SUNSHINE65   67,256
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Classic late nite funnies

Tuesday, January 07, 2014

Earlier today, President Bush spoke on the phone with the prime minister of Australia. When the prime minister told him it was tomorrow in Australia, Bush's head exploded. -Conan O'Brien

In West Virginia yesterday, a man was arrested for stealing several blow-up dolls. Reportedly, police didn't have any trouble catching the man because he was completely out of breath. -Conan O'Brien

After hearing the president's speech, Democrats in the Senate are seeking bipartisan support for a non-binding resolution opposing President Bush's deployment of his military escalation. In response, President Bush said, 'Huh?' -Conan O'Brien

One of the big rumors in Hollywood right now is that Jennifer Aniston is going to split up with Brad Pitt because he's spending too much time with Angelina Jolie. When asked to comment, Brad Pitt said, 'Isn't my life awesome?' -Conan O'Brien

  
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BECKYSFRIEND 1/7/2014 10:06PM

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DALID414 1/7/2014 9:01AM

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LISASGONNADOIT 1/7/2014 7:37AM

    LOL, Awesome blog! Thank you for sharing! emoticon

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RASPBERRY56 1/7/2014 4:44AM

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MYAKAYAH 1/7/2014 4:16AM

    Anything with Dubya makes me laugh, man did the comedians get tons & tons of mileage out of his Presidency. I was sad when Barney died though but I love my dogs and cats.

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DOVESEYES 1/7/2014 2:50AM

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HABITATVITALITY 1/7/2014 2:38AM

    LOL AND Australia got a mention! Yahoo! emoticon

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MAGGIEVAN 1/7/2014 2:21AM

    Very funny! Thanks for sharing.

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Overheard on Dear Abby

Monday, January 06, 2014

Dear Abby, A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into their apartment or come out. Do you think they could be Lebanese?

Dear Abby, What can I do about all the sex, nudity, language and violence on my VCR?

Dear Abby, I have a man I never could trust. He cheats so much I'm not even sure this baby I'm carrying is his.

Dear Abby, I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.

Dear Abby, I suspected that my husband had been fooling around, and when I confronted him with the evidence he denied everything and said it would never happen again.

Dear Abby, Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?

Dear Abby, I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?

Dear Abby, My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an hour every week for two-and-a-half years. He must be crazy.

Dear Abby, I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.

Dear Abby, Do you think it would be all right if I gave my doctor a little gift? I tried for years to get pregnant and couldn't and he did it.

Dear Abby, My mother is mean and short-tempered. I think she is going through her mental pause.

Dear Abby, You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex years ago and he is a doctor.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

0309COOKIE 1/6/2014 8:42PM

    Some people are so weird.

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JTREMBATH 1/6/2014 1:01PM

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HELEN_BRU 1/6/2014 10:56AM

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GARDENQE2 1/6/2014 10:44AM

    Oh, how funny!
People say the darndest things!
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TAICHIDANCER 1/6/2014 8:32AM

    "Dear Abby, I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober. "

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SHERYLP461 1/6/2014 7:26AM

    ROFLOL, those are great.

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PDSLIM 1/6/2014 6:12AM

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YMWONG22 1/6/2014 4:13AM

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RASPBERRY56 1/6/2014 3:47AM

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MYAKAYAH 1/6/2014 2:42AM

    Funny times, gets my sense of humour rolling!

"Dear Abby, I have a man I never could trust. He cheats so much I'm not even sure this baby I'm carrying is his." This one did it for me~


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IDICEM 1/6/2014 1:37AM

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PAMNANGEL 1/6/2014 1:33AM

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IGNITEME101 1/6/2014 1:25AM

    SO CUTE!

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CHIBIKARATE 1/6/2014 1:15AM

    funny emoticon emoticon

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DOVESEYES 1/6/2014 1:13AM

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SUPER_ACE115 1/6/2014 1:12AM

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FITFRIT 1/6/2014 1:11AM

    some people...lol

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DALID414 1/6/2014 1:04AM

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GIVEUP30 1/6/2014 12:56AM

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NAPTRAL1 1/6/2014 12:55AM

    Hilarious. Got me cracking up.

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Short resolution...

Sunday, January 05, 2014

  
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_CYNDY55_ 1/6/2014 12:46AM

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EDDYMEESE 1/5/2014 10:54PM

    :)

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BECKYSFRIEND 1/5/2014 10:15PM

    love Maxine

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LADYBIRD82 1/5/2014 8:41PM

    love it, so true...

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DOVESEYES 1/5/2014 7:45PM

    ha ha

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TIGER_LILY_613 1/5/2014 7:17PM

    Teehee emoticon

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DALID414 1/5/2014 6:52PM

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ERICAANN44 1/5/2014 6:49PM

    Haha, love it!

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DMEYER4 1/5/2014 6:44PM

  cute thanks

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What Fortune Tellers Don't know!

Sunday, January 05, 2014

GonnaLose5 said I could share this with you:

Years ago, I worked at a newspaper office, one of my duties was to take small advertisements at the front counter. There was a woman that placed weekly ads for her fortune telling business. Every week she came in to place a slightly different ad and every week she was surprised that the ad 'cost so much.' She drove us crazy, each time I was I was tempted to say, "You are a fortune teller, you should know what the cost will be!" Of course I could not say that, but I had mentioned it to my co-worker so it was hard to keep a straight face when one of us took an ad.

  


Buncha jokes

Sunday, January 05, 2014

The Power of Woman

There were 11 people - ten men and one woman - hanging onto a rope that came down from a helicopter.

They all decided that one person should get off, because if they didn't, the rope would break and everyone would die.

No one could decide who should go, so finally, the woman gave a really touching speech saying how she would give up her life to save the others, because women were used to giving up things for their husbands and children, giving in to men, and not receiving anything in return.

When she finished speaking, all the men started clapping.

Misbehaving Phone Call

Seven year old Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school.

Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that John was misbehaving.

"Wait a minute," she said. "I had Johnny here for two months and I never called you once when he misbehaved."

Stupid Things Actually Said By Soccer Commentators

1. Well, it's Liverpool two, Ipswich nil, and if the score stays this way, I've got to fancy Liverpool for the win.

2. He had an eternity to play that ball, but took too long.

3. And so they have not been able to improve on their 100% record.

4. With the last kick of the game, he scored with a header.

5. Well, it's a fabulous kaleidoscope of colour: almost all the Brazilians are wearing yellow shirts.

6. If that had gone on, it would definitely have been a goal.

7. Their manager, Howard Wilkinson, isn't here today, which strongly suggests that he may be elsewhere.

8. I am a firm believer that if one team scores a goal, the other need to score two to win.

9. If a team scores early on, it often takes an early lead.

10. You cannot possibly have counted the number of passes made, but there were eight.


Jogging Shoes

Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store.

While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about it.

"What's this little pocket thing here on the side for?"

"Oh, that's to carry spare change so you can call your wife to come pick you up when you've jogged too far."

  
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CTUPTON 1/5/2014 11:33PM

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BECKYSFRIEND 1/5/2014 10:14PM

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PB4WEGO 1/5/2014 10:44AM

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last one was my favorite!

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PDSLIM 1/5/2014 9:13AM

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SHERYLP461 1/5/2014 8:07AM

    Nice!

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