SUNSHINE65   56,189
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New time off policy

Saturday, April 07, 2012

Notice to Employees (Includes Part Time Workers)


We will no longer accept your doctors' statements as proof.

We believe if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to work.


We are no longer allowing this practice. As long as you are employed here, you will need all of whatever you have and should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than we bargained for. Anyone having operations will be FIRED immediately.


In the event of extreme pregnancy, you will be allowed to go to the first aid room when the pains are FIVE MINUTES apart. If it is false labor, you will have to take an hour's leave without pay.


This will be accepted as an excuse, BUT we would like two weeks notice, as we feel it is your duty to teach someone your job prior to . . . or after death.

This new benefit program started yesterday.

The Management

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SKMINNY 4/8/2012 12:26PM

    Wow for real? Its way to harsh! does sound like they are serious!

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ALICERIEGER 4/8/2012 9:58AM

    I think a lot of companies would like to enforce those guidelines.

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LANAMFECI 4/7/2012 7:56PM

    Too close to believable.

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Head scratching signs

Saturday, April 07, 2012

- Signs In a clothing store:
"Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."

- In the window of an Oregon general store:
"Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?"

- In a Pennsylvania cemetary:
"Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves."

- On a Tennessee highway:
"Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable."

- From the safety information card in America WestAirline seat pocket:
"If you are sitting in an exit row and can not read this card, please tell a crew member."

- On a Maine shop:
"Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship."

- On a delicatessen wall:
"Our best is none too good."

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALICERIEGER 4/7/2012 10:09AM

    Really makes on wonder.

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HELEN_BRU 4/7/2012 9:35AM


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AQUAGIRL08 4/7/2012 9:09AM

    Thanks for the laugh! These were great!

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ALICIA214 4/7/2012 12:15AM


Don't you just love those ads! obviously proof reading is not part of the job description
but then if it was we would not have anything to have a giggle over.
Thanks for sharing. emoticon

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A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes...

Friday, April 06, 2012

to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results.

"I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left."

"Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "Give it to me straight, Doc. How long have I got?"

"Ten," the doctor says sadly.

"Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!"


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WENDYJM4 4/7/2012 1:58AM

    wow. to late to plan LOL

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FITANDFIFTY2 4/7/2012 12:17AM

    Lol.. loved it! Happy Easter!! emoticon

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KNITTINGNAN 4/7/2012 12:11AM

  Your jokes often leave me speechless....On the other hand...

That same man went to see his doctor because he could not control his farting. The doctor politely listened to his problem and left the room. When he returned he was carrying a long pole with a large hook at the end of it. Shocked, the man stood up and asked the doctor what he was going to do. Calmly the doctor responded, "I'm opening the window. It stinks in here!"


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Managers' Quotes

Friday, April 06, 2012

Recently, a magazine ran a contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life managers. Here are some of the submissions:

- As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks. (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corp in Redmond, WA.)

- What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter. (Lykes Lines Shipping)

- E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

- This project is so important, we can't let things that are more important interfere with it. (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

- Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them. (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

- Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say." (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

- We recently received a memo from senior management saying: "This is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the subject mentioned above." (Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division)

- One day my Boss asked for a status report concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough. He said "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!" (New business manager, Hallmark Greeting Cards.)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WHITE_ELEPHANT 4/7/2012 1:59PM

    Haha Dilbert much?? Thanks for sharing the jokes! We can use some lightness around SP :)

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ALICERIEGER 4/7/2012 10:12AM

    Sounds like someone failed their communication class.

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CJSARGENT1 4/6/2012 10:53AM


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RANDOM00B 4/6/2012 9:53AM

    Wow--the one from Microsoft was crazy. I needed a good chuckle today; thanks for posting !! emoticon

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GRANDMA624 4/6/2012 9:32AM


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    emoticon. emoticon love them!

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Air Bashing

Wednesday, April 04, 2012

While taxiing at London Gatwick, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going! I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between 'C' and 'D', but get it right!"

Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"

"Yes ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out in Gatwick was definitely running high.

Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NAYPOOIE 4/5/2012 12:15PM


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HELEN_BRU 4/5/2012 12:01PM

    Good one!

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ALICERIEGER 4/5/2012 8:40AM

    Love it!

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KICK-SS 4/4/2012 11:22PM


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