SUNSHINE65   36,531
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SUNSHINE65's Recent Blog Entries

Six Truths in Life

Saturday, September 18, 2010

1. You cannot stick your tongue out and look up at the ceiling at the same time, a physical impossibility.
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2. All idiots, after reading #1 will try it.
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3. And discover #1 is a lie.
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4. You are smiling now because you are an idiot.
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5. You soon will forward this to another idiot.
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6. There is still a stupid smile on your face .
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I sincerely apologize about this but I'm an idiot and I needed company.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MEADSBAY 9/25/2010 5:04PM

    Yes, yes, yes- I'm an idiot.
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PLPEEP 9/25/2010 4:42PM

    You got me big time, I loved it!!!
I am sending this to my e-mail friends.

Comment edited on: 9/25/2010 4:43:27 PM

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SUNSHINE65 9/19/2010 2:58AM

    Yes!!! You are not an idiot!!!

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JAQUANAH 9/18/2010 6:36PM

    Funny, but I did not try it. Does that mean I am not an idiot?

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KARRIESNEWLIFE 9/18/2010 4:31PM

    Got me to THINK & Very Cute emoticon emoticon

Karrie
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HIPPIE44 9/18/2010 4:28PM

    Got me!

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Excuses, excuses...

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Philadelphia's Highway Patrol officers hear all kinds of creative excuses that drivers give for speeding. Here are some of the officers' favorites. By the way, none of them worked.

A man told the officer he was rushing to the hospital because had been stung by a bee, and was allergic. "There's the bee right there," he said, pointing to his dashboard. The officer looked. The bee was not only dead, but in a advanced state of decomposition.

A man was doing 70 mph on the shoulder of I-95, avoiding the bumper-to-bumper traffic. After a third of a mile, he was stopped by an officer. He jumped out of the car, brushing off his pants, and told the cop he had dropped a cigarette on his lap. "I was looking for a place to park," he explained.

A speeder said that he and his wife were trying to have a baby. "My wife is ovulating," he told the officer. "I have to get home right now."

An officer stopped a man doing 80 mph. When he asked the driver whether he had seen the speed-limit signs, the man responded, "I went by them so fast I probably missed them."

A man going south on I-95 was stopped near Washington Avenue doing 79 mph. "My engine misses, and I'm trying to clean out the carburetor," he told the officer. For good measure, he added, "If I don't go this fast, my car won't go at all."

"I'm due in traffic court," one speeder said. "If I'm late they're going to enforce the bench warrant."

When an officer told a speeder that the speed limit on the Schuylkill Expressway was 50 mph, the driver responded, "Officer, where have you been? It's 65 now."

One speeder said simply, "I'm trying to beat my wife home. Don't ask."

An elderly person was stopped after doing 73 mph. When told he was getting a ticket, he asked the officer, "Is there a senior citizen's discount?"

  


Interesting Unofficial Laws...But they're true...

Saturday, September 11, 2010

"The Law of Volunteering" If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead.

"The Law of Avoiding Oversell"
When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.

"The Law of Reality"
Never get into fights with ugly people; they have nothing to lose.

"The Law of Self Sacrifice"
When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.

"Weiler's Law"
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

"Law of Probable Dispersal"
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

"Law of Volunteer Labor"
People are always available for work in the past tense.

"Conway's Law"
In any organization there is one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.

"Iron Law of Distribution"
Them that has, gets.

"Law of Cybernetic Entomology"
There is always one more bug.

"Law of Drunkenness"
You can't fall off the floor.

"Heller's Law"
The first myth of management is that it exists.

"Osborne's Law"
Variables won't; constants aren't.

"Main's Law"
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.

