SUNSHINE65   55,492
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SUNSHINE65's Recent Blog Entries

Late Night...

Monday, August 26, 2013

So former President George W. Bush had to go into the hospital, had a little heart surgery and he’s OK, but he blames it all on the fatty foods served by White House butler Forest Whitaker. -David Letterman

Doctors told him to avoid any heavy exertion, so that means no reading. He had a little touch of coronary artery disease. One of his arteries was clogged with old Al Gore ballots. -David Letterman

So you have your regular Oreos and they have Double Stuf Oreos. Somebody measured the things, and it turns out there is not twice the amount of stuff as in the regular Oreos. No double ammonium bicarbonate, no double thiamine mononitrate, no double calcium phosphate. Now if you are at home measuring stuff in an Oreo, you should take a long, hard look at your life. I’ll tell you something else right now, we wouldn’t have to worry about stuff like this if New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie was president. -David Letterman

Last night Anthony Weiner was at a forum for all the candidates for mayor, and he actually got booed by the crowd. Which got even worse when Weiner was like, ‘Boobs, where?’ -Jimmy Fallon

Elsewhere in the news, a Swedish company was fined today after one of their assembly robots attacked a human worker. And so it begins... -Craig Ferguson

A new study came out that shows that the germiest place in your kitchen is the refrigerator's vegetable drawer. After hearing this, most Americans said, 'We have a vegetable drawer?' -Conan O'Brien

A prop phaser gun from the Star Trek TV show recently sold for $231,000 at an auction making it the most expensive thing you can point at someone right before they beat the crap out of you. -Jimmy Fallon"The inventor of the world's first artificial test-tube hamburger said that 'It looks, feels, and hopefully tastes like meat.' He was immediately sued by Arby's for stealing their slogan." -Conan O'Brien

I think we look back at times past with fondness because we were younger. Life had not yet begun pecking away at our innocence like buzzards on fresh road kill. -Craig Ferguson

A woman in Britain said that her pet goldfish survived for seven hours in the open air outside of his tank, which is a world record ˜ for goldfish torture. In the fish world, that's known as 'airboarding.' -Jimmy Fallon

  
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EDDYMEESE 8/28/2013 12:43AM

    HA HA HA :)

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LINTPICKER 8/27/2013 7:56AM

    emoticon emoticon

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How to Stop Mummy Sleeping Through the Night

Monday, August 26, 2013

OK, here's my situation. My Mummy has had me for almost 7 months. The first few months were great. I cried, she picked me up and fed me, anytime, day or night. Then something happened.

Over the last few weeks, she has been trying to STTN (sleep through the night). At first, I thought it was just a phase, but it is only getting worse. I've talked to other babies, and it seems like its pretty common after Mummies have had us for around 6 months.

Here's the thing: these Mummies don't really need to sleep. Its just a habit. Many of them have had some 30 years to sleep and they just don't need it anymore. So I am implementing a plan. I call it the Crybaby Shuffle. It goes like this:

Night 1: cry every 3 hours until you get fed. I know, its hard. Its hard to see your Mummy upset over your crying. Just keep reminding yourself, its for her own good.

Night 2: cry every 2 hours until you get fed.

Night 3: every hour. Most Mummies will start to respond more quickly after about 3 nights. Some Mummies are more alert, and may resist the change longer. These Mummies may stand in your doorway for hours, shhhh-ing. Don't give in. I cannot stress this enough: CONSISTENCY IS KEY! If you let her STTN (sleep through the night), just once, she will expect it every night. I KNOW ITS HARD! But she really doesn't need the sleep, she's just resisting the change.

If you have an especially alert Mummy, you can stop crying for about 10 minutes, just long enough for her to go back to bed and start to fall asleep. Then cry again. It WILL eventually work. My Mummy once stayed awake for 10 hours straight, so I know she can do it. Last night, I cried every hour. You just have to decide to stick to it and just go for it. BE CONSISTENT!

I cried for any reason I could come up with. My sleep sack tickled my foot. I felt a wrinkle under the sheet. My mobile made a shadow on the wall. I burped, and it tasted like pears. I hadn't eaten pears since lunch, what's up with that? The cat said "meow". I should know. My Mummy reminds me of this about 20 times a day. LOL.

Once I cried just because I liked how it sounded when it echoed on the monitor in the other room. Too hot, too cold, just right - doesn't matter! Keep crying! It took awhile, but it worked. She fed me at 4am. Tomorrow night, my goal is 3:30am. You need to slowly shorten the interval between feedings in order to reset your Mummies internal clocks.

Sometimes my Mummy will call for reinforcements by sending in Daddy. Don't worry, Daddies are not set up for not needing sleep the way Mummies are. They can only handle a few pats and shhing before they declare defeat and send in the Mummy.

Also, be wary of the sleep sheep with rain noises. I like to give Mummy false hope that listening to the rain puts me to sleep sometimes I pretend to close my eyes and be asleep and then wait until I know Mummy is settling back to sleep to spring a surprise cry attack. If she doesn't get to me fast enough I follow up with my fake cough and gag noise that always has her running to the crib.

