SUNSHINE65   67,412
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You Know You've Had Too Much Coffee When...

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

*Juan Valdez names his donkey after you


*You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked


*You grind your coffee beans in your mouth


*You sleep with your eyes open


*You have to watch videos in fast-forward


*You lick your coffee pot clean


*Your eyes stay open when you sneeze


*The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse


*You can type sixty words a minute with your feet


*You can jump-start your car without cables


*Your only sources of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low" 


*You don't sweat, you percolate
*You've worn out the handle on your favorite coffee mug


*You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee


*You've worn the finish off you coffee table


*The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you


*Starbuck's owns the mortgage on your house


*You're so wired you pick up FM radio


*Your life's goal is to "amount to a hill of beans"


*Instant coffee takes too long


*You want to be cremated just so you can spend eternity in a coffee can


*You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar" 


*Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position


*Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RAWHIDE64 3/16/2012 9:11AM

    Yup, that's me, except that I don't have cats. emoticon

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MRSVK11 3/14/2012 8:03PM

    I do think that coffee is the elixir of life but I'm not quite as bad off as I thought.

emoticon

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BARCLE 3/14/2012 1:31PM

    emoticon emoticon

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GERIKRAGH 3/14/2012 11:53AM

    I like coffee, just not that much!

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ALICERIEGER 3/14/2012 11:25AM

    I'm on my way there. Thanks

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GRANDMA624 3/14/2012 11:23AM

  I'm a coffee drinker, but not this bad. emoticon emoticon

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MI-ELLKAYBEE 3/14/2012 10:37AM

    This DEFINED me til I started SparkPeople and found out tea counts as water. Now I drink about 20 cups of tea a day, plus one coffee, and "some" plain water. I am still a coffee-holic in my heart!
emoticon

emoticon vs emoticon or both????

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FIT-HEALTHY1 3/14/2012 9:30AM

    Really cute post. Thanks for the smile today! I love coffee by the way. emoticon

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Or a bartender...

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Jay went to a psychiatrist. “Doc, he said, “I’ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed I think there is somebody under it. I get under the bed; I think there’s somebody on top of it. Top, under, under top. I’m going crazy!”

“Just put yourself in my hands for two years,” said the shrink. “Come to me three times a week and I’ll cure you.”

“How much do you charge?”

“A hundred dollars per visit.”

“I’ll think about it.”

Jay never went back. Some time later he met the doctor on the street. “Why didn’t you ever come to see me again? Asked the psychiatrist.

“For a hundred buck a visit? A bartender cured me for 10 dollars.”

“Is that so! How?”

“He told me to cut the legs off the bed.”

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MRSVK11 3/14/2012 8:04PM

    common sense prevailed...lol

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JULIAJEAN2 3/14/2012 12:55PM

    Hahaha! I had never heard that one before. Most bartender cures are only temporary this one sounded like it could work. Thanks for sharing a laugh with me today. Hope you have a wonderful one! Julia

P.S. I read your Spark page and just love your attitude. Hope you don't mind, but I just have to add you on my spark page as a friend. Keep on sparking with your wonderful attitude. Love it!

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ALICERIEGER 3/14/2012 11:26AM

    Makes sense to me.

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GRANDMA624 3/14/2012 11:25AM

  emoticon emoticon

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WILSON425 3/14/2012 10:01AM

    Sounds like a better idea to me! LOL

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12-step Jargon

Monday, March 12, 2012

Twelve-step jargon has seeped into the language. I was trying to get my son to do his homework. "What's the assignment?" I asked.

"Write a paper on a national leader," he answered.

I pressed, "And what's the first step?"

"Admitting I have a problem?"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALICERIEGER 3/15/2012 10:48AM

    Love it! Thanks

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BROOKRIVERS 3/12/2012 9:17PM

    Oh, this is so funny. I'm going to see if my teens get it. I'm still laughing even as I write this!

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You're so dumb...

Saturday, March 10, 2012

- Spent a decade on the leading edge of drug experimentation.

- Still boots to DOS.

- Still sending messages with his secret decoder ring.

- Still traumatized from the forest fire in "Bambi".

- Stuck on the down escalator of life.

- Stumped by anything child-proof.

- Subtle as a well-thrown brick.

- Suffers from Clue Deficit Disorder.

- Surfing in Nebraska.

- Switch is on, but no one's receiving.

- Takes 1.5 hours to watch "60 Minutes".

- Takes an hour to cook minute rice.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NAYPOOIE 3/12/2012 11:24AM

    I don't boot to DOS, but I confess I still use a batch file to back up

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EXOTEC 3/12/2012 11:02AM

    Oh man! these are so "me"!!! LOL

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GRANDMA624 3/12/2012 5:36AM

  emoticon emoticon

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ALICERIEGER 3/11/2012 4:29PM

    Stumped by anything childproof - that's me. Thans againg for the chuckle.

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BROOKRIVERS 3/10/2012 11:24PM

    Clue Deficit Disorder -- gotta remember that one!

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TWEETYKC00 3/10/2012 9:24PM

    Love them!

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Dating Game?

Saturday, March 10, 2012

A male frog goes to a psychic. The psychic tells him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog becomes excited, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?"

"No," says the psychic, "in her biology class."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WILSON425 3/14/2012 10:04AM

    emoticonOh cr@p!

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GRANDMA624 3/12/2012 5:40AM

  emoticon Oh no!!!

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ALICERIEGER 3/11/2012 4:29PM

    Ooops! Thanks.

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TUTUNAN 3/11/2012 2:48PM

    I love your posts. emoticon

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