"Weinberg's Second Law"
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would have destroyed civilization.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DEEJD11 9/12/2010 6:26PM

    Interesting and VERY true. emoticonThank you when I'm laughing I'm not eating. emoticon

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The Things That Drive A Sane Person Mad

Thursday, September 09, 2010

You have to try on a pair of sunglasses with that stupid little plastic thing in the middle of them.
The person behind you in the supermarket runs his cart into the back of your ankle.
The elevator stops on every floor and nobody gets on.
There's always a car riding your tail when you're slowing down to find an address.
You open a can of soup and the lid falls in.
There's a dog in the neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING.
You can never put anything back in a box the way it came.
Your tire gauge lets out half the air while you're trying to get a reading.
A station comes in brilliantly when you're standing near the radio but buzzes, drifts and spits every time you move away.
There are always one or two ice cubes that won't pop out of the tray.
You wash a garment with a tissue in the pocket and your entire laundry comes out covered with lint.
The car behind you blasts its horn because you let a pedestrian finish crossing.
A piece of foil candy wrapper makes electrical contact with your filling (or braces).
You set the alarm on your digital clock for 7pm instead of 7am.
The radio station doesn't tell you who sang that song.
You rub on hand cream and can't turn the bathroom doorknob to get out.
People behind you on a supermarket line dash ahead of you to a counter just opening up.
Your glasses slide off your ears when you perspire.
You can't look up the correct spelling of a word in the dictionary because you don't know how to spell it.
You have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you're just browsing.
You had that pen in your hand only a second ago and now you can't find it.
You reach under the table to pick something off the floor and smash your head on the way up.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRAMMAP1 9/9/2010 11:51PM

    Why do they sound funny now? They certainly didn't when those things happened. Thanks for sharing. Hugs, Jane

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JAQUANAH 9/9/2010 9:51PM

    This is interesting. Some of those things often happen to me.

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SUGARPUNK52 9/9/2010 7:21PM

  Thanks for sharing.GOD bless.

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NIGHTHAWLK 9/9/2010 7:02PM

    Great blog. emoticon

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KOOLNANA5 9/9/2010 4:05PM

    Kool blog emoticon

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HALLALUYAH 9/9/2010 11:19AM

    I sure could use you on my next book Sunshine....you have a great memory, unlike some people I know....lol. Have a blessed day and I hope to see you around my blogs.
Love, Luyah emoticon

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NINALEE35 9/9/2010 10:06AM

    Wow! Can I identify! Thanks for the blog.

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Oneliners

Sunday, September 05, 2010

The Government wants more money? Why don't they try selling candy bars like the Boy Scouts do?
Many people will spend the summer occupied with fishing and politics. In fishing you use a worm, and in politics a worm uses you.
A person that learns from their mistakes is smart. A person that learns from other people's mistakes is smarter.
Why be difficult? Put some effort in and be impossible.
I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end.
I'm learning to speak Spanish by calling my bank and pressing the #2 button.
It takes less time to do something right than to explain why you did it wrong.
The things you tell your teenagers don't reach them 'til they're in their 40s.
He who lives without discipline dies without honor.
I have a speech impediment . . . my foot.
I need some duck tape . . . my duck has a quack in it
I was thinking of becoming a doctor. I have the handwriting for it.
The more you say, the less people remember.
98% of the time I am right. Why worry about the other 3%.
With proper diet, rest, and exercise a healthy body will last a lifetime.
Thesaurus: ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary.
Practice courtesy. You never know when it might become popular again.
Any sports fan can tell you the most brutal thing about professional football is the price of the tickets.
It's discouraging to think how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit.
The measure of success is not how much money you have in the bank, but rather how much money the bank will lend you.
The real goal is to be rich the moment after you die.
Anyone who starts a sentence "With all due respect..." is about to insult you.
Don't count your fish until they're on dry land.
Don't judge, you idiot.
Marriage is like a tourniquet; it stops your circulation.
Everything on land is within walking distance.
The road to success is marked with many tempting parking places.
We're not truly happy until we focus on others.
Sarcasm: an ingenious way of making intelligent people feel stupid.
Love isn't blind . . . it just has Attention Deficit Disorder.
Life is a bowl of cherries . . . overpriced and only available at certain times.
A lot of good-looking faces are wasted on ugly people.
Funny that most of our best-sellers are written at a 9th-grade reading level.
Small talk is one step down from no talk.
If it weren't for humor, we might never get at the truth.
To understand politics, we must read between the lies.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRAMMAP1 9/6/2010 9:08PM

    Hey Sunshine. Those are almost too true to be funny. I still had some laughs reading them. lol. emoticon

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LJCANNON 9/6/2010 9:57AM

    emoticonGreat way to start the Holiday Morning!!
emoticonThank you for sharing!!

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GMFAY33 9/6/2010 9:46AM

    Most of these are new to me. Thank you for giving me some added "sunshine" to my day. emoticon

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