SUNSHINE65   55,238
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More Bumper Stickers

Monday, March 07, 2011

- We're staying together for the sake of the cats.

- Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

- This is not an abandoned vehicle.

- I don't lie, cheat or steal unnecessarily.

- It's as bad as you think and they are out to get you.

- Life's too short to dance with ugly men.

- Life's too short to dance with ugly women.

- My wife says if I go fishing one more time, she's going to leave me. Gosh, I'm going to miss her.

- When you do a good deed get a receipt (in case heaven is like the IRS).

- I is a college student.

- Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.

- Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

- Eschew obfuscation.

- Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law's face on the back of a milk carton.

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

2BEATIT1 3/8/2011 10:47PM

    You bring a smile to the day.
Thanks for sharing
Jean

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2GOVEG 3/7/2011 8:31PM

    LOVED IT! To add a few...

Well behaved women rarely make history

This cast is a result of kicking him to the curb

Only my cat understands me

Wag more. Bark less.





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ELLFIN3 3/7/2011 8:23PM

    Thanks for the laugh!!!!! emoticon emoticon

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Bumper Stickers

Friday, March 04, 2011

WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.



BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.



So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute. 



Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. 



All men are idiots....I married their king.



IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.



Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. 



Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs. 



Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.



I took an IQ test and the results were negative.




  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IDLETYME 3/6/2011 12:55PM

    Thank you for the Bumper Stickers. We can all use a little laughter!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DRB13_1 3/5/2011 12:53AM

    emoticon for the giggles! emoticon

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LILPAT3 3/4/2011 11:29PM

    Too cute!

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2010 Stella Awards

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

It's time again for the annual 'Stella Awards'! For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico , where she purchased coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right? That's right; these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S. You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch your head. So keep your head scratcher handy.

Here are the Stellas for this past year -- 2010

*SEVENTH PLACE*

Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son

Start scratching!

* SIXTH PLACE *

Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles , Carl won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

Scratch some more...

* FIFTH PLACE *

Terrence Dickson, of Bristol , Pennsylvania , who was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT days and survive on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue mental Anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish Keep scratching. There are more...

Double hand scratching after this one..

*FOURTH PLACE*

Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.

Pick a new spot to scratch, you're getting a bald spot..

* THIRD PLACE *

Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument. What ever happened to people being responsible for their own actions?

Only two more so ease up on the scratching...

*SECOND PLACE*

Kara Walton, of Claymont , Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000....oh, yeah, plus dental expenses. Go figure.


Ok. Here we go!!

* FIRST PLACE *

This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was: Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down?

$1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.


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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CAROLYNVIL 3/3/2011 10:29PM

    sounds about right. our system has been loused up for years.

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2BEATIT1 3/3/2011 2:28PM

    These are absurd!!!
Would you believe that in Canada, it is not as easy to win these kind of suits.
It seems in U.S.A. one can sue for almost anything and win.

Just not to take Canada off the hook, there biggest problem is the unjustness of the judges when it comes to victim vs perpetrator of crimes. It seems the criminal has more rights than the victim (especially in rape cases)
Sad how our society is going isn't it. Just another sign of the end times.
Jean

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GRAMMAP1 3/2/2011 11:30PM

    What can I say? Our Judicial system is certainly beyond my comprehension allowing incompetent decisions such as these.
Heaven sounds more appealing every day! emoticon emoticon

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The Five Toughest Questions for Men

Saturday, February 26, 2011

The 5 toughest questions for men are:

1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that each one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly ( i.e. tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.

Question # 1: What are you thinking about?

The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you."

(Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!")

Question # 2: Do you love me?

The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear."

Inappropriate responses include:

a. Oh Yeah, loads.
b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
c. That depends on what you mean by love.
d. Does it matter?
e. Who, me?

Question # 3: Do I look fat?

The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!"

Among the incorrect answers are:

a. Compared to what?
b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
c. A little extra weight looks good on you.
d. I've seen fatter.
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me?

Once again, the proper response is always: "Of course not!"

Incorrect responses include:

a. Yes, but you have a better personality.
b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner.
c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age.
d. Define pretty..
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question# 5: What would you do if I died?

This is the all-time, no-win question. There is no good answer. No matter how you answer, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:

Woman: Would you get married again?
Man: Definitely not!
Woman: Why not? Don't you like being married?
Man: Of course I do.
Woman: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
Man: Okay, I'd get married again.
Woman: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)
Man: Yes, I would.
Woman: (After a long pause) Would you sleep with her in our bed?
Man: Where else would we sleep?
Woman: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
Man: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
Woman: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
Man: She can't use them; she's left-handed.
(The real answer, of course, is "Buy a Corvette.")
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HERE2BTHIN 2/27/2011 8:45PM

  Well, I Think if a Man Thinks of the wrong Answers.It's time to give him his Walking Papers. No Woman deserves to put up wth a Dick like that.


Have a emoticon Week.


Karrie
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STACIA1978 2/26/2011 8:15PM

    That's great. It actually reminded me of my brother.
another inappropriate answer to #3 "I like my girls thicker. I don't like them all thin like that." uh...so, yes, i'm fat. thanks.

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LJR4HEALTH 2/26/2011 8:09PM

    Oh how I love this list emoticon

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Sleeping Problems

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Each year, the average person swallows 46,000 spiders in his or her sleep, meaning that, statistically speaking, you currently have 12 spiders in your mouth. But unintended nocturnal arachnid consumption isn't the only nuisance you might encounter in your sleep:

Restless Leg Syndrome: Doctors sometimes refer to the subconscious kicking experienced during sleep by bicyclers as "night dancing" or "bottom-arm move around." To prevent it, sufferers should sleep with their legs caught under a toppled bookcase.

Sleep Apnea: Nine times worse than its medical cousin, awakey breath, sufferers of this condition experience gaps in their breathing, as if watching a movie with a particularly shocking dance sequence. Though incurable, you can nullify sleep apnea's effects by breathing through your ears—stop breathing through your nose and mouth and eventually your ears will take over.

Snoring: Even the softest snore is a sign of impending death—the death of a good night's sleep. Luckily, snoring is incredibly easy to cure—simply alter your current sleep pattern by replacing your normal resting hours with an unending nightmarescape of insomnia-induced vacuuming.

  


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