SUNSHINE65   56,376
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Speak English, please!

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

  
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ATLTRAINR 10/26/2013 6:28AM

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CAMEY13 10/24/2013 4:21PM

    I was grocery shopping and behind two old Italian ladies that were looking for tomato sauce and talking in Italian. Being Italian decent, and knowing some little of the language, I told them where it was. When I met them again in the store they were speaking English. i figured they though others would know what they were saying too. LOL

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MISSDAISY23 10/24/2013 3:03PM

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SOFTLYOPTIMIST 10/24/2013 2:22PM

    I am from/live in England... please don't send idiots like that back over here!

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GARDENCHRIS 10/24/2013 1:37PM

    lol

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NAYPOOIE 10/24/2013 11:46AM

    Yeah!

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HELEN_BRU 10/24/2013 9:50AM

    Good one!

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PDSLIM 10/24/2013 9:41AM

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PYNETREE 10/24/2013 9:36AM

    LOL!


Love, love, love your Jack-O-Lantern backpage! emoticon

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SANDRALEET 10/24/2013 9:24AM

    Hit the mail on the head We are a country of users and controllers of others with a head as small as a peanut for tolerance or acceptance who the land belonged to which we stole

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MARJORIEWRIGHT 10/24/2013 9:01AM

    emoticon emoticon Thanks for sharing.

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LOFLLAMA 10/24/2013 7:59AM

    VERY NICE!!!

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DEERLADY45 10/24/2013 7:47AM

    This is great! well said! emoticon emoticon

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RASPBERRY56 10/24/2013 7:23AM

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JANUT57 10/24/2013 6:22AM

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IMREITE 10/24/2013 1:16AM

    My favorite is when people pick on ESL (english as a second language) folks and the the esl person corrects their horrible grammer.

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CHRISGORGME 10/23/2013 11:38PM

    WOW!!! emoticon

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SPEEDY143 10/23/2013 11:26PM

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DALID414 10/23/2013 11:17PM

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COCK-ROBIN 10/23/2013 11:07PM

    LOL!

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DOVESEYES 10/23/2013 11:06PM

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Teachers...

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

  
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_CYNDY55_ 10/28/2013 12:37AM

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LINOVER 10/24/2013 4:39PM

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NAYPOOIE 10/24/2013 11:47AM

    Sadly, it is insufficient. You can't cure invincible ignorance.

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MARJORIEWRIGHT 10/24/2013 9:00AM

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JACKIE542 10/24/2013 1:32AM

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IMREITE 10/24/2013 1:15AM

    unfortunatly some of the morons/ immature ones are the parents.

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DALID414 10/23/2013 11:18PM

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DOVESEYES 10/23/2013 10:43PM

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CAROL494 10/23/2013 10:40PM

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Expressions For High Stress Days

Monday, October 21, 2013

Allow me to introduce my selves.

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."

Better living through denial.

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.

Do they ever shut up on your planet?

I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.

Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.

I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.

I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?

Back off! You're standing in my aura.

I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.

Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!

One of us is thinking about sex... OK, it's me.

How many times do I have to flush before you go away?

I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house?

I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?

It's sick the way you people keep having sex without me.

I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.

You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.

BEST REMEDY FOR STRESS…FasterEFT! Check out Healing Magic on YouTube

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BARCLE 10/21/2013 2:19PM

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PDSLIM 10/21/2013 11:07AM

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COASTAL6 10/21/2013 8:24AM

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SANDRALEET 10/21/2013 8:13AM

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MARJORIEWRIGHT 10/21/2013 8:08AM

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PAMNANGEL 10/21/2013 6:18AM

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MOIRA2 10/21/2013 5:19AM

    emoticon Good stuff! I may use some of these at work!

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ATLTRAINR 10/21/2013 5:08AM

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RASPBERRY56 10/21/2013 4:32AM

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COCK-ROBIN 10/21/2013 3:58AM

    Delightful blog!

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MAGGIEVAN 10/21/2013 1:35AM

    Thanks for sharing.

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ERIECANALGAL 10/21/2013 1:11AM

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DOVESEYES 10/21/2013 12:52AM

    Hilarious wish I was more able to remember them at the right time :)

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Here's why I post jokes...

Monday, October 21, 2013

  
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_CYNDY55_ 10/28/2013 12:40AM

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PEEDLE 10/21/2013 7:52PM

    What would life be like without laughter? emoticon

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BARCLE 10/21/2013 2:19PM

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KATENURTURE 10/21/2013 9:50AM

    Very true! emoticon

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MARJORIEWRIGHT 10/21/2013 8:08AM

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GARDENCHRIS 10/21/2013 7:18AM

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RASPBERRY56 10/21/2013 4:27AM

    Good point! Thank you for sharing your jokes - keep 'em comin'!

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COLLEENROSTE 10/21/2013 2:30AM

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ALICIA214 10/21/2013 12:26AM

 

That is so true... Thank you...

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MSGO72 10/21/2013 12:23AM

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DOVESEYES 10/21/2013 12:12AM

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Collection of Dumb Boss Stories

Sunday, October 20, 2013

My boss likes to save pennies. How much? I caught him in the break room retrieving paper cups from the trash can and shoving them back into the dispenser next to the watercooler. He didn’t even bother to wipe off the lipstick.

