SUNSHINEGIRL311   14,402
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I remember

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

I remeber that you were never there for me.
I remember how bad you treated me.
I remmeber the emptyness that I feel.
I remember all the bad things you said.
I remeber how you treated me different from everyone else.
I remeber being all alone
I remeber the hurt i feel.
I remember feeling like an outcast.
I remember hating myself.
I remeber wanting everything to end.
I remember being a disapointment.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JPGSMOM 6/14/2012 7:20AM

    Sometimes it's hard to let go of past hurts. Although what has happened in the past cannot be erased, it does help make us who we are today. And can be vital for making decisions for our own future. Remember there is a whole community of people here that are cheering for you and sharing in all of your successes as well as sharing in your pains. I've been learning a lot about myself along this journey, and am finding that my true happiness comes from inside of me. I pray you find that light that is shining inside of you. Find it and hold onto it when those dark memories creep back. Sending you kind and loving thoughts today...

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CINDY_LYNNE 6/14/2012 5:11AM

    I totally agree that it would serve you better to make new memories, but I also know how hard it is to let go of the bad ones.

One day at a time.

I actually have an idea, a suggestion that might help: the next blog entry, try to talk about one or two good things that has happened, or that you've experienced. Perhaps that might help a little?

Regardless, my heart goes out to you.

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JULIEANNCAN 6/13/2012 6:06PM

    I hope you are working to make new, good memories. In time, I hope that the bad ones will subside. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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IMAVISION 6/13/2012 2:58PM

    May I ask how holding onto those memories serve you in this period of your life, Tanya?

It is time to take responsibility for creating new & healthier memories, my young friend.

When we hold on to the old hurtful memories of situations & words we had no control over, we are giving the person(s) who chose to hurt us in the first place the power to continue hurting us.

My prayer for you is that you choose to let go of old hurts &, thus, take your power back. I know that is a tall order - however it can be done when one makes the choice to do so.

God bless all your coming day with the ability of making new happy memories to replace the old hurtful ones with - delightful memories for you to take out & enjoy throughout the years ahead.


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SHRINK_U 6/12/2012 10:51PM

    Here's to making new memories-- good memories! You can reach your goals and love yourself more than anyone else. emoticon

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Thursday, June 07, 2012

I feel so hopless right now. No matter what i do to get help for myself no one is listening to me.Doesn't anyone get how crappy i feel? doesn't anyone care? I am really struggling and i need help. What do i hve to do in order fro someone to pay attenition? i feel so alone and no one cares. I am overwhelmed with negative thoughts and i can't handle it anymore. I just want it to end. i can't deal with being a disapontment to everyone.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CINDY_LYNNE 6/10/2012 8:52PM

    I'm a few days late, but please, please know that there are those of us out here that do care, and that want to help you. :) I know that feeling of hopelessness, and I wish I could tell you it was easy to get rid of. It's not, but look at these people who are here to tell you how amazing you are!

My biggest fear was and still is being a burden and a disappointment. I know that in the fog of depression it's hard to see the line between emotion and logic but remember: disappointing someone isn't the same as BEING a disappointment. Surround yourself with positive people and feel free to send me sparkmail if you need an ear or a virtual hug. :)

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AUNTHELEN 6/8/2012 3:27AM

    Love, hugs, and positive thoughts coming your way. You are not alone. Take care of yourself, please. emoticon emoticon

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IMAVISION 6/7/2012 11:58PM

    First – feelings are often deceiving! Instead we should go by what we know to be true & one truth is that lots of folks care about you, Tanya, & what you are faced with. I am one who cares!

Please – focus on your needs – don’t allow those negative thoughts to take root. Remember we can’t help what thoughts come into our minds; HOWEVER, we can choose to entertain them or to shove them away! I am praying that you will succeed in shoving them away & replace them with a truth you know.

Write all the positives down – even those you might consider insignificant & keep that paper handy to read straight through each time a negative thought tries to wedge it’s way into your thinking. You can do that for yourself.

Please keep the telephone numbers that Julie Ann gave to you handy in case you find that you need to talk with someone who will be understanding & helpful – any hour of the day or night that you might find yourself desiring to speak with someone. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Please remember that, precious gal!

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline in the United States at 1-800-273-8255 (toll free). For other countries, please see
>God bless you, Tanya!


