SUNSHINE65   58,167
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Thursday, July 26, 2012

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.

"But officer." the man began, "I can explain,".

"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back..."

"But officer, I just wanted to say...."

"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."

"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ATLTRAINR 7/28/2012 6:41AM

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MISSDAISY23 7/27/2012 11:19PM

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BARCLE 7/27/2012 6:14PM

    Oooops emoticon

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CJSARGENT1 7/27/2012 3:53PM

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ALICERIEGER 7/27/2012 9:32AM

    Oh Dear

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MITECU 7/27/2012 8:23AM

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ALICIA214 7/27/2012 12:15AM

 

That is funny. Thank you for sharing, I enjoyed a good laugh.

emoticon

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FDIXIE 7/26/2012 11:34PM

    Funny!

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SOCDIRECTOR 7/26/2012 11:25PM

    emoticon
Very cute!

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Watch it...watch it...watch it...!

Thursday, July 26, 2012

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zwn1Ho60xaI

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NAYPOOIE 7/26/2012 8:20PM

    Nice!

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MISSDAISY23 7/26/2012 12:10PM

    emoticon

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REXTINE1 7/26/2012 9:41AM

    Neat!

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ALICERIEGER 7/26/2012 9:41AM

    Nice

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CJSARGENT1 7/26/2012 9:41AM

    emoticon

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BEARGODDESS 7/26/2012 9:05AM

    AAAaaaahhh!!! That was great!! The cubs are so cute! emoticon emoticon

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ATLTRAINR 7/26/2012 5:15AM

    Great save!

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WILSON425 7/26/2012 1:41AM

    That was so cute.

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TAMPATINK67 7/26/2012 1:14AM

    How Awesome!!!! emoticon

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Central vacuum

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

While attending an open house, my wife was taken with the home's modern features, especially the central vacuum system installed within the walls. But she had a practical question: "What do you do when all the walls fill up?"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MISSDAISY23 7/26/2012 8:50PM

    emoticon

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REXTINE1 7/25/2012 2:23PM

    Very funny. The BW's father was a merchant of the central vacuum systems. He sold them and installed them. She really liked them, but we don't have one here.

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NAYPOOIE 7/25/2012 12:26PM

    Then you have insulation!

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TISTEN23 7/25/2012 11:18AM

    LOL I have always been curious about those!!!

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BEARGODDESS 7/25/2012 10:05AM

    I've wondered that myself! emoticon

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AZURELITE 7/25/2012 8:09AM

    Talk about a good 'clean' joke LOL!

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ALICERIEGER 7/25/2012 7:13AM

    Good question!

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ATLTRAINR 7/25/2012 5:06AM

    emoticon blonde wife?

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A clear message...

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

A few years ago the battery in my beat-up VW Beetle had died because I left the lights on overnight. I was in a hurry to get to work on time so I ran into the house to get my wife to give me a hand to start the car. I told her to get into our second car, a prehistoric oversized gas guzzler, and use it to push my car fast enough to start it. I pointed out to her that because the VW had an automatic transmission, it needed to be pushed at least 20mph for it to start.

She said fine, hopped into her car and drove off.

I sat there fuming wondering what she could be doing.

A minute passed by and when I saw her in the rear-view mirror coming at me at about 30 mph, I realized that I should have been a bit clearer with my directions...

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALICERIEGER 7/26/2012 9:38AM

    communicatio!

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MISSDAISY23 7/25/2012 9:44PM

    emoticon

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REDRUDY5 7/25/2012 4:59PM

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MITECU 7/25/2012 10:17AM

    Oh my!

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BEARGODDESS 7/25/2012 10:06AM

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CJSARGENT1 7/25/2012 9:58AM

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FELINA 7/25/2012 9:37AM

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Good one !

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ATLTRAINR 7/25/2012 5:07AM

    emoticon

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BARCLE 7/25/2012 3:27AM

    I laughed out loud at that one - what a classic! emoticon

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Actual epitaphs from real tombstones:

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:
Anna Wallace
The children of Israel wanted bread
And the Lord sent them manna,
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.

Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:
Here lies
Johnny Yeast
Pardon me
For not rising.

Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery:
Here lies the body
of Jonathan Blake
Stepped on the gas
Instead of the brake.

Anonymous in Stowe, Vermont:
I was somebody.
Who, is no business
Of yours.

In a Georgia cemetery:
"I told you I was sick!"

Margaret Daniels grave at Hollywood Cemetery, Richmond, Virginia:
She always said her feet were killing her
but nobody believed her.

Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont:
Here lies the body of our Anna
Done to death by a banana
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low
But the skin of the thing that made her go.

Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:
Born 1903--Died 1942
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if
the car was on the way down.
It was.

In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:
Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up
And no place to go.

And, Dr. Fred Roberts, Brookland, Arkansas:
Office upstairs

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BAYBERRYBEAR 7/26/2012 12:10AM

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ALICERIEGER 7/25/2012 7:12AM

    Great exit lines

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FITANDFIFTY2 7/24/2012 6:37PM

    Oh I loved these!! Thank you!! emoticon

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CJSARGENT1 7/24/2012 6:20PM

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SCOOTDOG 7/24/2012 12:58PM

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SASIKHASI1 7/24/2012 12:42PM

    Love these.

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ALIHIKES 7/24/2012 12:27PM

    Very funny, thanks for sharing!

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REXTINE1 7/24/2012 10:50AM

    They're all cute.

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GEORGIA1236 7/24/2012 10:40AM

    And in Little Compton RI on the grave of a prominate retired Yankee soldier:

Grave on left: Here lies Elizabeth, wife of ___________
His Grave ______________________
Grave on his right: Here lies Sarah who should have been his wife.

Name w/h to protect the inncocent! Rofl (This really exists!)

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MITECU 7/24/2012 9:57AM

    A funny way to start my day.
Love the atheist one.

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BEARGODDESS 7/24/2012 9:45AM

    emoticon

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HELEN_BRU 7/24/2012 8:39AM

    Loved those!

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ATLTRAINR 7/24/2012 4:34AM

    emoticon

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EZRIN101 7/24/2012 1:13AM

    emoticon I'll get to work now thinking of what should go on mine!

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