SUNSHINEGIRL311   13,521
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SUNSHINEGIRL311's Recent Blog Entries

how i feel

Monday, July 23, 2012

Lately i have been really deopressed. I feel like i am reaching out for help and i am not getting what i need. Doesn't anyone understand how bad i feel? Donesn't any care? I am so tired of people telling me to snap out of it or get over it. Don't they realize that doesn't help. Why can't they just listen to me and understand what i am going through. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. If i had a choice i wouldn't choose to feel like this. I am tired both emotinally and physically. Some thing has to change i can't live like this anymore. I feel like this just keep getting worse as the days go by. Does anyone have any suggestions on what works for them when they feel like this? How do people deal with feeling unwanted and like they don't fit in anywhere? I feel like an outcast.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HEALTHYLADY12 8/16/2012 11:09PM

    Maybe you are depressed thats a medical need for attention if you can feel it in your body. Trust in others like counsolors or doctors or therepists even this site. Its harder when your close ones dont understand. So right now you come first. No matter what try to get as much sleep, eat superfoods that will help your slump. Also, get your thyroid check it could be a thyroid thing. That happend to my cousin. Take a 20 minute walk in the sun with sunscreen at get vitamin D. That will help it wont cure but it will help. You can get out of this.

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BEERCHICK 7/26/2012 8:09PM

    Hey Sunshine! I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. I know a lot of folks out there don't understand depression or the struggles people have inside. My mother and my husband are the people closest to me, and they both suffer from depression. There have been times where it seemed no matter what I did or said, I couldn't make things better. It's hard for me sometimes as an outsider to truly grasp how heavily their depression affects them. Perhaps the folks in your life are similar? I know just from my experiences with my family, particularly with my husband, that depression is very real, very serious, and more than anything else, the one who is depressed just needs reassurance and love from the people closest to them.

I was reading the comments from the other ladies on SP....and they all are so incredibly supportive. I think you've made a great step in being part of this community. Everyone really seems to look out for each other, and I think we all truly care for one another as well. Hopefully, being here surrounded by people who do care about you will help you to feel more supported. :)

Very big (((hugs))) to you. I'm sorry you're having a rough patch. :(

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MAMACLAUSEN 7/26/2012 12:19AM

    I don't want you to think that anyone here is saying to just "snap out of it". I want you to know that feeling depressed like this takes time to conquer. But as you said in your post, something has to change. Have you figured out what you think is causing your depression? If you have thought through this and come up empty, it could be something physical that you are unaware of.

I have had some serious boughts of depression in the past--sometimes it was a major life change, and most recently it was a physical problem. I'm getting help now and I feel much better. With the major life change, I had to struggle to get out of that slump, too. In either case, I had to make a conscious decision about what I wanted, or needed to do to feel better that day. Do you have a regular bed-time? Do you take a walk every day? Do you drink enough water each day?

Sometimes those very easy, simple things can have a profound effect on our moods and how we look at life. You say that you're tired of feeling this way, that you don't want to feel this way anymore. Please believe me that I'm saying this with all the love, and care, and concern I have in my being: you are the one that has control over how you feel. You are the only one who can decide to live a healthy life, or get outside in the sunshine for a walk, or go to bed instead of watching one more tv show. You want to feel different, so you need to figure out what to do differently. I know--I've been there.

We want you to succeed. We want you to feel happy! We want you to feel our love! Please believe us! We care about you! We are here for you! When you have any success, we will cheer you on! When you feel blue again, we will be here to pump you up, and remind you of your goals.

emoticon

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JULIEANNCAN 7/23/2012 7:13PM

    You are loved and you are not alone. Please just take one day (or one moment) at a time and keep reaching out and seeking the help you need. emoticon emoticon

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SHRINK_U 7/23/2012 6:58PM

    emoticon

I have dealt with similar issues. Sometimes.. as much as we want to depend on those in our lives to make us feel wanted and accepted.. it doesn't always happen. I am still struggling.. but once I decided that I was going to do everything I could to make myself happy and to build up my own self worth.. that is when I started to feel better. I still have really bad days. But I just keep on picking myself back up. Keep sparking.. that is where I get almost all of my support. Encourage others and you will also be encouraged. Hang in there!

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ITSGONNABME 7/23/2012 12:21PM

    Hi Sunshinegirl. I am sorry to hear you are feeling this way. I can't say I know how you feel but I can relate and say I have had similar feelings. Sometimes the solution is to find out what is making you feel like this and its not easy. For me it was a simple as setting unrealistic goals in everything I did and never feeling accomplished. If you can set small tasks to accomplish and feel good about accomplishing them this small thing will help to boost your mood, and then you can increase your tasks and therefore your mood. It sounds like you might be going through a depression and no depression is not always a chemical imbalance within a person, it can be life events that cause unhappiness. I wish you much luck, success and Happiness. I'm not sure if I was any help to you but I wanted you to know that there are people who understand and definitely care, some close to you may not understand but I believe they still care. If you ever need to talk or anything feel free to email me. Good luck Hun!!!

