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Warning - Please read .

Thursday, March 22, 2012

You've no doubt heard about people who have been abducted and had their kidneys removed by black-market organ thieves.

My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. I went to sleep and woke up with someone else's thighs. It was just that quick. The replacements had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Whose thighs were these and what happened to Mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my
life in jeans. And then the thieves struck again.

My arse was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear-end to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. But my new arse was attached at least
three inches lower than my original! I realized I'd have to give up my jeans in favour of long skirts.

Two years ago I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was fixing my hair and was horrified to see the fleshy upper arm swing to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary - my body was being replaced one section at a time. What could they do to me next?

When my poor neck suddenly disappeared and was replaced with a turkey neck, I decided to tell my story. Women of the world wake up and smell the coffee! Those 'plastic' surgeons
are using REAL replacement body parts - stolen from you and Me! The next time someone you know has something 'lifted', Look again - was it lifted from you?

THIS IS NOT A HOAX. This is happening to women everywhere every night.

WARN YOUR FRIENDS!

P. S. Last year I thought someone had stolen my Boobs. I was lying in bed and they were gone! But when I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in
my armpits as I slept. Now I keep them hidden in my waistband.

Have a wonderful day - with a joy filled heart. Always remember to Laugh!! Helps the heart AND the wrinkles!!

P.P.S. Those same thieves just came into my closet and shrank my clothes! How do they do that????

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WILSON425 3/25/2012 10:33AM

    I hear you, GF. Those dirty buggers! I am going to start locking my doors at night. (I think they have been in my closet too.) LOL

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IZEE52 3/23/2012 5:32PM

    OMG this was the best!! Thanks for the biggest laugh of the day

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MEPOOHBEAR2 3/23/2012 10:11AM

  I must say that you always make my day. This is so funny and I do appreciate the daily laugh. Not sure where you come up with it all but thanks for sharing. I look forward each day to seeing something to laugh about through you. Keep it up and thanks again.

emoticon

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GAMMY98 3/23/2012 8:45AM

    Loved this made me think of the time I was visiting my daughter Beth and her 2 oldest kids was making the flab hanging down on my upper arm swing back and forth. Beth told them to stop doing it.

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PAULAAUTUMN 3/23/2012 8:11AM

    That is so funny thanks for making me smile. emoticon

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BAKER1009 3/23/2012 7:51AM

    LOL! So funny...thanks for the laugh!

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LUVMYCRAZYKIDS 3/22/2012 11:50PM

    Oh my gosh...I am totally ADDING you as a friend & hope you don't mind! It's that kind of comic relief I need in my life!!

Yes, the BOOBS! HAHAHAHA!!!! LOVE it!

Watch out for yourself! I hear your hair is such a lovely color...they took mine and replaced it with these curly grey dog hairs!!!

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MISSUSRIVERRAT 3/22/2012 11:11PM

    Now that is really funny stuff!! You had me laughing through the whole thing. Unfortunately, I can relate to all of this!


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AUNTRENEE 3/22/2012 11:11PM

    You just made my day. I look and feel like this right now. Thanks for the laugh.

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TRACYKHOLM45 3/22/2012 11:11PM

    OMG!!! I love it, thanks for the really good belly laugh. emoticon

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ELSCO55 3/22/2012 11:10PM

    emoticon

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Borrowed the Car

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned.

There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, "I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star."

Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from thoughout the house, from basement to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, "Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid through college somehow, don't I?"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALICERIEGER 3/21/2012 6:06PM

    Wow!

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HELEN_BRU 3/20/2012 2:33PM

    Should have seen that coming! It's funny when it happens to other people. emoticon

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Business first

Monday, March 19, 2012

My son, Scott, an insurance broker in Florida, loves ocean fishing and takes his cell phone along on the boat. One morning we were drifting about ten miles offshore as Scott discussed business on the phone.

Suddenly his rod bent double, and the reel screamed as line poured off the spool. Scott was master of the situation. "Pardon me," he told his customer calmly. "I have a call on another line."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALICERIEGER 3/20/2012 10:06AM

    Fast thinking!

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I Can Drive a Stick

Monday, March 19, 2012

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CAMPCOULTER 3/19/2012 11:03PM

    Congrats! Glad you Joined the Club emoticon

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ALICERIEGER 3/19/2012 10:35PM

    That is the kind of stick I can handle!

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GRANDMA624 3/19/2012 8:41AM

  emoticon emoticon

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HELEN_BRU 3/19/2012 8:33AM

    Love it! emoticon

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NAYPOOIE 3/19/2012 2:41AM

    Been doing it for years.

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CHIBIKARATE 3/19/2012 2:24AM

    ha ha ha so can I to funny enjoy your day fiilled with laughter and huggzzz

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Gotta Love The Irish

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.   Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me.   If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!' 
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'


Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and asks the first man he meets, 'Do you want to go to heaven?' 
The man said, 'I do, Father.'
The priest said, 'Then stand over there against the wall.' Then the priest asked the second man, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'
'Certainly, Father,' the man replied. 
'Then stand over there against the wall,' said the priest. 
Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and asked, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'
O'Toole said, 'No, I don't Father.' 
The priest said, 'I don't believe this.   You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?'
O'Toole said, 'Oh, when I die , yes..   I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.'


Paddy was in  New York. He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing.   The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, 'Okay, pedestrians.'   Then he'd allow the traffic to pass. He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.
After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, 'Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?'


Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died.   He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.  'Did you see the paper?' asked Gallagher. 'They say I died!!'
'Yes, I saw it!' replied Finney.   'Where are ye callin' from?'


An Irish priest is driving down to  New York    and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut .   The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.  
He says, 'Sir, have you been drinking?'
'Just water,' says the priest.
The trooper says, 'Then why do I smell wine?'
The priest looks at the bottle and says, 'Good Lord! He's done it again!'


Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman.' 
'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how did this one end?'
'When it was over,' Mike replied, 'She came to me on her hands and knees.'
'Really,' said Charles, 'Now that's a switch!   What did she say?' 
She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'


Patton staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy.   He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen. 
He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step.   As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump.   A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful. 
Managing not to yell, Patton sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding.   He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood. He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.. 
In the morning, Patton woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kath leen staring at him from across the room. 
She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?'
Patton said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?'
'Well,' Kathleen said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly ........ it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RAWHIDE64 3/18/2012 1:02PM

    Great! I agree - last is best.

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GRANDMA624 3/18/2012 9:13AM

  emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ALICERIEGER 3/18/2012 5:14AM

    great!

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WILSON425 3/17/2012 11:01AM

    I liked them all but the last one was the best. emoticon

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HELEN_BRU 3/17/2012 10:49AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NAYPOOIE 3/17/2012 3:12AM

    last is best

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