At some point I am positive she will start to realise that she really doesn't really need sleep.

P.S. Don't let those rubber things fool you, no matter how long you suck on them, no milk will come out. Trust me.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BLUEJEANS27 8/30/2013 9:30AM

    Hilarious!! Sadly, I remember those days all too well! My 2 boys (now 18 and 20) both had gastro-intestinal issues that they eventually grew out of, but they did not sleep through the night until they were 15 months old!! I was a walking zombie emoticon

All my sympathies, and I do recommend having your pediatrician make sure there is nothing medically-related going on. My first son had a bout of diarrhea at 4 months old that caused him to develop lactose intolerance a few weeks later, and he started crying more and not STTN at 6 months old. This was a very rare condition that my pediatrician insisted was simply a sleep issue, even though I kept telling him I could hear my son's stomach rumble and then he would cry and pull his knees up to his chest. It took a pediatric gastro doctor to finally diagnose it correctly.

Good luck!!
Julia

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NAYPOOIE 8/26/2013 8:43PM

    I always suspected it was a conspiracy.

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BARCLE 8/26/2013 6:59PM

    emoticon emoticon

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PDSLIM 8/26/2013 1:42PM

    I'm sending this to my niece. She just had her 2nd baby.

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NEWMEISHERE 8/26/2013 7:24AM

    Mine are all teenagers now and I still don't get to sleep through the night,hope you get some rest soon

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COLLEENROSTE 8/26/2013 1:49AM

    this is funny- \I know many visiting health nurses that do baby followup and no sleep is a common complaint- who knew the babes had a "How to Train Parents" manual? They sure don't send a manual home when they discharge those new parents from the hospital LOL

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DALID414 8/26/2013 1:31AM

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Pain free labor...

Sunday, August 25, 2013

A married couple rushed to the hospital because the woman was in labor. The doctor asked the couple, "I have invented a new machine that you might want to try, it takes some of the labor pains away from the mother and gives it to the father." So the married couple decided that they would try this. So the doctor hooked the machine up and put it on 10% of pain switched from the mother to the father and the husband said, "I feel okay, turn it up a lot more." So the doctor turned it up to 50% and the husband said, "Why don't you just put it all on me cause I'm not feeling a thing." But the doctor warned them, "This much could kill you if you're not prepared." And the husband replied, "I am ready." So the doctor turned the machine up to 100% and still the husband didn't feel a thing. They went home happy with a pain free labor. Then when they got home the mailman was dead on the front porch!

  
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5 Ways Christian Right Whines

Friday, August 23, 2013

www.alternet.org/belief/5-most-absur
d-self-pitying-gripes-christian-right

  
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ROSALIEESTHER 8/24/2013 11:33AM

    Exactly!

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WOUBBIE 8/23/2013 7:57PM

    Very clearly put. Totally agree.

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Funnies...

Thursday, August 22, 2013

A study has found that some people can suffer symptoms of withdrawal when they are forced to stay away from social media sites. This is why I'm not even on Facebook. I update my high school yearbook manually with a pen. -Jimmy Kimmel

Today is Thursday. Or what I like to call on Friday, 'yesterday.' -Jimmy Fallon

Recently, in one of the New York City subway cars, they found a dead shark. Other passengers just thought he was sleeping so they didn't say anything. The Transit authority suspects foul play. -David Letterman

This is bad for the city because now there's been a huge drop in marine predator tourism. People used to laugh at me for carrying a spear gun on the subway, but who's laughing now? -David Letterman

So former President George W. Bush had to go into the hospital, had a little heart surgery and he's OK, but he blames it all on the fatty foods served by White House butler Forest Whitaker. -David Letterman

Doctors told him to avoid any heavy exertion, so that means no reading. He had a little touch of coronary artery disease. One of his arteries was clogged with old Al Gore ballots. -David Letterman

The Republicans in Congress voted to repeal ObamaCare for a fortieth time today. It’s really now less a governing philosophy; it’s more like Charlie Manson applying for parole. -Bill Maher

The White House approved an exemption in Obamacare coverage for Congress and members of their staff. Members complained that the Affordable Care Act will cost them thousands extra a year in premiums. Wait a minute. It’s their bill. If it’s too expensive, why did they name it the Affordable Care Act? -Jay Leno

In an interview with Univision, Anthony Weiner said he created the online name, Carlos Danger, as a joke. Weiner was like ‘Come on, what’s funnier than the name Carlos Danger?’ They we’re like, ‘uh, Anthony Weiner?’ -Jimmy Fallon

There’s a big fight in the Republican Party between Chris Christie and Rand Paul. In an effort to end the spat, Paul offered to have a beer with Christie. But Christie refused. Christie said, ‘It’s going to take a lot more than a beer to win me over. You’re going to need wings, stuffed potato skins, tater tots, ribs, onion rings – I need the whole deal.’ -Jay Leno

  
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NEWKATHYNOW 8/23/2013 8:28PM

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ALICIA214 8/23/2013 12:31AM

 

Good for a few laughs there ... Thanks for sharing.... emoticon

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