SUNSHINE65   56,135
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If Only You Had Looked...

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Two men waiting at the Pearly Gates strike up a conversation.

"How'd you die?" the first man asks the second.

"I froze to death," says the second.

"That's awful," says the first man. "How does it feel to freeze to death?"

"It's very uncomfortable at first," says the second man. "You get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping. How about you, how did you die?"

"I had a heart attack," says the first man. "You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting. I rushed down to the basement, but no one was hiding there. I ran up to the second floor, but found no one there either. I went as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died."

The second man shakes his head. "That's so ironic," he says.

"What do you mean?" asks the first man.

"If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both be still alive."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALICERIEGER 1/31/2012 10:46AM

    Why we have to learn to behave ourselves. Thanks

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GRANDMA624 1/31/2012 5:37AM

  emoticon emoticon

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LINMHEATH 1/31/2012 2:12AM

    LOL -awww.. i feel kinda bad for laughing at that one...

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Polish sausage

Monday, January 30, 2012

Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days:

A customer asked, "In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?"

The clerk asks, "Are you Polish?"

The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for

Italian sausage , would you ask me if I was Italian?

Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?

"Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?

Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican? Or if I asked for some Irish

whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?"

The clerk says, "No, I probably wouldn't."

The guy says, "Well then, because I asked for Polish sausage, why did you ask me if I'm

Polish?"

The clerk replied, "Because you're in Home Depot."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRANDMA624 2/2/2012 10:30AM

  emoticon emoticon

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GRAMMAP1 1/30/2012 9:36PM

    Uh Huh, Good one! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CJSARGENT1 1/30/2012 5:15PM

    hohohoh loved it

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ELLFIN3 1/30/2012 2:38PM

    emoticon

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NAYPOOIE 1/30/2012 12:11PM

    LOL

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ALICERIEGER 1/30/2012 11:06AM

    Thanks to you I can start my day with laughter.

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SIMPLIFYLIFE 1/30/2012 10:21AM

    Awesome.. giggles.. thanks for the laughs...

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PEEDLE 1/30/2012 7:26AM

    I don't know how you come up with all of these,
but keep it up.
I enjoy light-hearted fun.

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MRE1956 1/30/2012 6:37AM

    D'oh!

emoticon

emoticon

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GDY2SHUZ 1/30/2012 2:02AM

    emoticon Thanks for sharing.

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RIEUADMIRER 1/30/2012 1:53AM

  I nearly choked laughing at this! You have just brightened my day!
Regards Sylvia

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Some Police Quotes

Sunday, January 29, 2012

"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?"

"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

"Life's tough, it's tougher if you're stupid."

"No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

"Just how big were those two beers?

"In God we trust, all others are suspects."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRANDMA624 2/3/2012 5:27AM

  emoticon emoticon

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STILLAMARINE 1/29/2012 3:30PM

    How big were those two beers? THat's great! I can't think of how many times I've been told theyve only had two beers! But that one time I had a guy tell me he had 3, I knew he was going for a ride!

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ALICERIEGER 1/29/2012 12:44PM

    I like them. Thanks

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MZZCHIEF 1/29/2012 12:19PM

    Thanks for the smiles.
Ya, I can image police officers get to hear a lot of tall tales... prime breeding ground for snarky comebacks!

: )
Mzzchief

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STRINGS58 1/29/2012 11:36AM

    good ones!

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MRE1956 1/29/2012 8:08AM

    emoticon

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GRAMPIAN 1/29/2012 6:00AM

  I enjoyed these! emoticon

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I would have given him 100%

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Q 1. In which battle did Napoleon die?*
his last battle

Q 2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?*
at the bottom of the page

Q 3. River Ravi flows in which state?*
liquid

Q 4. What is the main reason for divorce?*
marriage

Q 5. What is the main reason for failure?*
exams

Q 6. What can you never eat for breakfast?*
Lunch & dinner

Q 7. What looks like half an apple?*
The other half

Q 8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?*
It will simply become wet

Q 9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?*
No problem, he sleeps at night.

Q 10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?*
You will never find an elephant that has only one hand.

Q 11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ?*
Very large hands

Q 12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?*
No time at all, the wall is already built.

Q 13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?*
Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TUTUNAN 1/28/2012 2:07PM

    Love your blogs...........

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BARCLE 1/28/2012 1:16AM

    I certainly would have too - that's my kinda smartass emoticon

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ALICERIEGER 1/27/2012 10:17AM

    Three cheers for orginality. Someone was thinking out of the box.

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GRANDMA624 1/27/2012 5:39AM

  Cute emoticon

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AANGEL3 1/27/2012 2:13AM

    emoticon

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LE7_1234 1/26/2012 11:52PM

    Thanks for the laugh! emoticon

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Get Your Own

Thursday, January 26, 2012

One day a group of scientists got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God. So they picked one scientist to go and tell Him that they were done with Him.

The scientist walked up to God and said, "God, we've decided that we no longer need you. We're to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don't you just go on and get lost?"

God listened very patiently and kindly to the man. After the scientist was done talking, God said, "Very well, how about this? Let's say we have a man-making contest." To which the scientist replied, "Okay, great!"

But, God added, "Now, we're going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam."

The scientist said, "Sure, no problem" and bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt.

God looked at him and said, "No, no, no. You go get your own dirt."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALICERIEGER 1/26/2012 11:58AM

    Great! A point we sometimes forget.

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SEYSARAH 1/26/2012 1:55AM

    Loved this, thanks so much for sharing!

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