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WWJD

Thursday, May 03, 2012

Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?" But the initials really have been changed to stand for "What would Jesus drive?"

One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because the Bible says, "God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury."

But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Jesus to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm."

Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast."

Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord..."

Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills."

Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler: "Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land." And, following Jesus' lead, the Apostles car pooled in a Honda... "The Apostles were in one Accord."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NAYPOOIE 5/4/2012 10:56AM

    LOL. Who knew?

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ALICERIEGER 5/4/2012 10:25AM

    All in the interpretation

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GRANDMA624 5/4/2012 5:43AM

  Cute emoticon

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GRAMMAP1 5/3/2012 11:09PM

    I had no idea the Bible referred to so many vehicles. Some one worked a while on that one! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BAYBERRYBEAR 5/3/2012 9:45PM

    Too funny!

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A Lesson in English

Thursday, May 03, 2012

Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform in bed. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man.

The medicine man says, "I can cure this." That said, he throws a white powder in a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.

Then he says, "This is powerful medicine. You can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say '123'"

The guy then asks, "What happens when I want the effect to go away."

The medicine man replies: "All you or your partner has to say is 1234. But be warned - it will not work again for another year."

Harry rushes home, eager to try out his new powers.

That night he is ready to surprise Joyce. He showers, shaves, and puts on his best shaving lotion. He gets into bed, and lying next to her says, "123." It works better than he thought.

Joyce, who had been facing away, turns over and asks, "What did you say 123 for?"

And now you know why you shouldn't end a sentence with a preposition

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRANDMA624 5/4/2012 5:45AM

  emoticon emoticon

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BUDDYSMYFRIEND 5/3/2012 2:18PM

    emoticon

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WILSON425 5/3/2012 1:07PM

    emoticonThere's always next year. Oh wait, how old did you say he was? emoticon

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NAYPOOIE 5/3/2012 12:29PM

    he he he

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HELEN_BRU 5/3/2012 10:55AM

    I love it!

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New Drugs on the Market

Wednesday, May 02, 2012

St. Mom's Wort - Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours. 



Empty Nestrogen - Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait til they moved out. 



Peptobimbo - Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.



Dumerol - When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low I.Q. causing enjoyment of country western music.

lipitor - Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.



Antiboyotics - When administered to teenage girls, is highly effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines, and reducing money spent on make-up.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALICERIEGER 5/4/2012 10:28AM

    Good ones!

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BUDDYSMYFRIEND 5/2/2012 1:47PM

    Cracked me up! emoticon

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MAMAWALMART 5/2/2012 8:58AM

    I thank my son-in-laws took an overdose of Dumerol. I also think they took the new one that's out.
EE, Einstein's Enhancement. Makes men think they got it.

I love your blogs so does my family. My husband look forwar to coming home from work and reading them to them now. They been telling everyone about Bubba and the Gator.

Keep up the great Blogs.
Keep Smiling
emoticon
Karen

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HELEN_BRU 5/2/2012 8:53AM

    emoticon

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JACKSMAMA34 5/2/2012 5:19AM

  where can I get some St. Mom's Wort? and can it be down-dosed for a 6 month old???? hahaha

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IMEMINE1 5/2/2012 5:04AM

    emoticon

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BELINDADUVESSA 5/2/2012 4:22AM

    I'm going to have to remember these. Thanks for the laugh!

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Degrees of "Blondness"

Wednesday, May 02, 2012

FIRST DEGREE
:
Married couple were asleep when the phone rang 
at 2 in the morning.The very blonde wife picked up the phone, 
listened a moment and said 'How should I know; that's 200 miles 
from here!' and hung up. 
The husband said, 'Who was that?' 

The wife answered, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.'


SECOND DEGREE:

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the 
sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror 
and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.' 

The second blonde says, 'Here, let me see!' 

So, the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'


THIRD DEGREE:

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and 
buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the 
door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really 
angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is 
overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. 

The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!'
The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'


FOURTH DEGREE:

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. 
She proudly says, 'Go ahead, ask me, ... I know 'em all.' 

A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?' 
The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy . it's W.'


FIFTH DEGREE:

Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? 

A: 'Is it mine?' 


SIXTH DEGREE:

Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US 
Government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what 
Roe vs. Wade was about. 

Bambi pondered the question; then, finally, said, 'That was the decision 
George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware .'


SEVENTH DEGREE:

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house 
ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and 
reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, 
and a K-9 unit, patrolling
 nearby, was the first to respond. 

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde 
ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then 
sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come 
home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do 
they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!'


FOOTBALL AND THE BLONDE.......
Out of all the blonde jokes, this one has to be the best! Football FINALLY makes sense........... 
 
A guy took his  girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. 
 
'Oh, I really liked it,' she replied, 'especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.' 
 

Dumbfounded, her date asked, 'What do you mean?'  

 
'Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like.....Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!!!!!!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRANDMA624 5/2/2012 8:20PM

  emoticon emoticon

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NAYPOOIE 5/2/2012 11:01AM

    Last one is best.

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IMEMINE1 5/2/2012 5:07AM

    emoticon

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KATHYGOULDSMITH 5/2/2012 3:47AM

    I enjoyed this very much, I needed a chuckle today!!

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Eggplants

Wednesday, May 02, 2012

A grocer put up a sign that read "Eggplants, 25 each -- three for a dollar."

All day long, customers came in exclaiming: "Don't be ridiculous! I should get four for a dollar!"

Meekly the grocer capitulated and packaged four eggplants. The tailor next door had been watching these antics and finally asked the grocer, "Aren't you going to fix the mistake on your sign?"

"What mistake?" the grocer asked. "Before I put up that sign no one ever bought more than one eggplant."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IDLETYME 5/3/2012 7:55PM

    Super merchandising! emoticon

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MRSVK11 5/2/2012 4:32PM

    Love it...lol

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LINDAMARIEZ1 5/2/2012 3:57AM

    I only have bought 2 in my lifetime! LOL

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