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Sum Jokes...

Saturday, February 15, 2014

Talented Rat

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.

After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat's music.

While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale." The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front. "No," he insists, "he's not for sale." The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.

"Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. "That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!" "Don't worry about it." the man answered. "The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist."

Baptism

A father is in church with three of his young children, including his five year old daughter.

As was customary, he sat in the very front row so that the children could properly witness the service.

During this particular service, the minister was performing the baptism of a tiny infant. The little five year old girl was taken by this, observing that he was saying something and pouring water over the infant's head.

With a quizzical look on her face, the little girl turned to her father and asked: "Daddy, why is he brainwashing that baby??"

Lovely Girl

An Army driver was chauffeur to a Major who was a notorious womanizer. One day, the major saw a lovely girl. "Turn the car around," he ordered.

The driver promptly stalled the car. By the time he had re-started it the girl had vanished.

"Driver," said the major, "you'd be a total loss in an emergency."

"I thought I did pretty well," the driver said. "That was my girl."

Ice Cream Humor

Q. How do astronauts eat their ice creams?
A. In floats

Q: How do you make a dinosaur float?
A: Put a scoop of ice cream in a glass of root beer and add one dinosaur!

Q: What do you get from an Alaskan cow ?
A: Ice Cream

Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter?
A: Pi a'la mode.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

YMWONG22 2/27/2014 1:03AM

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ANAKIE 2/21/2014 8:54AM

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LINOVER 2/16/2014 4:02PM

    All great but I especially loved the baptism one about the "brainwashing"! emoticon

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AUNTHELEN 2/16/2014 2:25AM

    thanks for the chuckle!! emoticon

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DALID414 2/16/2014 12:27AM

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KS_PRINCESS115 2/16/2014 12:06AM

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BECKYSFRIEND 2/15/2014 10:13PM

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BECKYSFRIEND 2/15/2014 10:12PM

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DOVESEYES 2/15/2014 9:25PM

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JAMBABY0 2/15/2014 8:21PM

    thanks for sharing

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Feel Good Stuff

Tuesday, February 11, 2014



































  
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_CYNDY55_ 2/16/2014 11:49PM

    emoticon emoticon
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WORKOUTWITHPAM 2/13/2014 2:46AM

    emoticon

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MISSDAISY23 2/11/2014 3:14PM

    So adorable and funny! Thanks for a real good laugh! emoticon

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PDSLIM 2/11/2014 10:46AM

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SWEETNEEY 2/11/2014 8:13AM

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SANDRALEET 2/11/2014 8:02AM

    Yes the young are smarter than us on computers

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SHERYLP461 2/11/2014 7:58AM

    So cute, thanks. Put a smile on my face this morning

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THINFITFEMINIST 2/11/2014 5:21AM

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ATLTRAINR 2/11/2014 5:17AM

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YMWONG22 2/11/2014 3:34AM

  Too cute for words.
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COLLEENROSTE 2/11/2014 2:38AM

    those are adorable

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IMPERIODEE 2/11/2014 2:36AM

  thank you for sharing! cuties!

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DALID414 2/11/2014 1:13AM

    emoticon

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DOVESEYES 2/11/2014 1:02AM

    LOL

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NAYPOOIE 2/11/2014 12:59AM

    Priceless! emoticon

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Blankety, blankety, blanket

Monday, February 10, 2014

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANAKIE 2/11/2014 9:15AM

    emoticon emoticon But, it's such a pretty blanket.

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ATLTRAINR 2/11/2014 5:18AM

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STUDLEEJOE 2/11/2014 12:38AM

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MYAKAYAH 2/10/2014 11:58PM

    I feel bad for all the snow bunnies, it'll be over some day I think~

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IAPHOTOGIRL75 2/10/2014 11:52PM

    So true! It's been so bad in Iowa this year. I'm so ready for spring!

