SUNSHINE65   61,062
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Letter from Maw

Saturday, September 07, 2013

Dear Son,

Your Pa has a new job. The first in 48 years. We are a little better, off now, getting $17.96 every Thursday. So we up and thought we'd do a little fixin‚ up. We sent to Rosemont and Seasbuck for one of them there bathrooms you hear so much about and it took a plumber to put it in shape.

On one side of the room is a great big long thing, something like the hogs drink out of, only you get in it and wash all over. Over on the other side is a little white thing called a sink, this is for light washing, like face and hands, but over in the other corner we really got something.

There you put one foot in, wash it clean, pull a chain and get fresh water for the other foot. Two lids come with the darn thing and we ain't had any use for them in the bathroom, so I'm using one for a bread board and the other we framed grandmother's picture in.

They were awful nice people to deal with and they sent us a roll of writing paper with it.

Take care of yourself son.

Your Maw

  
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PAMNANGEL 9/7/2013 10:14PM

    emoticon I shouldn't laugh, they may be relatives of mine.

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FUNNIES 9/5

Friday, September 06, 2013

President Obama is trying to get congressional approval before we attack Syria. And if that works, there’s talk we might even consider bringing back the rest of the Constitution. -Jay Leno

Syria's President Assad referred to President Obama as weak. Obama is so angry he plans to ask Congress for permission to come up with a good comeback. -Conan O'Brien

Diana Nyad swam from Cuba to Florida without using a shark cage. She swam all the way from Cuba to Miami — accompanied by five Cuban pitchers. -David Letterman

Today during the hearing on Syria, John McCain was caught playing poker on his smartphone. I was like, "What? John McCain knows how to use a smartphone?" -Craig Ferguson

About $30 million in $100 bills had to be destroyed because of a printing problem. Isn't that unbelievable? The only thing we know how to do right in this country is print money and we even screw that up. -Jay Leno

A new report says 60 percent of teenagers don't have even a basic knowledge of finances. Although in fairness, I'm 38 and I just found out this year that a 401(k) is NOT a type of marathon. -Jimmy Fallon

They're now making the first smartphone that's not made overseas. It's made in Texas. It's also the first smartphone that doubles as a handgun. -Conan O'Brien

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FORESTPAL 9/12/2013 3:08PM

    Gee, I'm glad I found you.

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ELLENIRENE 9/6/2013 6:58AM

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MYAKAYAH 9/6/2013 4:04AM

    funny times~ emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LATTELEE 9/6/2013 1:00AM

  Ha!

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KESTRYLL 9/6/2013 12:51AM

    Those were funny, thanks for sharing!

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How to Stay Young

Friday, September 06, 2013

1. Try everything twice. On one woman's tombstone she said she wanted this epitaph: "Tried everything twice. Loved it both times!"

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. (Keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches!)

3. Keep learning: Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever... Never let the brain get idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.' And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and lots of time with HIM/HER.

6.. The tears happen: Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. LIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love: whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever...Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, even to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

11. Forgive now those who made you cry. You might not get a second chance...

12. Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

13. Wine does not make you fat. It makes you lean (against tables, chairs, floors, walls and friends).

  
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ATLTRAINR 9/9/2013 3:10PM

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MARGARITTM 9/6/2013 10:35AM

    These are great

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COLLEENROSTE 9/6/2013 3:44AM

    words to live by

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ANDYLIN90 9/6/2013 12:47AM

    great advice!

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ZRIE014 9/6/2013 12:41AM

  very good

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Late Night 9/4

Thursday, September 05, 2013

Ben Affleck is the new Batman. And Miley Cyrus is apparently the new Lindsay Lohan. -Jay Leno

People are still talking about that over-the-top Miley Cyrus performance at the VMAs last Sunday. Why couldn’t Kanye West interrupt that? -Jay Leno

Wal-Mart will soon begin offering benefits for their employees' same-sex partners. How about that? Finally a company looking out for the interests of gay and lesbian Chinese factory workers!-Jay Leno

John Kerry said it's "undeniable" that the president of Syria is using weapons of mass destruction. Kerry said President Obama needs to build a coalition of countries and attack soon, no matter what others might say. Today former President George Bush said, “Hey, good luck with that. Let me know how it works out.” -Jay Leno

The owner of an ice cream truck named Snow Cone Joe was arrested for allegedly stalking his rival truck, called Mr. Ding-a-Ling. It's being called the saddest turf war ever. -Conan O'Brien

A company in California has started selling a new cologne that smells like whiskey. I think my dad's been wearing that cologne for 40 years. -Jimmy Fallon

A company called Dog Nation just launched an IQ online test for your dog. It covers understanding hand gestures and learning words. It's actually a secret IQ test for humans. If you pay $60 to give your dog an IQ test, you failed. -Jimmy Kimmel

  
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BECKYSFRIEND 9/5/2013 9:36PM

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    OUCH!!

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The Man's Rules

Wednesday, September 04, 2013

So it's about time we laid down some rules. These are our rules! Please note, these are all numbered "1" on purpose!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports, It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes or No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question that you don't want an answer to, expect an answer that you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. And if you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, hockey or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight.? But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Note: if you couldn't tell this is a joke that parodies male sterotypes. It is not to be taken seriously. If you are a man and actually following these rules you need to be dragged kicking and screaming into the 21st century.

  
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GARDENCHRIS 9/5/2013 7:24AM

    most men do THINK this way! emoticon

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BAMAJAM 9/4/2013 1:26PM

  I can only say---- Did my husband write this--?!!

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COLLEENROSTE 9/4/2013 7:19AM

    you got me laughing this morning; mostly 'cuz my guy can't count past 1 either emoticon

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