SUNSHINE65   56,754
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Surprise!

Thursday, April 26, 2012

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me."

The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BAYBERRYBEAR 4/27/2012 12:52AM

    That's great! Thanks for a good laugh!

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ALICERIEGER 4/26/2012 12:46PM

    Thanks for my morning chuckle.

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One-Up-Man-Ship

Thursday, April 26, 2012

This man in a Ford Granada pulls up next to a guy in a Rolls Royce at a stop sign. Their windows are open and he yells at the guy in the Rolls: "Hey, you got a telephone in there?" The guy in the Rolls says, "Yes, of course I do." "I got one too... see?" "Uh, huh, yes, that's very nice." Then the man in the Granada says, "You got a fax machine?" "Why, actually, yes, I do." "I do too! See? It's right here!" "Uh-huh." The light is just about to turn green and the guy in the Granada says, "So, do YOU have a double bed in back there?" And the guy in the Rolls says, "NO! Do you?" "Yep, got my double bed right in back here see?!" The light turns and the man in the Granada takes off. Well, the guy in the Rolls is not about to be one-upped, so he goes immediately to a customizing shop and orders them to put a double bed in back of his car. About two weeks later, the job is finally done and he picks up his car and drives all over town looking for the Granada. He finally finds it parked alongside the road so he pulls his Rolls up next to it. The windows on the Granada are all fogged up and he feels a little awkward about it, but he gets out of his newly modified Rolls and taps on the foggy window of the Granada. The man in the Granada finally opens the window a crack and peeks out. The guy in the Rolls says, "Hey. Remember me?" "Yeah, yeah, I remember you. What's up?" "Check this out I got a double bed installed in my Rolls." And the man in the Granada says, "YOU GOT ME OUT OF THE SHOWER TO TELL ME THAT?!"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JACKH35 4/29/2012 10:56AM

    I'm 76 and it's hard to find a joke I haven't heard at least once. This one gave me a really good belly laugh.

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TOP 10 SIGNS YOU DRANK TOO MUCH THIS WEEKEND

Thursday, April 26, 2012

1. You spent Sunday night in jail for cow-tipping -- with your Oldsmobile.
2. Thanks to you, Jack Daniels stock is up 15 since Friday.
3. For the money you spent on Thunderbird, you could've bought the car.
4. You're now the proud inventor of the "Slim Jim": Ultra Slim-Fast made with Jim Beam.
5. Absolut wants to run an ad featuring a picture of your liver in the shape of a bottle.
6. Yet again, dry cleaner employees greet you with, "Hey, it's VomitMan!"
7. The doorman asks for your I.D. just to see how long it'll take you to find your pants.
8. Your liver, in a fit of pique, leaps out of your abdominal cavity into a pan of frying onions.
9. Worried friends call mOnday morning to make sure you returned the goat.
10. you're now sober enough to realize "Drink Canada Dry" is a slogan and not a personal challenge.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TEEPHOTO 4/26/2012 4:35AM

    uh ... uh ... ok. emoticon

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TYLYNN61 4/26/2012 2:44AM

    OMG too funny hehehe emoticon

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The Priest and the Bum

Monday, April 23, 2012

A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a subway one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk's shirt was stained, his face was full of bright red lipstick, and he had a half empty bottle of wine sticking out of his pocket.

He opened his newspaper and started reading. A couple of minutes later he asked the priest, "Father what causes arthritis"?

"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap wicked women, too much alcohol and contempt for your fellow man."

"Geez, I'll be darned," uttered the drunk and returned to reading his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he said turned to the man and apologized.

"I'm sorry son, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't, father. I was just reading in the paper that the Pope has arthritis.. "

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALICERIEGER 4/24/2012 10:36AM

    oops!

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IDLETYME 4/24/2012 8:39AM

    Oh Oh!! emoticon

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MOMMA_BEAR_69 4/23/2012 8:44PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CJSARGENT1 4/23/2012 12:31PM

    emoticon

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EGALITAIRE 4/23/2012 12:05PM

    emoticon

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NAYPOOIE 4/23/2012 11:38AM

    LOL

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HELEN_BRU 4/23/2012 10:35AM

    emoticon

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GRANDMA624 4/23/2012 8:52AM

  emoticon

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CAROLIAN 4/23/2012 2:16AM

    emoticon

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TDWANDD2MYK9 4/23/2012 1:41AM

    emoticon

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Drinking and driving

Sunday, April 22, 2012

All -
I would like to share an experience with you, about drinking and driving.

As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years. A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends at the Marriott Hotel and had a few too many beers and some rather nice red wine.

Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before: I took a bus home. Sure enough I passed a police road block but as it was a bus, they waved it past.

I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise; as I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got it.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RETURNTOTHIN 4/23/2012 9:14PM

    the question is,,,,, did you return the bus?


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MOMMA_BEAR_69 4/23/2012 8:40PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
This really had me laughing tonight. Thank you!!!

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NAYPOOIE 4/22/2012 1:39PM

    LOL

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WILSON425 4/22/2012 11:12AM

    I hate when that happens! LOL

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HELEN_BRU 4/22/2012 10:47AM

    That reminds me of a story a famous Canadian sportswriter wrote - in the height of his alcoholism he and his cohorts stole a streetcar off the lot and drove it through the city of Toronto. So, it does happen! LOL

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GRAMPAM 4/22/2012 8:55AM

    Good Golly! That's funny! Have a great day!!!!

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ALICERIEGER 4/22/2012 8:40AM

    That is one way of 'taking' the bus

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