL100 7/18/2012 5:22PM

    You belong here! You fit in here! You make valuable contributions here. You inspire people here! You can chose your friends but not your family. You have chosen Spark. I'd say you were doing very good!! Hang in there.

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KCWIND 7/18/2012 4:20PM

  Wow! Are you preaching to the choir. First, your family does not hate you. You belong here with your Spark Peeps that have had those same thoughts. Now, decision time. What do YOU want. Not your family. Not your friends. YOU. Make one small change. One short term goal. My first one was to limit my soda. Eventually I became soda free. Just one goal to start you on your way. Walk to the mailbox. Drink 8 cups of water. Anything. Just make it about you. I read a great quote once about family. It said family has neither the right or the invitation to comment on your life. Stay strong.

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Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Yesterday i went to see Michael Landsberg speek about his experience with depression and anxiety. For those of you who don't know who is he is a Canadian sports broadcaster who has his own show. It was amazing to hear about his journey with depression. I too suffer from depression and anxiety as well as other mental illness. I found him very motivating and inspiring. He gave me the hope that i had lost and helped me to believe that things can get better. Depression isn't a weekness it is an illness. Just wanted to let those of you who suffer from a metal illness you are not alone and there is hope. You are special wehter you feel like you are or not. we can get through this together.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CTUPTON 7/10/2012 6:52AM

    You are on your way to beating your depression because you are seeking answers in the right places. You go girl! Chris

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CAMAEL100 7/6/2012 4:03PM

    You are so inspirational, even when going through tough times. Even when your blogs are about your frustration and lack of help, I sense a very strong person who is willing to do what it takes to feel better. You are not taking this sitting down. You are seeking help from where ever it comes from. But as I say I think you are better, stronger and more wonderful than you believe. Believe in yourself! I know you can beat this!

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1EMMA2011 7/5/2012 8:22PM

    Awesome !! Great Blog Post. So proud of you!! I have often heard depression is anger turned inward. Of course it is more than that however sometimes this helps me to think about things from another perspective. Anyway - your post was awesome!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SLIMMERKIWI 6/28/2012 3:07AM

    Sometimes going to something like that is all that is needed to re-enforce into our brains that we CAN be lifted .... that there IS hope :-)

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JULIEANNCAN 6/28/2012 12:21AM

    I'm so glad that the talk was inspirational! emoticon

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SHRINK_U 6/27/2012 8:59PM

    emoticon I am glad he helped lift your spirits a bit, Sunshine. We are in this together :)

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Friday, June 22, 2012

I am so very frustrated right now i feel like the people that are suppose to be help me don't give a crap. I am tired of being bounced back and forth like a ball. How hard is it for people to do their jobs and help me. Don't they see that i need help? I can't do this anymore. I am trying so hard to lose weight and be healthier both physically and mentally. I try to advocate for myself and then i get the door slamed in my face and then i feel like crap so i turn to junk food to make my self feel better and hide my feelings so i don't have to deal with. Then my deprssion gets worse and it is all one big circle and i am sick of it. I feel abandoned by everyone.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CTUPTON 7/10/2012 6:50AM

    Sorry but you can't change other people. We wish we could. We can muster our courage and say things like, " When you say that, it really hurts my feelings. Please don't say that to me. Are you intending to hurt my feelings?" Maybe right now you can't say this to someone else because it hurts too much. But practice saying it to yourself. After enough times, you might blurt it out to someone. They will be shocked, but that's OK!

Another thing is watch how other people handle it. Lots of people get mad and others stop picking on them.

Another thing people do is turn it into a joke. If you can't do this yet, do some "people watching." You will find lots and lots of people do this. Even watch people on tv do it. Those sitcoms we laugh at are full of people "giving it back." And we all laugh at those "come backs."

I had to learn to change my expectations. I thought if people loved me, they would support me and help me. My husband for 40 years still does not support my healthy food choices. I say to him, " Oh you wouldn't eat what i have. It is healthy." Then I go eat my delicious salad.

Good luck, Chris

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CAMAEL100 7/6/2012 3:58PM

    I am very sorry to hear how hard it is for you to get the help you need. Try to think that Junk food will only make you feel worse. I am working on that myself. I eat when I feel down but then only feel ten times worse! Keep fighting for yourself. You are worth it!!

Do you exercise? It can be helpful.

