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The Rules of Chocolate

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

- If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.

- Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

- The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.

- Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite, and you'll eat less.

- If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.

- If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other?

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LINDAF49 12/30/2011 12:50PM

    emoticonGood for my spirits but not for resolution to cut the carbs...now seriously - which chocolate is best for low carb?


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ECONLADY 12/30/2011 12:47AM

    I like the one about heights. This reminds me of what a friend told me. There are four basic food groups: dark,semi,milk and white.

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MARYB73 12/29/2011 7:11PM

    You always have something to brighten this Oregon weather.

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GGMOM06 12/29/2011 4:22PM

    emoticon emoticon

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EILISH99 12/29/2011 3:42PM

    emoticon

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REACHING4HOME 12/29/2011 3:35PM

    I love this. I think these should be posted in every single candy store and birthing room so families know what to expect if they have a girl.

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NAYPOOIE 12/29/2011 12:33PM

    I already knew that!

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ILOVETOCRUISE 12/29/2011 8:38AM

    This is great. I agree.
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ELSCO55 12/28/2011 10:22PM

    Love it

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Ways to Confuse Santa

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.

While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.

Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.

While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly.

Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit!

Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding signs that say "We hate Christmas," and "Go away Santa."

Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way home.

Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the chimney. Refuse to let him leave until the strippers arrive.

While he's in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it. As soon as he comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldn't have missed that last payment, and take off.

Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out, with a note that says, "For The Tooth Fairy. :)" Leave another plate out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a dirty glass with a note that says, "For Santa."


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NAYPOOIE 12/27/2011 4:06AM

    What are you trying to do, supplement your winter heating by getting a stocking full of coal?

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GRANDMA624 12/25/2011 12:31PM

  I'm not one to mess around with Santa!! emoticon

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SWEETSOUNDS11 12/24/2011 11:54PM

    Too funny!

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Ways to Confuse Santa

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.

While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.

Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.

While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly.

Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit!

Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding signs that say "We hate Christmas," and "Go away Santa."

Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way home.

Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the chimney. Refuse to let him leave until the strippers arrive.

While he's in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it. As soon as he comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldn't have missed that last payment, and take off.

Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out, with a note that says, "For The Tooth Fairy. :)" Leave another plate out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a dirty glass with a note that says, "For Santa."


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

POOH_BEAR_69 1/23/2012 11:00PM

    Poor Santa... He already gets tortured in the mall by all the rugrats... This is adding insult to injury! emoticon

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2BEATIT1 12/27/2011 11:37AM

    That's a different take on Santa. lol

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ALICERIEGER 12/27/2011 10:28AM

    Personally I like Santa - I wouldn't want to confuse him, He might forget to leave my present!

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REDRUDY5 12/25/2011 1:18PM

  emoticon

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IDLETYME 12/25/2011 6:24AM

    Great - Thanks for sharing! emoticon

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MOMMA_BEAR_69 12/25/2011 1:22AM

    emoticon


emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MARGIE4230 12/24/2011 9:42PM

    emoticon

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You Better Watch Out...

Friday, December 23, 2011

As we were putting out cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve, I accidentally dropped one. "No problem," I said, picking it up and dusting it off before placing it back on the plate.

"You can't do that," argued my four-year-old.

"Don't worry. Santa will never know."

He shot me a look. "So he knows if I've been bad or good, but he doesn't know if you dropped a cookie on the floor?"

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRANDMA624 12/25/2011 12:33PM

  emoticon

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KICK-SS 12/23/2011 8:34PM

    Sometimes these little ones are too smart for their own britches!! That was cute and I can sure see a child saying that....

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CJSARGENT1 12/23/2011 7:20PM

    love it

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REACHING4HOME 12/23/2011 4:57PM

    I love it! Kids really do say the darndest things.

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YELLOWDAHLIA 12/23/2011 12:33PM

    LoL- that's funny!

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NAYPOOIE 12/23/2011 11:37AM

    Of course he knows! What were you thinking?

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ALICERIEGER 12/23/2011 9:39AM

    Ah!! The wisdom of children. Thanks

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Be specific.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

A ten year old daughter asked her mother what a colon was and she explained that it was a part of the body that food goes through before being eliminated. Then the girl asked her what a semicolon was and the mother told her that it was a colon the size of a truck with eighteen wheels.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRANDMA624 12/23/2011 9:32AM

  emoticon emoticon emoticon

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REDRUDY5 12/21/2011 2:42PM

  emoticon

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ALICERIEGER 12/21/2011 2:21PM

    That should have confused everyone. LOL

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FAITH2BWELL 12/21/2011 5:37AM

    LOL LOL LOL LOL.

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