SUNSHINE65   56,370
SparkPoints
50,000-59,999 SparkPoints
 
 
SUNSHINE65's Recent Blog Entries

New Dad

Monday, June 04, 2012

One day, shortly after the birth of their new baby, the mother had to go out to do some errands, so the proud father stayed home to watch his wonderful new son.

Soon after the mother left, the baby started to cry. The father did everything he could think of, but the baby just wouldn't stop crying. Finally, the dad got so worried he decided to take the infant to the doctor.

After the doctor listened to all the father had done to get the baby to stop crying, the doctor began to examine the baby's ears, chest and then down to the diaper area. When he opened the diaper, he found was indeed full.

"Here's the problem," the doctor explained. "He just needs to be changed."

The perplexed father remarked, "But the diaper package specifically says it's good for up to 10 pounds!"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALICERIEGER 6/4/2012 10:38AM

    Wow

Report Inappropriate Comment
BEARGODDESS 6/4/2012 8:52AM

    EEEeeeewwww!! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


Newly Issued Alcohol Warnings

Sunday, June 03, 2012

The American Board of Health has proposed that warning signs be placed on all alcohol bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible peril of drinking a pint or two of any alcoholic beverage.

1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with a breath that could knock a buzzard off a wreaking dead animal that is one hundred yards away.

2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.

3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to assault you

4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you really think of him.

6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.

7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Psycho Bob.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SKMINNY 6/4/2012 11:18AM

    and another warning: washs eye goin toooo fassss osifer?

Comment edited on: 6/4/2012 11:18:41 AM

Report Inappropriate Comment
ALICERIEGER 6/3/2012 1:42PM

    Love the warnings.

Report Inappropriate Comment
RANDOM00B 6/3/2012 10:44AM

    I don't drink at all, but this just made me LOL, emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GRANDMA624 6/3/2012 10:26AM

  That's why I don't drink much anymore. No. 2 on the list was enough for me. emoticon I thought I could do the limbo. Could not go tooo low emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
BEARGODDESS 6/3/2012 6:53AM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GRANDMA_SANDY48 6/3/2012 12:54AM

    emoticon emoticon
Very good!

Report Inappropriate Comment
_CYNDY55_ 6/3/2012 12:52AM

    emoticon emoticon
Glad to have stopped drinking alcohol 5 years ago emoticon emoticon
Hahahahaha.....no more saying "thish" Ahahahaha-----!!!!!
emoticon
Very Cool
emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


Helping an Overweight Blonde

Sunday, June 03, 2012

An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty pounds.

The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the pesky twenty pounds. She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results.

At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question: "How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALICERIEGER 6/4/2012 10:40AM

    Thanks

Report Inappropriate Comment
RANDOM00B 6/3/2012 10:46AM

    emoticon Thanks much for the joke!

Report Inappropriate Comment
GRANDMA624 6/3/2012 10:29AM

  I guess that's why I don't run. emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
BEARGODDESS 6/3/2012 6:55AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
BARCLE 6/3/2012 1:11AM

    lol - that was funny emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SMILES650 6/3/2012 12:29AM

  Brilliant! .......thanks so much for sharing. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


Ashes to ashes

Saturday, June 02, 2012

A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks, and as he's standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up, and as he's looking at it, she walks back in. He says "What's this?"

She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there."

He goes, "Geez...oooh....I..."

She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRANDMA624 6/7/2012 8:48AM

  emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ALICERIEGER 6/3/2012 1:43PM

    Not what I expected.

Report Inappropriate Comment
BEARGODDESS 6/3/2012 7:05AM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ALICIA214 6/3/2012 12:10AM

 


Good one. Thanks for sharing emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
HELEN_BRU 6/2/2012 11:54PM

    Love it!

Report Inappropriate Comment
PATTOMMC3 6/2/2012 11:45PM

    funny!

Report Inappropriate Comment


Mixed-up Metaphors

Friday, June 01, 2012

English professors love to catch the errors students make in their term papers, and they love nothing better than to catch mixed metaphors. The "friends and survivors" of Calvin College English department collected this list of mixed metaphors and posted them on their web site:

"He swept the rug under the carpet."
"She's burning the midnight oil at both ends."
"It was so cold last night I had to throw another blanket on the fire."
"It's time to step up to the plate and cut the mustard."
"She's robbing Peter to pay the piper."
"He's up a tree without a paddle."
"Beware my friend...you are skating on hot water."
"Keep your ear to the grindstone."
"Sometimes you've gotta stick your neck out on a limb."
"Some people sail through life on a bed of roses like a knife slicing through butter."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_CYNDY55_ 6/4/2012 1:08AM

    emoticon
emoticon emoticon
emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GRANDMA624 6/2/2012 7:45AM

  emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CJSARGENT1 6/1/2012 7:11PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
REDRUDY5 6/1/2012 4:55PM

  emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ALICERIEGER 6/1/2012 12:19PM

    fun

Report Inappropriate Comment
NAYPOOIE 6/1/2012 11:46AM

    LOL

Report Inappropriate Comment
LONGLIGHT 6/1/2012 8:30AM

    Those made me smile, especially the skating on hot water one. Thanks for that.

Comment edited on: 6/1/2012 8:31:06 AM

Report Inappropriate Comment
TWEETYKC00 6/1/2012 5:04AM

    Cute.

Report Inappropriate Comment
BEARGODDESS 6/1/2012 12:54AM

    I may be sticking my neck out on a limb here........but that was funny! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


First Page  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 Last Page