Excuse for Speeding

Thursday, July 12, 2012

This Middle aged man was going through his mid-life crisis so he went out and bought him a new bright red BMW. So he decided to take his new BMW on a test drive down the interstate one day.

He got up to about 85 mph and all of a sudden he saw this highway patrolman with his blue lights and siren blaring coming toward him. He decided he and his new BMW would outrun the officer. So the man sped up to 95 mph,and then to 105 mph, but the patrolman was still coming.

The man finally came to his senses and said to himself, "This is crazy, I could go to jail for this," so he pulled over.

The patrolman came to the car and told the man, "It has been a long day and I am tired. If you can give me an excuse no one else has ever given me I will let you go."

So the man told the officer, "Last night my wife ran off with a patrolman and when I seen you chasing me I thought you were trying to bring her back."

The officer looked at the man and said, "Have a nice day."

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MISSDAISY23 7/13/2012 10:41AM

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SCOOTDOG 7/12/2012 4:01PM

good one Report Inappropriate Comment

MI-ELLKAYBEE 7/12/2012 1:20PM

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REXTINE1 7/12/2012 10:32AM

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FELINA 7/12/2012 9:51AM

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ALICERIEGER 7/12/2012 9:10AM

quick thinking! Report Inappropriate Comment

ATLTRAINR 7/12/2012 5:22AM

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EBONYSOL 7/12/2012 4:20AM

Good one! rofl Report Inappropriate Comment

JERILYN1952 7/12/2012 2:51AM

You little stories make me laugh. Don't stop! Report Inappropriate Comment

MAMAWALMART 7/12/2012 2:14AM

Another great one Report Inappropriate Comment

Wife's Last Words

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Tina was on her deathbed, with her husband Mike at her side. He held her cold hand as silent tears streamed down his face.

"Mike," she said weakly.

"Hush my darling," he interrupted, "don't talk, save your strength."

But she insisted, "Mike, before I die, there's something that I have to confess."

"There is nothing to confess," said the weeping husband. "It's all right. Everything's all right."

"No, no. I must die in peace. I must confess that I have been unfaithful to you."

He stroked her hand, "Now, Tina, don't be concerned. I know all about it."

"You do?" she gasped.

"Sure darling, why else would I poison you?"

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALICERIEGER 7/16/2012 10:18AM

Oops Report Inappropriate Comment

MISSDAISY23 7/13/2012 10:39AM

oh.. Comment edited on: 7/13/2012 10:39:58 AM Report Inappropriate Comment

REDRUDY5 7/12/2012 12:24PM

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DIDMIS 7/12/2012 7:35AM

Not so good. Report Inappropriate Comment

ATLTRAINR 7/12/2012 5:23AM

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MAMAWALMART 7/12/2012 2:15AM

Ouch! Still funny though LOL Report Inappropriate Comment

Preacher's Wish from God

Thursday, July 12, 2012

A preacher went into his church and he was praying to God.

While he was praying, he asked God, "How long is 10 million years to you?"

God replied, "One second."

The next day the preacher asked God, "God, how much is 10 million dollars to you?"

And God replied, "A penny."

Then finally the next day the preacher asked God, "God, can I have one of your pennies?"

And God replied, "Just wait a sec."

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MISSDAISY23 7/13/2012 10:00AM

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ALICERIEGER 7/12/2012 9:12AM

Love it! Report Inappropriate Comment

DIDMIS 7/12/2012 7:33AM

That is funny. It put a on my face. Report Inappropriate Comment

MAMAWALMART 7/12/2012 2:12AM

I love it! Report Inappropriate Comment

Method of Eating Oreos

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Psychologists have discovered that the manner in which people eat Oreo cookies provides great insight into their personalities. Choose which method best describes your favorite method of eating Oreos:

1. The whole thing all at once.

2. One bite at a time

3. Slow and methodical nibbles examining the results of each bite afterwards.

4. In little feverous nibbles.

5. Dunked in some liquid (milk, coffee...).

6. Twisted apart, the inside, then the cookie.

7. Twisted apart, the inside, and toss the cookie.

8. Just the cookie, not the inside.

9. I just like to lick them, not eat them.

10.I don't have a favorite way because I don't like Oreos.



Your Personality:

1. The whole thing:

This means you consume life with abandon, you are fun to be with, exciting, carefree with some hint of recklessness. You are totally irresponsible. No one should trust you with his or her children.

2. One bite at a time:

You are lucky to be one of the 5.4 billion other people who eat their Oreos this very same way. Just like them, you lack imagination, but that's okay, not to worry, you're normal.

3. Slow and Methodical:

You follow the rules. You're very tidy and orderly. You're very meticulous in every detail with every thing you do to the point of being anal retentive and irritating to others. Stay out of the fast lane if you're only going to go the speed limit.

4. Feverous Nibbles:

Your boss likes you because you get your work done quickly. You always have a million things to do and never enough time to do them. Mental breakdowns and suicides run in your family. Valium and Ritalin would do you good.

5. Dunked:

Every one likes you because you are always up beat. You like to sugar coat unpleasant experiences and rationalize bad situations into good ones. You are in total denial about the shambles you call a life. You have a propensity towards narcotic addiction.

6. Twisted apart, the inside, and then the cookie:

You have a highly curious nature. You take pleasure in breaking things apart to find out how they work, though not always able to put them back together, so you destroy all the evidence of your activities. You deny your involvement when things go wrong. You are a compulsive liar and exhibit deviant, if not criminal, behavior.

