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Dogs

Thursday, March 06, 2014

Digs

  
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ATLTRAINR 3/10/2014 1:14PM

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LAC936 3/6/2014 5:43PM

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LINOVER 3/6/2014 5:33PM

    True! emoticon

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GEMINICHIK 3/6/2014 1:39PM

    Funny

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NAYPOOIE 3/6/2014 1:11PM

    True that! emoticon


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JTREMBATH 3/6/2014 1:00PM

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WORKOUTWITHPAM 3/6/2014 11:07AM

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THINFITFEMINIST 3/6/2014 11:01AM

    This is why I live with 2 cats! LOL

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GARDENQE2 3/6/2014 10:49AM

    I have a friend that this would fit perfectly! I doubt I'm brave enough to send it to her!
Thanks for the laugh!

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SANDRALEET 3/6/2014 10:46AM

    Yep some men we can not make to whot we wont

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SUNSHINE65 3/6/2014 10:40AM

    That's crazy! My man is OCD neat!

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Mardi Gras

Wednesday, March 05, 2014

  
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_CYNDY55_ 3/7/2014 11:55PM

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AQUAGIRL08 3/6/2014 3:20AM

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MYAKAYAH 3/6/2014 1:52AM

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MISSDAISY23 3/5/2014 11:10PM

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BELINDA37122 3/5/2014 10:48AM

    I hope you all had a wonderful "Fat Tuesday" since for many of you Lent begins today. I know many of us will be considering what we will give up for lent. I can think of a few things for myself. Anyway have a blessed day. (Ash Wednesday) Funny "Maxine". Lol. I love those comic posts.

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THINFITFEMINIST 3/5/2014 10:32AM

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late late jokes

Wednesday, March 05, 2014

The new film “Son of God” came out today, and it follows the life of Jesus. Some critics are saying that the actor who plays Jesus in the movie is too good looking. While the real Jesus said, “What the heck’s THAT supposed to mean?” -Jimmy Fallon

On Thursday, the captain of the crashed cruise ship Costa Concordia went back to the wreck for the first time since the accident. Said the captain, “It looks so different sober." -Seth Meyers

They've discontinued Moviefone. If you folks are sad, press 1. If you couldn't care less, press 2. The Moviefone guy is looking for a new job. He's going to be looking at 2:15, 5:00, 7:45, and 10:30. -David Letterman

Some people call the Oscars "the gay Super Bowl." I don't think that's fair. I think it's balanced. This year Ellen DeGeneres is hosting. Bette Midler is performing. There will be a tribute to "The Wizard of Oz." OK, I take it back. Even the Tony Awards are saying, "This is a pretty gay awards show." -Craig Ferguson

It's rumored that Sandra Bullock will end up making $70 million from the movie 'Gravity.' 'That's great!' said the real astronauts making $59,000 a year. -Jimmy Fallon

Big news out of NASA yesterday - the Kepler space telescope has discovered 715 new planets. Either that or somebody sneezed on the lens." -Jimmy Kimmel

A Florida man tattooed a spider on his face in an attempt to overcome his arachnophobia, which is a fear of spiders. The tattoo should also help him overcome his fear of employment. -Seth Meyers

  
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MYAKAYAH 3/6/2014 1:54AM

    Craig Ferguson is a hoot, I try to watch him when I have a break from working at night~

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LINOVER 3/5/2014 6:32PM

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BELINDA37122 3/5/2014 10:52AM

    These guys are a real "hoot". Very funny.

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ANDREWMOM 3/5/2014 9:22AM

    Thanks - I can not stay up that late to hear them live!!!!!

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BOURBON STREET

Monday, March 03, 2014

  
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YMWONG22 3/14/2014 1:02AM

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_CYNDY55_ 3/10/2014 12:15AM

    Bourbon Street is emoticon
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LACEYKYLE 3/4/2014 5:13AM

    When I was 16 years old my mom and I drove from CA to LA. We went to Burbon St and unfortunately at the same time a topless "lady" came out of a bar. We just laughed. I'd never seen anything like that.

