SUNSHINE65   66,977
SparkPoints
60,000-79,999 SparkPoints
 
 
SUNSHINE65's Recent Blog Entries

I'm Gonna Be Late Because...

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

- I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?

- I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet...

- I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down Walmart.

- If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.

- Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.

- I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.

- The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled.

- I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.

- The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.

- I prefer to remain an enigma.

- My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. One day should do it.

- I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.

- I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.

- I refuse to travel to my job in the District until there is a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair share.

- I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source, exactly e*log(pi), of the clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALICERIEGER 7/27/2011 6:39AM

    Another good blog! Thanks.

Report Inappropriate Comment
LUCKYPRESENCE 7/26/2011 11:48PM

    Very good blog!! Can't stop laughing- just what I needed to read today. Thanks emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


Political Quotes

Sunday, July 24, 2011

"I resent your insinuendoes."

"If we don't make some changes, the status quo will remain the same."

"We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world."

"I support efforts to limit the terms of members of Congress, especially members of the House and members of the Senate." -- Dan Quayle

"If Lincoln were alive today, he'd roll over in his grave."

"We do not have censorship. What we have is a limitation on what newspapers can report."

"Candidly, I cannot answer that. The question is too suppository."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ROSALIEESTHER 8/1/2011 7:53PM

    And it's getting worse and worse and mean spirited too.

Report Inappropriate Comment
GRANDMA624 7/26/2011 8:22AM

  emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ALICERIEGER 7/25/2011 12:14AM

    You have done it again. Makes you wonder doesn't it?

Report Inappropriate Comment


SAD NEWS

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

The Pillsbury Dough Boy died yesterday of a yeast infection and traumatic complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71. Dough Boy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children, John Dough, Jane Dough, and Dill Dough, plus they had one in the Oven. Services were held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ROSALIEESTHER 7/21/2011 9:34AM

    Hilarious - and you even have a public viewing. That guy has done me and loads of other people in so I can't cry for him too much!

Thanks for the laugh!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MARIANTONIA2 7/20/2011 11:40PM

    I liked your blog. Very funny. emoticon emoticon

Hugs,

Marian

Report Inappropriate Comment
CAROLYNVIL 7/20/2011 11:33PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GRAMMAP1 7/20/2011 10:10PM

    I like that one, but hope it isn't true. I just have a special thing for the Pillsbury Doughboy! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 7/20/2011 10:11:22 PM

Report Inappropriate Comment
MARYB73 7/20/2011 3:51PM

    Your blogs are always worth reading and I have missed seeing them.

Report Inappropriate Comment
PEEDLE 7/20/2011 12:44PM

    Now I'm tempted to feel bad that I had neglected him the last few years.
emoticon
Mary Lou

Report Inappropriate Comment
ADSTRONG1 7/20/2011 12:43PM

    LMAO!!! TOOO FUNNY emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ELLFIN3 7/20/2011 12:25PM

    Thank you! That is great!!! emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
IDLETYME 7/20/2011 8:44AM

    Wow! Sorry to hear of his passing. My thoughts are with his lovely family!!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ALICERIEGER 7/20/2011 7:45AM

    emoticon Love your posts!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MRE1956 7/20/2011 6:56AM

    Funny, though - he appears to STILL keep comin' back for more, if you go by what I constantly see in those frozen counters at supermarkets........seems to have more lives than cats!

emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
THROOPER62 7/20/2011 5:44AM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DIDMIS 7/20/2011 4:22AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ITS_NOT_EASY 7/20/2011 2:33AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
AUNTHELEN 7/20/2011 2:11AM

    OMG!!! That's a good one! emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CATWOOMAN 7/20/2011 1:47AM

    Love it!! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


GENEROUS LAWYER?

Saturday, June 25, 2011

I know...that's an oxymoron.

LIke:

Military intelligence
Jumbo shrimp
Baby grand
bad health
adult children
abundant poverty
clearly misunderstood
clever fool
lifetime guarantee
driveway
parkway
vegetarian meatball
free gift
pretty ugly


send me some more!



  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NELLIEBLUE 7/25/2011 2:06AM

    I have read all of your blogs and they are very different I think. I like the one on going to heaven best that sounds just like a five year old little boy.

Report Inappropriate Comment
JOYFUL711 6/25/2011 7:00PM

    I nearly choked to death on the title of this blog...LOL

Generous Lawyer...you've GOT to be kidding.

Report Inappropriate Comment


Generous Lawyer

Friday, June 24, 2011

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."
The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.
"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALICERIEGER 6/25/2011 9:59AM

    Amusing as the story is, sadly, there too many people like the lawyer.

God Bless

Report Inappropriate Comment
GRAMMAP1 6/24/2011 11:33PM

    Makes sense to me, but think of all the blessings he is missing!
lol.

Report Inappropriate Comment
CAROLYNVIL 6/24/2011 9:56PM

    great one!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
NTSOHLTHNT 6/24/2011 7:19PM

    LOL! There are actually people like this in the world. I'm glad I don't have any of those in my life.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ELLFIN3 6/24/2011 3:21PM

    emoticon Oh my heavens!!! Not a nice man! I hope you are having a great Friday! Enjoy your weekend!!! emoticon Dear Fried!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment


First Page  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 Last Page