SUNSHINE65   58,719
SparkPoints
50,000-59,999 SparkPoints
 
 
SUNSHINE65's Recent Blog Entries

Running Errands

Sunday, April 08, 2012

Freddie was eighteen years old, friendly, and eager to do things right. Unfortunately, he wasn't especially bright. He had just started his first job, as a delivery boy and general "go-fer" at a furniture warehouse. His first task was to go out for coffee.

He walked into a nearby coffee shop carrying a large thermos. When the counterman finally noticed him, he held up the thermos.

"Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?" he said. The counterman looked at the thermos, hesitated for a few seconds, then finally said, "Yeah. It looks like about six cups to me."

"Good," Freddie said. "Give me two regular, two black, and two decaf."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SMOOCHIESMOMMY2 4/8/2012 12:11PM

    cute and LOL @NAYPOOIE!

Report Inappropriate Comment
HELEN_BRU 4/8/2012 10:00AM

    There's one in every crowd!

Report Inappropriate Comment
ALICERIEGER 4/8/2012 9:56AM

    Makes sense to me.

Report Inappropriate Comment
NAYPOOIE 4/8/2012 1:09AM

    I think freddie used to work for me.

Report Inappropriate Comment


New time off policy

Saturday, April 07, 2012

Notice to Employees (Includes Part Time Workers)

SICKNESS

We will no longer accept your doctors' statements as proof.

We believe if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to work.

LEAVE OF ABSENCE FOR SURGERY

We are no longer allowing this practice. As long as you are employed here, you will need all of whatever you have and should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than we bargained for. Anyone having operations will be FIRED immediately.

PREGNANCY

In the event of extreme pregnancy, you will be allowed to go to the first aid room when the pains are FIVE MINUTES apart. If it is false labor, you will have to take an hour's leave without pay.

DEATH

This will be accepted as an excuse, BUT we would like two weeks notice, as we feel it is your duty to teach someone your job prior to . . . or after death.

This new benefit program started yesterday.

The Management

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SKMINNY 4/8/2012 12:26PM

    Wow for real? Its way to harsh! does sound like they are serious!

Report Inappropriate Comment
ALICERIEGER 4/8/2012 9:58AM

    I think a lot of companies would like to enforce those guidelines.

Report Inappropriate Comment
LANAMFECI 4/7/2012 7:56PM

    Too close to believable.

Report Inappropriate Comment


Head scratching signs

Saturday, April 07, 2012

- Signs In a clothing store:
"Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."

- In the window of an Oregon general store:
"Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?"

- In a Pennsylvania cemetary:
"Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves."

- On a Tennessee highway:
"Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable."

- From the safety information card in America WestAirline seat pocket:
"If you are sitting in an exit row and can not read this card, please tell a crew member."

- On a Maine shop:
"Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship."

- On a delicatessen wall:
"Our best is none too good."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALICERIEGER 4/7/2012 10:09AM

    Really makes on wonder.

Report Inappropriate Comment
HELEN_BRU 4/7/2012 9:35AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
AQUAGIRL08 4/7/2012 9:09AM

    Thanks for the laugh! These were great!

Report Inappropriate Comment
ALICIA214 4/7/2012 12:15AM

 

Don't you just love those ads! obviously proof reading is not part of the job description
but then if it was we would not have anything to have a giggle over.
Thanks for sharing. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes...

Friday, April 06, 2012

to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results.

"I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left."

"Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "Give it to me straight, Doc. How long have I got?"

"Ten," the doctor says sadly.

"Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!"

"Nine..."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WENDYJM4 4/7/2012 1:58AM

    wow. to late to plan LOL

Report Inappropriate Comment
FITANDFIFTY2 4/7/2012 12:17AM

    Lol.. loved it! Happy Easter!! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
KNITTINGNAN 4/7/2012 12:11AM

  Your jokes often leave me speechless....On the other hand...

That same man went to see his doctor because he could not control his farting. The doctor politely listened to his problem and left the room. When he returned he was carrying a long pole with a large hook at the end of it. Shocked, the man stood up and asked the doctor what he was going to do. Calmly the doctor responded, "I'm opening the window. It stinks in here!"

HAPPY EASTER!!

Report Inappropriate Comment


Managers' Quotes

Friday, April 06, 2012

Recently, a magazine ran a contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life managers. Here are some of the submissions:



- As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks. (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corp in Redmond, WA.)



- What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter. (Lykes Lines Shipping)



- E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)



- This project is so important, we can't let things that are more important interfere with it. (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

- Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them. (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)



- Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say." (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)



- We recently received a memo from senior management saying: "This is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the subject mentioned above." (Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division)



- One day my Boss asked for a status report concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough. He said "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!" (New business manager, Hallmark Greeting Cards.)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WHITE_ELEPHANT 4/7/2012 1:59PM

    Haha Dilbert much?? Thanks for sharing the jokes! We can use some lightness around SP :)

Report Inappropriate Comment
ALICERIEGER 4/7/2012 10:12AM

    Sounds like someone failed their communication class.

Report Inappropriate Comment
CJSARGENT1 4/6/2012 10:53AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
RANDOM00B 4/6/2012 9:53AM

    Wow--the one from Microsoft was crazy. I needed a good chuckle today; thanks for posting !! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GRANDMA624 4/6/2012 9:32AM

  emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ROSGETSSERIOUS 4/6/2012 3:16AM

    emoticon. emoticon love them!

Report Inappropriate Comment


First Page  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 Last Page