7. Twisted apart, the inside, and then toss the cookie:

You are good at business and take risk that pay off. You take what you want and throw the rest away. You are greedy, selfish, mean, and lack feelings for others. You should be ashamed of yourself. But that's ok, you don't care, you got yours.

8. Just the cookie, not the inside:

You enjoy pain.

9. I just like to lick them, not eat them:

Stay away from small furry animals and seek professional medical help - immediately.

10. I don't have a favorite way, I don't like Oreos:

You probably come from a rich family, and like to wear nice things, and go to upscale restaurants. You are particular and fussy about the things you buy, own, and wear. Things have to be just right. You like to be pampered. You are a prissy.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ATLTRAINR 7/12/2012 5:26AM

Very accurate! Report Inappropriate Comment

EZRIN101 7/12/2012 3:10AM

Haha I read mine and it was hilarious!!!! Report Inappropriate Comment

MAMAWALMART 7/12/2012 2:18AM

WOW so accurate Report Inappropriate Comment

REXTINE1 7/11/2012 5:30PM

There aren't any good answers. Report Inappropriate Comment

BUDDYSMYFRIEND 7/11/2012 3:21PM

Wow, it's uncanny how accurate this is! I often DO exhibit deviant, even criminal behavior! Report Inappropriate Comment

CTUPTON 7/11/2012 2:55PM

Thanks for posting this! Chris Report Inappropriate Comment

BLKLILY 7/11/2012 2:53PM

cute Report Inappropriate Comment

MISSDAISY23 7/11/2012 2:07PM

Interesting... mine would be 10 but I do not come from a rich family... I do like to wear nice things in my younger days and go to upscale restaurants (also in the past as I cannot afford it now) ... I am a particular and fussy person about what I buy, own or wear... Things have to be just right... I do like to be pampered... You are a prissy! Comment edited on: 7/11/2012 2:13:29 PM Report Inappropriate Comment

MRSVK11 7/11/2012 1:37PM

You are a compulsive liar and exhibit deviant, if not criminal, behavior. ...LOL how did you know...LOL I couldn't find a emoticon with jail bars...go figure Report Inappropriate Comment

SCOOTDOG 7/11/2012 12:59PM

#10 Certainly not from a rich family - just plain old farmers, wear jeans and tees limited # of "dress" outfits in my closet favorite places to eat Applebee's and Steak 'n Shake definitely not prissy Report Inappropriate Comment

FELINA 7/11/2012 10:49AM

My method isn't listed - twist apart, eat one cookie plain then the second one with the frosting. Report Inappropriate Comment

ALICERIEGER 7/11/2012 9:54AM

Boring - Darn! Report Inappropriate Comment

ASHLEIGH_BRIANA 7/11/2012 2:38AM

Mine was completely inaccurate, but it was fun nonetheless! Report Inappropriate Comment

Class System...

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Sitting in the first row of coach class during a lengthy flight, my wife and I were able to hear a flight attendant as he pushed a wine cart down the aisle in the first-class section. "Would you care for chardonnay or burgundy?" he asked the high-paying passengers.

A few minutes later the attendant opened the curtain between the two sections, offered wine to one final first-class patron, then wheeled the same cart forward to our aisle. "Excuse me," he said, looking down at us, "would you care for a glass of wine? We have white and red."

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

4EVRYOUNG 7/12/2012 7:03PM

Consider the absolutely ridiculous cost of first class the can have their Chardonnay and Burgundy. I'm leaving for 2 wks in Italy in Sept. My cousin upgraded her economy seats with her Amex points. I had enough Amex points to pay for m airfare. I'd rather fly free. For what the charge for round trip first class to Rome you could put a kid thru a year of college. *I'm not bitter because she'll be in first while I'm in economy. At least I won't be spoiled for my next long distance flight. Report Inappropriate Comment

CTUPTON 7/11/2012 2:57PM

Discrimination! Discrimination! Sue! Report Inappropriate Comment

MISSDAISY23 7/11/2012 2:07PM

Like we are not educated just because we fly economy class! Report Inappropriate Comment

SASIKHASI1 7/10/2012 3:09PM

Are we stupid just because we choose to save money. Report Inappropriate Comment

MYREALANA 7/10/2012 2:47PM

We were upgraded to first class on our recent flight out to Cancun. Leather seats with more than enough leg room and adjustable head rests. Complimentary beverages, meals, snacks and a dedicated flight attendant. She even arranged for my 9-year-old to visit with the pilot before take-off. It's the way to travel if you can get it. Report Inappropriate Comment

STUFFNEARTABOR 7/10/2012 11:12AM

Oh hooray for perceptions. It's like the difference between cow & beef - it tastes the same - shocking, right? Report Inappropriate Comment

MNJONES2 7/10/2012 11:11AM

Okay wait for this one - on my recent flights the first class passengers have shoulder straps with their seat belts. So the announcement came on "The captain has turned on the fasten your seat belts sign. First class passengers remember your shoulder strap." Nothing like telling us second class passengers to die die die Report Inappropriate Comment

RONNIEHUEY 7/10/2012 11:08AM

At least you got wine.We flew from Calif to North Carolina and were offered soda or water.No food.Went over 24 hours with no food.The last time I flew we were given a meal and snacks.Of course First class ate and we we could smell the food Report Inappropriate Comment