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Allee Oop!

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer meets him before the race and says, "All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, 'ALLLLEEE OOOP!' really loudly in the horse's ear. Providing you do that, you'll be fine."

The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer's ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers "Aleeee ooop" in the horse's ear. The same thing happens--the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, "It's no good, I'll have to do it," and yells, "ALLLEEE OOOP!" really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems the horse only finishes third.

The trainer is fuming and asks the jockey what went wrong. The jockey replies, "Nothing is wrong with me--it's this bloody horse. What is he--deaf or something?"

The trainer replies, "Deaf?? DEAF?? He's not deaf--he's BLIND!"


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRANDMA624 2/25/2012 8:30AM

  emoticon emoticon

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DREAMNSCHEME 2/23/2012 2:54PM

    lol, thanks for sharing!

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HELEN_BRU 2/23/2012 9:22AM

    Nice way to start the day!

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ALICERIEGER 2/21/2012 8:07AM

    Thanks

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DRB13_1 2/21/2012 12:23AM

    funny

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DWILCZKO 2/21/2012 12:12AM

  :)

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You Are What You Eat

Monday, February 20, 2012

Two friends went out to dinner. They were reading through the menu
when one friend remarked to the other that scientist say we are what we eat.

The other friend replied, "I don't know if that's true, but let's err on the side
of caution and order something rich!"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ELLFIN3 2/20/2012 3:20PM

    emoticon Thanks!! ((HUGS))!!

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ALICERIEGER 2/20/2012 10:46AM

    That is one way of thinking. Thanks

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MI-ELLKAYBEE 2/20/2012 10:19AM

    If only that were possible....

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SUPERMOUSE35 2/20/2012 9:52AM

    Ha!

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LATTELEE 2/20/2012 12:55AM

  Love it!

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Mixed metaphors

Sunday, February 19, 2012

English professors love to catch the errors students make in their term papers, and they love nothing better than to catch mixed metaphors. The "friends and survivors" of Calvin College English department collected this list of mixed metaphors and posted them on their web site:

"He swept the rug under the carpet."
"She's burning the midnight oil at both ends."
"It was so cold last night I had to throw another blanket on the fire."
"It's time to step up to the plate and cut the mustard."
"She's robbing Peter to pay the piper."
"He's up a tree without a paddle."
"Beware my friend...you are skating on hot water."
"Keep your ear to the grindstone."
"Sometimes you've gotta stick your neck out on a limb."
"Some people sail through life on a bed of roses like a knife slicing through butter."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

2BEATIT1 2/19/2012 7:33PM

    You always give us a chuckle.
Thanks for sharing. emoticon

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ALICERIEGER 2/19/2012 11:27AM

    You have done it again. I got my morning chuckle. Thanks

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Mary Lou

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Lisa came up behind her husband while he was drinking his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head.

"Ow!" Larry exclaimed. "What was that for?"

"I found a piece of paper in your pants with the name 'Mary Lou' written on it," she said angrily. "You better have a good explanation!"

"Calm down, honey," Larry said. "I was at the dog track last week and that was the name of the dog I bet on."

Later that same day, Lisa walked up to her husband and smacked him hard on the forehead when he walked in the door from work.

"What the heck was that for?" he demanded.

"Your dog just called."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUPERMOUSE35 2/19/2012 1:18AM

    Heh, good one.

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ALICERIEGER 2/18/2012 12:19PM

    Thanks

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FITANDFIFTY2 2/18/2012 2:35AM

    Lol,, oh dear,,, seems someone is in the "dog-house" now...:)
Have a great weekend!

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SHOTGUN

Saturday, February 18, 2012

A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle. "It's for my husband," she tells the clerk.

"Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asked the clerk.

"Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesn't even know that I'm going to shoot him!"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALICERIEGER 2/20/2012 10:47AM

    My morning chuckle Thanks!

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HELEN_BRU 2/18/2012 12:34PM

    LOL

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