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depressed again

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

I am so tried of being depressed all the time. I just want it all to end. I feel so worthless and unwanted. I have been dealing with depression for the pas five years and i can't deal with it anymore. I'm tired of peple telling me how much of a disapointment i am to them. Tired of my family being embarrassed of me . I can't handle it anymore. i just want to go under the covers and hide. I wish i knew what i did wrong to make my family hate me so much. I just want to belong some where but i don't. I will nver fit it. It hurts so much why can't it just stop? Sometimes i wish i could just disapear.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JENGOJENGO 7/19/2012 10:34PM

  I am so sorry. I hate that you are in pain. Just don't give up hope, and seek counseling.

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MAMACLAUSEN 7/18/2012 10:58PM

    I can't agree more with all the positive, motivational things everyone else has said. But on another note, have you ever considered your hormones to be at fault, or partly at fault? I have started seeing an acupuncturist recently and it has made all the difference! At first I felt horrible because my body really was working hard to correct itself, detoxing, etc., but now I'm in better moods, my libido is coming back, and I actually have hope again! Some wellness centers that use acupuncture also take PPO insurance so the cost isn't too bad if you have that. I just wanted to tell you a little of my story to see if you would think about all the reasons that you are feeling this way. It would be worth it to see if there are any licensed acupuncturists in your area. And the first thing you should do is get plenty of regular rest. Set bedtime for 10 or 11pm, no later, so that you are getting at least 8 hours of sleep. Sleep deprivation is the biggest culprit for hormone imbalance.

I hope you will remember how valuable you are and how worthy you are of the best! emoticon

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HANAHSCLOUDY 7/18/2012 7:49PM

    You are not alone on your journey love. One day at a time.


Stay close to spark, you have a big support base here.


Make a goal to do 1 new thing each day -(Examples - walk 10 min, make send a card to friend or family member, make a new recipe, read a self help book)

This is what I'm doing right now, I feel the depression pull. I'm trying to remember my emotions are NOT intended to have brains. Do what I need to do so I can do/be what I want to be.(I keep repeating.) My emotions sat Stay in bed, eat chips, don't exercise................I'm doing those good things for myself despite my feelings.

We are NOT alone Sunshine!

emoticon emoticon

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SHRINK_U 7/18/2012 6:25PM

    It stinks when our families bring us down and don't make us feel better about ourselves. Keep sparking!!! This is the place that you will find people who care and people who will cheer you on. I don't know what I would do without spark. Hang in there!!

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CAMAEL100 7/18/2012 5:22PM

    You belong here! You fit in here! You make valuable contributions here. You inspire people here! You can chose your friends but not your family. You have chosen Spark. I'd say you were doing very good!! Hang in there.

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KCWIND 7/18/2012 4:20PM

  Wow! Are you preaching to the choir. First, your family does not hate you. You belong here with your Spark Peeps that have had those same thoughts. Now, decision time. What do YOU want. Not your family. Not your friends. YOU. Make one small change. One short term goal. My first one was to limit my soda. Eventually I became soda free. Just one goal to start you on your way. Walk to the mailbox. Drink 8 cups of water. Anything. Just make it about you. I read a great quote once about family. It said family has neither the right or the invitation to comment on your life. Stay strong.

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yesterday

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Yesterday i went to see Michael Landsberg speek about his experience with depression and anxiety. For those of you who don't know who is he is a Canadian sports broadcaster who has his own show. It was amazing to hear about his journey with depression. I too suffer from depression and anxiety as well as other mental illness. I found him very motivating and inspiring. He gave me the hope that i had lost and helped me to believe that things can get better. Depression isn't a weekness it is an illness. Just wanted to let those of you who suffer from a metal illness you are not alone and there is hope. You are special wehter you feel like you are or not. we can get through this together.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CTUPTON 7/10/2012 6:52AM

    You are on your way to beating your depression because you are seeking answers in the right places. You go girl! Chris

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CAMAEL100 7/6/2012 4:03PM

    You are so inspirational, even when going through tough times. Even when your blogs are about your frustration and lack of help, I sense a very strong person who is willing to do what it takes to feel better. You are not taking this sitting down. You are seeking help from where ever it comes from. But as I say I think you are better, stronger and more wonderful than you believe. Believe in yourself! I know you can beat this!

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1EMMA2011 7/5/2012 8:22PM

    Awesome !! Great Blog Post. So proud of you!! I have often heard depression is anger turned inward. Of course it is more than that however sometimes this helps me to think about things from another perspective. Anyway - your post was awesome!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SLIMMERKIWI 6/28/2012 3:07AM

    Sometimes going to something like that is all that is needed to re-enforce into our brains that we CAN be lifted .... that there IS hope :-)

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JULIEANNCAN 6/28/2012 12:21AM

    I'm so glad that the talk was inspirational! emoticon

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SHRINK_U 6/27/2012 8:59PM

    emoticon I am glad he helped lift your spirits a bit, Sunshine. We are in this together :)

