SUNSHINE65   66,909
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New Drugs on the Market

Wednesday, May 02, 2012

St. Mom's Wort - Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours. 



Empty Nestrogen - Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait til they moved out. 



Peptobimbo - Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.



Dumerol - When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low I.Q. causing enjoyment of country western music.

lipitor - Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.



Antiboyotics - When administered to teenage girls, is highly effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines, and reducing money spent on make-up.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALICERIEGER 5/4/2012 10:28AM

    Good ones!

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BUDDYSMYFRIEND 5/2/2012 1:47PM

    Cracked me up! emoticon

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MAMAWALMART 5/2/2012 8:58AM

    I thank my son-in-laws took an overdose of Dumerol. I also think they took the new one that's out.
EE, Einstein's Enhancement. Makes men think they got it.

I love your blogs so does my family. My husband look forwar to coming home from work and reading them to them now. They been telling everyone about Bubba and the Gator.

Keep up the great Blogs.
Keep Smiling
emoticon
Karen

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HELEN_BRU 5/2/2012 8:53AM

    emoticon

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JACKSMAMA34 5/2/2012 5:19AM

  where can I get some St. Mom's Wort? and can it be down-dosed for a 6 month old???? hahaha

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IMEMINE1 5/2/2012 5:04AM

    emoticon

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BELINDADUVESSA 5/2/2012 4:22AM

    I'm going to have to remember these. Thanks for the laugh!

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Degrees of "Blondness"

Wednesday, May 02, 2012

FIRST DEGREE
:
Married couple were asleep when the phone rang 
at 2 in the morning.The very blonde wife picked up the phone, 
listened a moment and said 'How should I know; that's 200 miles 
from here!' and hung up. 
The husband said, 'Who was that?' 

The wife answered, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.'


SECOND DEGREE:

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the 
sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror 
and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.' 

The second blonde says, 'Here, let me see!' 

So, the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'


THIRD DEGREE:

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and 
buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the 
door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really 
angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is 
overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. 

The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!'
The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'


FOURTH DEGREE:

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. 
She proudly says, 'Go ahead, ask me, ... I know 'em all.' 

A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?' 
The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy . it's W.'


FIFTH DEGREE:

Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? 

A: 'Is it mine?' 


SIXTH DEGREE:

Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US 
Government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what 
Roe vs. Wade was about. 

Bambi pondered the question; then, finally, said, 'That was the decision 
George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware .'


SEVENTH DEGREE:

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house 
ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and 
reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, 
and a K-9 unit, patrolling
 nearby, was the first to respond. 

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde 
ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then 
sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come 
home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do 
they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!'


FOOTBALL AND THE BLONDE.......
Out of all the blonde jokes, this one has to be the best! Football FINALLY makes sense........... 
 
A guy took his  girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. 
 
'Oh, I really liked it,' she replied, 'especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.' 
 

Dumbfounded, her date asked, 'What do you mean?'  

 
'Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like.....Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!!!!!!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRANDMA624 5/2/2012 8:20PM

  emoticon emoticon

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NAYPOOIE 5/2/2012 11:01AM

    Last one is best.

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IMEMINE1 5/2/2012 5:07AM

    emoticon

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KATHYGOULDSMITH 5/2/2012 3:47AM

    I enjoyed this very much, I needed a chuckle today!!

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Eggplants

Wednesday, May 02, 2012

A grocer put up a sign that read "Eggplants, 25 each -- three for a dollar."

All day long, customers came in exclaiming: "Don't be ridiculous! I should get four for a dollar!"

Meekly the grocer capitulated and packaged four eggplants. The tailor next door had been watching these antics and finally asked the grocer, "Aren't you going to fix the mistake on your sign?"

"What mistake?" the grocer asked. "Before I put up that sign no one ever bought more than one eggplant."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IDLETYME 5/3/2012 7:55PM

    Super merchandising! emoticon

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MRSVK11 5/2/2012 4:32PM

    Love it...lol

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LINDAMARIEZ1 5/2/2012 3:57AM

    I only have bought 2 in my lifetime! LOL

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Corvette

Monday, April 30, 2012

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of
the dealership.... Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying
the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left.
"Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-85, pushing the pedal even
more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him,
lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then
120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this,"
and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the
trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my
shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for
speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a
State trooper.

I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRANDMA624 5/2/2012 8:22PM

  emoticon

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NAYPOOIE 5/1/2012 12:40PM

    Good one.

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41SUSAN14 5/1/2012 12:20PM

    :-)


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HELEN_BRU 5/1/2012 8:35AM

    emoticon

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KNITTINGNAN 4/30/2012 11:40PM

  Oh, you always know how to make me laugh!!!!!

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Bubba and the Gator

Sunday, April 29, 2012

A filthy rich man in Florida decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors. He also invited Bubba, the only redneck in the neighborhood.

He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with the women.

At the height of the party, the host said, "I have a 10 ft man-eating gator in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who is brave enough to jump in."

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Bubba in the pool!

Bubba was fighting the gator and kicking its hide! Bubba was jabbing the gator in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and choke holds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping the gator through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.

The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Bubba and the gator were screaming and raising hell. Finally Bubba strangled the gator and let it float to the top like a K-mart goldfish. Bubba then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.

Finally the host says, "Well, Bubba, I reckon I owe you a million dollars."

"No, that's okay. I don't want it," said Bubba.

The rich man said, "Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet. How about half a million bucks then?"

"No thanks. I don't want it," answered Bubba.

The host said, "Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?"

Again Bubba said no.

Confused, the rich man asked, "Well, Bubba, then what do you want?"

Bubba said, "I want the name of the SOB who pushed me in the pool."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WILSON425 5/2/2012 8:34AM

    That would answer it. emoticon

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BAYBERRYBEAR 4/30/2012 1:35AM

    emoticon

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CJSARGENT1 4/29/2012 4:45PM

    emoticon

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EGALITAIRE 4/29/2012 3:19PM

    They could split the reward


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NAYPOOIE 4/29/2012 3:10PM

    LOL

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ALICERIEGER 4/29/2012 9:31AM

    I can see his point.

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HELEN_BRU 4/29/2012 9:29AM

    Funny! emoticon

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GRAMPAM 4/29/2012 8:55AM

    That's Hilarious!

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DFROMTX 4/29/2012 7:38AM

    emoticon Thanks for the chuckle this morning!

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IDLETYME 4/29/2012 7:24AM

    Funny! emoticon emoticon

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BONDMANUS2002 4/29/2012 3:49AM

  yes

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MAMAWALMART 4/29/2012 3:42AM

    I love this. I will have to tell my husband and son this one.
emoticon

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