SUNSHINE65   67,467
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Sunday, September 01, 2013

I was visiting my daughter last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

"This is the 21st century," she said. "We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, use my iPad."

I can tell you thisÖ..that fly never knew what hit him.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PDSLIM 9/2/2013 6:38PM


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BECKYSFRIEND 9/2/2013 10:31AM


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PURPLEPEONY 9/2/2013 3:49AM

    emoticon roflmbo! That`s something my dad would do.

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COLLEENROSTE 9/2/2013 3:10AM

    splat- will they come up with an app for that??

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ELSCO55 9/1/2013 9:28PM


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DALID414 9/1/2013 9:21PM


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Never Lie to Your Mother

Sunday, September 01, 2013

A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldnít help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and his roommate than met the eye.

Reading his momís thoughts, his son volunteered, ďI know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, we are just roommates.Ē

About a week later, his roommate came to him saying,

ďEver since your mother came to dinner, Iíve been unable to find the silver plate. You donít suppose she took it, do you?Ē

He said ,ĒWell, I doubt it, but Iíll email her, just to be sure.Ē He sat down and wrote :

Dear Mother:

Iím not saying that you Ďdidí take the silver plate from my house, Iím not saying that you Ďdid notí take the silver plate But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love, your son.

Several hours later, he received an email from his Mother which read:

Dear Son:

Iím not saying that you Ďdoí sleep with your roommate, and Iím not saying that you Ďdo notí sleep with her.

But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the silver plate by now, under her pillow.

Love, Mom.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARRAND 9/2/2013 6:45PM


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GARDENCHRIS 9/2/2013 11:46AM


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NASFKAB 9/1/2013 10:06PM

  loved them all

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DALID414 9/1/2013 9:18PM

    emoticon busted!

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DMEYER4 9/1/2013 8:57PM

  love it thanks for the laugh

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Friday, August 30, 2013

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over. -Jon Stewart (classic quote)

If we are now holding late-night talk-show hosts to the same moral accountability as we hold politicians or clergymen, I'm out. I'm gone. -Craig Ferguson (classic quote)

Politics is pop. Our job as comedians - especially me, as a late-night talk show, which is a broader audience - is to amplify what we think America is thinking. -Jimmy Fallon (classic quote)

I'm a terrible interviewer. I'm not a journalist - although I have a Peabody Award - and I'm not really a late-night host. What I am is honest. -Craig Ferguson (classic quote)

The state attorney general of New York is suing Donald Trump for $40 million, claiming that Donald Trump University is not a real university. The state claims it's not a real college because students get very little education and were unable to find jobs after they graduated. Sounds like a real college to me. -Jay Leno

A brewery in Japan has introduced a beer made from elephant dung. How do you market something like that? 'I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I make sure it comes from an elephant's butt.' -Craig Ferguson

Teachers at nine universities are using a new technology that can tell if students are actually reading their textbooks. Let me save you some time. They're not. -Jimmy Kimmel

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BECKYSFRIEND 8/30/2013 9:09PM


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FITFRIT 8/30/2013 12:42AM


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ALICIA214 8/30/2013 12:34AM



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LATTELEE 8/30/2013 12:21AM


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Toying With the Telemarketer

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

I was at home the other night in the middle of my dinner when the phone rang.

ME: Hello.
AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T.

ME: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T Ö

ME: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T Ö

ME: Is this AT&T.?
AT&T: Yes! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron, please?

ME: May I ask who is calling?
AT&T: This is AT&T.

ME: OK, hold on.

At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.

ME: Hello?
AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?

ME: May I ask who is calling, please?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T Ö

ME: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T Ö

ME: The phone company?
AT&T: Yes, sir.

ME: I thought you said this was AT&T.
AT&T: Yes, sir, we are a phone company.

ME: I already have a phone.
AT&T: We arenít selling phones today, Mr. Byron. We would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

ME: Now, thatís 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day?
AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes, sir, thatís right! 24 hours a day!

ME: 7 days a week.?
AT&T: Thatís right.

ME: 365 days a year.?
AT&T: Yes, sir.

ME: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! Thatís amazing!
AT&T: We think so!

ME: Thatís quite a sum of money!
AT&T: Yes, sir, itís amazing how it adds up.

ME: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560; and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance?
AT&T: Excuse me?

ME: You know, the 10 cents a minute.
AT&T: What are you talking about?

ME: You said youíd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1008 per week and $52,560 per year. Iím just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.
AT&T: Oh, no, sir. I didnít mean weíd be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a minute.

ME: Wait a minute, how do you figure that by saying that youíll give me 10 cents a minute, that Iíll give YOU 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? Iíve read about things like this in the Enquirer, you know.