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frustrated

Friday, June 22, 2012

I am so very frustrated right now i feel like the people that are suppose to be help me don't give a crap. I am tired of being bounced back and forth like a ball. How hard is it for people to do their jobs and help me. Don't they see that i need help? I can't do this anymore. I am trying so hard to lose weight and be healthier both physically and mentally. I try to advocate for myself and then i get the door slamed in my face and then i feel like crap so i turn to junk food to make my self feel better and hide my feelings so i don't have to deal with. Then my deprssion gets worse and it is all one big circle and i am sick of it. I feel abandoned by everyone.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CTUPTON 7/10/2012 6:50AM

    Sorry but you can't change other people. We wish we could. We can muster our courage and say things like, " When you say that, it really hurts my feelings. Please don't say that to me. Are you intending to hurt my feelings?" Maybe right now you can't say this to someone else because it hurts too much. But practice saying it to yourself. After enough times, you might blurt it out to someone. They will be shocked, but that's OK!

Another thing is watch how other people handle it. Lots of people get mad and others stop picking on them.

Another thing people do is turn it into a joke. If you can't do this yet, do some "people watching." You will find lots and lots of people do this. Even watch people on tv do it. Those sitcoms we laugh at are full of people "giving it back." And we all laugh at those "come backs."

I had to learn to change my expectations. I thought if people loved me, they would support me and help me. My husband for 40 years still does not support my healthy food choices. I say to him, " Oh you wouldn't eat what i have. It is healthy." Then I go eat my delicious salad.

Good luck, Chris

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CAMAEL100 7/6/2012 3:58PM

    I am very sorry to hear how hard it is for you to get the help you need. Try to think that Junk food will only make you feel worse. I am working on that myself. I eat when I feel down but then only feel ten times worse! Keep fighting for yourself. You are worth it!!

Do you exercise? It can be helpful.

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BELLAGIRL2012 6/26/2012 10:38AM

    If it helps, you made me feel good when I posted my loss on the weigh in board. That was very kind to acknowledge it, when you don't even know me. Don't be frustrated, work through it and realize that some people are just ignorant and judgemental. You have to be better than that. emoticon

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SHRINK_U 6/23/2012 1:18PM

    Keep fighting!!! We all have had days or even weeks where we have turned to junk food and fallen back into old ways. Just keep coming back-- it will pay off!

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JULIEANNCAN 6/23/2012 7:12AM

    I am so sorry to hear how you're feeling. I hope you know you are not alone and that you are worth working on these things. I am wondering if you have ever thought about attending an Overeaters Anonymous meeting? When I binge ate, I tried that for awhile and found some support there. It helped me find other ways to cope with my depression and stress. Just a thought. Please don't give up! As others have said, you are worth it! emoticon

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VETTERMOMMY2U2 6/23/2012 6:56AM

    Don't ever give up because of someone else. YOU ARE WORTH IT. Choose to be happy, regardless of other peoples actions, I know emoticon

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AUNTHELEN 6/23/2012 2:06AM

    Here for you! I know you can do it, you are here for a reason. YOU chose this. That in itself is a huge step. Please do not let others get you down (usually easier said thann done). emoticon emoticon

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KMSIMMONS1 6/22/2012 9:33PM

  Who picked your name Sunshinegirl? Don't let other people dictate your day. Choose to be the best you can be with what you have. Don't let them have the satisfaction of knowing they can manipulate your feelings. Show them what you're made of - you are stronger than you think. Hang in there. Be tough and smile back at them Snshine!

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CHEROKEE1946 6/22/2012 9:31PM

    Also learn to make friends on here and they will help you as long as you are willing to be honest and really try to help yourself. Join some groups there are a lot of great ones on the site.

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CHEROKEE1946 6/22/2012 9:30PM

    I think you need to depend on the one person that should never let you down and should be as concerned about your health as you are. YOU! If you know you can't rely on other people then it is time to put YOU in charge. You can do anything you set your mind to and if you fall off the wagon then it is your responsibility to get your self up dust yourself off and get back on the wagon until you no longer fall off. You can do this so don't give up and be negative learn to count on YOU.

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caotic thoughts

Monday, June 18, 2012

Sitting here in bondage with my negative thoughts.
Memories flowing in like snap shots.
Wanting them to evaporate.
Instead they come in the flooded gate.
When will the thoughts end and start to transcend

My negative thoughts are spinning like a tornado.
I want to shoot them down with an arrow.
Tiptoing around them day after day.
The pain and emotions cause so much dismay.

Will they ever end or diftaway.
It is so hard to convey how they make me feel.
Sometimes it doesn't seem real.
Bottling them up inside is not a good deal.
I know letting them out will help me heal

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CAMAEL100 7/6/2012 3:55PM

    That is a beautiful poem. You write very well. I hope it helps you deal with and heal your past. emoticon

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JULIEANNCAN 6/19/2012 8:45PM

    You write beautifully and I hope that helps you let some of your feelings out. I agree that it does help one heal. emoticon

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SHRINK_U 6/18/2012 8:55PM

    You are so right-- letting them out will help you heal. emoticon

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