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SHRINK_U 6/7/2012 10:14PM

    Sometimes we don't have people in our lives that support us in the ways we want and deserve. I find myself in the same situation all of the time. If I didn't have the support I receive from Spark People Friends I don't know what I would do. Please keep making the right decisions for yourself. Do this for you. emoticon

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JULIEANNCAN 6/7/2012 8:04PM

    You are NOT alone and I DO care. I am sorry that you are struggling. I don't know what's going on, but I am sending lots of positive thoughts and emoticon your way. I am listening and I understand what it feels like to feel so overwhelmed. Remember that many of your negative thoughts are not true. You are NOT a disappointment to everyone.

Please know that if you can't handle things anymore, you have to get help. You are worth it and things can and will get better! If you need someone to talk to immediately, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline in the United States at 1-800-273-8255 (toll free). For other countries, please see

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MIDORI_SPARK 6/7/2012 6:59PM

    You are not alone in this journey, there are many of us here who feel your pain and know what you're going through. The people in your life should be supportive and understanding, and it is very frustrating when they don't show their support. But you have the strength in you to make these changes. Take care of yourself if they won't. You will find strength you never knew you had.

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wednesday may 23rd

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

I am feeling really discouraged and depresed today. No matter what i do it doesn't seem to be good enough. I just want to be acknowledge and appreciated. i just want to be loved and accepted. I feel so alone. I thought maybe if i started to lsoe weight things would be different and people would notice me. I have lost 6 pounds so far and no one even cares. I feel so hurt and discouraged. I am tired of being invisable. i don't know what to do anymore.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JPGSMOM 6/3/2012 9:03PM

    Thank you for the encouraging comments that you left on my last blog. I know what you mean about nobody noticing. I have felt that same discouragement too many times. But please know that this SP family out here does notice and does care SOOO much. I have had so many people say such wonderful supportive things. Things that lifted me in my dark hours. I hope and pray you find the support and encouragment that you need to lift you up in this community. It truly can be a life saver. I've struggled with my weight my whole life. This is the first time I can truly say I feel like I'm taking charge, and so much of it is because of the support of the SP members. Like you. You lifted me today when you commented on my blog. Thank you for that! I hope we can become supportive friends. Just know that there are people out there that care and understand what you are going through. Hang in there, and God Bless!

Comment edited on: 6/3/2012 9:04:59 PM

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SHRINK_U 5/23/2012 2:48PM

    Hey. . I am sorry you are feeling so alone. I get that way sometimes. Try to get motivation from reading spark blogs and going to the forums. I know sometimes we want to lose weight so that others give us more attention or like us more. Sometimes we want validation and want others to be proud of us-- because it feels good.

It can be very hard to do those things for yourself.. but I do hope that you give it a try. Those feelings that you want to get from others.. try to learn how to give those feelings to yourself. Appreciate yourself. Celebrate every victory. Celebrate actually wanting to go for a walk. Celebrate your feet not hurting as bad today as they did yesterday. Celebrate your face looking smaller in mirror. Celebrate when you choose a piece of fruit over a bowl of ice cream. Do this for you.. and be proud of EVERY accomplishment that you make no matter how small it may seem to others. 6 POUNDS IS AMAZING!! I am so proud of you. Please hold your chin high and be proud of what you have done. Once you start showing that inner strength and pride it will radiate from within you and people will notice that you are becoming a new woman. Love yourself.. for everything that you are. emoticon

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LINDAK25 5/23/2012 2:20PM

    It's hard when you don't like yourself, isn't it? I frequently feel that I'm not good enough. I am beginning to realize that it starts from within. You are here, at SparkPeople. This is step 1.

Ima is so right. Make it one of your goals to think positive thoughts, especially about yourself! I guess many people will tell you that positive thoughts are important and they are. As one of my friends says, "garbage in, garbage out!"

Make this weight loss journey a journey of discovery about you. Find out who you are, discover your strength, bring laughter, yes, laughter into your life. You can find all that here and more.


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IMAVISION 5/23/2012 1:59PM

    Sweet young Friend!

You are giving too much power to others by putting so much energy into what they do or don’t do, think or don’t think, say or don’t say, etc.

The choice of giving our power away gives as much satisfaction as banging one’s head against a brick wall would give. It is fruitless & only ends up hurting us.

When we remember that we are on this life-changing challenge path for ourselves, & definitely not for others, there is a sweet freedom of rejoicing in our successes no matter what we may perceive others to be thinking. Chances are they are so caught up in their own little worlds that they have no energy to spare giving us a second thought. And even if they are giving us thought we should wish to know their thoughts only when such thoughts would edify (inspire/nurture) our life walks.

Do not allow negative thoughts of any type to intrude into your thought process. It really is a choice you make to allow them into your world. When they first materialize push them away by a will of effort that only you can muster & immediately replace them with a positive truth about you.

