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Things To Do In An Elevator

Sunday, November 20, 2011

1) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

3) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on.

4) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

5) Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.

6) Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.

7) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.

8) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

9) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"

10) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

11) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"

12) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

13) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

14) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

15) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is MY personal space!"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

2BEATIT1 11/29/2011 4:09PM

    You are sooooooo funny.
Thanks for sharing

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MARYB73 11/20/2011 5:17PM

    I don't know where you find all of your blog posts, but keep up the good work.

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ALICERIEGER 11/20/2011 8:56AM

    That would certainly break the monotony! Thanks

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GRANDMA624 11/20/2011 8:31AM

  emoticon

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SMOOCHIESMOMMY2 11/20/2011 8:00AM

    cute

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GOHUSKERS2 11/20/2011 5:52AM

    Eleven and twelve cracked me up. I've never seen these before. thanks for sharing!!

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There's a lot to be said about marital bliss...

Monday, November 14, 2011

A while back there was an opening in the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are extremely difficult to fill, requiring an extensive background check, training, and testing before candidates are even considered for the position. After reviewing several applicants and completing all the checks and training, the field was narrowed to the three most promising candidates. The day came for the final test, which would determine which of equally qualified candidates, would get the job.

The final candidates consisted of two men and one woman. The men administering the test took the first candidate, a man, down a corridor to a closed door and handed him a gun saying, "We must be completely assured that you will complete your assignments and follow instructions regardless of the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife, seated in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The man, looking completely shocked said, "You can't be serious! I could never kill my wife." The CIA man said, "Well, then, you're obviously not the man for the job. Take your wife and go home." They brought the next candidate in, the other man, and repeated the instructions. This man took the gun, walked into the room and closed the door. However, after five minutes of silence, the door opened and the man handed the CIA tester the gun, saying, "I just couldn't do it. I couldn't kill my wife. I tried to pull the trigger but I just couldn't do it." The CIA man said, "Well, then, you 're obviously not the man for the job. Take your wife and go home."

Then they brought the woman down the corridor to the closed door, handed her a gun, and said, "We must be completely assured that you will complete your assignments and follow instructions regardless of the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your husband, seated in a chair. Take this gun and kill him." The woman took the gun, walked into the room, and before the door closed all the way, the CIA men heard the gun start firing. One shot after another, for thirteen shots, the noise continued. Then all hell broke loose. For the next several minutes, the men heard screaming, cursing, furniture crashing and banging on the walls; then suddenly, silence. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks! I had to beat him to death with the chair!"

(Best not to hire married people for this job, do you think?)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NELLIEBLUE 11/19/2011 1:40AM

    I'm speakless!



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ALICERIEGER 11/17/2011 10:00AM

    I guess she proved she would complete her assignment.

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GRANDMA624 11/17/2011 9:00AM

  emoticon emoticon

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2BEATIT1 11/16/2011 4:56PM

    This is sooo funny


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PMWALKER 11/16/2011 4:06PM

    How funny - leave it to a woman to "get the job done". emoticon

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IDLETYME 11/16/2011 9:29AM

    emoticon emoticon

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CDESTRADA 11/14/2011 4:20PM

    OMG.... This was too funny, thanks for a good laugh

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Laugh with Mrs Hughes

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Mrs. Hughes www.youtube.com/watch?v=jWrj9TaA0Mc

  


No confusion here...

Thursday, November 03, 2011

On a recent trip to Washington, D.C., my brother-in-law overheard a patriotic father pointing out a well-known building to his son. "You see that triangular-shaped octagon over there? That's the Pentagon."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NELLIEBLUE 11/6/2011 2:04AM

    Too many words.


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NTSOHLTHNT 11/5/2011 11:10AM

    ROTFLOL! !! I guess pentagon wasn't enough of a clue...

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PMWALKER 11/5/2011 10:02AM

    Too funny!

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L*I*T*A* 11/4/2011 10:48PM

    emoticon

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ALICERIEGER 11/4/2011 10:00AM

    That"s a different way to describe something.

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JESS0107 11/4/2011 9:24AM

    emoticon

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-LISS- 11/4/2011 12:00AM

    LMAO. Triangular shaped octagon. Wow ... just wow.

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Halloween costume

Tuesday, November 01, 2011

I walked into a coffee shop on Halloween to find the woman behind the counter with a bunch of sponges pinned to her uniform.

"I'm assuming this is a costume, but just what are you supposed to be?" I asked.

The waitress responded proudly, "I'm self-absorbed."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AZURELITE 11/1/2011 7:11PM

    emoticon

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ELLFIN3 11/1/2011 4:37PM

    Love it! Thanks for sharing!!! emoticon

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JESS0107 11/1/2011 10:40AM

    emoticon

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YELLOWDAHLIA 11/1/2011 10:16AM

    Funny!

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ALICERIEGER 11/1/2011 8:40AM

    That is a unique costume. Not everyone is that honest.

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NELLIEBLUE 11/1/2011 1:21AM

    Do you think she is self absorbed in herself or she absorb spills?

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