SUNSHINE65   67,406
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SUNSHINE65's Recent Blog Entries

Helping an Overweight Blonde

Sunday, June 03, 2012

An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty pounds.

The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the pesky twenty pounds. She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results.

At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question: "How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALICERIEGER 6/4/2012 10:40AM

    Thanks

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RANDOM00B 6/3/2012 10:46AM

    emoticon Thanks much for the joke!

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GRANDMA624 6/3/2012 10:29AM

  I guess that's why I don't run. emoticon emoticon

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BEARGODDESS 6/3/2012 6:55AM

    emoticon

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BARCLE 6/3/2012 1:11AM

    lol - that was funny emoticon

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SMILES650 6/3/2012 12:29AM

  Brilliant! .......thanks so much for sharing. emoticon

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Ashes to ashes

Saturday, June 02, 2012

A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks, and as he's standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up, and as he's looking at it, she walks back in. He says "What's this?"

She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there."

He goes, "Geez...oooh....I..."

She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRANDMA624 6/7/2012 8:48AM

  emoticon emoticon

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ALICERIEGER 6/3/2012 1:43PM

    Not what I expected.

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BEARGODDESS 6/3/2012 7:05AM

    emoticon emoticon

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ALICIA214 6/3/2012 12:10AM

 


Good one. Thanks for sharing emoticon

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HELEN_BRU 6/2/2012 11:54PM

    Love it!

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PATTOMMC3 6/2/2012 11:45PM

    funny!

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Mixed-up Metaphors

Friday, June 01, 2012

English professors love to catch the errors students make in their term papers, and they love nothing better than to catch mixed metaphors. The "friends and survivors" of Calvin College English department collected this list of mixed metaphors and posted them on their web site:

"He swept the rug under the carpet."
"She's burning the midnight oil at both ends."
"It was so cold last night I had to throw another blanket on the fire."
"It's time to step up to the plate and cut the mustard."
"She's robbing Peter to pay the piper."
"He's up a tree without a paddle."
"Beware my friend...you are skating on hot water."
"Keep your ear to the grindstone."
"Sometimes you've gotta stick your neck out on a limb."
"Some people sail through life on a bed of roses like a knife slicing through butter."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_CYNDY55_ 6/4/2012 1:08AM

    emoticon
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GRANDMA624 6/2/2012 7:45AM

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CJSARGENT1 6/1/2012 7:11PM

    emoticon

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REDRUDY5 6/1/2012 4:55PM

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ALICERIEGER 6/1/2012 12:19PM

    fun

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NAYPOOIE 6/1/2012 11:46AM

    LOL

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LONGLIGHT 6/1/2012 8:30AM

    Those made me smile, especially the skating on hot water one. Thanks for that.

Comment edited on: 6/1/2012 8:31:06 AM

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TWEETYKC00 6/1/2012 5:04AM

    Cute.

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BEARGODDESS 6/1/2012 12:54AM

    I may be sticking my neck out on a limb here........but that was funny! emoticon

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Just checking

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

One snowy evening my brother, a regional police officer, stopped a car at a roadside check for drunk drivers. "Good evening, ma'am," he greeted the lady. "How are you this evening?"

"Fine, thank you," she replied.

My brother continued, "Anything to drink this evening?"

Surprised, the lady answered, "Uh...no, thank you."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRANDMA624 5/30/2012 10:30AM

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ALICERIEGER 5/30/2012 7:59AM

    Good one!

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HELEN_BRU 5/30/2012 1:02AM

    emoticon

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Beefing up my efforts at fitness with affirmations..

Monday, May 28, 2012

1. I phrase my affirmations in the here and now: [I am craving healthy nutritious food], so my subconscious knows this is what I want right now.
2. I use the first person, and add my name: [I, Sunshine65, love the way my body feels when I do my exercises]. I use phrases like: I am... I can... I have... I choose...
3. I limit how many affirmations [1 or 2] at a time so they can have more power to work with my subconscious.
4. I repeat them a LOT. I write them out 15 or more times every morning and night. At the mirror I say them looking at myself and using a YOU statement [You have a healthy, sensuous, fit body]. When a negative thought attacks me I use it as a trigger to say my affirmations [with a smile on my face that says I mean it!]. I belt them out like a song in the shower.Sometimes I record them on a disc and play them in my car to and from work. I leave room on the disc to repeat them. Lately I've been putting them on my iPod.
5. When I have doubts I write them out. Then I turn them around into positive statements: ["I'll never get through this plateau" becomes "I am falling off the edge of the plateau dropping off pounds again"].
6. I rev up the pictures of me in my brain living the life my affirmations want. I make it so vivid I can feel it in my body! I create emotions of joy in this and revel in them!
7. I make this whole process a fun game. Every effort at affirmations and the goals they describe seems like points in my game. What a blast!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AZURELITE 5/31/2012 7:05AM

    Very helpful ideas! Thanks for sharing!

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ALICERIEGER 5/29/2012 12:20PM

    Wonerful ideas. Things we all can do.

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ROSALIEESTHER 5/29/2012 8:15AM

    I LOVE this blog! Thank you for all the simple useful tips. I'm copying them out to use. emoticon

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MISSUSRIVERRAT 5/29/2012 6:17AM

    Excellent ideas. Thanks for the practical suggestions to make positive thinking a bigger part of our lives.

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BAYBERRYBEAR 5/29/2012 1:13AM

    emoticon

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SASIKHASI1 5/29/2012 1:07AM

    And when you get up in the morning, look at yourself in the mirror and say "Baby you look hot" That just gets your day started out right.

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BEARGODDESS 5/28/2012 11:58PM

    What a good idea! Along with earning Spark points, we can also earn our own affirmation points at home. How many negative feelings can I smite today with an affirmation? I love it! Great tips for how to do it too.



emoticon emoticon

Lynn

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