SUNSHINE65   56,813
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Shopping for Men

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems.

Rule #1: When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.

Rule #2: If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. By the way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.

Rule #3: If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.

Rule #4: Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.

Rule #5: You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.

Rule #6: Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it will sit in a cupboard for 23 years. Real men drink whiskey or beer.

Rule #7: Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or deodorant. I'm told they do not stink - they are earthy.

Rule #8: Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea. No one knows why.

Rule #9: Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over.

Rule #10: Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?"

Rule #11: Tickets to a Red Wing/Lions/Pistons/Tigers game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts." Everyone knows why.

Rule #12: Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw. If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a label maker.

Rule #13: It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.

Rule #14: Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least the Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manila rope. No one knows why...

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WILSON425 4/15/2012 12:57PM

    LMAO! My bf holds the record for cordless drills and has 7 chainsaws! I don't know why! emoticon

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WINTERHARTT 4/14/2012 12:46PM

    Wow...this hits the nail on the head! LOL Love it!
emoticon

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MRSVK11 4/14/2012 9:10AM

    Loved it!! emoticon

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BOB240 4/14/2012 2:25AM

    yes..I had to but my own chainsaw... but the garden looks so much better without trees

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Potatoes

Friday, April 13, 2012

Every morning during our coffee break, my co-workers and I listened to the culinary disasters of a newlywed colleague. We then tried to share some helpful hints and recipes.

One day she asked us for step-by-step instructions on cooking sweet potatoes, one of her husband's favorites. "I've finally been able to make them sweet," she said, "but how do you make them orange?"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WILSON425 4/15/2012 1:00PM

    Yikes! Hopefully you never do any potluck get togethers for work! emoticon

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WINTERHARTT 4/13/2012 2:24PM

    emoticon That is great!!!! I needed a laugh today! That is so sad though when you think about it.

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CJSARGENT1 4/13/2012 1:51PM

    loved it.......... emoticon

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NAYPOOIE 4/13/2012 11:54AM

    Good one.

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GRANDMA624 4/13/2012 11:22AM

  Is she blonde? emoticon

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AUNTB63 4/13/2012 9:43AM

    Sounds like a cookbook with pictures is something the newly wed needs....cute story thanks for the chuckle this AM. emoticon

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SARAHCLARK5 4/13/2012 9:06AM

    You're fighting a losing battle there ! At least you have a good laugh with your morning coffee and that's better for you than biscuits !

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Boss and respect

Sunday, April 08, 2012

The boss was concerned that his employees weren’t giving him enough respect, so he tried an old fashioned method of persuasion: He brought in a sign that said “I’m the Boss” and taped it to his door. After lunch, he noticed someone had taped another note under his. “Your wife called. She wants her sign back!”

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ELSCO55 6/18/2012 10:51PM

    emoticon

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GRANDMA624 4/9/2012 6:56PM

  emoticon emoticon

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MRSVK11 4/9/2012 11:41AM

    emoticon

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HELEN_BRU 4/9/2012 9:20AM

    emoticon

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ALICERIEGER 4/9/2012 8:49AM

    Iguess everyone has a boss somewhere.

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Running Errands

Sunday, April 08, 2012

Freddie was eighteen years old, friendly, and eager to do things right. Unfortunately, he wasn't especially bright. He had just started his first job, as a delivery boy and general "go-fer" at a furniture warehouse. His first task was to go out for coffee.

He walked into a nearby coffee shop carrying a large thermos. When the counterman finally noticed him, he held up the thermos.

"Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?" he said. The counterman looked at the thermos, hesitated for a few seconds, then finally said, "Yeah. It looks like about six cups to me."

"Good," Freddie said. "Give me two regular, two black, and two decaf."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SMOOCHIESMOMMY2 4/8/2012 12:11PM

    cute and LOL @NAYPOOIE!

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HELEN_BRU 4/8/2012 10:00AM

    There's one in every crowd!

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ALICERIEGER 4/8/2012 9:56AM

    Makes sense to me.

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NAYPOOIE 4/8/2012 1:09AM

    I think freddie used to work for me.

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New time off policy

Saturday, April 07, 2012

Notice to Employees (Includes Part Time Workers)

SICKNESS

We will no longer accept your doctors' statements as proof.

We believe if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to work.

LEAVE OF ABSENCE FOR SURGERY

We are no longer allowing this practice. As long as you are employed here, you will need all of whatever you have and should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than we bargained for. Anyone having operations will be FIRED immediately.

PREGNANCY

In the event of extreme pregnancy, you will be allowed to go to the first aid room when the pains are FIVE MINUTES apart. If it is false labor, you will have to take an hour's leave without pay.

DEATH

This will be accepted as an excuse, BUT we would like two weeks notice, as we feel it is your duty to teach someone your job prior to . . . or after death.

This new benefit program started yesterday.

The Management

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SKMINNY 4/8/2012 12:26PM

    Wow for real? Its way to harsh! does sound like they are serious!

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ALICERIEGER 4/8/2012 9:58AM

    I think a lot of companies would like to enforce those guidelines.

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LANAMFECI 4/7/2012 7:56PM

    Too close to believable.

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