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That should do it!

Wednesday, May 07, 2014

  
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_CYNDY55_ 6/17/2014 11:37PM

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MISSDAISY23 5/7/2014 10:24PM

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PDSLIM 5/7/2014 4:20PM

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WINDSWEPTACRES 5/7/2014 1:20PM

    Afraid my husband would use it on me.

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RHOOK20047 5/7/2014 9:41AM

    Glad my wife never got that idea before I got my cpap machine!

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IMUSTLOSEIT1 5/7/2014 9:34AM

    Yep, that really should do it, at least for several nights.

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GINNABOOTS 5/7/2014 9:23AM

    My husband sounds like a freight train when he snores, I need one of those!

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DALID414 5/7/2014 9:13AM

    I need one of those! emoticon

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SANDRALEET 5/7/2014 8:21AM

    Oh dear That no match made in heaven

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RASPBERRY56 5/7/2014 7:16AM

    Hey - I could use that (but not for snoring so much as for - sigh - *coughing*).......

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NANCYPAT1 5/7/2014 5:30AM

    Love it

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MAGGIEVAN 5/7/2014 3:32AM

    Violent! But funny. Not for my husband. Ha-ha.

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TIGER_LILY_613 5/7/2014 3:08AM

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DOVESEYES 5/7/2014 1:31AM

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MYAKAYAH 5/7/2014 1:23AM

    whoops double post, sorry~

Comment edited on: 5/7/2014 1:23:41 AM

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MYAKAYAH 5/7/2014 1:23AM

    I don't know what happened to cause a triple post~

Comment edited on: 5/7/2014 1:24:09 AM

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MYAKAYAH 5/7/2014 1:23AM

    LOL grumpy cat would love this~

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ALICIA214 5/7/2014 12:42AM

 


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CHERIJ16 5/7/2014 12:27AM

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late nite funnies

Tuesday, May 06, 2014

Donald Sterling's girlfriend said she's “going to be president of the United States” one day. Yeah, like we’re going to elect someone who secretly records people’s private phone calls and conversations. -Jimmy Fallon

After rumors surfaced of another video of him smoking crack, Rob Ford said he's taking a leave of absence, and of course he's earned it. The guy's been up since 2004. -Conan O'Brien

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford is apparently back smoking the crack. There is a picture of him smoking the crack and a videotape is out as well. Is there a videotape out there of him not smoking crack? The crack dealer videotaped him smoking crack. It is a sad state of affairs, ladies and gentlemen, when you can't trust your drug dealer. -David Letterman

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford checked himself into rehab. I didn't see that coming. A sober mayor of Toronto? I'm getting out of late night just in time. -Craig Ferguson

A New York man is being sued for a quarter of a million dollars after his ex-girlfriend claimed he harassed her with nearly a hundred emails. If 100 emails are worth a quarter of a million dollars, that means Crate & Barrel owes me $256 billion. -Seth Meyers

Facebook has come out with a new feature that lets people see where their friends are at all times. It's called, 'Nearby Friends,' which is better than the original title, 'Avoiding Relatives.' -Jimmy Fallon

Ronald McDonald recently received a makeover, which includes a new vest and bow tie. Not to be outdone, after an operation the Burger King is now the Burger Queen. -Conan O'Brien

Paula Deen is continuing her comeback by launching a 20-city cooking tour. Her first gig: catering Donald Sterling's farewell party. -Jimmy Fallon

Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban said he doesn't think Donald Sterling should be kicked out of the league for comments made in private conversation. After hearing this Sterling said, "Wow, this is the first time I've liked a Cuban." -Conan O'Brien

In the middle of his second term, President Obama's approval rating once again has dropped. Obama's approval rating is so low that today Hillary Clinton said, "I'll take it from here." -David Letterman

The NBA has banned Clippers owner Donald Sterling for life. He's pretty old. They could've just said two years. It would have been the same thing. -Craig Ferguson

Facebook has acquired a new mobile app that would allow users to track their exercise and measure how many calories they've burned. So if you love Facebook, and you love exercise, you're lying about one of those. -Seth Meyers

