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Animal Truisms

Tuesday, May 08, 2012

- I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult?

- If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket then giving Fido only two of them.

- In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.

- No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.

- Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

- People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life.

- Things that upset a terrier may pass virtually unnoticed by a Great Dane.

- Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

- We wonder why the dogs always drink out of our toilets, but look at it from their point of view: why do humans keep peeing into their water bowls?

- When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.

- Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALICERIEGER 5/9/2012 9:11AM

    New insight

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41SUSAN14 5/8/2012 11:42PM

    :-)

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NAYPOOIE 5/8/2012 12:12PM

    hmm, I never thought of poodles like that.

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HELEN_BRU 5/8/2012 8:16AM

    Cute!

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DENNETJ 5/8/2012 3:54AM

    I enjoyed these thank you

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A Pirate's Tale

Sunday, May 06, 2012

A pirate was talking to a "land-lubber" in a bar. The land-lubber noticed that, like any self-respecting pirate, this guy had a peg leg, a hook in place of one of his hands and a patch over one eye. The land-lubber just had to find out how the pirate got in such bad shape. He asked the pirate,

"How did you lose your leg?" The pirate responded,

"I lost me leg in a battle off the coast of Jamaica!" His new acquaintance was still curious so he asked,

"What about you hand. Did you lose it at the same time?"

"No," answered the pirate. "I lost it to the sharks off the Florida Keys." Finally, the land-lubber asked,

"I notice you also have an eye patch. How did you lose your eye? The pirate answered,

"I was sleeping on a beach when a seagull flew over and pooped right in me eye." The land-lubber asked,

"How could a little something like that make you lose your eye?"

The pirate snapped, "It was the day after I got me hook!"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOMMA_BEAR_69 5/8/2012 1:08AM

    emoticon Interesting how life happens...

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41SUSAN14 5/7/2012 11:48AM

    :-)

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ALICERIEGER 5/7/2012 10:44AM

    It could happen.

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TDMLUVZSNOOPY 5/7/2012 8:44AM

    Love it!

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BAYBERRYBEAR 5/6/2012 11:52PM

    emoticon

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Famous Movie Quotes (The First Drafts)

Sunday, May 06, 2012

The Godfather: "I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse. Well, he can refuse it, of course. I just know that if someone were to make me an offer like this, I'd jump all over it. But who am I to impose my feelings on someone else?"

The Terminator: "I'll be back. Do you need anything while I'm out?"

Dirty Harry: "You've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? I ask myself that every day, and you know what? I feel so very lucky. Loving family, steady work..."

Taxi Driver: "You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Sorry, it looked like you were talkin' to me. My mistake."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALICERIEGER 5/7/2012 10:46AM

    Thanks!

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BAYBERRYBEAR 5/6/2012 11:53PM

    emoticon

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Free Drinks

Sunday, May 06, 2012

The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, "What'll you have?" The guy answers, "A scotch, please." The bartender hands him the drink, and says "That'll be five dollars," to which the guy replies, "What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this."

A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, "You know, he's got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration."

The bartender was not impressed, but says to the guy, "Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don't ever let me catch you in here again."

The next day, same guy walks into the bar. Bartender says, "What the heck are you doing in here? I can't believe you've got the audacity to come back!"

The guy says, "What are you talking about? I've never been in this place in my life!" The bartender replies, "I'm very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double."

To which the guy replies, "Thank you. Make it a scotch."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BAYBERRYBEAR 5/6/2012 11:56PM

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Speeding Up

Sunday, May 06, 2012

The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation. Just as a figure skater's rate of spin increases when the arms are brought in close to the body, the cutting of tall trees may cause our planet to spin dangerously fast.

Also: Birds take off at sunrise. On the opposite side of the world, they are landing at sunset. This causes the earth to spin on its axis.

  


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