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SUNSHINE65's Recent Blog Entries

Dye Job

Friday, April 15, 2011

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OOLALA53 4/16/2011 6:35PM

    yuk, yuk, peedle! I think this shows our age a bit; I teach high school. It's hard to imagine a girl thinking another girl was a tramp for dyeing her hair no matter how wild it was! Perfect Easter laugh. emoticon

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NTSOHLTHNT 4/15/2011 9:17PM

    LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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ELLFIN3 4/15/2011 5:15PM

    Thanks for the Laugh!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon
Enjoy your weekend!!!!! emoticon emoticon

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ZOEYBLU 4/15/2011 11:06AM

    Thankyou for the chuckle !! emoticon

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ALICERIEGER 4/15/2011 10:26AM

    Thank you again for starting my day with a laugh!

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PEEDLE 4/15/2011 9:45AM

    If they just knew she looks this way for the kids,
they'd have egg on their faces!

Comment edited on: 4/15/2011 9:46:28 AM

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New Vocabulary

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

CARPERPETUATION (kar' pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, somehow assuming this will "remove" all the germs.

ECNALUBMA (ek na lub' ma) n. A rescue vehicle which can only be seen in the rearview mirror.

EIFFELITES (eye' ful eyetz) n. Gangly people sitting in front of you at the movies who, no matter what direction you lean, follow suit.

ELBONICS (el bon' iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest at a movie theater.

ELECELLERATION (el a cel er ay' shun) n. The mistaken notion that the more you press an elevator button the faster it will arrive.

FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the "illegal side ".

PEPPIER (pehp ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.

PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

PUPKUS (pup' kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.

TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MAYBER 4/17/2011 10:29PM

    Thank you for the definitions and the smiles or LOL
Enjoyable reading

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JAQUANAH 4/16/2011 10:13AM

    Funny!

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IDLETYME 4/14/2011 8:58AM

    Always enjoy reading your "happy" blogs. emoticon emoticon

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CAROLYNVIL 4/13/2011 11:35PM

    that's great!

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ALICERIEGER 4/13/2011 10:12AM

    I don't know where you come up with all the important information you pass on to us. I do know it really brightens my day. Thanks so much!!

God Bless

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MARYB73 4/12/2011 7:56PM

    I love to read your blogs. They give me a needed laugh.

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ELLFIN3 4/12/2011 4:44PM

    Love it! Thanks for the laugh!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Dave Barry's colonoscopy journal

Sunday, April 10, 2011

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis .. Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'
I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America's enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metr ic system, a liter is about 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this is, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' byABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate.

'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRACEISENUF 4/13/2011 10:49PM

    I am friends with Irene and saw the title of this blog on my feed. Oh my gosh I laughed out LOUD! I need to get this test done and have been postponing it....bad I know.

Thanks for the laugh!!!!!!!!!



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DIDMIS 4/13/2011 10:27PM

    That was so funny.

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NTSOHLTHNT 4/11/2011 7:03PM

    Thanks for the laugh! Having gone through this experience more than once, I can totally relate. If only my Dad had not been so stubborn to refuse to undergo this procedure, he might still be alive today. In all seriousness, this is one of the most important medical procedures anyone who is 45+ can get--it saves lives!!!

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ELLENSUN 4/11/2011 1:31PM

    Hilarious!!!! I've had the "joy" of a colonoscopy and Dave pretty well nails it. Glad he nailed the toilet each time! HAHAHAHAHHAAHA

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IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO WOMEN EVERYWHERE

Saturday, April 02, 2011

You've no doubt heard about people who have been abducted and had their kidneys removed by black-market organ thieves.

My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. I went to sleep and woke up with someone else's thighs. It was just that quick. The replacements had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine?
I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs.
Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans.
And then the thieves struck again!

My butt was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear-end to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. But my new butt was attached at least three inches lower than my original! I realized I'd have to give up my jeans in favor of long skirts.

Two years ago I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was fixing my hair and was horrified to see the flesh of my upper arm swing to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary - my body was being replaced one section at a time. What could they do to Me next?

When my poor neck suddenly disappeared and was replaced with a turkey neck, I decided to tell my story. Women of the world wake up and smell the coffee! Those 'plastic' surgeons are using REAL replacement body parts - stolen from you and Me! The next time someone you know has something 'lifted',
Look again - was it lifted from you?

THIS IS NOT A HOAX - This is happening to women everywhere every night.

WARN YOUR FRIENDS!

P.. S. Last year I thought someone had stolen my Boobs. I was lying in bed and they were gone!
But when I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I keep them hidden in my waistband.

I thought this was too 'important' not to pass on. Have a wonderful day - with a joy filled heart.
Always remember to Laugh!!
Helps the heart AND the wrinkles!!

P.P.S. Those same thieves just came into my closet and shrank my clothes!

How do they do that????



  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SOUPY18 4/5/2011 1:49PM

    Great blog --gave me my laugh for the day. Now I know where to look for my missing parts.
Sue emoticon

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CUPBUTTER 4/4/2011 6:51PM

    LOL Hugs Barbara

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IDLETYME 4/4/2011 8:00AM

    Funny but true! Thanks for the chuckle! emoticon emoticon

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JUDE322 4/3/2011 3:52PM

  so true, so true. we are all being victimized. i actually see women walking around in the body that used to be mine and i want it back

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NTSOHLTHNT 4/3/2011 9:44AM

    ROTFLOL!!!!! Thanks for the awesome laugh!!!!

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YIGOBUTTERFLY 4/3/2011 5:48AM

    You are a riot!

Jane

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EDWINA172 4/2/2011 11:43PM

    Hilarious! I love this. One of my fears is waking up with a flat pancake butt. It will be 2 inches lower and sagging out of the bottom of my shorts, I'm sure of it! My boobs were switched too! The nipples are trying to peek out from under the bottom of my shirts. Where did the extra skin come from? Thanks for the giggles. Have a great weekend.

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DIANE7786 4/2/2011 11:12PM

    The same thing happened to me! The good news is now I have 24 hour protection from the Spark Police!

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FIERCESTCALM 4/2/2011 11:06PM

    this is awesome! love it

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TWEETIBEAR 4/2/2011 9:49PM

    I am rolling on the floor with tears of laughter rolling down my cheeks. How EVER did you get my personal story! hahahaha! Thanks for the great laugh (now can you tell me how to trade my body parts in for Carrie Underwood's?)

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So Far So Good

Saturday, April 02, 2011

www.maniacworld.com/stay-calm-dad.ht
ml

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GMFAY33 4/2/2011 10:37AM

    A great lesson to be learned by all of us seniors.

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YIGOBUTTERFLY 4/2/2011 7:40AM

    Thanks, it is a great video!

Jane

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LINDAMARIEZ1 4/2/2011 3:03AM

    kEEP sPARKIN, FRIEND!

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