SUNSHINE65   66,913
SparkPoints
60,000-79,999 SparkPoints
 
 
SUNSHINE65's Recent Blog Entries

WARNING!!!!

Thursday, June 14, 2012

As scientists and concerned citizens, we applaud the recent trend towards legislation which requires the prominent placing of warnings on products that present hazards to the general public. Yet we must also offer the cautionary thought that such warnings, however well-intentioned, merely scratch the surface of what is really necessary in this important area. This is especially true in light of the findings of 20th century quantum physics.

We therefore propose that the following list of warnings appears on every product offered for sale in the United States.

WARNING: This Product Warps Space and Time in Its Vicinity.

CAUTION: The Mass of This Product Contains the Energy Equivalent of 85 Million Tons of TNT per Net Ounce of Weight.

HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE: This Product Contains Minute Electrically Charged Particles Moving at Velocities in Excess of Five Hundred Million Miles Per Hour.

CONSUMER NOTICE: Because of the "Uncertainty Principle," It Is Impossible for the Consumer to Find Out at the Same Time Both Precisely Where This Product Is and How Fast It Is Moving. (Note: This one is optional on the grounds that Heisenburg was never quite sure that his principle was correct)

ADVISORY: There is an Extremely Small but Nonzero Chance That, Through a Process Know as "Tunneling," This Product May Spontaneously Disappear from Its Present Location and Reappear at Any Random Place in the Universe, Including Your Neighbor's Domicile. The Manufacturer Will Not Be Responsible for Damages or Inconvenience That May Result.

ATTENTION: Despite Any Other Listing of Product Contents Found Hereon, the Consumer is Advised That, in Actuality, This Product Consists Of 99.999999999% Empty Space.

PLEASE NOTE: Some Quantum Physics Theories Suggest That When the Consumer Is Not Directly Observing This Product, It May Cease to Exist or Will Exist Only in a Vague and Undetermined State.

HEALTH WARNING: Care Should Be Taken When Lifting This Product, Since Its Mass, and Thus Its Weight, Is Dependent on Its Velocity Relative to the User.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GARDENQE2 6/16/2012 12:33PM

    HEE! HEE!

I have a package of weed killer with long and complicated directiions. They end with this warning: If you are unable to read these directions, do not use this product!
emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
IDLETYME 6/16/2012 9:57AM

    You need to be a scientist to understand what they are saying!! emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ALICERIEGER 6/15/2012 10:38AM

    What would we do without science.

Report Inappropriate Comment


AGE BAROMETER

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Total the number of these that you remember:

1. Blackjack chewing gum
2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water
3. Candy cigarettes
4. Soda pop machines that dispensed bottles
5. Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes
6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
7. Party lines
8. Newsreels before the movie
9. P.F. Flyers
10. Butch wax
11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (Olive - 6933)
12. Peashooters
13. Howdy Doody
14. 45 RPM records
15. S&H Green Stamps
16. Hi-fi's
17. Metal ice trays with levers
18. Mimeograph paper
19. Blue flashbulbs
20. Beanie and Cecil
21. Roller skate keys
22. Cork popguns
23. Drive-ins
24. Studebakers
25. Wash tub wringers

If you remembered 0-5 You're still young.

If you remembered 6-10 You are getting older.

If you remembered 11-15 Don't tell your age.

If you remembered 16-25 You're older than dirt!.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRANDMA624 6/15/2012 10:28AM

  I remember all. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
BUDDYSMYFRIEND 6/14/2012 3:41PM

    Well, I remember 'm all, so I guess I'm officially older than dirt. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
NAYPOOIE 6/14/2012 1:08PM

    We still have a drive-in here.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ALICERIEGER 6/14/2012 10:31AM

    Guess I'm older than dirt,

Report Inappropriate Comment
BEARGODDESS 6/14/2012 10:20AM

    AAAAaaaaahhhhh!! I remember all of those. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


Transportation in Heaven

Thursday, June 14, 2012

And it came to pass that an angel came up to three newly-dead men and said - "You are all to be allocated a method for transportation around heaven. You will be judged on your past deeds, and will have your transport chosen accordingly."

The angel looked at the first guy, Dave, and said- "You, Dave, were a bad man in life. You cheated on your wife four times! For this, you will drive around Heaven in an old beat-up Dodge."

The angel next looked at the second guy, Jon, and said- "You were not as sinful, but you still cheated on your wife twice. For this, you will forever travel around heaven in a Toyota station wagon."

The angel finally looked at our hero, Sam, and said- "You, Sam, have set a fine example. You did not have sex until after marriage, and you never cheated on your wife. For this, you will forever travel through heaven in a Ferrari."

A short time later, Jon and Dave pulled up in their cars next to Sam's Ferrari. There he is, sitting on the bonnet, his head in his hands, crying.

"What's wrong, Sam?" they asked. "You got the Ferrari! You're set forever! Why so down?"

Sam looked up, ever so slowly opened his mouth, and said, "I just saw my wife go by on a skateboard."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IDLETYME 6/16/2012 9:59AM

    That's sooo funny! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ALICERIEGER 6/14/2012 10:35AM

    Oh dear!

Report Inappropriate Comment
BEARGODDESS 6/14/2012 10:21AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
LATTELEE 6/14/2012 1:17AM

  Funny!

Report Inappropriate Comment


Daffynitions

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

ASSASSINATE: A hired killer finished lunch
COFFEE: Break fluid
NEUROSIS: Fresh flowers
CONSULTANT: Ask your motherís sister for advice
NAUGHTY: Water, coke, or milk
WITHDRAWAL: How people in Texas talk
SHOTGUN WEDDING: A case of wife or death
ARGUMENT: A discussion that occurs when youíre right but your opponent just hasnít realized it yet.
PATIENCE: The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children.
JURY: A group chosen to decide who has the best lawyer.
EXPERIENCE: Recognizing a mistake when youíve made it once again.
ADMIRATION: Our polite recognition of anotherís resemblance to ourselves.
DRUG: A substance that, when injected into a rat, produces a scientific paper.
JUSTICE: A decision in your favor.
LAWYER: The larval stage of politicians.
LIBERAL: Too poor to be a capitalist, too rich to be a Communist.
PARANOID: Someone who just figured out whatís going on.
POLITICALLY CORRECT: Always having to say youíre sorry.
LOGIC: The art of being wrong with confidence.
MAINTENANCE FREE: Impossible to fix.
COMPUTER: A device designed to speed up and automate errors.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BOO-SHAY 6/14/2012 1:46AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


Good Speller

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Everyone knows I'm a stickler for good spelling. So, when an associate e-mailed technical documents asking me to "decifer" them, I had to set him straight.

I wrote, "Decipher is spelled with a ph, not an f. In case you've forgotten, spell checker comes free with your software."

A minute later, I got this reply, "Mine must be dephective."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BUDDYSMYFRIEND 6/13/2012 1:57PM

    Thanks for sharing. Too cute!

Report Inappropriate Comment
BAMAJAM 6/13/2012 1:54PM

  That is really cute! lol

Once I applied for a job and was given a sheet of paper, a test of Grammar.

The heading at the top in large print was --- "GRAMMER TEST"

(No, I did not tell them of the error, but I wish I had circled that word in RED) haha

Report Inappropriate Comment
BEARGODDESS 6/13/2012 10:00AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
RANDOM00B 6/13/2012 9:15AM

    Oh good lord emoticon! Thanks for the laugh this morning.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ALICERIEGER 6/13/2012 4:03AM

    He must have the same program that I have.

Report Inappropriate Comment


First Page  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 Last Page