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Funny Signs

Sunday, February 26, 2012

On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
**************************
At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for,
you've come to the right place."
**************************
On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
**************************
On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
**************************
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee :
"Invite us to your next blowout."
**************************
At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
**************************
On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
**************************
In a Non-smoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
**************************
On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
**************************
On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."
**************************
On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"
**************************
At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet -
miss a car payment"
**************************
Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
**************************
In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
**************************
At the Electric Company
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be."
**************************
In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry;
come on in and get fed up."
**************************
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."
**************************
At a Propane Filling Station:
"Thank heaven for little grills."
**************************
And don't forget the sign at
A RADIATOR SHOP:
"Best place in town to take a leak."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MI-ELLKAYBEE 2/29/2012 11:47AM

    Where do you find this great material? emoticon emoticon emoticon

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COACHPENNY 2/28/2012 5:24PM

    Those are neat...I posted a thread with a link to your blog on Soapbox and added a few more from this site....

http://www.roadtrip
america.com/signs/signs.htm


We need a little humor once in a while!

Comment edited on: 2/28/2012 5:25:23 PM

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BOO-SHAY 2/28/2012 2:58AM

    emoticon emoticon

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23KAIYA 2/27/2012 3:29PM

    Love them!

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BARCLE 2/27/2012 1:48PM

    emoticon

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NAYPOOIE 2/27/2012 12:03PM

    they get my business!

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CJSARGENT1 2/27/2012 11:16AM

    emoticon

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ALICERIEGER 2/27/2012 10:08AM

    Love a sense of humor. Thanks

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IDLETYME 2/27/2012 9:05AM

    Those are really funny - Thanks!!! emoticon emoticon

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HELEN_BRU 2/27/2012 8:58AM

    Real funny!

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GRANDMA624 2/27/2012 5:46AM

  Those are great! emoticon

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A Good Pun is Its Own Reword

Sunday, February 26, 2012

- A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

- Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

- Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

- A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

- Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

- Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

- Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.

- When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

- A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

- What's the definition of a will? (Come on, It's a dead giveaway!)

- A backward poet writes inverse.

- In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

- A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

- Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you A flat minor.

- When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

- The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

- A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

- You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

- Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

- He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

- Every calendar's days are numbered.

- A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.

- A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

- He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

- A plateau is a high form of flattery.

- The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

- Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

- Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

- When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

- Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

- Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

- Acupuncture is a jab well done.

- Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

- The poor guy fell into a glass grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself.

And Finally, This...

Doctor, Doctor, I can't get to sleep.
Sit on the edge of the bed and you'll soon drop off.

Doctor, Doctor You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking
Do you drink a lot?
Not really - I spill most of it!

Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a woodworm
How boring for you!

Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a bridge
What's come over you?
Oh, two cars, a large truck and a coach.

Doctor, Doctor I think I'm an electric eel
That's shocking!

Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a python
You can't get round me just like that you know!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALICERIEGER 2/28/2012 8:47AM

    Thanks I needed a good chuckle.

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GRANDMA624 2/26/2012 7:13PM

  emoticon emoticon

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REACHING4HOME 2/26/2012 7:08PM

    Very, very clever.

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AQUAGIRL08 2/26/2012 4:45PM

    That was great! Thanks for giving me a smile today!

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BOO-SHAY 2/26/2012 2:41PM

    emoticon emoticon

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MZZCHIEF 2/26/2012 1:13PM

    I ADORE a good pun so you've just put me over the top an entire page of these beauties!

Thanks for expanding my daily smile quota!

: )
Mzzchief

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GATORJOY 2/26/2012 9:26AM

    emoticon

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ONUTHIN125 2/26/2012 6:46AM

    emoticon Spark ON! emoticon

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JBINAUSTIN 2/26/2012 3:18AM

    Tee hee!

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HELEN_BRU 2/26/2012 2:34AM

    Good Puns!

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THE REALISM ACTOR

Saturday, February 25, 2012

A man went into the pet shop, "I am playing Long John Silver in the local amateur dramatic societies version of Treasure Island and need a parrot to sit on my shoulder," he said.

"I don't have any parrots at the moment, but you wouldn't want a real parrot for that. It would squawk in all the wrong places, poop on your shoulder and generally be a nuisance. What you need is a stuffed parrot. Just as realistic and easily controlled."

"I'm not sure a stuffed parrot would be okay," said the customer. "I do want this performance to be as realistic as possible."

"I am sure a stuffed parrot would be fine," said the pet shop owner. "I have one at home. I'll bring it in and if you come back on Thursday you can have it."

"Sorry," said the customer, "I can't make it on Thursday. That's the day I'm having my leg cut off."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALICERIEGER 2/28/2012 8:49AM

    A Little to realistic I think.

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HELEN_BRU 2/26/2012 2:34AM

    Funny!

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USEFUL WORK PHRASES

Saturday, February 25, 2012

1. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

2. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

3. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

4. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

5. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.

6. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

7. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

8. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

9. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

10. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

11. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

12. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

13. No, my powers can only be used for good.

14. How about never? Is never good for you?

15. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

16. You sound reasonable. Time to up my medication.

17. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

18. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message .

19. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

20. Who me? I just wander from room to room.

21. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!

22. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.

23. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.

24. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

25. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

26. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ECOVEG 2/26/2012 11:46PM

    awesome. stealing.

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GRANDMA624 2/26/2012 7:12PM

  emoticon emoticon

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NAYPOOIE 2/26/2012 2:13PM

    I'm going to have to use these.

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REDRUDY5 2/26/2012 1:05AM

  emoticon

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Cook's Helper

Saturday, February 25, 2012



If it's too small to read, click this link:

www.arcamax.com/thefunnies/pickles/

  


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