SUNSHINE65   55,222
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Laws of Life:

Saturday, September 14, 2013

* Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.

* Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.

* The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.

* Miller's Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything except what happens.

* First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you'll want to be doing something else.

* Weiner's Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only cross-references.

* The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.

* Lampner's Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GINA180847 9/15/2013 2:03PM

    All of these are true!

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ATLTRAINR 9/15/2013 6:36AM

    emoticon

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PDSLIM 9/15/2013 1:27AM

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DOVESEYES 9/15/2013 1:10AM

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Tombstone treasures

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York: born 1903 died 1942 Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was.

Thurmont, Maryland
Here lies an Atheist, all dressed up and no place to go.

Nova Scotia
Here lies Ezekial Aikle, age 102 only the good die young.

Ribbesford, England
The children of Israel wanted bread
and the Lord sent them manna
Clark Wallace wanted a wife,
And the devil sent him Anna.

New Mexico
Here lies Johnny Yeast
Pardon him for not rising

Pennsylvania
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake
stepped on the gas instead of the brake

England
Sir John Strange
Here lies an honest lawyer
and that is Strange

Vermont
Here lies the body of our Anna
Done to death by a banana
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low
but the skin of the thing that made her go

Massachusetts
Under the sod and under the trees
lies the body of Jonathan Pease
He is not here, there's only the pod
Pease shelled out and went to God.

England
Remember man, as you walk by,
As you are now, so once was I
As I am now so shall you be
remember this and follow me.

To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:
To follow you I'll not consent, Until I know which way you went.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BECKYSFRIEND 9/15/2013 10:40AM

    love these-thanks

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FELINA 9/15/2013 10:13AM

    emoticon
Love these !
Thank you !

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DALID414 9/14/2013 11:54PM

    These are awesome! I should start working on mine.

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RICKI157 9/14/2013 11:50PM

    I thought they were emoticon

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NAYPOOIE 9/14/2013 11:35PM

    Great! Too bad I don't plan on being buried.

Comment edited on: 9/14/2013 11:36:03 PM

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MSKIZ69 9/14/2013 11:10PM

    I loved these!! One of my hobbies is tombstone searching, weird I know-but this just caught my eye--thank you for sharing! emoticon emoticon

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How To Get A Life

Friday, September 13, 2013

It's never easy to overcome innate nerdity, a serious Internet addiction, or a hard-core computer gaming habit, but trying usually isn't as painful as kidney stones. Here's how:

Let go of the mouse.

Turn off the computer.

Play a game of solitaire with a real deck of cards.

Eat something other than taco chips.

Fart without recording it and putting it up your Web page.

Get some sleep in bed rather than on your keyboard.

Next time you wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, don't tell everyone on your ICQ list about it.

Open a window without turning your computer back on (yes, it is possible). Very gradually expose your eyes to increasingly bright light so as to avoid damage or permanent sun blindness.

When you feel prepared for a massive dose of non-CRT radiation, put on welding goggles and go outside.

If you see someone, say "Hi" to them instead of trying to make the modem connect sound.

Visit a friend that you haven't spoken to in years because they don't have an email address.

Have ".com" officially removed from behind your name. Go on a date with someone you didn't meet in a chat room.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PDSLIM 9/13/2013 10:53PM

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MISSDAISY23 9/13/2013 9:28PM

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DALID414 9/13/2013 3:28PM

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3016DEBRA 9/13/2013 1:02PM

  Good advice! emoticon

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CMRAND54 9/13/2013 12:29PM

    emoticon

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GARDENCHRIS 9/13/2013 7:50AM

    yep!

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WRITINGRUNNER 9/13/2013 3:38AM

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What FOX viewers believe!

Thursday, September 12, 2013

According to a new survey of Fox News viewers by Reuters, this is what Fox News viewers believe:

67% Believe Barack Obama’s name sounds suspicious.

45% Believe that homosexuals are polygamists

2% Believe that science is more important than faith

90% Believe that all of the Founding Fathers were born in the United States of America, even though it had not yet been created when the Founding Fathers were born.

56% Believe Sarah Palin went to an Ivy League Law school.

99% of Fox News viewers who were Medicare recipients said they opposed “socialized medicine.”

94% Believe Reagan lowered the National Debt.

15% Believe that George Washington defeated the King of England in a duel for America.

88% Believe that Bill Clinton failed as a President, because of his affair with Monica Lewinsky.