AT&T: No, sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for

ME: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please?
AT&T: Sir, I donít think that is necessary.

ME: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!
AT&T: Yes, Mr. Byron. Please hold.

At this point, I begin trying to finish my dinner.

ME: Yeah.

SUPERVISOR: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program.
ME: Is This A T &T?

SUPERVISOR: Yes, sir, it sure is.
ME: (I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.) No, actually, I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan.

SUPERVISOR: Ok, no problem, Iíll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.
ME: Thank you.

I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I need to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.

AT&T: Hello, Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan.?

ME: No, but I was wondering - do you have that ďFriends and FamilyĒ thing because Iím an only child and Iíd really like to have a little brotherÖ

AT&T: clickÖÖ..

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PURPLELVR7 8/31/2013 7:47AM


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DIDMIS 8/29/2013 4:39PM

    I got a call yesterday while eating in a noisy restaurant. It was a telemarketer.
They had a fabulous gift for me but I had to be home owner.
They said "Are you a homeowner".
Me "click"
Hung up. None of their business.

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PDSLIM 8/28/2013 1:52PM


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NAYPOOIE 8/28/2013 1:48PM


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DALID414 8/28/2013 11:31AM


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FELINA 8/28/2013 10:59AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
Hysterical ! Love it !

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BRENDA_G50 8/28/2013 7:19AM

    I retired from AT&T and I remember customers like you when I had to call for Customer Satisfaction Surveys. emoticon

It's a good thing I had a sense of humor back then or I would never have made it through the day. emoticon

Thankfully I never had to call anyone during the dinner hour. emoticon

Thanks for the walk through memory lane, it was a hoot. emoticon

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RASPBERRY56 8/28/2013 5:48AM

    There's a special place in "you know where" for those "people" (note the QUOTES)!

Always good to hear stories where they get what they deserve!

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GHOSTFLAMES 8/28/2013 4:49AM

    THAT WAS SO FUNNY! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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HEALTHYPRIYA 8/28/2013 4:18AM


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COLLEENROSTE 8/28/2013 4:01AM

    that was good emoticon

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Being Green

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the older woman, that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags werenít good for the environment. The woman apologized and explained,

ďWe didnít have this green thing back in my earlier days.Ē The young clerk responded, ďThatís our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations.Ē

She was right ó our generation didnít have the green thing in its day. Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were truely recycled.

But we didnít have the green thing back in our day.

Grocery stores bagged our groceries in brown paper bags, that we reused for numerous things, most memorable besides household garbage bags, was the use of brown paper bags as book covers for our schoolbooks. This was to ensure that public property, (the books provided for our use by the school) was not defaced by our scribblings. Then we were able to personalize our books on the brown paper bags.

But too bad we didnít do the green thing back then.

We walked up stairs, because we didnít have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didnít climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks.

But she was right. We didnít have the green thing in our day. Back then, we washed the babyís diapers because we didnít have the throwaway kind.

We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy-gobbling machine burning up 220 volts ó wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing.

But that young lady is right; we didnít have the green thing back in our day.

Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house ó not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana.

In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didnít have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap.

Back then, we didnít fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didnít need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.

But sheís right; we didnít have the green thing back then.

We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull.

But we didnít have the green thing back then.

Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service. We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances.

And we didnít need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 23,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest burger joint. But isnít it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didnít have the green thing back then?

Please forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from a smartyboots young person.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EDDYMEESE 8/28/2013 12:42AM

    Lol, I've read this before. Love it :)

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DALID414 8/27/2013 2:35PM

    I loved covering my books with brown paper bags!

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PDSLIM 8/27/2013 2:21PM

    I still rarely use a clothes drier. & my linens, clothes etc last much longer.

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3016DEBRA 8/27/2013 11:50AM

  Loved that one...thanks for the memories! emoticon

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LINTPICKER 8/27/2013 7:50AM

    ok, why do I feel old now!! emoticon

those young whippersnappers!

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TERRY0217 8/27/2013 6:39AM

    I forgot about the bookcovers!! We were "greener" back in the day...everything you mentioned made life easier and made us work out without realizing it~
Thank you for the trip down memory lane!

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CHIBIKARATE 8/27/2013 3:15AM

    I have been green before it was in as a kid I knew things were not right. love it hugz

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PAMNANGEL 8/27/2013 2:14AM

    We were green before green was in. emoticon

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NAYPOOIE 8/27/2013 2:13AM

    Ah, youth.

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FITANDFIFTY2 8/27/2013 2:05AM

    Oh how very very true!!!! Loved it!

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