After I had been working in a small marketing agency for two years, m boss called me into his office one afternoon and told me I was finally receiving a promotion and a raise. I was elated. But when I reminded him about it the next day, he reneged. I started to argue, but hr cut me off. “You know better than to take me seriously in the afternoons,” he said. “I’m drunk every afternoon.”

While on the job I was unpleasantly surprise by the early arrival of my monthly cycle. After unsuccessfully begging every woman I could for “logistical support,” I reluctantly approached my supervisor. Jerry, and choosing my words carefully, stammered, I...um...would like to request permission to go home. I am having trouble with...a female issue that...I am not able to successfully resolve.” Poor old Jerry said, “Sure, no problem. But tell me which female?”

Our former department head was famous for his malaprops. Here are his greatest hits:
The Greek pyramids weren’t built in a day.
Spurt me out an email.
Let’s not put the horse before the cart.
Tonight we’re eating a the Tibetian restaurant.
It’s not rocket surgery.
It’s all smoke and windows
Nothing is nailed in stone.
Sometimes you have to roll the dice and it comes up tails.

Once after work my boss, a self-titled “email man,” sent me a text message instructing me to check my email. I rushed to my computer and pulled up the important missive. It contained two words: “call me.”

I was 5 months pregnant and the principal decided it was time we had a chat about dress code...my dress code. “I don’t know if you are aware but your body is changing,” she said awkwardly. “I’m concerned because your breasts have become inappropriately large for a secondary school teacher.” Long uncomfortable pause. “That’s all,” she said, dismissing me. She never did say what she expected me to do about the problem.

I’d gone on vacation without having processed a pay raise for one of the employees of our medical practice. When I returned I discovered that my boss had filed the forms away. I opened the file cabinet and looked up the employee’s last name, first name, subject matter--nothing. “Hey, where did you file those papers?” I asked my boss. “Look under M, he said. “M?” I asked. “But his initials are C.S. Why would you file it under M?” Exasperated he said, “For money.”

I stayed late with my boss fielding customer queries. But after one call a look of horror crossed his face. “I have to get out of here!” he yelled.”That was my girlfriend. Her husband is in a motorcycle gang and he just found out about me. He’s on his way over here right now.!” The husband had never laid eyes on him but he knew he worked late nights at the newspaper. My boss then left me with these words: “Keep answering phonecalls from customers!” And out the door he went. Being eager to please I stayed put. But then it hit me: My boss was setting me up. He was hoping I’d be mistaken for the boyfriend! I grabbed my coat. turned out the lights and got out of there!

At my old office one of the bosses went crazy and threw his computer out the window, 50 floors above street level. It bounced on a ledge a few stories down and stayed there thankfully. He was taken out of the office in a straitjacket. Oddly, he returned to work a month later!

I was working as a reporter for an “alternative” New York City newspaper. Our office was a storefront with a double door. The publisher owned a small Honda, a tiny 1970s model no bigger than a shopping cart. Or so it seemed, until he decided to park it in the office at night to avoid the hassle of parking on the street. “It will never fit,” we told him. “Sure it will” he said. So we pushed all the desks against the wall, and he backed the vehicle across the sidewalk. Sure enough, the rear end of the car made it through with an inch to spare on either side. Wow! This was actually going to work!We were going to park a car in the middle of our office! Alas, no. Half an hour later and dizzy from breathing carbon monoxide, he could not squeeze the side mirrors through the doors. The strange thing is, as we moved our desks back, I was as disappointed as my boss that his scheme didn’t work.

It was a typical hectic Friday afternoon at our law office. My boss, meanwhile, was hundreds of miles away at a luxury resort preparing for a meeting.In the midst of my insane day, I got an urgent call from him. “You have to phone the hotel right away. It’s important,” my boss said. “Ask them to send someone to the pool area immediately.” “What’s wrong?” I asked. “We haven’t seen a waiter in 20 minutes and we need our drinks refreshed.”

  
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BAMAJAM 10/21/2013 2:31PM

  On this subject:

Memo from management: Please do not criticize management; it is bad for morale.

Bulletin for management from overworked, underappreciated, exhausted staff:
----------------BAD MANAGEMENT IS BAD FOR MORALE---------------

(no humor intended)---

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GARDENCHRIS 10/21/2013 7:20AM

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PAMNANGEL 10/21/2013 6:24AM

    I am the boss at my company...of course, I'm also the only employee! emoticon

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RASPBERRY56 10/21/2013 4:29AM

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IMREITE 10/21/2013 12:44AM

    sad but true.

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DALID414 10/20/2013 11:14PM

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COCK-ROBIN 10/20/2013 10:47PM

    And I thought my boss was crazy!

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COLLEENROSTE 10/20/2013 10:27PM

    emoticon unfortunately I am blessed with a management team........I think they all went to the same "boss academy"

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MARJORIEWRIGHT 10/20/2013 10:25PM

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ROBBIEY 10/20/2013 9:27PM

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