Aquaman is making his big screen debut in the upcoming Justice League movie. I'm not clear how Aquaman will get into the Justice League headquarters. It's an all-glass building with no rivers or streams leading to it. It gives me a bad feeling that Aquaman arrives through the toilet. -Craig Ferguson

Producers are currently working on a remake of the classic 1959 Charlton Heston film 'Ben-Hur.' They're calling the remake 'Ben-Hur, Done That.' -Jimmy Fallon

L.A. Clippers owner Donald Sterling was recorded telling his girlfriend not to hang out with black people. Some people are actually defending Sterling, saying he has a very good record of hiring minorities. For instance, he always has at least one white guy on the team. -Jimmy Fallon

Here in L.A., Donald Sterling, the owner of the Clippers, has been caught on tape making racist remarks. After the audio was released, the NAACP decided not to honor Sterling with a second lifetime achievement award. Instead, they're giving him "The Reason We Still Need an NAACP" award. -Conan O'Brien

In Rome we got two new saints, and it's the first time we had two Popes officiating over the canonization. St. Peter's square was packed. The first 50,000 people got bobblehead dolls. -David Letterman

Aquaman is making his big screen debut. He will be in the upcoming Justice League movie. Unlike other superheroes, Aquaman doesn't wear a mask. He hides his identity another way — by not being popular enough to need a secret identity. -Craig Ferguson

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PDSLIM 5/6/2014 11:16AM

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IMUSTLOSEIT1 5/6/2014 10:37AM

    I think we need to vote all the Senators and the House out of office, and set term limit for those positions. Some of them have made it career of it and have so many lobbyist in there pockets nothing will ever get done. Longevity is not the answer, need new blood.

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SANDRALEET 5/6/2014 8:30AM

    I think republicans will destroy the States Because people do not see them for whot they are

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RHOOK20047 5/6/2014 7:48AM

    Thanks for the chuckle this morning and may everyone laugh at least once today!

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RASPBERRY56 5/6/2014 5:07AM

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MYAKAYAH 5/6/2014 2:53AM

    Very funny indeed~

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DALID414 5/6/2014 1:15AM

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YMWONG22 5/6/2014 12:44AM

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ALICIA214 5/6/2014 12:44AM

 

Love the pink limo...

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Here's some church ticklers from RHOOK20047

Monday, May 05, 2014

www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/team_mes
sageboard_thread.asp?board=0x61237x577
61946


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GENRE009 5/5/2014 7:04PM

    When GOD solves your problems, you have faith in HIS abilities; when GOD doesn't solve your problems HE has faith in your abilities."

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Some of our older folks couldn't read the puns...

Monday, May 05, 2014

So here they are:

I tried to catch some Fog. I mist.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the Sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I've never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had Type A blood, but it was Type O.

The dyslexic man walks into a bra.

PMS jokes aren't funny. Period.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

Energizer Bunny arrested. Charged with battery.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

Broken pencils are pointless.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PAMNANGEL 5/6/2014 12:30AM

    ~groan~ emoticon

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LINOVER 5/5/2014 9:49PM

    Thanks for making me smile! emoticon

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DALID414 5/5/2014 5:26PM

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MARGARITTM 5/5/2014 4:23PM

    OH MY!

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PINKHONEYLILY 5/5/2014 4:16PM

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SUNSHINE65 5/5/2014 4:02PM

    And you younger people either know how to make things bigger, or you just added an emoticon to be polite! Love you all!

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Puns are lovely!

Sunday, May 04, 2014

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PDSLIM 5/5/2014 5:30PM

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GENRE009 5/5/2014 12:36PM

    the printing WAS SO SMALL I HAD A HARD TIME EVEN READING IT, SORRY!

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REBECKY441 5/5/2014 11:35AM

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IMUSTLOSEIT1 5/5/2014 10:50AM

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SANDRALEET 5/5/2014 8:43AM

    I like ones that can make fun of our self that we all do

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GINNABOOTS 5/5/2014 8:25AM

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DALID414 5/5/2014 12:40AM

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DOVESEYES 5/4/2014 11:28PM

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