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More Hilarious parenting tweets

Tuesday, October 01, 2013

The chances of a baby falling asleep are inversely proportional to the desperation of the parent for it to be so -Ben Reynolds

You may travel and enjoy things I never will, but you Child-Free Lifers will never know the glory of the 43 second nap. -Liíl Edie Surly

There are no words to describe what parenting is like. Only screams and songs. -Charlie N Andy

Itís water under the bridge, but Iím still kinda pissed at my husband for loudly munching those crispy wontons during my contraction. -Ana Gasteyer

What do you call two people who have to reschedule an important meeting because neither one had enough coffee to function? Parents. -BadParentingMoments

Me: "No" Me 2 minutes later: "No" Me 5 minutes after that: "No" 5 yr old: "So maybe in a few minutes?" -Stella G. Maddox

"MOM WE'RE FINE I'M ON THE TOILET AND ELLA PEED IN THE TUB 'CAUSE SHE COULDN'T HOLD IT." These two will trash an NFL player's house one day. -Suburban Snapshots

My kidís school picture really captures the moment right after P.E. -Peyton Price

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

YMWONG22 10/3/2013 1:16AM

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CHRISGORGME 10/2/2013 4:37AM

    I suppose they will sound hilarious to me as well in a few years time!! emoticon

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BECKYSFRIEND 10/1/2013 10:28PM

    Glad I'm a grandmother and I just spoil them and send them home!

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NAYPOOIE 10/1/2013 3:41PM

    Glad I'm done with it, parenting is definitely for the young.

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DALID414 10/1/2013 10:02AM

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My mom hated the photos after PE my hair was always a mess!

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RASPBERRY56 10/1/2013 7:03AM

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ATLTRAINR 10/1/2013 5:14AM

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maxine rides again!

Monday, September 30, 2013

  
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LINOVER 9/30/2013 9:54PM

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DALID414 9/30/2013 12:08PM

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PDSLIM 9/30/2013 9:58AM

    Yah!

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DONNABRIGHT 9/30/2013 8:42AM

    Maxine knows how to live the good life!

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HELEN_BRU 9/30/2013 7:54AM

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SANDRALEET 9/30/2013 7:11AM

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SUSIEPH1 9/30/2013 5:53AM

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JANUT57 9/30/2013 5:47AM

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MOIRA2 9/30/2013 5:42AM

    emoticon And I don't drink! Funny!

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ROX525 9/30/2013 5:40AM

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ATLTRAINR 9/30/2013 5:17AM

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YMWONG22 9/30/2013 5:01AM

  It is always good laugh with Maxine.
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DOVESEYES 9/30/2013 1:50AM

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Hilarious parenting tweets

Monday, September 30, 2013

I donít now why I even bother making my kid a bowl of cereal when I can just pour some milk directly on his pants. -Dad and Buried

Thereís a fine line between wanting your kids to stay with you forever and wanting to sell them to the next gypsy carnival. -Darling Golightly

Give them an inch and theyíll whine and cry and break you down until you say FINE ONE MORE EPISODE just to quiet the sad sad operetta. -Ann Imig

My 2 year old has decided that she wants to dress herself today so Iíll have to cancel all of my appointments. -Brian Hope

Really hoping to win an Emmy for the performance I just gave pretending to like the cartoon face my 3 year old daughter drew on an egg. -Shane Nickerson

was gonna write a blog: 20 ways i freaked out on my kidsí 1st day at daycare. but i was so busy freaking out i forgot to write anything down. -Theresa DíAngelo

I know my boys are getting older because I no longer find myself rocking the grocery store shopping cart back and forth like a crazy person. -ReasonsMySonIsCrying

You know your kid is too attached to technology when she asks the Roomba how it likes her dress. -Jessica Valenti

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LINOVER 9/30/2013 10:00PM

    You made me smile today! emoticon

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COCK-ROBIN 9/30/2013 8:49AM

    Wonderful!

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MOIRA2 9/30/2013 5:41AM

    emoticon Been there too!

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TWEETYKC00 9/30/2013 4:31AM

    lol

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COLLEENROSTE 9/30/2013 3:00AM

    been there


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MESEATURTLE 9/30/2013 1:41AM

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IOWA51973 9/30/2013 1:00AM

    A few of these hit close to home....Netflix is both a miracle and a curse!

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DALID414 9/30/2013 12:59AM

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PAMNANGEL 9/30/2013 12:40AM

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DOVESEYES 9/30/2013 12:33AM

    Rocking the shopping cart with no child it ---that was me for a long time :)

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LATTELEE 9/30/2013 12:22AM

  Funny

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Bumper Snickers

Sunday, September 29, 2013

These are a little mean, and I wouldn't put them on my bumper, but love the sarcasmQ

Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your butt?

If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!

Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're a jerk.

100,000 sperm and YOU were the fastest?

Your gene pool needs a little chlorine.

You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!

DON'T MAKE ME ANGRY! I'M RUNNING OUT OF PLACES TO HIDE THE BODIES.

You are depriving some poor village of its IDIOT!

Save Your Breath ... You'll need it to blow up your date!

Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.

My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom.

GROW YOUR OWN DOPE, PLANT A MAN.

All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets.

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LINOVER 9/30/2013 9:57PM

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MOIRA2 9/30/2013 5:44AM

    RASPBERRY56......Me too!

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PAMNANGEL 9/30/2013 12:41AM

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NAYPOOIE 9/29/2013 1:36PM

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JUST_BRENDA 9/29/2013 8:27AM

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ROX525 9/29/2013 6:58AM

    Things you think of in your head sometimes and can't say out loud! LOL

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RASPBERRY56 9/29/2013 6:56AM

    Love 'em! Of course, my humor tends to run a bit on the snarky side, but still.........thank you for sharing!

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DOVESEYES 9/29/2013 5:59AM

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PICKIE98 9/29/2013 5:37AM

    Are those Maxine-isms?? I just read them the other day..funny

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ANDYLIN90 9/29/2013 5:26AM

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Move over Dr Freud!

Sunday, September 29, 2013

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MISSFITOKSANA 9/29/2013 12:12PM

    LMAO!

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DALID414 9/29/2013 11:52AM

    No degree needed!

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YMWONG22 9/29/2013 8:40AM

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JUST_BRENDA 9/29/2013 8:25AM

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ANDYLIN90 9/29/2013 5:27AM

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SPARKCHANTAL 9/29/2013 4:07AM

    it's because our eyes are turned outwards, of course.

but that doesn't explain all the 'umbilici mundi' (navels of the world), I know!

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TATTER3 9/29/2013 3:06AM

    That's me!!! But they never ask!

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