75% Believe that people on welfare are lazy.

24% Believe Santa Claus is real.

36% Believe the “Bill of Rights” is legislation introduced by the Republican Party to stop “Barack Obama’s socialist agenda.”

99% Believe that communism, socialism, fascism and tyranny are all the same.

70% Believe Barack Obama was born in Kenya

38% Believe Barack Obama was born in Indonesia

85% Don’t think Hawaii was even a state when Barack Obama was born

76% Believe Sarah Palin has an “Alaskan accent.”

92% Believe that Bill Clinton left Barack Obama with a surplus, which he spent.

96% Believe the economy was doing great when Barack Obama took office.

84% Believe the Tea Party is a grassroots movement without any corporate sponsorship.

94% Believe the Constitution mentions Jesus Christ as America’s savior.

23% Believe FEMA is building concentration camps.

63% Believe Glenn Beck is a healthy weight

37% Believe Nancy Pelosi is a witch, and that she can cast spells.

25% Believe Hillary Clinton’s resignation was good for the economy.

74% Believe that unemployment is higher now than it was during the Great Depression.

92% Couldn’t find Iraq on a map.

9% Believe that homosexuals are trying to take over America with glitter.

93% Couldn’t name the 7 continents.

12% Believe John Quincy Adams was a Founding Father.

99% Believe that the Government doesn’t create jobs, but 95% of those surveyed credit Governor Rick Perry (R-TX) with creating 1 million jobs as Governor of Texas.

While some of these might seem comical, the most shocking result from the study was this:

100% of Fox News viewers said they wouldn’t care if the entire country fell apart as long as Barack Obama doesn’t get anything he wants.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GODZDESIGN95 9/15/2013 5:42PM

    wow good I do not watch it! ROFL.

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MISSDAISY23 9/12/2013 11:49PM

    emoticon

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CMRAND54 9/12/2013 4:40PM

    Maybe Santa Claus will bring them a job, educate their children and fix their roads without them paying any taxes!

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3016DEBRA 9/12/2013 2:14PM

  emoticon Some of these are so ridiculous!!!

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SUSIQZER 9/12/2013 8:42AM

    Scary!

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PDSLIM 9/12/2013 8:42AM

    emoticon

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HELEN_BRU 9/12/2013 7:18AM

    Sad !

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NANCYPAT1 9/12/2013 6:09AM

    no comment -

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WEARINGTHIN 9/12/2013 2:53AM

    It is really quite amazing what how such a large percentage of our population can be so....I have no words for it. You wonder how we ever make any progress. Glenn

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JROSSWILDE 9/12/2013 1:24AM

    Wow! I knew it was bad but not that bad! Does Rupert Murdoch realize, truly, what he is creating? Scary, scary stuff. Someone famous needs to call them on their bs and make it stick like when McCarthy got declawed.

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DALID414 9/12/2013 1:19AM

    emoticon

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ZRIE014 9/12/2013 1:03AM

  it shows that you can be educated, but at the sametime be stupid!!!!! I would not waste my time viewing fox!!!!! I do not want to dumb myself down.

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SUSANBEAMON 9/12/2013 1:02AM

  lots of these people were home schooled, because the government can't do anything right.

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LATE NITE 9/10

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

On Tuesday President Obama is planning to address the nation. Instead of calling his plan to attack Syria “a war,” he is calling it a "limited military intervention" — which sounds better than "potential endless quagmire." -Jay Leno

Do you have the new iPhone yet, the new iPhone 5? You'd better get the new iPhone 5 because you're not going to see another one for... three, four months. -David Letterman

It's a great day if you like football. Who doesn't? Al-Qaida, that's who doesn't! They say, "Sorry, it's too violent." -Craig Ferguson

Last night a new NFL season began. On Sunday, hundreds of thousands of American men begin five long months of wagering their hard-earned money so they can buy their wives that Valentine's Day gift. -Jimmy Kimmel

John Kerry said during the Senate hearing that we are not the world's policemen. Really, then how come we eat most of the world's donuts? -Jay Leno

On Sunday, more than 1,500 people set a world record by holding the largest gathering of redheads in history, marking the first event that nearly got canceled due to sun. -Jimmy Fallon

The NFL season kicked off last night. Football is for people who can't stand politics but still enjoy watching millionaires destroy each other. -Craig Ferguson

  
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PDSLIM 9/11/2013 9:57AM

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