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Bus Driver

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Did you all get this right? YOU are the bus driver, so the color of the driver's eyes are the color of YOUR eyes!



Q: You’re a bus driver. At the first stop 4 people get on. At the second stop 8 people on, at the third stop 2 people get off and, at the forth stop everyone got off. The question is what color are the bus driver's eyes?

A: _____________

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CJSARGENT1 7/22/2012 9:31AM

    emoticon

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OCTOBERBORN 7/21/2012 3:34PM

    Heard it slightly different, Instead of what color are the busdriver's eyes it was what is the busdriver's name. Cute anyway you play it.


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ALICERIEGER 7/21/2012 10:23AM

    I missed it. I need to pay more attention to what I read.

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L*I*T*A* 7/21/2012 9:09AM

    emoticon

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A Child's Book Report on the Entire Bible

Thursday, July 19, 2012

In the beginning, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one,’ but I think he must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did. Then God made the world.

He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden. Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.

Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel. Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.

One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would take a rain check.

After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable. God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti.

Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff. Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.

One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.

After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.

After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed upon the shore. There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of the New Testament. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. I wish I had been born in a barn, too, because my mom is always saying to me, “Close the door! Were you born in a barn?” It would be nice to say yes.

During his life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Democrats. Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.

Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount. But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.

Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven, but he will be back at the end of the Aluminum.

His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.


Read more: http://www.beliefnet.com/Entertainment/Jok
e-of-the-Day/Daily-Joke.aspx#ixzz212ks
4vHG

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HELEN_BRU 7/21/2012 7:17AM

    Cute

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REXTINE1 7/20/2012 3:01PM

    emoticon

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L*I*T*A* 7/19/2012 10:31PM

    emoticon emoticon

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SCOOTDOG 7/19/2012 5:15PM

    emoticongood one

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NAYPOOIE 7/19/2012 12:30PM

    Priceless.

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MISSDAISY23 7/19/2012 12:20PM

    Cute! emoticon

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ALICERIEGER 7/19/2012 10:38AM

    Good review

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CJSARGENT1 7/19/2012 9:43AM

    emoticon

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HELEN_BRU 7/19/2012 8:10AM

    Hadn't heard this one before. Laughed myself silly! emoticon

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SASIKHASI1 7/19/2012 1:36AM

    If you want honesty, just ask a kid.

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Bus Driver

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Q: You’re a bus driver. At the first stop 4 people get on. At the second stop 8 people on, at the third stop 2 people get off and, at the forth stop everyone got off. The question is what color are the bus driver's eyes?

A: _____________

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALICERIEGER 7/20/2012 9:16AM

    Good question

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ELIZACG9 7/19/2012 5:34PM

    brown

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SCOOTDOG 7/19/2012 5:20PM

    Depends if I'm in a good mood they're blue, bad mood they're gray. That's according to both my kids. So they always knew when to leave me alone.

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AQUAGIRL08 7/19/2012 1:56PM

    If I don't know the color of my own eyes, then I shouldn't be driving! LOL Thanks for the smile!

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MISSDAISY23 7/19/2012 12:02PM

    emoticon

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BETTER THAN GUN CONTROL...

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Gun Control?

Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost $5,000. Because if a bullet cost $5,000, we wouldn't have any innocent bystanders. That'd be it. Every time someone gets shot, people will be like, ''Darn, he must have did something. Shoot, they put $20,000 worth of bullets in his butt.''

People would think before they killed somebody, if a bullet cost $5,000.

''Man, l would blow your freaking head off, if l could afford it. l'm gonna get me another job, l'm gonna start saving some money, and you're a dead man! You better hope l can't get no bullets on layaway.''

So even if you get shot by a stray bullet, you won't have to go to no doctor to get it taken out. Whoever shot you would take their bullet back. ''l believe you got my property.''

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALICERIEGER 7/21/2012 10:21AM

    That just might happen

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AQUAGIRL08 7/19/2012 1:55PM

    Interesting idea!

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CJSARGENT1 7/19/2012 9:45AM

    emoticon

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SASIKHASI1 7/19/2012 1:38AM

    If that were the case, I would be very wealthy, cause I own a lot of bullets.

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THESLIMMERME1 7/19/2012 1:31AM

    A neat concept!

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Some thoughts...or not!

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Getting back together with an old boyfriend is pathetic. It's like having a garage sale and buying your own stuff back.

***

I wouldn't want to fly Virgin. Who'd want to fly an airline that doesn't go all the way?

***

My girlfriend likes to role-play. For the past five years, she's been playing my ex-girlfriend.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALICERIEGER 7/20/2012 9:14AM

    Thanks for the chuckle

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EGALITAIRE 7/18/2012 2:26PM

    Those are fun

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NAYPOOIE 7/18/2012 2:04PM

    Good ones!

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REXTINE1 7/18/2012 1:52PM

    All good quotes.

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BUDDYSMYFRIEND 7/18/2012 1:48PM

    Giggle!! emoticon

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MISSDAISY23 7/18/2012 12:49PM

    emoticon

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SCOOTDOG 7/18/2012 10:51AM

    emoticonNice to hear some new ones.

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FELINA 7/18/2012 10:48AM

    emoticon
Very funny !

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HELEN_BRU 7/18/2012 8:47AM

    Loved these! Hadn't heard them before. emoticon

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GHOSTFLAMES 7/18/2012 4:44AM

    LOL ONE DAY AND ONE STEP AT A TIME WE WILL DO THIS WE ARE WORTH IT,
REMEMBER TO TRACK DAILY YOUR FOOD AND FITNESS TO BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE.
WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU IF YOU NEED ANYTHING AT ALL JUST ASK. TAKE CARE AND GOOD LUCK ON YOUR SPARK JOURNEY.

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