This replacing of the lie of the negative with the truth of the positive takes practice & time; however, the benefits it produces are well worth that time. Think about it – why carry dark & burdensome lies around when you can have the pure joy of having light & beautiful truth with you instead?

God bless & keep you safe!


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Monday may 21st 2012

Monday, May 21, 2012

Last week was a rough week fro me. I was feeling very depressed and unmotivated. Some how i managed to lose 3 pounds which is good. That is the only good thing that happened to me. This weight loss journey that i am on is a very hard one. I am determined to make it and lose the weight i need to lose. I need to remeber to take things one day at a time and not to put added preasure on my self. Well here is a start of a new week. Lets hope this is a better one.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHRINK_U 5/22/2012 11:53PM

    I hope you have a great week! 3 lb loss is great!

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IMAVISION 5/21/2012 7:33PM

    Hey, Tanya!

Sweetie - we are going to have rough weeks - that is a given! However, the good news is that if we keep plugging along, doing the best we can at any moment in time, we will succeed.

Three pounds dropped in a week is a super good record. I am both happy for your success & proud of you for staying the course. Just think what this time next month will bring as you continue doing your level best.

Sometimes I find myself having to take this journey “one moment at a time” – it can be that much of a struggle to continue choosing to do what I know works for my body over old bad habits trying to re-entrench themselves in my days.

Precious young SP Friend, what I have learned, & have shared with others here at SP, is that the days are going to go by no matter what – so why not make them count (for the better) for the rest of our lives?

It does my heart good to see young folks determined to better their lives & not be waiting as this gal did. Of course, when I was your age, I didn’t have the wonderful support to be had that SP affords one.

Continue to count this EE Teammate as one who is rooting for your success, Tanya!

God bless you!


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KENTUCKYGIRL01 5/21/2012 7:09PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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May 14 2012

Monday, May 14, 2012

Good morning everyone I woke up today feel very low. I am not sure what is wrong with me i hd a good day yesterday with my family but for some reason today i am feeling very low and depressed. I am worried wether or not i will be able to reach my goals and lose 43 punds by the end of septmber. Maybe i shouldn't be concentrating so hard on the weight loss. Maybe i should just take things one at a time. i feel so alone. Tears are running down my face as i type this i just feel soo sad. emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JULIETTECAKE 5/20/2012 1:45PM

    I just found your blog today, as I wanted leave you a note of congrats on your awesome 3 pound loss. I saw your blog about being down. Could be that you are just feeling tired after a busy day with your family. I am hoping that your weight loss has lifted your spirits.

My SP friend Bear had an idea about making a list of indulgences, things that make you feel better, when you are down. I think it is a really good idea, as we all have times when we feel down. A couple of mine are random acts of kindness, a hot bath, walking in the sunshine, reading a book, a new haircut, gardening, new lipstick. I would like to try a mani/ pedi.

Also, focusing on your non-scale victories: your clothes fitting looser, having more energy, feeling stronger, finding new muscles you didn't know you had, exercising longer or walking farther.

Sometimes, I just feel so frustrated because although I have more energy, I can't go as far or fast as I think I should. But ultimately, what does it matter, as long as I enjoy what I am doing. There are so many truly amazing people here, they make me so many new possibilities for my own life. I would like to try some the different things people are doing. Some of them may not be for me, but I am going to enjoy each and every experience.

Hugs!!! I wish you joy and happiness on this journey you are on. You so definitely deserve it.


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CAPECODLIGHT 5/16/2012 2:41PM

    I'm sorry you are feeling so low. I think the previous poster had some very good advice. Also, maybe set some very short term goals so you can see how well you are doing. They should be do-able but challenging. For instance, if you are walking 15 minutes a day now, set a goal of 20 minutes a day for the next week. It feels great to look back and see you stuck to the plan. All of these little achievements add up to get you to where you want to go.
I hope you feel in better spirits soon.

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AMYTRIPP 5/14/2012 1:09PM

    I know you don't know me, but I"m giving you emoticon anyway.

There are days when we all feel like we should just give up, like we'll never get to where we want to be, but those feelings pass and we remember why we want to lose the weight.

Maybe instead of focusing on the scale, focus instead on how you feel. Notice when you feel energized after a workout. Keep track of how great it is to leave the table NOT feeling stuffed. Feel how good it is to move more comfortably, to have your clothes a little looser, to know that your body is getting healthier because of your choices.

And I'm taking one more *hug* because I'm sneaky that way. *nods*

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