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BELLAGIRL2012 6/26/2012 10:38AM

    If it helps, you made me feel good when I posted my loss on the weigh in board. That was very kind to acknowledge it, when you don't even know me. Don't be frustrated, work through it and realize that some people are just ignorant and judgemental. You have to be better than that. emoticon

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SHRINK_U 6/23/2012 1:18PM

    Keep fighting!!! We all have had days or even weeks where we have turned to junk food and fallen back into old ways. Just keep coming back-- it will pay off!

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JULIEANNCAN 6/23/2012 7:12AM

    I am so sorry to hear how you're feeling. I hope you know you are not alone and that you are worth working on these things. I am wondering if you have ever thought about attending an Overeaters Anonymous meeting? When I binge ate, I tried that for awhile and found some support there. It helped me find other ways to cope with my depression and stress. Just a thought. Please don't give up! As others have said, you are worth it! emoticon

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THRIVE2DAY 6/23/2012 6:56AM

    Don't ever give up because of someone else. YOU ARE WORTH IT. Choose to be happy, regardless of other peoples actions, I know emoticon

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AUNTHELEN 6/23/2012 2:06AM

    Here for you! I know you can do it, you are here for a reason. YOU chose this. That in itself is a huge step. Please do not let others get you down (usually easier said thann done). emoticon emoticon

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KMSIMMONS1 6/22/2012 9:33PM

  Who picked your name Sunshinegirl? Don't let other people dictate your day. Choose to be the best you can be with what you have. Don't let them have the satisfaction of knowing they can manipulate your feelings. Show them what you're made of - you are stronger than you think. Hang in there. Be tough and smile back at them Snshine!

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CHEROKEE1946 6/22/2012 9:31PM

    Also learn to make friends on here and they will help you as long as you are willing to be honest and really try to help yourself. Join some groups there are a lot of great ones on the site.

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CHEROKEE1946 6/22/2012 9:30PM

    I think you need to depend on the one person that should never let you down and should be as concerned about your health as you are. YOU! If you know you can't rely on other people then it is time to put YOU in charge. You can do anything you set your mind to and if you fall off the wagon then it is your responsibility to get your self up dust yourself off and get back on the wagon until you no longer fall off. You can do this so don't give up and be negative learn to count on YOU.

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caotic thoughts

Monday, June 18, 2012

Sitting here in bondage with my negative thoughts.
Memories flowing in like snap shots.
Wanting them to evaporate.
Instead they come in the flooded gate.
When will the thoughts end and start to transcend

My negative thoughts are spinning like a tornado.
I want to shoot them down with an arrow.
Tiptoing around them day after day.
The pain and emotions cause so much dismay.

Will they ever end or diftaway.
It is so hard to convey how they make me feel.
Sometimes it doesn't seem real.
Bottling them up inside is not a good deal.
I know letting them out will help me heal

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CAMAEL100 7/6/2012 3:55PM

    That is a beautiful poem. You write very well. I hope it helps you deal with and heal your past. emoticon

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JULIEANNCAN 6/19/2012 8:45PM

    You write beautifully and I hope that helps you let some of your feelings out. I agree that it does help one heal. emoticon

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SHRINK_U 6/18/2012 8:55PM

    You are so right-- letting them out will help you heal. emoticon

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Thursday, June 14, 2012

I take a deep breath and listen Clearly
All i hear is the sound of fear
why am I so scared i don't know
Life is just like a show
It can have a happy or sad ending
But for me i just try mending
Thinking of the next step to take
Frusturated i will make a mistake
Will i ever be happy for goodness sake?
Ups and downs is all i know
But mostly downs are in this show
Will this feeling ever end or will i always have to fight.
Feels like there is a riot going on inside
Looking for a light of hope
Not knowing how i will cope

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CTUPTON 7/10/2012 6:55AM

    OMG! This is a wonderful poem! I am so inspired by your thoughts. You are very skilled, do you know that? WOW! Chris

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JULIEANNCAN 6/15/2012 5:55AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SHRINK_U 6/14/2012 9:55PM


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JPGSMOM 6/14/2012 9:06PM

    Sunshine Girl... Your poetry is beautiful and filled with true, raw emotion. You should be proud of your talent to capture what many surely have felt. The light you are looking for may be just a dim flicker to you now, but with care and love for yourself it will surely beam like a ray of sunshine.

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PATTOMMC3 6/14/2012 8:42PM

    emoticon + emoticon = emoticon

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