SUNSHINE65   50,171
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Or a bartender...

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Jay went to a psychiatrist. “Doc, he said, “I’ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed I think there is somebody under it. I get under the bed; I think there’s somebody on top of it. Top, under, under top. I’m going crazy!”

“Just put yourself in my hands for two years,” said the shrink. “Come to me three times a week and I’ll cure you.”

“How much do you charge?”

“A hundred dollars per visit.”

“I’ll think about it.”

Jay never went back. Some time later he met the doctor on the street. “Why didn’t you ever come to see me again? Asked the psychiatrist.

“For a hundred buck a visit? A bartender cured me for 10 dollars.”

“Is that so! How?”

“He told me to cut the legs off the bed.”

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MRSVK11 3/14/2012 8:04PM

    common sense prevailed...lol

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JULIAJEAN2 3/14/2012 12:55PM

    Hahaha! I had never heard that one before. Most bartender cures are only temporary this one sounded like it could work. Thanks for sharing a laugh with me today. Hope you have a wonderful one! Julia

P.S. I read your Spark page and just love your attitude. Hope you don't mind, but I just have to add you on my spark page as a friend. Keep on sparking with your wonderful attitude. Love it!

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ALICERIEGER 3/14/2012 11:26AM

    Makes sense to me.

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GRANDMA624 3/14/2012 11:25AM

  emoticon emoticon

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WILSON425 3/14/2012 10:01AM

    Sounds like a better idea to me! LOL

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12-step Jargon

Monday, March 12, 2012

Twelve-step jargon has seeped into the language. I was trying to get my son to do his homework. "What's the assignment?" I asked.

"Write a paper on a national leader," he answered.

I pressed, "And what's the first step?"

"Admitting I have a problem?"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALICERIEGER 3/15/2012 10:48AM

    Love it! Thanks

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BROOKRIVERS 3/12/2012 9:17PM

    Oh, this is so funny. I'm going to see if my teens get it. I'm still laughing even as I write this!

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You're so dumb...

Saturday, March 10, 2012

- Spent a decade on the leading edge of drug experimentation.

- Still boots to DOS.

- Still sending messages with his secret decoder ring.

- Still traumatized from the forest fire in "Bambi".

- Stuck on the down escalator of life.

- Stumped by anything child-proof.

- Subtle as a well-thrown brick.

- Suffers from Clue Deficit Disorder.

- Surfing in Nebraska.

- Switch is on, but no one's receiving.

- Takes 1.5 hours to watch "60 Minutes".

- Takes an hour to cook minute rice.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NAYPOOIE 3/12/2012 11:24AM

    I don't boot to DOS, but I confess I still use a batch file to back up

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EXOTEC 3/12/2012 11:02AM

    Oh man! these are so "me"!!! LOL

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GRANDMA624 3/12/2012 5:36AM

  emoticon emoticon

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ALICERIEGER 3/11/2012 4:29PM

    Stumped by anything childproof - that's me. Thans againg for the chuckle.

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BROOKRIVERS 3/10/2012 11:24PM

    Clue Deficit Disorder -- gotta remember that one!

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TWEETYKC00 3/10/2012 9:24PM

    Love them!

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Dating Game?

Saturday, March 10, 2012

A male frog goes to a psychic. The psychic tells him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog becomes excited, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?"

"No," says the psychic, "in her biology class."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WILSON425 3/14/2012 10:04AM

    emoticonOh cr@p!

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GRANDMA624 3/12/2012 5:40AM

  emoticon Oh no!!!

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ALICERIEGER 3/11/2012 4:29PM

    Ooops! Thanks.

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TUTUNAN 3/11/2012 2:48PM

    I love your posts. emoticon

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Definition of a Million

Wednesday, March 07, 2012

A man was praying to God.

He said, "God!?"

God responded, "Yes?"

And the guy said, "Can I ask a question?"

"Go right ahead," God said.

"God, what is a million years to you?"

God said, "a million years to me is only a second."

"Hmmm," the man wondered. Then he asked, "God, what is a million dollars worth to you?"

God said, "a million dollars to me is as a penny."

So the man said, "God. Can I have a penny?"

And God cheerfully said, "Sure!!.....just a second."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BEMORESTUBBORN 3/11/2012 12:40PM

    LOL!

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GRANDMA624 3/9/2012 8:22AM

  So cute!! emoticon$$$ emoticon

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BROOKRIVERS 3/7/2012 4:16PM

    emoticon You're getting me to smile . . . yet again!

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NAYPOOIE 3/7/2012 12:48PM

    Always knew God had a sense of humor.

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KELLI9001 3/7/2012 11:55AM

    Love that!! And so true.

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ALICERIEGER 3/7/2012 10:52AM

    Now that makes you think.
Thanks

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HELEN_BRU 3/7/2012 8:37AM

    emoticon

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