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SUNSHINE99999 2/10/2014 11:38PM

  so true emoticon

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Some Late Nite

Monday, February 10, 2014

The Olympics have begun in Sochi. A lot of people over there say the hotels stink. The problem is there are only three hotels in Sochi. Of course, you have the Ritz Chernobyl. You have the Sheraton Gulag. And really the best one over there, The Two Seasons. -Dave Letterman

Hillary Clinton is encouraging Hispanic families to read to their kids. She's also telling Asian families to ease up on the math so the rest of us can catch up." -Conan O'Brien

A new LEGO movie is coming out. I've heard some people say, 'This LEGO movie is basically just a two-hour commercial.' These people are completely wrong. It's only 90 minutes." -Craig Ferguson

It was revealed this week that in the past couple years Hugh Grant has fathered three children with two different women. How ironic is that? I end my run the same way it began asking Hugh Grant, "What the hell were you thinking?" Twenty-two years later, I ask him the same question. -Jay Leno

There are 12 new events in this year's Winter Olympics, 12. The new events include women's ski jumping, luge-team relay, and finding a working toilet. -Conan O'Brien

Tomorrow night the Olympics begin from Sochi. A lot of people over there say the hotels stink. The problem is there are only three hotels in Sochi. Of course, you have the Ritz Chernobyl. You have the Sheraton Gulag. And really the best one over there, The Two Seasons. -David Letterman

This is the last night Jay Leno is hosting "The Tonight Show." Good luck, Jay. The lesson here is if you work hard and succeed, someday you will be fired. That's why I'm happy right here. They can't fire you if they don't know you're on the air. -Craig Ferguson

  
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MYAKAYAH 2/10/2014 11:58PM

    You are so right Craig Ferguson~ great funnies!

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IGNITEME101 2/10/2014 11:48PM

    lol

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Amenities in the car

Monday, February 10, 2014

This man in a Ford Granada pulls up next to a guy in a Rolls Royce at a stop sign. Their windows are open and he yells at the guy in the Rolls: "Hey, you got a telephone in there?" The guy in the Rolls says, "Yes, of course I do." "I got one too... see?" "Uh, huh, yes, that's very nice." Then the man in the Granada says, "You got a fax machine?" "Why, actually, yes, I do." "I do too! See? It's right here!" "Uh-huh." The light is just about to turn green and the guy in the Granada says, "So, do YOU have a double bed in back there?" And the guy in the Rolls says, "NO! Do you?" "Yep, got my double bed right in back here see?!" The light turns and the man in the Granada takes off. Well, the guy in the Rolls is not about to be one-upped, so he goes immediately to a customizing shop and orders them to put a double bed in back of his car. About two weeks later, the job is final ly done and he picks up his car and drives all over town looking for the Granada. He finally finds it parked alongside the road so he pulls his Rolls up next to it. The windows on the Granada are all fogged up and he feels a little awkward about it, but he gets out of his newly modified Rolls and taps on the foggy window of the Granada. The man in the Granada finally opens the window a crack and peeks out. The guy in the Rolls says, "Hey. Remember me?" "Yeah, yeah, I remember you. What's up?" "Check this out I got a double bed installed in my Rolls." And the man in the Granada says, "YOU GOT ME OUT OF THE SHOWER TO TELL ME THAT?!"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ATLTRAINR 2/11/2014 5:19AM

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DALID414 2/11/2014 12:00AM

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MYAKAYAH 2/10/2014 11:59PM

    pretty humorous this one~

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HANNAHSGRAMMIE 2/10/2014 10:42PM

    funny!

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CHERIJ16 2/10/2014 9:18PM

    emoticon

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PEGGY11 2/10/2014 8:18PM

    Good for a giggle emoticon . I liked that. emoticon emoticon

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SANDRALEET 2/10/2014 7:16PM

    that is funny better than you one emoticon

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THINFITFEMINIST 2/10/2014 7:14PM

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IGNITEME101 2/10/2014 6:14PM

    cute

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AQUAGIRL08 2/10/2014 5:57PM

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LACEYKYLE 2/10/2014 4:38PM

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JAMBABY0 2/10/2014 4:31PM

    thanks for sharing

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