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The Things That Drive A Sane Person Mad

Thursday, September 09, 2010

You have to try on a pair of sunglasses with that stupid little plastic thing in the middle of them.
The person behind you in the supermarket runs his cart into the back of your ankle.
The elevator stops on every floor and nobody gets on.
There's always a car riding your tail when you're slowing down to find an address.
You open a can of soup and the lid falls in.
There's a dog in the neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING.
You can never put anything back in a box the way it came.
Your tire gauge lets out half the air while you're trying to get a reading.
A station comes in brilliantly when you're standing near the radio but buzzes, drifts and spits every time you move away.
There are always one or two ice cubes that won't pop out of the tray.
You wash a garment with a tissue in the pocket and your entire laundry comes out covered with lint.
The car behind you blasts its horn because you let a pedestrian finish crossing.
A piece of foil candy wrapper makes electrical contact with your filling (or braces).
You set the alarm on your digital clock for 7pm instead of 7am.
The radio station doesn't tell you who sang that song.
You rub on hand cream and can't turn the bathroom doorknob to get out.
People behind you on a supermarket line dash ahead of you to a counter just opening up.
Your glasses slide off your ears when you perspire.
You can't look up the correct spelling of a word in the dictionary because you don't know how to spell it.
You have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you're just browsing.
You had that pen in your hand only a second ago and now you can't find it.
You reach under the table to pick something off the floor and smash your head on the way up.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRAMMAP1 9/9/2010 11:51PM

    Why do they sound funny now? They certainly didn't when those things happened. Thanks for sharing. Hugs, Jane

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JAQUANAH 9/9/2010 9:51PM

    This is interesting. Some of those things often happen to me.

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SUGARPUNK52 9/9/2010 7:21PM

  Thanks for sharing.GOD bless.

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CAROLYNVIL 9/9/2010 7:02PM

    Great blog. emoticon

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KOOLNANA5 9/9/2010 4:05PM

    Kool blog emoticon

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HALLALUYAH 9/9/2010 11:19AM

    I sure could use you on my next book Sunshine....you have a great memory, unlike some people I know....lol. Have a blessed day and I hope to see you around my blogs.
Love, Luyah emoticon

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NINALEE35 9/9/2010 10:06AM

    Wow! Can I identify! Thanks for the blog.

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Oneliners

Sunday, September 05, 2010

The Government wants more money? Why don't they try selling candy bars like the Boy Scouts do?
Many people will spend the summer occupied with fishing and politics. In fishing you use a worm, and in politics a worm uses you.
A person that learns from their mistakes is smart. A person that learns from other people's mistakes is smarter.
Why be difficult? Put some effort in and be impossible.
I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end.
I'm learning to speak Spanish by calling my bank and pressing the #2 button.
It takes less time to do something right than to explain why you did it wrong.
The things you tell your teenagers don't reach them 'til they're in their 40s.
He who lives without discipline dies without honor.
I have a speech impediment . . . my foot.
I need some duck tape . . . my duck has a quack in it
I was thinking of becoming a doctor. I have the handwriting for it.
The more you say, the less people remember.
98% of the time I am right. Why worry about the other 3%.
With proper diet, rest, and exercise a healthy body will last a lifetime.
Thesaurus: ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary.
Practice courtesy. You never know when it might become popular again.
Any sports fan can tell you the most brutal thing about professional football is the price of the tickets.
It's discouraging to think how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit.
The measure of success is not how much money you have in the bank, but rather how much money the bank will lend you.
The real goal is to be rich the moment after you die.
Anyone who starts a sentence "With all due respect..." is about to insult you.
Don't count your fish until they're on dry land.
Don't judge, you idiot.
Marriage is like a tourniquet; it stops your circulation.
Everything on land is within walking distance.
The road to success is marked with many tempting parking places.
We're not truly happy until we focus on others.
Sarcasm: an ingenious way of making intelligent people feel stupid.
Love isn't blind . . . it just has Attention Deficit Disorder.
Life is a bowl of cherries . . . overpriced and only available at certain times.
A lot of good-looking faces are wasted on ugly people.
Funny that most of our best-sellers are written at a 9th-grade reading level.
Small talk is one step down from no talk.
If it weren't for humor, we might never get at the truth.
To understand politics, we must read between the lies.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRAMMAP1 9/6/2010 9:08PM

    Hey Sunshine. Those are almost too true to be funny. I still had some laughs reading them. lol. emoticon

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LJCANNON 9/6/2010 9:57AM

    emoticonGreat way to start the Holiday Morning!!
emoticonThank you for sharing!!

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GGMFAY 9/6/2010 9:46AM

    Most of these are new to me. Thank you for giving me some added "sunshine" to my day. emoticon

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EVER WONDER

Thursday, September 02, 2010

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NOTSPEEDY 9/3/2010 8:56AM

    Great blog. Thanks for sharing.

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JAQUANAH 9/2/2010 8:20PM

    Funny

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HALLALUYAH 9/2/2010 9:20AM

    Very clever questions....lol
Luyah emoticon

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WALKSFAR 9/2/2010 9:13AM

    Thanks for the chuckle this morning.

I always liked: Why do we drive on the Parkway, and park on the Driveway?

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NINALEE35 9/2/2010 7:41AM

    Loved this blog!. I, too, will share with friends. Nina

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WALKING_TALL 9/2/2010 2:31AM

  These made me both laugh and think. Lol. Now I want to share them with my friends. Thanks for posting.

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USEFUL WORK PHRASES

Sunday, August 29, 2010

1. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
2. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
3. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
4. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
5. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.
6. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
7. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
8. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
9. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
10. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
11. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
12. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
13. No, my powers can only be used for good.
14. How about never? Is never good for you?
15. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
16. You sound reasonable. Time to up my medication.
17. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
18. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
19. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
20. Who me? I just wander from room to room.
21. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!
22. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
23. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
24. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
25. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
26. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANGCANDOTHIS 8/29/2010 3:22PM

    awesome! tfs! :)

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TRIGFROST 8/29/2010 3:03PM

    emoticon emoticon to me....

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TWEETYKC00 8/29/2010 3:00PM

    i love these, thanks for sharing!

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"This is the first time I’ve ever been old… and it just sort of crept up on me,”

Thursday, August 26, 2010

www.caregiverstress.com/2010/07/a-re
minder-that-laughter-is-the-best-medic
ine/



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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CAROLYNVIL 8/27/2010 7:26PM

    thank you so much ,I really enjoyed this so much.

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JAQUANAH 8/27/2010 9:53AM

    It's kind of like being a teenager. You don't know how to act.

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BANKER-CHUCK 8/27/2010 5:30AM

    A catchy title. It is so true.

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2MCHCHKLIT 8/26/2010 11:12PM

    I really enjoyed this. Thanks for posting it! emoticon

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