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MYAKAYAH 3/3/2014 9:13PM

    Bourbon Street is pretty fun~

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JANUT57 3/3/2014 7:14PM

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THINFITFEMINIST 3/3/2014 6:44PM

    let the good times roll!

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"YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY..."

Monday, March 03, 2014

"YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY..."

"Everything Comes In Threes" - Not true. In reality, everything comes in ones. Sometimes, when three "ones" come in a row, it seems like everything comes in threes. By the way, in medieval times, it was widely believed that everything came in twenty-sixes. They were wrong, too. It just took them longer to recognize the pattern.

"You Can't Take It With You (when you die)" - Well..., that depends on what it is. If it's your dark blue suit, you can certainly take it with you. In fact, not only can you take it with you, you can probably put some things in your pockets.

"You Learn Something New Every Day" - Actually, you learn something old every day. Just because you've just learned it, doesn't mean it's new. Other people already knew it, Columbus is a good example of this.

"You Get What You Pay For" - Clearly this is not true. Have you been shopping recently? Only a very naive person would believe that you get what you pay for. In point of fact, if you check your purchases carefully, you'll find that you get whatever they feel like giving you. And if corporations get any more powerful, you soon might not even get that.

"NICE GUYS FINISH LAST" - Not true. Studies have shown that, on average, nice guys finish third in a field of six. Actually, short guys finish last. By the way, in medieval times, it was widely believed that nice guys finished twenty-sixth. You can see how limited those people were.


Two lawyers are in a bank

Two lawyers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in.
While one of the robbers takes the money from the tellers, the other lines the customers, including the lawyers, up against a wall, and proceeds to take their wallets, watches, etc.
While this is going on lawyer number one jams something in lawyer number two's hand. Without looking down, lawyer number two whispers, "What is this?"
To which the first lawyer replies, "It's that $50 I owe you."

LOST WALLET
Selling at an auction was halted when the auctioneer announced, “Someone in the room has lost his wallet containing $2,000. He is offering a reward of $500.00 for its immediate return.” After a moment of silence, there was a call from the back of the room, “$550.00”

Military Medical Clinic

During a visit to a military medical clinic, I was sent to the lab to have blood drawn. The technician there was friendly and mentioned that his mood improved every day because he was due to leave the service in two months. As he applied the tourniquet on my arm, he told me that taking the blood wouldn't hurt much. Then, noticing my Air Force T-shirt, he asked me what my husband did.
When I replied that he was a recruiter, the technician smiled slyly and said, "This might hurt a little more than I thought."


Don't Touch Me

An elderly couple are both lying in bed one morning, having just awakened from a good night's sleep. He takes her hand and she responds, "Don't touch me".
"Why not", he asks.
She answers back, "Because I'm dead".
The husband says to her, "What are you talking about? We're both lying here in bed together and talking to one another".
The wife says, "No, I'm definitely dead."
Her husband insists, "You're not dead. What in the world makes you think you're dead?"
His wife answers, "I know I'm dead because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts!"

A Following Person

A teacher was sitting at her desk grading papers when her first-grade class came back from lunch. Alice informed the teacher, "Paul has to go to the principal's office."
"I wonder why," the teacher mused.
"Because he's a following person," Alice replied.
"A what?" the teacher asked.
"It came over the loudspeaker: 'The following persons are to go to the office.'"
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Hippopotamus, New York


RESERVATIONS
A woman called to make reservations "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York" The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent asked "Are you sure that's the name of the town?"
"Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer.
After some searching, the agent came back with "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere."
The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered.
"You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal" was the reply.

  
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ATLTRAINR 3/5/2014 1:31PM

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POSITIVEHOPE 3/3/2014 9:50PM

    Now that was fun.

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MYAKAYAH 3/3/2014 9:14PM

    The lawyers story was pretty funny, here's the $50 I owe ya, lol~

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CATLADY52 3/3/2014 7:06PM

    That last one had me scratching my head at first! emoticon emoticon

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